I one day stumbled across a message board site called Teen Spot and it is pretty much a place for teens to talk. I went onto the advice column out of curiousity and see a post about someone being raped by her boyfriend. The person didn't sound too convincing that they were raped but I wasn't quick to jump to conclusions that the person was obviously lying, some people express things differently about what happened to them. What disturbed me as the thread was the OBSESSIVE amount of victim-blaming that was going on through the message boards.
Here's post one:
"Nobody on Teenspot gives a shit if you've been raped. If you really want to do something about it, and you weren't a troll, I would say to tell an adult you trust....you would think at 17, that would be instilled in your brain....since that's what you learn in 1st grade."
My response to this is that yes they do tell us to always tell an adult but if this person had any sense on rape and rape victims, it's hard for a rape victim to tell someone. I didn't tell anyone about my sexual abuse until a couple years after it happened and I still didn't go to the authorities about it. Many rape victims don't.
The second post was outright victim-blaming and it made me throw up in my mouth:
"I agree with the girl above, You should have known what to do since firstgrade.
You, an obvious troll. You Probally deserved it.
Keep your legs shut."
I hate when people say idiotic comments like this because rape-victims, espcially teenage girls, usually get blamed when they get raped. And the comment where the poster ended with keep your legs shut, shows how disgusting the victim-blaming has got it. How can you keep your legs shut if someone is forcing them open? And what does that have to do with rape is the better question.
The same poster had even posted more about rape:
"Most girls, will Ask for it... beg and tease a guy.
Then when their done, Oh! You..raped me! I'M TELLING! / They break up a week later and she wants revenge.
It's girls like YOU, who gives the rest of us a bad name."
I love how the person felt the need to victim-blame twice. I don't know about you but I never heard of a girl screaming rape because she broke up with the guy. I personally have had some bad experiences with guys considering that I'm in high school and it happens but I never pinned rape on a guy to get revenge. I don't know any girls that have and I hate the comment about begging and teasing a guy. It's one of the top things that people use to defend rapists.
I feel no need to post anymore posts because the whole thread was truly disgusting. There were people that called her an attention whore, people that kept repeating on how if she didn't want to be raped, she should have kept her legs shut, and even people that agreed with the second poster that if a girl leads a guy on or makes him think he's interested than it's okay for him to rape her.
The sad thing about this entire thread was that majority of the posters seemed to be teenage girls or girls in their early 20's and sadly only one girl on the thread defending the fact that there was no excuse for raped (and then she got attacked and debated against). It says something to my generation. Why is it that teenagers feel like rape can somewhat be acceptable and how is the next generation going to be when it views things like rape, abuse, and other things?
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: Teenagers and Victim-Blaming.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.feministing.com/cgi-bin/movabletype/mt-tb.fcgi/15532
Ew. Almost that entire thread disgusts me. The only person there with a brain is the feminist who says that victim-blaming is terrible and the rapist is the one responsible for his actions. If that thread is indicative of the whole site, then I think teens would be worse off posting there.
Knowing the Internet; I'm fairly sure most of the posters there are uh, less-than-reputable adult males.
Knowing the Internet; I'm fairly sure most of the posters there are uh, less-than-reputable adult males.
I read the quotations from the site and started screaming at my computer screen. This bs needs to stop.
I don't think these young people really understand the violent extent of the word "rape". Very disturbing.
Why is it that teenagers feel like rape can somewhat be acceptable and how is the next generation going to be when it views things like rape, abuse, and other things?
I don't think these views are set in stone. Necessarily. Like anything else, it's a matter of cultural exposure.
We're all well aware of the ideas patriarchy perpetuates. These things are woven so tightly in the fabric of our society, they're practically norms. It's why it's so easy to accept and parrot them.
The idea that women (routinely?) have sex with men and then "cry rape" because they regret it.
Or that women really want to have sex, they just don't know it until the issue is in their face.
Or that men are always ready and willing for sex and it's just so damned hard to stop if a woman suddenly changes her mind (and how dare she, after she dressed sexy, which must have been just for him).
Etc. Ad nauseum.
Teens (and twenty-somethings) are exposed to the same shit we see and take apart in this community.
But many of them may not yet have the right tools to question/take apart these ideas.
And even those who do, may not yet have the emotional wherewithal to call out the people expressing them.
I was one of those teenagers who "didn't care what people thought of me."
But I did, to a degree. Even if it was only people in my in-group.
As I've gotten older (I'm 26 now), I care less what other people think of me. Especially when it comes to issues that are of dire importance to me.
But it's still a hard road to walk--being one of "those women", hard-nosed, uncompromising, angry, or whatever the phrase "those women" happens to encompass at the time.
And, at times, I still find myself having to shut down the bullshit I was fed about women "crying rape" or some other misogynistic thing because it, quite subtly, can come creeping back into my head just because it had a home there for so long.
I think at least a small portion of the people that express the sentiments you described are engaged in group-think.
They haven't really stopped to consider things for themselves.
But maybe, because one person spoke up, one or two of these commenters will pause for a minute and think outside the patriarchy approved box.
And maybe they'll stumble across some feminist theory when they do.
Sometimes, all it takes is one person crying foul to make the trolls realize the errors of their ways and stop going with the groupthink. In order to continue going on like this, usually one person has to attempt a somewhat well-written (even if still totally bullshit) rebuttal to the voice of reason in the group.
I noticed this recently on a newspaper article about one of my neighbors who killed himself. He had been involved scamming tickets to a recent concert, and had taken his life when the people scammed started threatening his family as a result. A lot of the commenters were saying what happened was a just end for taking advantage of people. I made a comment about how I knew him, how out of character the behavior was for him (it was, he was usually a very nice, caring guy), and how anyone who thinks the couple hundred dollars they wasted on the fake tickets is more important than a young man's life are the REAL ones with their priorities screwed up. And all of a sudden, all the hateful comments stopped...
It doesn't always work, of course, but it's usually worth the effort - especially in tender situations like these - to show that at least somebody cares and somebody is going to call out the masses on their bullshit.
I went to that website a few times when I was a kid and the victim blaming is really bad (so is the shaming if anyone suggests they're interested in abortion).
I don't remember the amount of hostility shown in what you excerpted, but there was a lot of ignorance and skewing rape as consensual sex.
This is why it's so important to make sure that healthy relationship education is happening in schools. primary prevention activities, like media literacy, can help shut down these 'groupthink' attitudes...as well as parent/community education (because sometimes these ideas come from home).
In order for this type of education to work, however, it needs to be reinforced by teachers, parents...many of the adults teens come in contact with. I am hopeful due to the fact that many domestic violence and sexual assault agencies seem to be amping up their prevention programs...but we need more community volunteers to do it! If you're outraged by these boards and want to channel it, volunteer for your local dv/sa agency's teen program. if they don't have one...help them create it! there are plenty of materials online, and even a free curriculum at www.loveisrespect.com.
and sangetencre is right...some teens have not yet cultivated the tools to fight back against our rape culture. but hopefully, with the right prevention programming in place, they can gain them.
Relationship education does nothing, because teens pay as little attention to it as they do to anything else in school. Probably less, in fact, because it doesn't impact their academic standing as much. They are instead educated by the media and by pop culture.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I could point you to some studies that say the opposite. I also wonder if I wasn't clear enough on what healthy relationship education includes. A good program will use:
-media literacy
-sa/dv myth analysis and debunking
-consent clarification
-bystander intervention practice
-unhealthy vs healthy relationships
-how to support a friend
-resources
Good healthy relationship education programs build empathy in students and often result in disclosures and attitude changes on behalf of the students.
These little shits probably think they're being "edgy" by saying things that are considered "wrong/un-P.C./whatever". Probably the types of spoiled little assholes with no real problems who's parents hand them expensive gaming systems and designer clothes and whatever else they demand.
Oh right, because if your 'peers' are responding with "you're a stupid slut who asked for it, you weren't really raped, you're just lying to get attention" etc. etc. I'm sure it will really prompt telling an adult who likely doesn't know/doesn't want you having sex and has a lot more power over your life. Right.
Even if she was making up the entire story, what difference does it make to this or that person on the internet? Their answers are more revealing than they realize.
I somewhat recently had a long discussion with a buddy of mine and boyfriend regarding why the whole "false accusations2103929!!! are ruining lots of men!" is an extremely unlikely scenario. It took me a long time myself to really realize the depths of strangeness involved in it.
You think that's disgusting, listen to this.
I knew a girl, who was molested by her 15 year old brother when she was about seven. she told her parents and somehow people found out about it and blamed HER. She went through hell in school because her brother was a sick psycho.