Trying to be a cheerleader for my university as well as a feminist often has its problems. But it never, ever has made me feel this conflicted.
Last year was my first year on the university cheer team and I quickly fell in love with the activity. I had an amazing woman for a coach who pushed us to be our physical best. I was praised for my tumbling skill, as I was the most advanced tumbler on the team. We also began to do stunting (which, if you are not familiar, is when cheerleaders hold each other up in the air). It felt so amazing to have the crowd look down on me in awe as I balanced high in the air, using all my muscles to keep myself upright. I felt impressive, awesome, and strong. Though I do not have the typical cheerleader look (very short, pale, brown hair that can’t fit in a ponytail, not very thin) I felt like I belonged on the team. The focus was on skill, not looks.
My school’s cheer camp started this week and I was really excited to go get back in shape and meet some new people. The university hired a new coach, but I doubted that it would make much of a difference. I assumed that everything would go back to how it usually was.
I was completely wrong.
First of all, the team can no long tumble or stunt. So, essentially, we cannot do a damn thing that involves strength or skill. All of a sudden, it is “too dangerous” even though we did it countless times last year. The rule they stuck in the handbook states that we can only stunt if there are “six qualified male members on the squad.” The justification is that a team needs strong members in order to stunt effectively, and it would be too difficult to do without big strong men.
I’m calling bullshit.
I did competitive cheerleading throughout my younger years and never did we need men to pull off some amazing stunts. I’ve watched many, MANY competitive teams in my life, and I know stunting is not too hard for women. This rule is built upon the assumption that women just aren’t strong enough to do it, and it simply is untrue. The worse part is that my coach agrees and refuses to help us fight the system. My old coach wouldn’t have done that. She actually believed in us.
Second of all, it seems that now that we don’t need many skills in order to participate on this cheer team, the significant factor when choosing good cheerleaders has become how good you look in a skirt. The first day of practice our coach gave us a lecture about how she expects us to exercise every day. That seems legit at first - cheerleaders should be strong. But that is not what she is concerned with at all. She told, us, and I quote:
“It’s your responsibility to work out every day - those uniforms don’t hide anything!”
So the concern here is not with health, but with how good we look. Because I guess, cheerleaders are now just pretty little decorations for the men on the field.
I didn’t sign up to be a decoration!
It seems like I am the only one that is hurt by my coaches attitude. After my coach said that comment about weight, I was hurt. It stung like someone had whipped me. I wanted to punch her in the face. All the other girls just laughed. They LAUGHED. And agreed, saying, “Yeah, oh my god, I need to diet! Look at my huge butt hahaha!” And frankly - they are all fit already. I hated my coach so very much at that moment for making perfectly beautiful women believe that they are not good enough.
And now, they are putting pressure on ME, specifically, to be prettier. The co-captain of our team singled me out, saying that it was going to be a problem if I couldn’t put my hair in a ponytail. The excuse was it “doesn’t look uniform.” I think, though, it was really just “it’s not pretty enough.” And I don’t know what to do. I know what I WANT to do… I want to tell everyone to fuck off. It’s my body, my hair, and I am happy with it. I don’t WANT to be skinnier and I don’t WANT long hair. I keep myself this way for a reason! I don’t understand why I need long, feminine, flowing hair in order to be considered worthy. I can do a pretty kickass toe touch, not to mention backtucks… I thought that counted for something?
I’m almost at a breaking point. I am feeling my emotions being impacted in a way that almost makes me unable to enjoy cheering at all. It used to be exhilarating and now it is just irritating. But when I imagine myself going to game and watching it instead of cheering at it, I become very sad. It is so hard to let go of something I have loved for almost my entire life.
What would you do?
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There is this thing called radical cheerleading- basically cheerleader expressing critical thought, use of it as protest. Google it, you'll find info for sure.
In addition to that, definitely do not give in- you are in the right. Try addressing it privately on a one to one basis with your coach, express your views and concerns. You're an athlete, not a Barbie doll. If that doesn't work, is there any one else you can talk to ? Her boss ?
That looks so freaking amazing, you have no idea. If only I knew something of like that in Nebraska :/
Start something! :D
I totally want to! But in my small town, shit. I'd probably get like... 3 people interested at most! Perhaps it is worth a try though.
3 people is better than nothing.
I agree with what Audrey said, and if that doesn't work, I'd quit the squad, there has to be some other kind of activity that you could take up that offers the same enjoyment level to you without the sexist behavior that overwhelms the majority of cheer teams.
Your post sounds almost exactly like the stories I'd hear from girls I knew back in the day who tried cheerleading or were around cheerleaders for some other reason. Given the nature of people who think this way, I would not suggest expecting much to come from a sit-down with your coach.
If you're intent on fighting this to the bitter end, go over her head. Talk to her boss. Talk to an administrator. If it was high school I wouldn't hold much hope for that, but in university you might have better luck. Go in with a plan of attack, what to say and how to say to get across what you've said here and why it's so important.
But go in realistically. This is about more than changing mindsets. Unless your old coach was fired for some reason, then she's not coming back, and you may well be stuck with this one. If this one's replaced, the next may be no better. You could find a completely sympathetic administrator with the power to hire and fire at will, but who simply is unable to find a coach that shares your mindset. And with your coach being female, if she was going to believe as you do, she almost assuredly would already. (If it was a guy, ignorance might be more likely, and enlightenment more possible.)
The situation you're in now is, unfortunately, the way most people look at cheerleaders in general. I wish you the best of luck in trying to change things; as much as it's a battle worth fighting for as long as your heart is in it, you're going to need all the luck you can get.
Me personally, I would leave that kind of hostile environment, not because they made me feel bad or because I was not good enough, but because I KNOW I am better than that and I will not be conforming to some kind of fucked up beauty ideal that have never and will never fit into. This is the same approach I took with religion. I will not join them if I can't beat them. Instead I will beat them if I can't join them. Sadly, it has to come to that sometimes in order for there to be change.
Fuck that shit. I hope you raise hell over this.
As a former cheerleader, too, I support you completely. Even if I didn't take to the sport, I still respect it, but your coach and school clearly doesn't.
Cheer is my favorite sport. It's one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
I was a competitive cheerleader in the 80's when there we hardly any (I only saw 2 at USC camp) male cheerleaders.
I cheered when we could still do 5 high mounts~ rules changed for safety, so basket tosses took over (adrenalin junkie loop hole).
There is no keeping cheer down-
Fight the BS
FIGHT it
I generally agree with the comments above-but I do think you should fight it out, if you have the desire and the energy to do so. It will take people fighting from the inside to make cheerleading nore progressive, more about the atheleticism than the style, and to remove the bias that women aren't strong enough to do the stunts.
Talk to you teammates, talk to your coach, voice your concerns and then go over her head. Decide how far you want to take it, then take it there. And if no one gives you satisfaction, you can quit knowing you did what you felt you had to do.
if all else fails join the gymnastics team. i am so tired of being told that i don't look good enough to put on my color guard uniform (which happens to be old cheerleader uniforms). i had to deal with that for three years and now that i'm finally done with all of that shit i regret not taking it to a higher authority. don't let them crap all over you for being a woman. tell 'em to fuck off and ask them if they can do all the amazing stunts you can. good luck to ya! i'm keeping my fingers crossed. let us know how it turns out
Why not do a serious activity like gymnastics or dance instead?
Cheerleading can be a serious activity... that is her point. For her it has been serious and something she loves. Only recently for her team did things change.
Thanks for saying exactly what I wanted to say :)
Cheerleading is different than gymnastics and dance... that is why I joined cheer and not either of the alternatives. Because that is what I like and have experience in.
Don't assume that cheerleading isn't "serious" or you're acting exactly like my stupid school.
My little brother is actually doing club competitive cheer right now, because his high school team had a bad coach. He would LAUGH at that requirement. On his old team, most of the bases were girls, as there were only two guys on the team.
Basically, your new coach is crazy. I wonder if there are more girls who agree with you but are afraid to say anything for fear of social consequences.
I would go to your school's student government. They have many contacts in the administration, and should be able to help you out with this. They can talk to administrators, go with you to talk to them, or draft some legislation that demands a change to the rules. All else failing, they can help bring some attention to the issue via the student newspaper. You can even go to the school's feminist clubs or organizations.
I can't believe they're saying you have to have men to do stunts. That's absolutely ridiculous. Have they not watched any cheer competitions? Most of the ones doing stunts are female! I used to be a back spot myself, and if I may say so, I did a damn good job of it, too. Not to mention that they have proof that you are all perfectly capable of it. You may want to talk to your team, as well, and see if they are interested in doing a demonstration for your coach. After all, the stunts are the most fun of it all, at least I think so.