I have been thinking about getting my first vibrator for a long time now, but living at home with my parents/in a dorm room hasn't made that easy. So today, I found out I was going to have the house to myself for the day and evening. I decided to take a trek to the amazing store a few towns over. Now this is by far, the closest and only real sex store in the area. And it was completely surrounded and worked by men. I worked up the courage to drive there and sat in the parking lot for a few minutes before going in.
First thing, I get carded (good thing, I guess?) Then I notice the creepy looking old men in who are the sole customers in the store (paranoid?). I look around for a while, and find something that is discreet, inexpensive, and not scary looking. I walk up to the register. The guy who works there is nowhere to be found. I wait. He walks out of the bathroom. Apparently there are three doors which all say restroom on them (I don't want to think about why there are so many). He tells me there are no returns (very good!) and tests it for me. I really hope he washed his hands. He tells me to "Have a fun afternoon" with a straight face. How he did that I am totally unsure. He knew exactly what I was going to do when I left (trip to Barnes and Noble obviously).
I survived relatively unscathed, but I can't think of how much better I would have felt if I had the opportunity to go to a woman-owned or woman-friendly place. And in liberal Massachusetts I would think we'd be able to find that. But there is still so much stigma attached to women who dare to have sexual feelings. I was upset with how ashamed I was to be going in there, when I know logically, that it should be something that accepted and encouraged.
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Yeah, my local sex shop is like this. Which is why I do all of my toy shopping online. Much, much less creepy. I like goodvibes.com.
I totally understand your pain. I live in a Midwestern city that...well let's just say woman friendly sex shops don't exactly abound.
Sticking to shopping online is a great idea (I ship all of my purchases to a friend's house to avoid any awkwardness...as I also live with my parents/in a dorm). I also recently fulfilled my dream and went to San Francisco and got to actually go into Good Vibrations. It's a sex shop experience 100% different (and better!) than what you had.
So...stick to online shopping and start saving for a visit to a woman friendly sex shop!
If you can get down to Rhode Island, there's a great woman-run, queer-friendly shop in Providence on Wickenden St. Worth a visit, although prices are higher than what you'll find online.
Ah, I just remembered, the shop is called "Mister Sister."
I also recommend Babeland. Friendly, queer woman-owned, wide selection with tons of customer reviews, plus frequent discounts.
I think you miss the mark. There are definitely ways for male-owned sex shops to be inclusive to both genders, with as little "creepy" factor as possible. While the easy answer here seems to go to a shop owned by a woman, the shop could have still been creepy or even unclean - hygine and privacy is not a gender limited issue. We should be discussing all ways to make sex shops, in general, a more accessible, clean, and friendly environment for everyone - not about the gender of the owner in question.
Yeah, that would also be a good conversation to have, but that's not something that can change overnight. So until then, do you want women to walk into stores that are more likely to be hostile to them, or to stop masturbating? Women-owned shops, for now, are probably more woman-friendly on average. Most women who own sex shops have probably been on the wrong end of a creepy sex shop transaction or two or a dozen, and be more likely to understand how important a safe and friendly environment is to making that sale. This might seem unfair to those women-friendly, men-owned sex shops, but TBH I usually find out whether a place (any place) is woman-friendly long before I find out the personal details of its owner(s). I would certainly not stop shopping at a woman-friendly store just because I found out that it was owned by a man, and I'm sure most women would agree. Keep in mind the OP never ruled out men-owned shops, just the ones that are also not woman-friendly, and those can go down in flames for all I care.
That sucks. Even here in crappy Ohio we have a woman-friendly chain of sex-toy shops http://ambiance.com/
I don't know the gender of the owner(s), and it's pretty corporate, so if you want an indie place it's not that, but most (all?) the staff is female and friendly and it's always clean. I never feel embarrassed going in there.
goodvibes.com is a great sex shop for girls with many products I have purchased funny dildos and vibrators with online store
Try shopping at Grand Openings
318 Harvard St
Brookline, MA 02446
(617) 731-2626
www.grandopening.com
I also love Good Vibrations.
I have found two women-friendly/queer-friendly sex shops in my town in Ohio, so I'm surprised you haven't found any in Massachusetts. That really sucks. I completely agree with you that it's important to feel a sense of comfort when you walk into a sex shop, especially for a first-time purchase. If I don't feel safe, or welcome, or if I feel somehow ashamed for being there, I know that's not the place for me. I would shop online if I were you, or contact a local/regional feminist and/or queer organization. They may be able to point you in the right direction.
Ah, I just remembered, the shop is called "Mister Sister."
I also recommend Babeland. Friendly, queer woman-owned, wide selection with tons of customer reviews, plus frequent discounts.
I like tootimid.com (the idea being its for girls who are too timid to go into a sex shop, I guess). They send stuff in discrete packaging so as long as no one actually opens your mail you'll be fine. They also usually have a free gift available each week.
Does your dorm have private lockable bathrooms? That's where I used to go ;-). Otherwise wait till your roommate's gone and lie in bed so that if someone comes in you can quickly turn off any sounds and act like you're napping. Wear a skirt of some sort so that you can stand up without having to be obvious about putting on clothing.
i remember getting my first one last year when I was 17 at Spencer's Gifts. I was nervouse but it was'nt awkward at all.
I live in a small town atm (the only sex shop we had was a skeevy one that's now closed down), so I do this kind of shopping online. It is sooo stress-free and easy. You can 'loiter' and look around for as long as you like without feeling like a creep, the other customers have no opportunity to harass or bother you, and your cashier is a computer script so there's no embarassment factor if you're shy. You can even google around for reviews of things that look interesting before you buy them. And, you definitely do not get a big box labelled VIBRATORS IN HERE in neon letters (which was one of my initial worries, lol); they're very discreet.
It's a bit harder to find reputable stores if you don't have a credit card, but it's still very doable. I don't want to out-right recommend a site I haven't actually *bought stuff from yet*, but I'm pretty excited about PinkCherry (com or ca), which I recently found through a reviews site. They have lots of fun-looking stuff and accept money orders and PayPal, so I'm just waiting for my transfer to go through. If you don't have a CC and are thinking of buying online it's maybe something to check out. (The sites I've bought from in the past are also good, but based in Canada, so you'd get charged out the nose for shipping... kind of silly when the same products can be found in the US. ^^)
Why are only small vibrators "acceptable" ? What if I wanted a huge 8 inch long one? Would that be gross? or "scary" ? Hmmmm.
I'm guessing she meant scary *for her*. I've never had PIV sex, so larger vibrators are really uncomfortable unless I use a shitton of lube and get really into it first. One day I would love to be able to use something wider than a 1" without a lot of bother, but until then I check sizes very carefully. So for me, something large would be unacceptable and scary ... for me to use. I think some women might also be intimidated by the look of a larger vibrator. But you could use a rubber cast of a forearm if you wanted and it'd still not be any business of ours.
Is 8" really that long for a vibrator? I mean, considering vibrator lengths include the handle, it seems pretty normal.
I just think the idea that women should only like small vibrators that aren't 'scary' kind of feeds into the idea that only LOOSE women like big things in their vagina. That only slutty girls like those things. But GOOD girls like small ones (cuz they're tight, you see). When in reality women should be able to like whatever size and not get judged.
Yeah, I totally agree that women should be able to use what they want without being judged, but I just don't see that judgment happening here. Some women *do* only like small vibrators and I think they should be allowed to mention that without being judged for it. :) I keep rereading the OP and I just can't find anywhere that she's judging other women who might prefer something bigger.
Yeah I understand, I guess the part where she said scary was what made me feel like she was being judgmental.