I had been debating back and forth whether or not to watch this show. Yesterday Samhita made a great post that highlighted many of the concerns I was having regarding this show. I do not usually watch "The Bachelor" type of reality shows, but I was interested to see how "More to Love" would portray overweight people, especially women. And also I felt that by giving the show more viewers it would be telling the executives at the networks that America is ready to watch television which star women over a size 4. I sure as hell am. Anyway, last night I sat down to watch the premiere and I thought I'd just share some random thoughts that passed through my head as I did.
- These women were all beautiful and seemed really sweet and nice...but according to the previews of course that changes (I mean, this is a reality tv show people).
- Each time a woman had her one-on-one with the camera it stated her height and weight. Why? We know this show is about overweight people finding love. Do we really need to know their exact weight every time we see them on screen? Is this going to continue throughout the whole season? Not a fan of this.
- Are they showing the bachelor guy's height and weight each time he has a one-on-one? No? But I thought he was overweight too...
- All of the insecurities these women related to the camera I could totally understand. I am not overweight anymore, but I used to be, and it was very easy to relate to the stuff they were saying. And even now when I'm technically thin I can relate to a lot of their feelings about just wanting to find love and thinking they're a great person and why hasn't someone just seen that in them yet? But I guess that's what most women on reality shows say, right? Everyone just wants to know why someone hasn't realized how great they are yet, right? I don't know because I never watch these kinds of shows. But it was touching.
- However, I hope they move away from these women just crying all the time (there was a lot of crying in the premiere) and show them loving themselves for who they are inside and out.
- Umm...I'm sure that most reality dating shows have this same problem but...I didn't see one single black woman on this show! Really?!?!
So those were just some of the thoughts that rolled around in my head while watching. I tried to just post my thoughts relating to the representation of overweight women and not reality dating show clichés and whatnot in general (because I could go on and on about that stuff as well). I'm not sure what I think of the show as a whole yet. I'm going to try and keep watching and figure it out, hoping to see a more nuanced portrait of the women on this show, hoping it doesn't just turn into something horrible like what everyone on IMDb.com is hoping for (the comments there are horrible, don't go!), hoping for fat acceptance.
Did any of you see the premiere? Have any thoughts to share as well?
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I agree with everything you've written here in terms of your observations. I decided to give the show a try and found myself quite touched at the stories told.
I was honestly surprised that a few of the women had never been on dates or had ever had a boyfriend. I mean I knew things were tough out there, but damn. I'm glad their stories were told though because I feel like our society doesn't take women's rejeection very seriously (how many times have y'all heard the case that supposedly ANY woman can simply walk into a bar and get laid--quite an exaggeration, no? Because the whole point about rejection is that it takes a toll on the self-esteem causing a downward spiral). Case in point: one woman talked about simply being afraid to date because she thought people were asking her as a joke or would treat her as a joke. How devestating.
Another thing that I find interesting is that many of the women where not the same status as the bachelor. And of course the Rocket Scientist get's kicked out in the first cut, lol! Is that predictable or what? I mean, the man seems like a genuinely nice and intelligent person, but a smart woman still intimidates in 2009 ???!!! (and for those who didn't watch the show, he actually said that her job was "intimidating").
"...I was honestly surprised that a few of the women had never been on dates or had ever had a boyfriend. I mean I knew things were tough out here, but damn. I'm glad their stories were told though because I feel like our society doesn't take women's rejeection very seriously (how many times have y'all heard the case that supposedly ANY woman can simply walk into a bar and get laid--quite an exaggeration, no?..."
Exactly!
That also reminds me of the comment SarahMC made on January 4, 2008 11:38 PM:
"...It's an absolute lie that all women can get sex whenever they want. Men want to sleep with women, for sure. But they will NOT sleep with any woman.
"Have you never witnessed men mocking women for being 'fat chicks?' Nit-picking about women's bodies?
"Plain-looking women, 'old' women, homeless women and fat women (among others) are women too. But it seems when the topic of sex arises, we disappear."
and the comment AlekNovis made on January 5, 2008 12:11 AM
"...We (people) tend to bias our perception only towards what suits our belief. So men continually talk about how 'easy women have it'... while of course conveniently forgetting those instance that don't suit their point.
"He will say 'women have it so easy, I have to risk all the rejection' talking of not being able to get the models he was chasing after, and in the meantime he forgets about all the normal-real-world-women that HE rejected..."
That's what pisses me off more than anything. I've been told too many times that I can just get laid whenever I want. In my case it isn't weight, but the principle's the same. And why is it so surprising that some people aren't able to get dates? Maybe if popular culture is all you paid attention to, but there are more of us than you think.
And the story arc irritates me even more. For one person who gets chosen for a 1-month quasi-relationship, there are going to be dozens more who just get rejected again on national TV for people to laugh at. I really think it's morally wrong on the producers' part, but then I've always known society doesn't really have morals.
I disagree, though that people being nuanced = people having high self-esteem or "loving themselves inside and out." It isn't something you can switch on and off. Sometimes it takes years. Sometimes it never happens. For instance, I don't love myself inside and out. I have no reason to. Expecting everyone to "love themselves inside and out" is naive and ignores reality.
"That's what pisses me off more than anything. I've been told too many times that I can just get laid whenever I want. In my case it isn't weight, but the principle's the same. And why is it so surprising that some people aren't able to get dates? Maybe if popular culture is all you paid attention to, but there are more of us than you think."
Exactly!
"I disagree, though that people being nuanced = people having high self-esteem or 'loving themselves inside and out.' It isn't something you can switch on and off."
So true! Likewise, I hate it when I'm sad or angry and someone who knows it tells me to just stop feeling sad or angry. Sure maybe some people can switch their feelings off and on at will, but not all of us can.
Kate, I wasn't saying that nuanced=people loving themselves inside and out. I just meant that I wish they will show more sides to these women than just the crying about being overweight side. Because even for the ones with low self esteem, that's not their whole lives.
And yes, I too was concerned about the women that end up not getting picked by this bachelor, especially right at the beginning. If they are already self-conscious about their looks and things like that it must be really hard for them to take. At the same time, that's the nature of these types of shows. I don't see how that problem would be fixable for this type of show.
"...I just meant that I wish they will show more sides to these women than just the crying about being overweight side. Because even for the ones with low self esteem, that's not their whole lives..."
Right on. I've even seen a beauty pageant include each contestant's occupation and dream job in her profile on the pageant's site, showing a whole 'nother angle of each one's life.
And why is it so surprising that some people aren't able to get dates?
The concept isn't surprising at all, actually. It was more of a comment of empathy toward their stories. I mean, superficially (because I don't actually know these folks) they seem perfectly datable to me; but yeah, I mean, I have a friend that didn't go on a single date until she was 33. And another friend who didn't get a boyfriend until 34. Hell, I'd probably still be single if not for the internet...
The fact that he used the word
intimidating regarding her job
status is very telling in my opinion.
One wonders what else this guy is
intimidated about when it comes to
women. He claims to like women with
a fuller figure but is it possible
that this comes not from genuine
attraction to a fuller figure or the
perception that these women are not
as intimidating as the model
cheerleader type he may secretely
wish he could be with? It sounds like
you ladies may have to hold back on
your talent and achievment and be
carefull not to be able to outshine
him at anything if you want to be
with this guy.
want to be with this guy
I was under the impression he was a former college football player, which means he most likely had plenty of opportunity with "model cheerleaders". I'd say it's a combination that he feels easier around women who don't fit that mold and who are also less accomplished.
Hey Brad,
You may well be right though
perhaps the cheerleaders went for the
quarterbacks, running backs, and
receivers and not the O-Lineman. I'm
going to reserve judgement about this
guy for a few more shows regarding his
motives. I'm sure exes will come out
of the woodwork so we'll find out
more about this guy's history. Perhaps
he is the genuine article despite the
cheesy come-ons he used to get more
lip action then the guys starring
in the regular bachelor did on their
initial meet and greets. I'm just
raising some
concerns based on his reaction
to that woman's obvious
accomplishment where instead of
saying that he was impressed like
some of us would his reaction was that'
he was intimidated. Why? While all of
us guys are entitled to make our
dating choices based on any criteria
we want, isn't it an awful choice
foisted upon women if they are to
be rejected by us for high achievment
having to choose between accomplishment
and success and a relationship with a
man.
The fact that he used the word
intimidating regarding her job
status is very telling in my opinion.
One wonders what else this guy is
intimidated about when it comes to
women. He claims to like women with
a fuller figure but is it possible
that this comes not from genuine
attraction to a fuller figure or the
perception that these women are not
as intimidating as the model
cheerleader type he may secretely
wish he could be with? It sounds like
you ladies may have to hold back on
your talent and achievment and be
carefull not to be able to outshine
him at anything if you want to be
with this guy.
I'm glad you made a post about this. I saw the commercial for it, but I didn't tune into watch it. I was hoping someone would write a post on it :)
The thing that kind of stuck with me was on the commercial there was a woman on the show that said something like, "I'm so glad there's now this show to illustrate what normal is."
I think it depends on the context- because yes, reality tv shows and television in general makes it seem like "normal" is a Size 2 or whatever.
But I consider myself normal, and I'm a size 6. I shouldn't be hated for my size, either.