Last night, as so often happens when you work at Planned Parenthood, a good friend of mine came to me with a problem. While usually I get asked about sexual health (remind me to tell you about the time a guy at a party started asking me about the little red bumps on his genitals) my friend Carla* needed advice -- for her 14 year old cousin.
See, her cousin lives in Florida, goes to a private Christian school, and, apparently, has had no sex education whatsoever. I get the feeling her school teaches some sort of abstinence program (when Carla mentioned condoms her cousin's response was 'but don't they break?') and her mom just hasn't felt comfortable bringing it up. So when she ran into savvy New York City-based cousin Carla at a wedding this weekend, the questions started coming pouring out.
Carla was *shocked* at how little her cousin knew. Even though her cousin had been getting her period for a year, she had no idea what it was or where it came from. She knew that babies somehow came from sex, but knew nothing about the mechanics or how it happened.
Carla filled her in as much as she could, but as the questions started getting trickier ('so what exactly would I do if I did have sex and got pregnant?') Carla started feeling more and more in over her head. She turned to me for advice, and last night over dinner, after lamenting the fact that a school could even get away with giving kids little to no sex education, we started brainstorming.
In addition to Carla giving her cousin's mom the PPNYC guide for parents (Hey, What do I Say? ) we decided to give her cousin the following:
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A copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves (for reference)
The book It's a Girl Thing: How to Stay Healthy, Safe and in Charge for an easy-to-read explanation of the basics
Send her to the Planned Parenthood web site Teen Talk for reference and information (they have everything about how pregnancy happens, to information about STDs to every form of birth control)
That's all we could think of for now – I know I've had Our Bodies, Ourselves since high school and still refer to it all the time. But any and all other advice is more than welcome. What else have people used? What worked for you? What have you seen that was good?
*Name has been changed to protect her teenage cousin.
A version of this post originally appeared on PPNYC's blog.
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http://www.scarleteen.com/
I'm not sure it was around when I was a teen, but I hear it's terrific.
the midwest teen sex show.
http://midwestteensexshow.com/
hooking up: a girls all out guide to sex is one of the best to use in conjuction with our bodies ourselves. It talks more about what to do once you decide to have sex but it has really good information on the emotional side of sex, how to know if you're ready, contraception info, and what does/does not cause you to get pregnant.
http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Sex-Wardell-Pomeroy/dp/0385302517
"Girls and Sex" by Wardell Pomeroy.
Uh, this book doesn't appear to be especially sex-positive (one commenter emphasizes that it "doesn't promote promiscuity", "promiscuity" being defined as ... ? ), it was written almost 20 years ago, and it's (unsurprisingly) by a guy.
Because guys know what's best for girls and their sex lives.
Just sayin'.
Definitely http://www.scarleteen.com/
I dont know many sex ed places but gurl.com is a great place for a teen to have an open enviornment to talk and learn about others. There are many boards including sex, birth control, sexuality, and pregnancy. It is a conversational site, not educational (with articals and such, although there are some but its not predominant), so this could be used as a supplement if she wants to talk to girls of her age aswell about issues, any issues really. Check it out first and see if it is right for her. There is a book also that really helped me growing up that has a lot of information, based on the gurl.com website.
We had a presentation at my U this past semester with an accompanying awesome book, _I Love Female Orgasm_, http://www.amazon.com/Love-Female-Orgasm-Extraordinary-Guide/dp/1569242763/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1247243614&sr=1-1 . Pretty neat. Very sex-positive, inclusive of all sexualities, low-anxiety.
Maybe I'd advise her to just mosey over to a Planned Parenthood and pick up some pamphlets on condoms/birth control, too, for the STD/pregnancy prevention basics.
I'm sorry. I didn't read your post closely enough the first time to notice it's for a 14-year-old. Maybe this particular book would be a bit too much for her.
Though I gotta be honest. I would have loved it at age 14, even when I wasn't sexually active. :o)
While I think my book is a great one for a lot of young people (duh) -- and no matter what, perhaps obviously, think sending her to Scarleteen is a great move, and appreciate those suggestions -- and same goes for OBOS, you might want to start with something a good deal more elementary from the sounds of things.
I'd second Anathema and say the gurl.com site is a good choice for that age and for someone who has had absolutely nada -- though the forums are unmoderated and have a lot of misinformation -- and I'd say that "Deal With It!" the book by the site's founders, would be a really good choice as one to start with. Another might be Lynda Madaras' "What's Happening to My Body? Book for Girls."
Oh definatly, they are lightly moderated and they do have misinformation so it cannot be the only outlet a young woman has, but it is a good place to talk to others of the same age and express opinions. Be careful though. And the book by the founders of gurl is very good.
Thanks for the suggestions all! I'll be passing them along!
I grew up with a similar sex 'education' and kind of figured it out by myself along the way...
The one thing I would stress, once all the 'mechanics' and biology have been explained, is that sex IS something to be enjoyed, NOT to feel guilty about, and a woman's body is not as mysterious and scary/abhorant as a lot of conservative institutions would otherwise lead us to believe!