Emotional/Psychological Abuse is an important matter that is hardly acknowledged, if not normalized. Most people ignore abuse that has no sign of physical wounds. We are going to be doing a presentation about this at my university. We will be discussing the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship and the different types of emotional abuse. Also, we want to show how "normal" it is in our society. I am looking to compose a list of examples of songs, movies, and other things in pop culture that normalize emotional abuse.
Two songs that I immediately think of are: 1. Hot and Cold by Katy Perry (basically every word of the song is about this, and the video is equally disturbing)
2. Underneath it all by No Doubt: "There's another side of you / That so many adore / Aside from your temper / Everything else secureLet me know of others! For some reason I am having trouble thinking of some, but I know there are there are WAY TOO MANY songs, movies, TV shows etc that normalize this.
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Pretty much every Linkin Park song on their first two albums (Hybrid Theory & Meteora); the first one that came to mind is Runaway: "a constant wave of tension/ on top of broken trust/ the lessons that you taught me/ I learned were never true," but I know other songs on those two albums make reference to emotional abuse, or could be interpreted as such.
This isn't music, but I was just
at a popular image site and I clicked
"funny quotes," and the quotes
weren't funny so much as hostile.
I've seen this on T-shirts all
over the place, too.
Long gone are messages of "Peace"
and "Love" or even sexually (not
sexist) suggestive or inviting
messages. This stuff is just
abusive; it's a normalization
of verbal and emotional abuse.
Taylor Swift has a song, Tell Me Why, about abuse.
Has Katy Perry written anything that isn't horribly offensive in some way? Jeesh.
"You'll always be my baby" by Mariah Carey always struck me as a terrifying stalker song.
Somebody (Alas, a Blog? maybe..) recently did something about the top ten most misogynist Beatles' songs, I'm sure you could google it.
I think this is the Beatles thing you were talking about. It's only the top five, but it seems to be what you meant.
-Love Me Dead, by Ludo
-Shake It, by Metro Station (though this is more like a song by a stalker than abuse, necessarily.)
-Face Down, by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (this is more physical abuse)
-Love Me Dead, by Ludo
-Shake It, by Metro Station (though this is more like a song by a stalker than abuse, necessarily.)
-Face Down, by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (this is more physical abuse)
For your movies category:
A previous poster here, I think, discussed the messages presented in popular Disney animated films. Beauty & the Beast from the early 1990s (I think) was a great example of how very young children are presented with the idea that one appropriate female role is to be the caretaker of a physically and emotionally abusive man.
Yes, Disney is known for that. Thank you for this great insigth - how Belle cares for the abusive men and little girls learn "that is what women are *supposed* to do."
As always, the TV Tropes Wiki has the answers.
Stalking Is Love
Love At First Punch
Love Martyr
Clingy Jealous Girl
All Girls Want Bad Boys
I thought of Push by Matchbox 20. I generally like Matchbox, but I listened to the lyrics of this song more closely:
I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will
What do you think?
I agree. When that first song came out I thought it was nasty. Push you down, take you for granted? And this was on the top radio stations? WTF? How many women listened to it though without getting offended?
Does Beyonce have any songs about this? I ask because I know many of her song lyrics are, well, quite problematic.
We are also doing a discussion about stalking, so the thoughts about stalking are relevant and much appreciated as well.
"Every Breath You Take," by The Police was supposed to be a song about a creepy stalker ... but people play it at weddings and stuff, thereby completely missing the point and normalizing - hell, romanticizing - stalking.
that's the one that comes to my mind first... that song always creeps me out.
There's another '80s song that kind of disturbed me, "Don't You Want Me Baby" (Human League, I just googled it - generally I am a complete pop-culture fail). The guy's part always struck me as emotionally abusive. Also, that whole chorus - "You think you've changed your mind/ You'd better change it back /Or we will both be sorry"
When I was in grade/high school, I remember being really creeped out by some of the Backstreet Boys or NSync songs, but I honestly can't even remember the songs, and I REALLY don't want to try to.
'Enough for Now' by The Fray- it explores his mother and his grandfather's relationship, which was rocky.
"That's enough for now/He should've never left you broken/He should've held you/Things your father never told you."
Doesn't normalize it, though. This song is so sad; Isaac Slade started crying when he performed it when I saw them a few weeks ago.
'99 Biker Friends' by Bowling for Soup- BFS is known as a funny band, and this song is about a guy who physically and emotionally abuses his girlfriend. I mean, it's about them wanting to beat the guy up, but...still. I typically laugh when I listen to it.
The entire album 'What To Do When You Are Dead' by Armor for Sleep is a concept album about committing suicide and getting stuck as a ghost, watching his girlfriend move on with life.
Can anyone say 'Eminem?' Boo.
Granted, I don't think anyone is trying to normalize abuse in any form- they're simply writing how they feel/what they think/what's going on.
Speaking for myself, I typically feel upset about songs dealing with emotional problems and abuse.
Like the song 'Face Down' by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus; no matter how many times I listen to this song, it still has an emotional impact, just as I do to any of the above songs (well...I typically respond to Eminem as 'great rhyme and rhythm; terrible words.')
@ starryeyed.kid21
Oh yes! Eminem... I say the same thing "Great rhyme and rhythm but terrible words."
I thought of "Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/christinaaguilera/walkaway.html
Maroon 5 has done a lot of unpleasant things. 'I Don't Feel So Bad' is not exactly about abuse, but it's pretty freaky. About shooting a girlfriend's lover.
Under My Thumb is so offensive I can't enjoy it even though I generally like music by the Rolling Stones. I really don't know if it was intended to be from a jerks point of few and taken as a critique or not though. Here are some of the lyrics:
Under my thumb
The girl who once had me down
Under my thumb
The girl who once pushed me around
Its down to me
The difference in the clothes she wears
Down to me, the change has come,
Shes under my thumb
The squirmin dog whos just had her day
Under my thumb
A girl who has just changed her ways
Its down to me, yes it is
The way she does just what shes told
Down to me, the change has come
Shes under my thumb
Ah, ah, say its alright
Under my thumb
A siamese cat of a girl
Under my thumb
Shes the sweetest, hmmm, pet in the world
Its down to me
The way she talks when shes spoken to
Down to me, the change has come,
Shes under my thumb
Ah, take it easy babe
Yeah
Its down to me, oh yeah
The way she talks when shes spoken to
Down to me, the change has come,
Shes under my thumb
Yeah, it feels alright
Under my thumb
Her eyes are just kept to herself
Under my thumb, well i
I can still look at someone else
Its down to me, oh thats what I said
The way she talks when shes spoken to
Down to me, the change has come,
Shes under my thumb
Say, its alright.
"Control", by Puddle of Mud has some pretty messed up lyrics too. "Eat You Alive" by Limp Bizkit is pretty sick/scary as well. Here's some of the lyrics to Eat You Alive:
Hey you Mrs I dont know what the fuck your name is
Im drawn to you somethings magnetic here
If I could approach you or even get close to the scent that you left behind Id be fine
No doubt that (no doubt) you bring out (bring out) the animal inside
I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive.....
I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive.....
Hey you, Mrs. too-good-to-look-my-way and that's cool you want nothing at all to do with me.
But I want you, ain't nothing wrong with wanting you cause I'm a man and I can think what the hell I want, you got that
straight?
No doubt that (no doubt) I'd love to (I'd love) sniff on them panties now....
I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive.....
I'D EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! i'd eat you alive.....
I'm sorry. So sorry (damn, you're so hot!!)
Your beauty is so vain (damn, you're so hot!!)
It drives me, yes it drives me (damn your so hot) absolutely insane
I just want to look at you
I just want to look at you, look at you all day
I just want to look at you, I just want to look at you all day
There ain't nothing wrong, no. There aint nothing wrong with that
As you can see the Stones song brings to mind emotional abuse and control that could turn violent and the Limp Bizkit song is down right threatening and sounds like it is sung by some kind of stalker or potential rapist.
"Every morning" by Sugar Ray
"You belong to me" A lot of artists cover this one, and I can never remember who the original artist is.
"Lips of an Angel" by Hinder
Even though someone already mentioned the Beatles, "Run for your Life"
"Numb", "Family Portrait" and I'm sure there's more by P!nk
Ohhhhhh, this was always my all-time fav kind of project in university. If I ever manage the time and money to do the Masters in Women's Studies I've been eyeing....
Anywhoo...
The one I love for how badly people mis-read it is "More Than Words" by Extreme. Not abusive per se, but certainly using emotional connection as coercion for sex.
Here's the opening verse:
"Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel"
Translation:
It's a please-stop-talking-and-let-me-get-into-your-pants story.
But, you know, they sing it real pretty, and they do harmonies, and there's acoustic guitars, and, and, and the video is all casual and the guitar player is REALLY hot... so of course this is, like, theee most romantic love song ever, right??
Hey, nothing wrong with trying to have sex. I'm generally in favour of that. But when you need a 5 minute song disguised as a love ballad that generally amounts to a speech about how you should really put out and if you do I'll love you forever??? Dudes, she doesn't want to sleep with ya. Give up already, eh.
This also smack of some of the patented "Nice Guy" manipulation tactics as well. Later on there's a line about "What would you do if my heart was torn in two". Sort of like he's saying if you refuse me, you'll break my heart and I'll be sad and that'll be all YOUR fault. And we know us women don't handle having someone being sad too well. We're supposed to make men happy. Sad is bad.
Ok, I'll stop doing you're homework for you - LOL!!
Let us know how the project goes!
Oh *head smack* I also meant to mention "Voices Carry" by Til Tuesday. It's a commentary on abusive relationships. The video however does a great job of showing the behind-closed-doors vs public side of a relationship and what happens at the end... well, I won't spoil it if you haven't seen it yet.
To the You Tube everybody - woo-hoo!!!!