I was called this recently, by my well-intentioned grandmother. Last I checked, I was a nearly-eighteen-year-old young woman who belonged to no one. Even the connotation of the phrase- that my daddy dotes on me- is disturbing. I don't even live with my dad, and I see him once a week, usually. Yeah, I am the daughter of my father, and I love my dad.
But I am not daddy's little girl.
So much so to the point that I am changing my name after winter quarter (because I turn eighteen in the middle of it). Of course, it's not the only reason, but, recently (what with all these posts about name changing!) I've been thinking: I already hate my name. I hated my last name especially when I was little because I wanted to have my mom's last name (my parents were never married- it was hard to explain this to my seven-year-old friends when my parents separated), because I didn't want to be related to my dad by way of name.
I wanted people to read my name off the attendance list (because, at eight years old, that's where your mind goes when you think last names) and say, "Oh that's the daughter of this woman!" I sound like such a feminist-y child, but I just wanted to have a different name! My hatred of my (entire) name has persisted, and now that I'm so close to changing it, and people are realizing I'm serious about it, they're asking why. I tell them, "Because I hate my name. It's common, fluffy, and has no power in it. It's unremarkable and dull. I didn't get to choose my name, and now I do."
However, it's not the only reason, and it really never has been. I've left out the other reason for fear of hurting my paternal family. My brother and I are the only people in my family that have our last name- my grandparents had one son (my dad) and all his sisters are married and divorced, all keeping their married last names. None of my cousins have our last name. My family always thought it'd be up to my brother to pass it on because he was the only male with the last name, saying mine would change when I married.
Funny thing is, even if my opinions on matrimony drastically shifted (it's possible, but not probable; they've remained the same/intensified since I was very young, too. Damn those parents!), I never thought I'd change my last name, because I was planning on changing my name once at eighteen already. Why on earth would I go through the process again? I've heard that it's time consuming, expensive, and difficult. Once is enough for me.
When I appeal to a judge (I doubt that's the right term; I have to get an official OK from a judge to change my name), and the judge asks why I want to change my name, what I've decided to say is: "I want a name of my choosing, a name I feel is a better representation of who I want to be than the name on my birth certificate." Honestly, I can't stand my name (first, middle, and last), but I figured it'd be better to dress it up. However, do I say that I wish to have a last name, especially, of my choosing? That I want nothing to do with the assumption of property put forth through my last name? It's a very valid reason, and I want this to be OKed. I have no idea how difficult it is to receive permission to do this (I live very close to Seattle, WA. - liberal area, so I'm not too worried).
I feel like I'm worrying about this too much- after all, people have changed their names to rather ridiculous things- Luke Skywalker, a symbol, etc. I've lot long and hard about changing my name- I've thought about it for a good nine years. My intention has never wavered. I've also been toying with the same name for the past four years (it's nothing crazy, but it's bold in the way I've wanted my name to be). I positive it's the one, and I'm sure of my decision.
Any advice, assurance, caution? It'd be appreciated.
*also, please note that I filed this under activism because, for me, changing my name is a form of activism- a feminist, individualist act. Or something of that sort. =)
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As far as I know, the only reason your request should be more than a rubber-stamp scenario is if a) the court has reason to think it's an attempt to evade prosecution by creating a new identity or b) your proposed new name violates whatever legal standards govern names in your area (counts as profanity, for example).
It's not always that simple, of course, but I don't think you're likely to have any real trouble.
I changed my last name two weeks ago in Ohio. I paid a fee, published a notice in the paper and had a 5 minute meeting with a judge. He asked why I wanted to change it (I don't have a relationship with my father+ feminist values), and I had to swear that I wasn't trying to evade prosecution for a crime or debt.
It was super easy and he didn't challenge me at all. Honestly, they just want to get through as many people as possible as quickly as possible. They don't care why as long as you aren't doing it for criminal reasons.
Good luck!
First of all, Congratulations on having the confidence to take control of your own life and who you are. Not enough people tell you that. The name change game is an interesting process, hard at times, and yet easier than its made out to be by most people. Just be patient and polite, and you'll get through it.
As for the legal bits, that was the easiest part for me. It was not that expensive, and it was very simple. Don't worry.
The DMV, eeesh, that's a different story. I don't know exactly how it works in each state, but I had to make 4 trips there to finally get a new license. Once the sent me away because they told me their computers are somehow connected with the system at the social security office, so you have to file your name change with SS first. If you can find a local office, just go in. If you can do it early on a weekday, that's probably going to be the best time. The social security office was extremely polite though. You can go online and print out your form and a list of the documents you'll need for them, and just talk to the person at the desk. I think there's a way to submit your name change to them in the mail...but I opted for the in person method.
Banks play funny games with you too. Depending on your accounts, you'll still have to get your parents to sign off on any change even though you're eighteen if you hold a joint account started when you were younger.
Take into account how you're going to break the news to your family if you haven't already. That was the one part I really botched. When my father heard, he told me he didn't have a daughter by my name. Yeah, that's a whole other can of worms. You're close friends and family will be supportive of you, but some family members may be hurt. This whole process is extremely liberating and empowering, but understand that not everyone will be on the same bandwidth as you, and you might get some ignorant and hurtful comments. Be proud of who you are, they'll come around eventually. It sounds like bullshit, but sometimes family and that unconditional love bullshit work out.
And finally, be prepared for people to congratulate you on getting married. You don't need to give them any more information than you're comfortable with, but I'm sure you're a strong, smart woman, so you'll come up with a good reply :)
I wish you the best of luck. I think what you're doing is a great thing.
First, congratulations on your impending name change. I'm always encouraged to hear about these kinds of things. I grew up in a very conservative part of Michigan and was thinking about changing my name when I was in high school. My parents had split when I was seven and by the time I was in high school, my mom (custodial parent) was back to using Firstname Maidenname Marriedname. I was seriously tempted to change my last name to mirror what she was using, or even change it to just her maiden name (to honor my grandfather, a man who helped raise me and to whom I was very close before his death) especially since my last name is a very morbid simple present tense verb when pronounced as spelled. Since then, I've become a lot more comfortable with my last name, but I still consider changing it from time to time and still may eventually. My major obstacle at this point is the same as why I likely won't change my name upon marriage - paperwork and professional certification (and because of that, I think you are doing this at a prime time in your life).
As for the worry about the legal process, check out the official Washington Courts page on name changes. It seems to be straigt forward enough. Also, if you are worried about whether or not a judge in the Seattle area will okay your name change, did you know that King County has somebody on the ballot named Goodspaceguy Nelson? He got his name changed to that, so I don't think you really will have to worry.
Best of luck.
Sorry, bad link on the second link there should go to this