Greetings, all! I saw Julie & Julia this weekend and absolutely loved it, but I'm not here to give a review of the movie. Instead, I wanted to share about the experience of a sexist asshole movie theater employee.
He was taking our tickets and commented to my fiancee on our movie choice, "Ah, J&J, don't expect her to cook like they do in the movie!" To which my fiancee responds that I already do.
No problem, we get in to the theater and settle down. Before they start the previews, the real fun began.
The same usher comes to the front of the theater and gets everyone's attention. He starts by surveying the crowd and saying, "Oh, this might be a record, there's, one, two, three...twelve...A lot of men in the audience."
Here we go, I thought. It was a full house and here I was thinking that he was going to say to people to fill up the seats between you and everything.
He goes on, "My experience is that with men coming to movies like this, it's for three reasons, 1) Their wives dragged them here 2) They're going to the movie JUST TO GET LUCKY LATER and 3)..." I couldn't even remember the last one because I could feel my blood boiling.
I couldn't help myself, guys, and actually found myself shouting out over the laughter of my fellow patrons, "OR MAYBE THEY JUST LIKE THE MOVIE". *Sigh* Sometimes I can't help but have such an inflammatory reaction to shit like this. I can't believe this guy had the audacity to say something so ignorant to a crowd of people waiting to watch a movie!
Just a great example of the patriarchy at work, trying to shame men for wanting to see a 'woman movie'. And if you have seen J&J it isn't remotely like, say, Sex and the City or other more hyper-romcom fare.
It also made me think about how my feminism empowers me to try and address these types of issues vocally instead of just letting things slide. Yes, my outburst in the theater was certainly not going to change minds, but I've made it a policy of mine to address sexism, rape culture, victim-blaming, etc out loud. My little way of activism, I guess. And I will not apologize for it. How are people going to know what they're saying is wrong unless they're called out on their shit?
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I hope you complained.
Where did this happen, by the way? I'm kind of shocked, only because it sounds like an independent theater in a major city (rather than a suburban multiplex) with an usher introducing the movie and all. I guess this just really surprises me because I go to movies here in Los Angeles constantly and can't imagine that this kind of thing would fly with audiences. I've heard the ushers crack them jokes but nothing sexist and insulting to the audience.
Finally, I should note that I am a guy who went to see this movie by myself. So according to the usher, there seems to be no logical reason that I would have done so :)
should read just 'crack jokes' not 'crack them jokes'
I'm in Denver. It was actually a smaller theater, not part of a huge multiplex.
I didn't complain. I knew the guy wouldn't lose his job over it. I would probably not be taken seriously, if the reaction from the whole damn audience was any indication. Dolts.
Oh this pisses me off and I wasn't even there!
I too went to see this movie this weekend and loved it (Meryl Streep sets my feminist heart a flutter!). And there were tons of men in the theater. I also went with my whole family including my father and younger brother. And my FATHER suggested the movie! Julia Child is one of his idols because he loves to cook and she's just an inspiration to people everywhere, cook or not. And my brother thinks Streep and Adams are fantastic actresses and will see anything with their names attached to it. So suck it Mr. Movie Usher Man.
But I cannot believe he actually got in front of everyone in the theater and spouted that sexist bullshit. If I were in that audience with you I would've clapped and cheered you on so loud after you spoke up, if I hadn't yelled it out myself. I hope he stops doing that crap for future showings.
I am not suprised by this. Everytime the main character in a film is a woman, it's considered a "chick flick" that guys don't want to see. It makes me angry too.
-Nikki-
Apparently, women are so boring that men wouldn't want to watch a movie with no male lead. Even when the main story line isn't romance. You know how many movies of all sorts with at least one male lead I've watched in my life?
Yeah, men don't like rom-coms. Oh wait, my dad went to Sex and the City by himself.
GOOD for you! My boyfriend and I were at Blockbuster a couple years ago right after that new version of Pride & Prejudice came out on DVD. When we were checking out with our selection, the male cashier said in a sarcastic tone, "I wonder who picked the movie." I responded, "...and I'm not even going to fuck him tonight -- I'm on my period." He recoiled like a little boy caught with his hand in a cookie jar.
Yeah. I was once at a blockbuster and rented 'Sweet Home Alabama' (which I do not recommend btw). The cashier, in a very smug tone, said 'so your girlfriend sent you out to the video store, huh?"
I said no.
Funny. Every guy I know that has seen this, was forced to, under protest, by their wives or girlfriends.
Well, hopefully you can read the thread and recognize that this is not universally the case.
Also, under what kinds of force were these men and boys so compelled to go to the movies? I personally don't live in some sit-com where I or my guy friends feel endlessly put-upon by the unreasonable demands of hysterical girlfriends and wives. If I didn't want to go to a movie that my wife wanted to go to, or vice versa, we would probably go with a friend who did want to see it.
I just think this kind of language is bullshit and reinforces the harmful stereotype that women are basically shrews and guys put up with it.
Well, someone had to speak up for that aspect. The original post paints it as men are never forced to see these movies.
They were forced under threat of sex being withheld, and by their wife or girlfriend (depending on the case) arguing, fighting, and being obnoxious until they relented.
I just think this kind of language is bullshit and reinforces the harmful stereotype that women are basically shrews and guys put up with it.
Well, then you'll have to go tell my friends wives and girlfriends to stop fitting that stereotype, won't you?
They were forced under threat of sex being withheld, and by their wife or girlfriend (depending on the case) arguing, fighting, and being obnoxious until they relented.
Sorry if I have a moment of skepticism here, but we're talking about seeing a movie, which doesn't really register at the top of priority scales for most people. Any chance your friends are covering up their own willingness to see non-manly movies by telling their friends, "She won't sleep with me unless I go"? Strikes me as an excuse they expect no one would argue with.
No.
I know their SO's, I know how they are. When one calls me to ask if I want to play an online game, and I hear her in the background screaming and howling at him that he's not "allowed" to be using the computer right now, yeah, I can safely say they'd do this over a movie.
Sounds like you have some immature friends in immature relationships.
So why are my friends immature? Why not call the women immature?
You are clearly baiting here, trying to get us to admit that woman CAN be wrong right? Because feminists would never admit that a woman did something wrong? Sorry but if your friends are in a relationship in which the woman withholds sex to get him to go to a movie, both are misguided in how a relationship should function in a healthy way. I agree with Alixana, this seems a little far fetched.
I don't totally disagree with this post.
There are definitely men who see those movies willingly, and that usher was out of line- I applaud the OP for complaining.
However, I frequently see the women around me "forcing" their partners to see such movies, or telling them that they can't use the computer, watch a show they like, smoke a cigarette... the list goes on. I'm appalled by how this behavior is somehow deemed appropriate in the minds of some Minnesotan women (I specify because I can really only speak for my region. Michele Bachmann's district... surprised?). Who gave them the right to treat someone they're partnered with in such a controlling, demeaning manner?
But that kind of relationship takes two. The men that you sympathize with, MP, seem to get a kick out of that dynamic. A lot of men I know serially date women who constantly "nag" them and attempt to control them. If it bothers the men so much, why don't they find a woman who would allow them space to be independent? Oh, right! Because she would likely be a feminist... ;)
Who's to blame for that? I think it's a nasty cycle. The men seem to have absolutely no problem encouraging the behaviors in their young daughters that they complain about in their wives and women in general. As for the women, I really don't understand the mentality behind taking pleasure in "owning" someone, as so many women I know crack jokes about (right after telling a story about how they "made" their boyfriend/husband do something). It's shameful.
I think both sexes perpetuate these behaviors. Also, It's interesting to me, MP, that you seem to be anti-feminist, and yet feminists are the least likely to act in the way that you detest.
Kind of a side note here, but I "forced" my SO to watch The Notebook with me. I mean, I didn't "withhold sex" or anything (mainly because we weren't at the sex stage of our relationship yet), but I did suggest a couple times that we watch it, 'cuz he'd never seen it. He rented it because he wanted to make me happy, and he actually ended up crying more than I did. Boyfriends who cry with you at the end of sad movies rawk. =))
Or they're faking it to try to get in your pants.
I've known women and men like that too. I honestly think that, for the men, it gives them an excuse to be controlling themselves. Still haven't figured out why the women do it (if their partners are so immature that they have to direct them like children, why are they with them?).
Why can't they have the same reason as the men? Women in those position could enjoy being controlling as well.
I agree. In my house, if my spouse or I want to see a movie that the other doesn't, we'll each go with someone else or *gasp* go alone.
For me and my SOs it's been quid pro quo. I'll watch musicals or "chick-flicks" with her; she watches Steven Seagal movies with me. Sometimes we end up liking each others' movies.
Ahh Multipass, you were absent for a while. You got my hopes up that you had been banned.
Not sorry to tell you that it's not a bannable offense to have one's own opinion. Shock, horror! I'm allowed to disagree on some aspects, or think differently than you! Crazy, I know.
Some aspects? Ha! The only reason you come around this site is to spew stereotypes and "what about teh menz?" nonsense. I really wish Feministing featured an "ignore" button.
Wasn't aware you were psychic. Sounds like you're just trying to silence people.
I hope Multipass doesn't get banned. We all occasionally need a reminder what we're fighting against.
By the way, mp, I won't respond to any reply you give to this; that way I can complain I've been SILENCED.
Honestly, thread derailments and stereotyping like this annoy the shit out of me. I have no doubts that everything he's saying is a complete load of bullshit, and he's being really rude. This isn't intelligent debate, this is just frothing-at-the-mouth idiocy. I reported him to the moderators before you left this comment.
this is totally crazy - i would have complained to the manager! even if i didn't think the guy would lose his job, usually if a customer complains about someone, it goes on their record. or you can get a number to call the district manager or home office, and talk to someone who will make sure it doesn't happen again.
also, i just want to point out that i don't know any women who withhold sex just to get to see a movie. (i like sex way too much to do that, myself!!) if women do this, they're being immature... and i also think that men should get over seeing a romantic comedy with their girlfriends every once in a while - seriously, it's only two hours. i can't tell you how many movies i've seen with my boyfriend (cough, Transformers 2, cough) that weren't my pick, but i didn't care, knowing that he will go to a movie that isn't his top pick if i want to see it too.
and anyway, my boyfriend loves romantic comedies! a lot of my guy friends have told me that they actually like them - even though they tell their guy friends they were "dragged to see them" by their girlfriends.
Julie and Julia isn't even a romantic comedy. It's a comedy/drama about taking responsibility for your life. The themes are universal.
My husband wants to see it. He likes the stars and thinks Julia Child is interesting. Oh, and he's not automatically afraid of everything that involves women, and he's not invested in splitting the world into some ridiculous binary and then cutting off the possibility of any experience that falls outside of what people consider manly. Everyone doesn't have to be interested in this movie, but people who deny themselves the possibility of enjoying it because "It's for women" are acting out of an absurd knee-jerk misogyny.
I pity the immature dolts.
I agree about writing a letter of complaint in this case. The usher was out of line. Often young men won't explore things they're actually interested in because of shaming and policing like this. It's bullshit and it should stop.
I don't know about the rest of you ladies. But I have a wide circle of friends, both men and women. And we all love different things. I have many female friends who can't stand romantic comedies, and will only see action movies, and many male friends who lovvvvveee romance movies. I think we should all be past this. I love some good action. The main issue I have for many of these action/sci fi genres is the lack of strong female characters. Yes, it's getting better. But I would like to see a better variety, and better story lines. That goes for romantic comedies as well. But seriously, I don't think gender has anything to do with your taste. Not anymore.
I recently had a similar movie stereotype irritation. A while ago I went to see "The Hangover" with a few of my guy and girl friends. Tons of my female friends recommended the movie. I'm not saying that the movie was feminist by any stretch of the imagination, but I happen to enjoy some not-so-feministy movies once in a while. And I very much enjoy that one.
However, I read an article in my local paper that week giving it horrible reviews. That's fine. He's entitled to his own opinion. But he also decided to say that "you won't be seeing any women in the movie theatre". I laughed at first, thinking the irony of the situation was that half if not more of my theatre was filled with women. But again...gender stereotypes at the movies. Drives me crazy! Good post! Good for you for saying something. I try to, but don't always have the courage.