I was sitting on the couch with my partner the other day, mooching around and watching some trashy sitcom, I don't remember which one. It doesn't matter anyway this storyline is so generic its a staple of comedy. The wife in the show wasn't interested in sleeping with her husband, she had "a headache", and as they talked it was obvious that the idea was that she, like all women didn't want to have sex, ever.
This went on while me and my partner exchanged uncomfortable looks, as this was something that we'd had a conversation about the other day, except I was the one complaining that he never initiated sex, and that when we did it, I was worried that it was out of obligation, which is so not hot, at all.
I just made me consider how hurtful this myth is to both of us. It hurts me, because I feel like I'm some sort of freak for actually liking, and wanting sex. It hurts my partner because he feels like a freak for not wanting sex all the time, and it hurts our ability to communicate openly about our wants and needs. I'm sure that I'm not the only lady around with a high libido, so whats with the no sex after we are committed jokes?
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Alot of couples do face this exact scenario, and thus I think it valid and even good that shows would depict it. It also got you thinking and talking about it - which I think is a good thing.
The only complaint I have is that on TV it's always the woman who isn't interested (at least I can't recall ever seeing the opposite). They need to start having situations where it's the reverse - the woman is being denied by the man. And not in some comical way but in a serious way.
If they do that, then I think it's a good thing these scenarios are on TV. But I agree as-is it is way too one-sided and stereotypical. They need to show both sides, even if it is more common for the man to have the higher libido.
You make a very good point about traditional sitcoms, which are very invested in maintaining the gender status quo (see also: the husband is usually the breadwinner, often average-looking, while the wife is beautiful and stays at home). It's an old, tired joke that men are raging sex machines - b/c they're basically animals, after all - and women are prim, sexless creatures who "lie back and think of England" - since women can't be allowed to have dirty sexual urges, that would sully their pure images! Makes me wonder what kind of hideously awful sex these couples are having that they're forced to fake illness to get out of it.
Btw, I think this might be slowly changing. On How I Met Your Mother, which features a young-ish married couple, they have a very healthy sex life (indeed, the wife is very open about her libido and the other, single female character is also very sexual). So...I'm hoping that as members of younger generations, who are more open about sex and less confined by gender stereotypes, start making entertainment we can start presenting alternate understandings of healthy sexuality. B/c uh, yeah, I'm with you - sex is fun and I can't imagine actively trying to avoid it with my partner!
Not that it was a bastion of feminist thought or anything, but "Married With Children" regularly showed Peggy initiating sex or complaining that Al didn't give her enough sex while he was the one who refused. Unfortunately this was shown as sort of a fault of hers too--how dare she still be a sexual person after Al no longer found her desirable.