Operating within mainstream cultural frameworks, female sexuality (in this context meaning biologically female with a "feminine" gender performance) never wins. Consider the options:
1) As a female, your sexuality is repressed and/or heavily regulated (I won't even get into the whys and the hows)
AND/OR
2) As a female having and acting out on sexual desire, you are "shamed" through pejoratives and other degrading remarks.
AND/OR
3) As a female, an expression or discussion of sexuality is an attempt to gain (male heterosexual) attention.
AND/OR
4) As a female, whatever your sexual preferences are, they are undermined as your authentic desires and instead cast as having been shaped by an all-pervasive male sexuality and patriarchal order.
I am not denying that some or all of these factors may be applicable to varying degrees in varying circumstances, but I resent the fact that all of these factors are active within the hegemonic mind at all times.
Give a girl a break.
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And how do you propose to change this for the better? I'm curious. I hope you don't think I'm being accusatory. These are societal constructs, yes, but they are also deeply ingrained within the collective psyche and most women aren't even aware of them.
They rail against them, certainly, though not as cogently as you have, but then again they don't have your level of education and self-awareness to give adequate voice to these things. I don't know how to answer my own question and I do recognize that these are problems that need to be addressed.
Sometimes I feel like we are talking to ourselves when we draw out these issues. But I do think if we were encouraged to be self-aware, rather than placated with superficiality and cheap thrills that we would probably be much farther along towards solving these problems.
I see a lot of the 4th issue on this website in regards to those who engage in BDSM or rape fantasies.
Just sayin'.
Also, as a female *not* having sexual desire, you are made to feel like a freak and shamed for not being sexually available to men who want you. ("Frigid", anyone?) Just saying - I sometimes get the impression that sexually active women who are open about their sexuality don't realise that it isn't all roses on this side of the fence either.
1) As a male, your sexuality is both constantly shamed as violent and culturally presented as the only way to be a man (I won't even get into the whys and the hows)
AND/OR
2) As a male not having and not acting out on sexual desire, you are "shamed" through pejoratives and other degrading remarks.
AND/OR
3) As a male, an expression or discussion of sexuality is an attempt to gain (female heterosexual) attention.
AND/OR
4) As a male, if you're heterosexual, your authentic desires are cast as being a violent tool of a patriarchal order.
4, btw, is largely radical feminist shaming, in both ways.
God fucking dammit. Can we have one post on this website without a "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?????" in the first ten comments? Jayjay23, we know that male sexuality is restricted by patriarchy. But not as much as female sexuality. And this post is about restrictions on female sexuality. Stop derailing.
Actually, I'm glad of this comment from jayjay323. To me, saving men from the patriarchy is just as important as saving women, because - in varying ways and to varying degrees - we all suffer in it together. I'm sure that, to a feminist man, jayjay's four converted points are constant sources of anguish and alienation, and I don't mind being reminded of that.
I'm wondering why you restrict this to "biological females". I agree with your points, but I think what you said basically applies to all women and i'm unsure what relavance biology has?
Also if you are not including all females in this, i don't think "female sexuality" is a particularly accurate or meaningful term to use.
The question I have to ask with this post is are we talking globally and all cultures? Because, there are definitely cultures where I would agree this is true, to point of violence. But not in the States.
In the US there is nothing stopping a woman from having sex with whomever she desires. I revel in the sexual freedom that we have here. Someone is going to have to do a lot more then just name calling or 'shaming' to actually change my behavior. As for authentication...it's irrelevant. The only people whose opinion, about what you do in bed, that matter, are the people in it. Other then that, what others consider valid is meaningless. No one has the power to repress or take your desires away from you. Unless you let them.
I agree that the US certainly isn't as bad off as some other place might be, but we still have cultural reigns on sexuality, particularly women's sexuality, particularly when women enjoy it.
An individual may not experience it as such, I agree with you. I feel relatively free in my own sexuality, even when I'm making sexual choices that might have some outsider, looking into my bedroom, thinking "well that's subversive, degrading, or whatever."
But I also recognize there's a larger cultural context at play outside of my private sphere. And that has an influence and that's what this post is talking about:
1) As a female, your sexuality is repressed and/or heavily regulated (I won't even get into the whys and the hows)
Start with abstinence only education that focuses terms and images like "used goods," "deflowered roses," "targets or treasures" on young women. Follow up with purity balls. Realize that this crap is not nearly as focused on young men.
Continue on with the subtle, social implication that "good girls don't ____." Fill in that blank with anything from: kissing on the first date, to making the first move, to having sex too soon/too often/with [heteronormative warnings] too many guys, to giving head (or any other specific sexual act, really).
2) As a female having and acting out on sexual desire, you are "shamed" through pejoratives and other degrading remarks.
Slut is obviously one of the favorite pejoratives. And you don't even have to do anything to earn it, if you're a woman. You just have to be suspected/accused of doing something. Same thing with the label "tease." Then, on the other side, there's prude or frigid.
3) As a female, an expression or discussion of sexuality is an attempt to gain (male heterosexual) attention.
The first thing that comes to mind is, obviously, the female/female model of porn. And the pretty common conception that two women together are hot. Expressions of female sexuality, even those that don't involve men, are still something for the male gaze.
Then there's my experiences discussing sex (specifically masturbation) in a mixed group. It was all pretty respectable and even technical until a woman brought up a topic. After that came the "sexy," "hot," and various other comments from the men involved.
It was, apparently, too much to ask that female sexuality be discussed within the same mature and respectable light. The idea of women enjoying sex and owning their sexuality is something that's, apparently, so alien, the hotness of it just has to be remarked on.
4) As a female, whatever your sexual preferences are, they are undermined as your authentic desires and instead cast as having been shaped by an all-pervasive male sexuality and patriarchal order.
You can look around the feminist blogosphere for this one. See even the recent Feministing post: "The Irony of Anti-Sex-Positive Feminist's Arguments."
I have a theory about why some men find female masturbation hot, a theory that I have developed upon consultation with some of these men.
These men have been shamed with regards to masturbation (and their sexuality in general). They may have been told by their church or their parents that masturbation was sick and immoral -- or even that any sexual urge, any attraction to women, was one that needed to be repressed. They may have also been led to believe that women are free of these urges, and thus, they may have grown to expect that they would never meet a woman who could relate to their sexuality and their urges -- in fact, they may have grown to expect that any potential mate would shame them for their urges, just as their church or parents had done. Thus, when they see a woman masturbating, they see a woman not only who won’t shame them, but with whom they can relate -- someone who also has urges and acts on them. And this unexpected and welcome sexual compatibility blows their mind to such an extent that it turns them on – it's "hot."
What this would mean, then, is that these men are turned on by "the idea of women enjoying sex and owning their sexuality."
I would love to hear your thoughts about this theory. Do you think it’s on target? What are its implications for female sexuality (the topic of this post)?
[BTW, I think this theory could apply to why some men get turned on by watching women make out or have sex with one another. They feel a connection with a woman who understands their most fundamental sexual desire -- to have sex with a woman.]