You are telling the child that there are many different religions that believe different things, and want to tell him that it is okay for people to believe in different religions. Yet, at the same time, you don't want him to believe in his particular religious beliefs.

If you truly believe that it is acceptable to hold different religious beliefs and be tolerant, then let him believe what he wants to be believe, even if you disagree. Then you will show him what tolerance is.

Plus, the kid is seven.

The kid is seven. You, the babysitter, should not double as a theology debating buddy. Seven year olds are not highly logical and I bet this kid has been feed religion with his breakfast cereal since he was born. I doubt any argument, however logical, is going to make a seven year old suddenly see that his church is teaching intolerance.

To the sort of comment you describe, I would simply counter with a 'well, not everyone agree with that.' And leave it there. The kid will at least know that some people in the world disagree with his religion. When he is older, that seed may grow into greater acceptance of other's beliefs. But it isn't really appropriate for you to try and change the kids beliefs, nor do I think you would have much success.

Joan

Babysitting this kid seems to cause you a lot of grief. Maybe you would be happier taking care of the kids of somebody more liberal? It might be better for all concerned since the mother would probably be opposed to you discussing with him world views that contradict hers. You can't save everybody all the time and he is probably too young to have developed the critical thinking skills needed to question his mother.

As his babysitter, I personally don't think you are in the position to replace the values and beliefs his mother has instilled in him with your own, no matter how wrong they may seem.

However, you can show him that there are a variety of alternative perspectives to his out there. How about reading him bedtime stories that are more "culturally aware", like maybe stories about Hindu mythology, or Chinese folk tales, etc. Anything that incorporates a cultural diversity and kids his own age. You can find children's books like these at any library.

Not only is it educational, you're also showing him how there are children all around the world who are just like him, but live in different ways.

Dude, he's 7. There is a limit to what he can cognitively understand. Go with a "why do you think that?" or an "I don't think that." and leave it at that.

You (and I) may not agree with it, but believing what he does about Jesus is a central tenet of evangelical Christianity. Religion (says a deeply religious woman) is not logical, and by engaging it on the level of logic you're setting yourself up to fail. Ever tried debating creationism, even with someone past puberty? Yeah... ever won that one?

Don't try to convince him otherwise. It's not your place, and the kind of nuanced argument you want to have about it is really not possible for a seven year old who has been taught all his life that he's washed in Jesus' blood. Instead, be a good person, who he trusts, who disagrees with him. That people like you, and those Jewish characters in that book, and your mom's Hindu friends, exist at all will go further toward teaching tolerance than any argument ever could.

When he says that everyone who doesn't believe in Jesus is going to hell, say something like, "Well, that's what you and your family believe, but people believe many different things... I (or my family, or my friend Hephzibah, or whatever) think X. Religion is very personal." And then move on.

Reminds me of a few years ago at my daughter's 6 or 7th birthday when I was in the kitchen with one of the girls (also around 7). I don't remember the exact conversation, but she was very worried about going to hell. She brought it up out of the blue, just like that. Anyway, not knowing exactly what to say, I just said "No, you're not going to hell. You're a good girl." in a tone that made it seem like it was just so obvious. (Hey, I'm a Unitarian Universalist. The "Universalist" part means that God is too good to send anyone to hell for all eternity.) Whether this was the right thing to say or not, it was the best thing I could come up with in 5 seconds.

Beyond that, though, I would not bother debating with a 7 year-old. Just saying there are some who think differently is enough.

I agree with everyone up above, but I'd also probably firmly tell him, "There are a whole lot of people in this world who all believe different things, and you're not going to make friends with many of them if you tell them they're going to hell."

Unfortunately, I think in this case you may have overstepped. The child is reflecting the religious beliefs of his parents. Religious upbringing is their responsbility and not yours. If he believes people who don't believe in Jesus go to hell, then that's what he believes. Telling him there are other people who believe other things and everyone's entitled to their beliefs is good -- but that's probably not what his parents believe.

I think you may need to find another family to sit for since this one has a lot of conflict with your personal belief system.

Whether or not you agree with the religious teachings in that family, it's just not your place or role as a babysitter to contradict them. Personally, I would want to teach a child of mine religious tolerance. If you have kids, you can teach them as you want. However, this is a family matter and not something you can have any role in. I don't agree with the theories of these parents, but that doesn't mean you can go against them as the sitter. If it's a big conflict for you, then I recommend finding a new babysitting gig.

I'm going to say something different than "he's seven, and you're his babysitter." Yeah, he is, and you are, but that doesn't mean you can't teach him!

Just tell the kid that the beliefs of Allah, Vishnu, and Buddha all came before Jesus. That, depending on the part of the world, the religion varies significantly.

Teach, don't debate. If he refuses to listen, back off. There's absolutely no harm in teaching him things, especially history. I doubt anyone would be angry if you taught him history.
I remember sitting in church when I was eight and learning the reasons why other religions were wrong. It made me angry, because no one in my family was religious, yet they were all going to go to hell? It made no sense to me.

Unlike others i feel that 7 is a perfectly fine age to discuss the deeper nature of the universe, religion, and social harmony.

But that said, well, for his faith, isn't he right?? I mean, isn't it one of the basic tenants of Christianity that the only way to avoid hell is "accept Jesus as your lord and savior"?? If this is true, you're basically trying to argue him out of his faith, which i don't think is appropriate for any age, much less with the power differential between babysitter and child.

For me, i'd be curious to know how he FEELS about hell. It seems like those feelings might be where a more respectful, helpful conversation can happen. Like, is he scared of hell himself? How does he feel about those of us who are supposedly going to hell? Does he feel sorry for us? Does he want to force us all to adopt his faith to keep us out of hell? Does he think folks who "hell-bound" are bad people? Or does he know many of us are actually very good people? Including friends and neighbors?
....I suspect that it is in these ideas that the quality of relationships -- with other people and himself -- and boundaries will be effected. I have met people who do believe in hell (and that most of us are going there) but are certainly pleasant, agreeable people because they have already sorted out these issues.

OP here. Thanks for the input, everyone. Let me just say that, for reference, I'm not just his babysitter. I've known him for a long time and he calls me his big sister. We hang out frequently outside of babysitting. Sorry I didn't make that clear in my post, but we talk about a lot of things, he asks me questions about the world and is interested in talking to me and I'd even venture to say he looks up to me. This isn't just some kid I babysit that I want to indoctrinate my liberal beliefs into. He's practically my little brother. Our parents are dating -- we're one legal document away from being step-brother and step-sister. So no, I don't think I'm overstepping my boundaries by telling him that there are lots of different people in the world.

You seem to be asking more of a seven-year-old than you are of yourself. You are tolerant of all beliefs ... except the belief that there is only one true belief system? In Christianity, it is quite clearly stated that Christ is the only way. That is the fundamental belief system of him and his family -- you should respect that.

To my mind, "tolerance" means understanding that other people are free to believe differently. Tolerance is not modifying your core beliefs to comport with belief systems that are inconsistent with your own ... it is allowing others to disagree without bother them (or re-educating their children).

Thus, he (and you) must know that there are people that disagree with him (and you), and that they are free to do so. This includes the ability to disagree about the premise that all belief systems are of equal worth. He, like all Christians, is free to believe that worshippers of other deities are hellbound.

Honestly, if someone (close friend, babysitter, or whomever) was intentionally undermining my value-system to my child, that may be the last time they saw them.

kbz

To many christian churches, the belief that Christ is the only way to salvation is an essential part of their faith. So if you are trying to get him to believe otherwise, yes, you are attempting to change his beliefs. That doesn't mean what you are doing is bad, but it is overstepping somewhat.

Now, since you may become this kid's stepsister, I think you have more room to maneuver. But I really urge you not to debate with this kid as much as listen and ask questions. He is at an age where he will likely believe what he is told by his mother and church, as they are authorities. Again, I think you can say that "Well, people believe different things." He may want to know more. Or he might not. I think, in time, he will be curious and you can have a deeper conversation. But keep it age-appropriate. Seven is young and if he was raised in a religious house, it will likely take him time before he is willing to question his beliefs and the central authorities in his life. Give him time and be a resource and willing ear. I fear if you push too hard, he will just cling to his beliefs all the stronger, as you described him as stubborn.

I was in agreement with other commenters here that it isn't your place until you clarified that you are virtually step-siblings. In this case, I do think that you are in a position where you are freer to exert some influence than as just a babysitter. That being said, Christianity as a religion is highly intolerant of other religions and is predicated on the narcissistic belief that it and only it is the "true" religion. So, when the boy says that anyone who isn't a Christian are going to hell, he's correct, at least in his narrow and perhaps brainwashed religious worldview.

Still, I agree that it is troubling to hear such a young child express such views vehemently. My mother-in-law is religious in her own way, but does not subscribe to any one religion nor does she go to church. Two of her three sons married religious women and have become Christians themselves, my husband being the lone agnostic. On an Easter visit home earlier this year, my 5-year-old niece asked my MIL if they could talk privately. She was highly distressed. After they left, my somewhat dazed MIL said that Klara had asked her if "she knew God." My MIL was caught off-guard and said, "Why, yes Klara. I know God" to which Klara replied, "But you never talk about him." Klara's distress stemmed from the fact that she's been taught that anyone who isn't a Christian is going to burn in hell for eternity. And by hell, the image that is often presented to Christian children is that of a fiery inferno where people are tortured forever despite little biblical evidence to support such a claim (not that hell exists, but that it is a fiery place presided over by a demon waving a pitchfork and sporting horns).

I think you could help your young charge not by actively arguing with him, which seems to bring out the worst in him, but by passively educating him in under-the-radar ways. Read him books about other religions like this one. Take him to an art museum and use it as a vehicle to discuss other cultures. Heck, just going to an ethnic restaurant might be a great way to start such a conversation. And since you will be in a role soon of sister-en locis, I would also recommend the book Parenting Beyond Belief, a guidebook for atheist and agnostic parents. I'm not advising you to "teach" atheism to this boy, but rather this book might be helpful in helping you show him how Christianity does not have a monopoly on things like ethics and morals. You could also ask him to explain when he says things like "They're all going to hell" to challenge him in an indirect way on what it is he really knows and understands. You might also try going to church with him sometime to show him that A) you support his religion, and B) to better understand what he's learning and in what context. Best of luck.

God = Allah btw

BTW, Allah isn't a separate god from the one that devout Christians and Jews believe in. "Allah" is the Arabic word for the English word "God" (and also the Malay word for the English word "God" since Malay has some words from Arabic). A Christian talking in Arabic or Malay about her or his faith may very well say that she or he believes in Allah. This was even recently on the BBC News: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7164872.stm So this kid already believes in Allah, he's just talking about the father of Jesus in a language with another word for Allah.

Aesop's Fables, Aesop's Fables, Aesop's Fables!!! It's a great way to encourage morality without all the religious mumbo-jumbo. It is a great jumping off point for teaching tolerance and diversity too. (I was free to choose my own faith growing up-about the only thing my Ma got right-and religion NEVER made as much sense as Aesop.)