I was recently flipping through a GQ magazine from a few months ago, and there was an article about how to attract a cougar,which is a women above the age of 35 who appeals to men in their early to mid 20s. The cover of the magazine stated "A field guide to the American Cougar: She's not getting older, she's getting hornier." GQ is clearly not the first to celebrate the virtues of the "cougar," I remember first hearing it in the movie American Pie, which popularized the term M.I.L.F. Now this may not seem different from a Mrs. Robinson type character, which has been part of American culture for decades. However, with a reality T.V. show called The Cougar it seems that the Mrs. Robinson character type has emerged from a fantasy to the mainstream.
With all the new found enthusiasm for the cougar we have to wonder whether or not this is a good thing? On the surface this seems like the rejection traditional beauty which values youth, and the sexualized teens, while embracing a more realistic type women as sexy. But if we look deeper we can get past the Mrs. Robinson mystic and see Cougar culture for what it really is, a hindrance to the progress of women.
Cougars reproduce many of the beauty standards of their younger counterparts: they are usually thin, blond, and have large breast. Also, the sexualization of older women now asserts that it is fine to objectify women of all ages, I wonder if this mainstream sexualization of older women will have a negative impact on women in the workplace. Now I understand that it is important to say that women can still be sexy and are not dead after 30, but something about the new Cougar culture misses that point and replaces it with this fetishization of middle age women instead of celebrating their sexuality. It seems to me that the new Cougar culture is part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
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ok, then talk to your fellow women, the cougars, about it. men are just taking what they can get. if an older woman wants to go after younger men because it makes her feel younger, well, that's her issue.
No, you miss the point. The women who are being labeled "cougars" aren't the problem. Mainstream culture's framing of their sexuality in a skeezy way is the problem.
I see your point. I think I mainly have to agree with your statement. It does seem like a nice thing on the outside, but then in reality it seems to just objectify and stereotype women anyway.
I REALLY hate the term cougar....why does the name have to be so prediterory(sp)?
Because that's exactly what the idea behind the stereotypical "cougar" is: she's an older woman "preying" on younger men. As tjoyce points out in the post, this is increasingly being framed as a good thing; however the framing exists from the prospective of men.
Articles such as the GQ piece are essentially trying to justify the existence of the cougar (as if she requires justification) by saying to younger men, "Yes, these older women are hot and horny and willing to fuck YOU! So what's the problem?" It's obviously not a healthy way to frame older women's sexuality.
One of the things I've noticed in the buzz about cougars is that they're not really celebrated, they're mocked. No one talks much about 40 year old men who date 20-something women except to say "you go, dude!" There is no special name for them. I get the feeling that people actually think there's something unnatural and gross about a sexually aggressive and independent older woman.
yes, exactly. And this kind of sexuality is only gross and/or unnatural and/or a menace if it's on the woman's terms, instead of the man's. Oh, wait - that's what it is for all women's sexuality...
Good question. It's all about the intentions of the cougar and her significant other. I know some men who love older women because they are confident in ways than they just weren't as their younger selves. My husband's first wife was 13 years older, and I learned much about these December-May relationships from talking to him about it.
What is sad is that cougars are being stereotyped as well. Not all are trying to imitate their younger counterparts.
With that being said, I think a much bigger crisis looms - the sexualization of younger children. That is something that really warrants our concern. 50 year olds feeling frisky? No problem. 5 year olds dancing nasty at school? 10 year olds giving oral sex in the bathroom? It's happening and it has me very worried, way more than the cougar culture.
after floating around this site for the last little while, and seeing your ridiculous arguments about patriarchal beauty standard about shaving legs, and now a problem about cougars, I can just shake my head is disbelief, among other issues. From the overall attitudes about the modern feminist, it seems like you've put your own gender on such a high pedestal that no man will ever be good enough. You feminists are so into your intelletual box you can't even see the walls anymore. Girls, ladies, chicks whatever, your shit stinks too, get over yourselves. I think the only time any of you will be non-miserable in your puritanical sex is dirty rhetoric is when your 6 feet under. Life is too short for this douche-bag blog. Adios children.
But we will miss you SO much.
My favorite thing in the whole world is when a hater comes on this site, reads three entries, then blasts it with lousy grammar and spelling after missing the point totally. I'm not sure if he means we think puritanical sex is dirty (??) or is referring to our puritanical, "sex is dirty" rhetoric. Neither makes any sense, especially since if he'd read more than three entries he'd know that the women here embrace their sexuality. (Though if that's what he meant--and who can say, really--it is a perversely nice change from the usual "cock-crazed feminist whores" type comments that land here.) I'd like to read the post that made him think otherwise. Adios, moron.
But back to the point. The whole cougar thing bugs me too. Is it necessary to equate older women with something non-human, and a predatory something non-human at that? Like these "boys" are innocent little things being stalked by something terrible.
Well it seems to me sexuality of women is embraced here while sexuality of men is sort of....demonized.
Actually both male and female sexuality is both honoured and celebrated here. No one is demonizing these young men for being sexual; in fact I don't see any demonization of these specific guys (as in, those young men who date/sleep with "cougars") at all here. It's a critique of the culture, the social norms and patriarchal standards, that is being demonized; the comments are surrounding the fact that in order for a young man to sleep with an older woman--which should be perfectly acceptable, I mean why not?--she has to be fetishized into a sexual category.
I don't see anything wrong with a 35-year-old woman who sleeps with a 20-year-old man, or with the young man who sleeps with her; just with the "othering" of this whole dynamic.
I agree, Mystikajade. The term bothers me, because, again, a woman is reduced only to her sexuality and how she can be defined (used) by men. When divorce was illegal or highly stigmatized, older women were generally married (otherwise, they were "spinsters").
Then, when divorce became less stigmatized, there was the "gay divorcee," who was sexually liberated and available once again on the market for men.
This "cougar" thing seems like a revamp of the "gay divorcee," but with a lethal edge and message that she is preying on young men. Meanwhile, male predators (who really frequently victimize not 20-year-olds but younger, adolescent or pre-adolescent females) have their sex removed from it. Only the act is demonized-- "child molesters," "pedophiles." There is never a way that men, in specific, are characterized.
We should always be aware that one of the traps of patriarchal oppression is reducing women to the sexuality-- virgins, whores, moms, wives, cougars. Women are reduced to what they can uniquely do for straight men-- sexual pleasure and sexual reproduction.
a cougar,which is a women above the age of 35 who appeals to men in their early to mid 20s.
This is completely backwards. I'm not certain if you're just mis-informed, or purposely trying to throw a dig at men, or claim that men are objectifying some new class of women.
A "cougar" is a woman above the age of 35 who goes after men in their early to mid 20s. As in, she is the aggressor, and she wants the younger men. Not your version, where younger men specifically want the older women.
but with a lethal edge and message that she is preying on young men.
When one specifically pursues people 10-15 years their junior, what else do you call it?
There is never a way that men, in specific, are characterized.
BS. "Dirty old man", "disgusting old pervert", there is PLENTY of shaming directed at older men that date younger women. At least cougar is intended with some sort of positive connotations.
Dirty old man is not. Older men that date younger women have nothing but shame and vitriol leveled at them. The media, for instance, shamelessly attacks older male celebrities that have younger wives. It sees no problem in telling them how wrong what they're doing is, and commenting on it in as many ways as possible.
Like these "boys" are innocent little things being stalked by something terrible.
Why not? Men get that treatment all the time.
I totally agree that men get bad (probably worse) treatment about dating younger women than women get about dating younger men. Though women get the more condescending treatment, men get the more mean-spirited attitude, and though both are bad, the latter seems more corrosive in day-to-day living.
I fail to see the problem, and your point.
The arguments you put forward ("fetishization [...] instead of celebrating their sexuality") could be applied to any kind of (new) relationship: women going after older men, women interested in men from other cultures, women dating men of different colour, women dating men from a 'lower' social class, and so on.
What kind of relationship would you approve of?!
All things that go against the 'standard' gets noticed. It just so happens that 'cougars' are the in thing at the moment. (It used to be called 'toy boys' thirty years ago, by the way.)
I am surprised you are not praising these women (and men).
There isn't so much of a problem if both parties act mutually respectful of each other.
What I've encountered though, is younger men dating older women who simultaneously brag about her sexual prowess and mock her in front of his friends, or younger men who joke about cougars. It can be hard to put your finger on -or maybe more accurately, would just take more time to dissect than I'm willing to spend right now. But, there definitely isn't always respect towards the women in these situations as a whole person.