I am a freshman in college. I live on campus. I cannot walk alone during the day time on my college campus. Why? Because of the creepy stalker who refuses to leave all the girls on campus alone. He falls under the same category of thought as the man who walked into the gym in pennsylvania and shot all of those women (can't remember his name). He thinks that he deserves female companionship because he keeps himself clean. He accosts women any where he can, calling sexually explicit requests at us. He screams at us when we walk past "and I just want to get laid". He grabs women and blocks their paths not allowing them to move when and where they want. He tries to lure girls into his room. And its not just one girl that he does this too. Its every single female on campus who have to deal with him. No girl likes him because of his creepy stalker like behavior.
Technically other than grabbing the girls he hasn't broken any of the universities rules so they can't do anything. But it pisses me off that I can't feel safe walking to my classes alone. Basically because of him I cannot ever have any time to just be by myself. I am an introvert. I need alone time. But I can't get any because I am too afraid that this guy is going to snap when he is following me and I will be the victim of his anger towards women, or worse he will finally get fed up enough and he will rape me. Girls can't even walk with other girls around without being stopped by him. Basically the more girls that are walking together the more it energizes him to harass us even more.
Unless we have male escortship we can't go anywhere without risking running into him. Myself and my best friend have to be escorted anywhere we want to go because of this guy. Which means any time I want to go anywhere I have to call and ask for someone else to take me over there, like I am two years old.
I am pissed off about this. I have a right to feel safe on my own campus, I have the right to walk where I need to go without being attacked. But I can't do that. Instead I have to be treated like a child and have a male escort anywhere I go. I can't even go from my dorm room to my best friends because this guy is always lurking somewhere. I should not have to live like this. Why is it that we give these guys the benefit of the doubt. Why does an attack have to occur before the school can do something. Isn't his commenting enough? Does anyone else have this problem on their campus? How did you handle it?
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Is this guy a student? If he's not, he's trespassing.
Grabbing someone can be construed as assault (or maybe battery), which is a crime. I might be wrong about the assault definition, and yelling at someone might be enough for an assault charge.
Does he wait for specific women in places where he knows they will be? That's stalking.
Do you have access to legal counsel through the university? Or maybe free legal counsel for impovershed people? They can fill you in on what behaviors fall under what legal definitions, and whether those things are arrestable offenses. The problem with college campuses is jurisdiction between campus cops and city cops. Something that is a crime in the surrounding area might be difficult to get an arrest for if it is not against university rules. You can also call the ombudsman and try to get resolution. Lastly, call the local paper or TV station and tell them women are being harassed and the university won't do anything about it. Tell the alumni association, too.
This guy's actions sound like a clear case of sexual harassment. If your college is in the United States, it's almost certain that they have some kind of sexual harassment policy. If the guy is a student, faculty or staff member, someone should bring charges against him through the school's official disciplinary process. You can do this yourself, or get together with a group of women and bring charges, or talk to a Dean and the campus police.
If he's not a member of the University community and it's a private school, then the campus police should be informed and he should be banned from campus (since it's private property). If you go to a public school you might be in a trickier situation, but you definitely should still talk to the campus police and a dean of student life (or equivalent authority figure) to make sure they know that this guy's actions are not acceptable and take the appropriate action to keep him away from campus.
If for some reason the relevant authority figures on campus know about the problem and haven't responded appropriately, go over their heads. Talk to a higher dean, and whoever is in charge of campus safety. Talk to the Vice President for Student Life, any "diversity" or "gender issues" authorities, etc. If there's a Women's Center, talk to them -- they might help suggest proper channels.
And if ALL of that doesn't work, talk to your parents (or the parents of other friends, if yours aren't supportive). Have them call the relevant people and demand to know why their daughter doesn't feel safe on campus. I know this sounds a little paternalistic, and it is... but the truth is that universities are motivated by money, and your parents are probably the ones paying tuition.
PS: I didn't mean for my last sentence to imply that your parents are paying your tuition necessarily (I know a lot of students find other ways to pay for school!), just that universities often pay more attention to parents because they assume that they are the ones footing the bill.
Also I agree with FrumiousB's comments above that you may need to seek legal help if the school is unresponsive. I'd try going through all the school's channels first, though, both because they are probably less stressful and expensive, and also because school officials might be reluctant to help you if you make them "look bad" by going public about the situation before making folks at the school aware of the problem.
Talking to media and petitioning alumni groups can certainly help publicize your case and make the school nervous if they're purposely ignoring you, though.
its not that the school doesn't do anything. They are responsive to it and they have told him multiple times that what he does in not acceptable behavior, although since it doesn't fall under what is considered against school policy all they can do is tell him to knock off the behavior. They did put a reprimand note in his file for the grabbing incident but anything else and they can't do anything other than talk to him
Parents are usually a great course of action when authority figures won't listen, not only because of age. In other instances of this type of stalking and harassment, unfortunately, I feel like a father's outrage would outweigh the words of his daughter, because it's a man talking to a (likely) male-dominated security force, and male-dominated security forces have a dreadful history of believing women who have been harassed or assaulted.
When I was in high school, a man known to all of us as "Mike the Pervert" called the pay phones around the campus, hoping to talk dirty to young girls. I'm not sure if the police ever made him stop.
If anyone has ever dealt with any kind of harassing behavior before, one knows that it is tremendously difficult to prosecute behavior that is not specifically violent. Harassment communications over the phone requires a smoking gun of a recorded conversation and a repeated pattern of offensive comments before any guilty verdict could be rendered. Otherwise, attaining an order of protection from someone requires speaking to a judge and having the judge agree that a clear threat to one's personal safety is inherent. That in and of itself is more a warning. A true restraining order requires legal proceedings.
It's not fair that one has to jump through all these hoops and still be no further to a resolution, but this is how the legal code is written.
1. Get together with the other women on campus and videotape the harassment. People don't liked to be photographed acting badly. Taking a picture switches the power back to you.
2. Gather proof of his behavior, keep a diary of his interactions with you and those around you.
3. Hand off copies of the records to the administration, to the news, to whomever will listen to you.
4. Don't be silent but don't be stupid. It sucks that you have to walk in groups but you are being smart by protecting yourself.
5. Goddamn it pisses me off that the onus is on you and your fellow female students to keep safe from that jerk.
6. Get your escorts to escort him around campus. Hey, if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. If he can follow women around then your escorts can follow him around. They don't have to touch him or say anything to him; they just have to shadow him around the campus. Also, it's a lot easier to follow one person.
I would do this. I would 100% absolutely do this. Pepper's ideas are good too, but I really like this.
I don't get how this isn't against school rules, though. It's harassment, period. I could understand if it was difficult to pursue in a legal way, but this is about the university's rules. Maybe they could be concerned about a lawsuit if they do something to him, but if that's the case, guess what- if one guy is doing this to a lot of girls, then all of you can bring a much bigger lawsuit threat to the school. The wording of the school's rules be damned, they have an overarching responsibility for safety and perception of safety on campus. You shouldn't have to work this hard to get them to put an end to this, but since you do, I'd wager this is the angle that will most likely work.
hey I like this idea. And yeah you're right it would be easier for them to follow him around instead of both of us. The problem is that they may not always know where he is exactly, whereas when we call and say we have to go some place, they know exactly where to find us, its not like he's going to like being followed around. Oh and I thought I said he was a student, he actually lives in the same dorm as I do.
If he lives in the same dorm, he's definitely more of a safety threat for you. Talk to your Hall director.
Sandra, that is brilliant.
I'm so cynical I imagine him getting press attention because of his "harassment" while his actions are never examined.
I had a (thankfully) less serious experience with stalking when I was in high school. A boy decided he liked me and though I told him I wasn't interested he continued to press the issue. He asked me for a hug, sent me a letter telling me that he loved me the day after I met him. In the scariest incident, he tracked down my friends to get them to pass on messages from him once my schedule changed and he couldn't find me anymore. I was utterly shocked- I didn't even realize when he saw me with those friends. I found it really scary that I was unaware that he was watching me and that someone could go to that extent.
He knew one of the classes on my schedule and used to sit in the class and stare at me the whole 45 minutes. In the end, I had to get the teacher from that class to tell him he couldn't sit in. I basically got the instructor on my side and it pretty much solved the problem. I agree with pepper- if you and your friends could get proof I'm sure that would help immensely. I know it's not always easy to get staff on your side and take you seriously but if at least one of them does then you could gain more solidarity in calling out this guy's behavior. I really hope this helps- it's the best advice I can give from my own experience.
Can you talk to the campus newspaper and have them do a story on him? Maybe, like the idea of videotaping above, the added attention will either embarrass him from stalking or would get the appropriate attention of the administration.
If that doesn't work, go seek legal advice. This guy is showing a pattern of sexual harassment. Let the administration know that you are informing them of his behavior and that if they continue to do nothing and another assault or sexual assault occurs, that they knew it was a possibility and they did nothing. They could get HAMMERED legally for their inaction.
Call the cops and repeat over and over and over and over and over. The university is only interested in its reputation you must every time call the cops. The university will likely try to hide any transgressions. Call the cops every last time you are harassed. Period end of story and tell every one else to do exactly the same thing. And may be try to find any past cases the university hid under the rug and bring them to the local police and newspapers.
Get a gun, or get a knife if that's legal where you are.
Thankfully, there is no such problem on my campus (there isn't even catcalling. it's sweet :), but I imagine that with our campus set up (similar to that of NYU, the campus is basically integrated in the city) it would be very difficult to deal with someone acting inappropriately that way. I mean, you can't ban someone from walking down the city streets.
I do think though that you should acquire w.e. the self-defense weapons you are legally able to, and complain to the university/the police in a formal fashion. I don't know what the set up of your campus is, or who the person doing the harassment is, but if there is record of harassment which the University was told about and failed to prevent they may be liable.
the university has done everything that they have to power to do under the circumstances. Its ironic that I posted this earlier because today he decided to grab my arm from behind. I used the opportunity to get back at him for all of the crap and sent my elbow straight into his face. He now has a black eye and because he assaulted me I can actually do something about it now. I'm so happy,have oh and the university is backing me up, because they have just been waiting for an excuse to kick this guy our of the resident halls. Which means he can't live on campus, or eat on campus either.
Outstanding. Good on you for standing up for yourself, and good on the university for backing you up!
(thunderous applause)
Good for you.
Lots of folks know self defense and get assaulted any way it's good but you must call for back up call the cops .Consistently every last bitter time.
PEPPER SPRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MACE is nice but it can seriously do some harm.
Guns and knives will also seriously fuck him up but they also require skill.
Pepper spray is not going to permanently hurt him but he will get the point, especially if he gets hit more than one in a day. As long as you don't chase him you will be acting in self defense.
I have actually gotten accidentally sprayed before and it isn't fun but it isn't killer so don't freak out if you get a little blow back. Just don't spray into the wind.
I agree and think it is absolutely disgusting that the school is doing nothing about this. At the least they should have slapped him with trespassing, assault, battery and/or brought him before the school disclipnary committee and had him expelled by now, the slapped him with trespassing if he continued to show up.
You not only make a good point about guns and knifes requiring skill, but if used to closely can also be taken away from the defender. Those sirens may also be useful and I would defiantly check up on taser stick/gun laws. Lately, I've become all out in support of laws allowing the carrying of tasers.
Not only is the school neglecting the well-being of it's population, it is also setting itself upto be quite possibly held criminally negligent and for a class action lawsuit, both of which they absolutely deserve (though I hope the criminally negligent thing doesn't come into play b/c it will probally mean that the stalker seriously escalated their harassment).
While this is certainly a valid option, I would stress the following regarding any sort of self defense weapon (including nonlethal weapons such as pepper spray and stun guns):
1) Familiarize yourself with the local laws regarding self defense.
2) If licensing is necessary, get the requisite license.
3) Get adequate training with the weapon you plan to carry.
I would never discourage anyone from arming themselves, but it really does pay to know what you're doing if you choose to pursue this course.
I do carry pepper spray, but there is only so much that that stuff can do, and I can't run that fast. So basically if it'll only disorient him for a few minutes its not going to do much good
I'm tempted to recommend this kind.
The cynical part of me says "Start a fund so he can hire an escort and get laid."
But we all know that wouldn't work.
I wish I was near your college; I'm 6'4" and ex-military. If I saw him grabbing another woman, I'd knock him the fuck out - and damn the legal consequences. A message needs to be sent to all the perverted scumbags who think it is acceptable to act like this.
thanks on my behalf and that of every woman who has been harassed by this guy. I agree completely, which is why his testicles went up to his neck today and his eye was blackened when he grabbed my arm. I can and do take care of myself when I have to, but he's still bigger than me and just because I got a few lucky shots this time around doesn't mean I am going to be so lucky next time. The head of res life is trying to get him kicked off campus, we'll see if it works
Good for you!
Please be on the alert. You said he focuses on all campus women but you may have just become target number one. He could be unstable enough to try to cause you real harm.
We are all here in your corner. Let us know if you ever need a good old fashioned snark down to energize you against him.
thanks, oh and I just wanted to let you know that its apparently like the most amazing thing to everyone on my campus that I stood up for myself. My nickname has always been something to do with my being so tiny and the fact that I am very girly, now everyone realizes that I really am more than just the girly girl who happens to have a brain. While the new nicknames are still along the lines of sexism, its no longer comments about my appearance, just the fact that I'm female and can kick some ass.
I love the idea of video taping him. I'd get together with women on campus who've got stories about him, put it together with the video and launch a publicity campaign against him. Take it to the school paper. Though this will shame him, the primary goal would be to embarrass the school into taking some action.
And I wouldn't be afraid to use that pepper spray against him. Getting sprayed is extremely unpleasant and he'll be more than just a little disoriented.
Also, I don't know what your school's "policy" is, but if they receive federal funds (in the U.S.) they are bound by title 9 and such, cannot legally allow sexual harassment to continue. If this guy is threatening women on campus and the school does nothing they are perpetuating an environment that is hostile to women and compromising women's right to equal access to education. There are a number of legal services available to students and I would definitely use them.
I understand that the situation has changed since your original post, but I am troubled by this statement: "Technically other than grabbing the girls he hasn't broken any of the universities rules."
ASSAULT is a pretty big "other than." When someone grabs you it is assualt, period. I agree with the posters who said you and everyone else need to call the police every time this guy touches you. Forget dealing with something like this within the framework of the university system. Call the police. If your campus has its own police force, and they are not doing something to stop this, forget them. Call the police department in the city where the campus is located. Go there in person (if necessary) and make a police report. EVERY TIME. This should get you results.
Yes I know and the university has written him up for it multiple times. However, under the state law, which functions above and beyond anything else, a university is not allowed to expel a student for assault unless that assault has resulted in detrimental harm. Because they can't get any of the girls (other than myself and one other) to actually testify against him in court, the police can't build a case against him, and for that reason the school could be sued by him and his parents if they expel him without enough justification. He is no longer allowed anywhere on campus except in his dormroom (he can't go anywhere else near the dorms, even if he has an actual reason to go over there, in the cafeteria, and in the buildings for his classes. All other areas are off limits to him and security has been told to remove him from any place that he is not allowed to be. Oh and the only police in the town is campus police. The town only exists to foster the development of the university, so the police force functions for the entire town. I make reports every time this guy does something, but that is not the point. I am pissed that I am not safe on my own campus leads to a bigger problem with a society that creates these men
Wait - he assaulted you and is still permitted to be in the SAME DORM AS YOU?!
I'm (not at all even remotely) sympathetic to the state's stated (ha) position on assault - however, I'm sure your university is not obligated to provide housing even if what they're claiming state law says about expulsion (I'm skeptical about that claim, I would get them to show you in writing where it says that, and hell, I'd call the local representative about this case, state unis need state money) they must AT least be able to force the dude out of uni housing.
At this point, screw being nice about it - I bet this is a story that can be spun nicely, against the university which is FAILING ALL OF THEIR STUDENTS. It is not your job to police this jackass. Your job is to do well in your classes.
I'm also a fan of the Inga Muscio approach to shaming abusive jerks. Having a group of people follow him shouting warnings to all and sundry that he is a seriously bad dude with serious issues that the university isn't doing anything about would probably feel good and do some good.
they are trying to get him kicked out. They can't do that until the hearing, which is next month. Until then they must let him stay on campus. Oh and my friends and I have been told to not go near him either. Which would make it very difficult for us to do that. However, we are being allowed to post general papers on all the doors stating that if you are being sexually harassed to go tell the head of res life so that it can be recorded. Which works too, I mean really the school is tiny. Everyone is going to know who they guy is that is being talked about
If your school is big enough find the feminist law student group and any faculty members involved in the group.
Find the closest lawyers guild for sexual violence and/or domestic violence in your area.
Somehow when lawyers get involved things tend to happen faster. Additionally, if there really is no legal recourse people with legal power need to know to change laws.
its not, its a very small very private science institute. There isn't even a woman's study course offered on campus. Which actually makes sense when you consider there are 6 guys to every girl on campus and 11 guys to every girl in campus housing
So I gather from the OP's comments that this guy is a student, not a townie? Hmm. That probably makes it harder to get rid of him, sadly. Most of the advice I had in mind still stands though:
-If your school newspaper has a write-in section, send in a piece about this bastard. You don't even necessarily need to name him, as it seems most students will know who you're referring to (not naming him may increase your chances for publication). Name his common hang-outs/stalking grounds, examples of his harassment, and a strong plea for reprimand/expulsion.
-Contact every member of the administration that you can. Dean, Associate Dean, President, people in Res. Life, whatever. Make them aware that this kid is making everyone uncomfortable.
-I really like the suggestion someone had above about recording him. If he starts spouting lascivious crap at you, ask him assertively, "could you repeat what you just said to me?" while whipping out a camera. That may send him running, at least for the moment.
Personally, I'd also probably start slipping pamphlets about sexual harassment under his door, or anonymous notes about how unacceptable his behavior is. But...that kinda depends on his demeanor. If you think that'd compel him to violence, obviously it's a bad idea.
It sounds to me like this guy has psychological problems and he probably needs to be committed. It's not normal to follow people around and harass them. He may be on the verge of a breakdown or already there. I'd be concerned abou this behaviour escalating.
last night he showed up at my door demanding to be let in so that he could come talk to me about "why I was so mean to him". I called campus police, who called my RA to come deal with him and to file a report. Apparently they are too busy to deal with this guy and they think that the RA's should handle him. My RA has filed yet another police report on my behalf. Then this morning he comes over and sits down at my table. I called for security and moved to another table. This guy won't stop. I seriously think he is going to end up raping someone before they are able to kick him off campus
Wow...just...wow.
They need to get rid of him NOW before he seriously hurts someone. He obviously has some major issues.
Reading about this situation freaks me the fuck out and makes me really angry. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this bullshit.
This is completely horrifying. It is clear to me that the school is NOT doing what they should be doing. How about making this public, and we can all be calling, faxing and emailing your school- putting pressure on them to deal with this guy?
I mean, for christ sakes- you called the POLICE and they called your RA???!!! This guy is STALKING and ASSAULTING students and they think the RA can handle it? This is totally unacceptable. Would you feel comfortable posting the name of your school so that we can do some action against this? That might really help- get some publicity and make the school look bad. If they don't care about their female students, maybe they will care about their reputation.
SO SORRY you are going through this, it's just unacceptable. I can't even BELIEVE he lives in your dorm!!! That is awful! Good for you for standing up for yourself. I do feel scared for you though, this guy is clearly dangerous.
I will only be comfortable with putting the schools name up here if you are willing to follow a pre written message that I type. I am a freshman and still have to attend the university for another four years. I don't want things to look badly upon me
You are not the one that is going to get a bad image from this, quite the opposite. The University needs to know that people expect it to keep its students safe from dangerous people.
At the minimum they should remove him from housing and attach a cop escort to him as long as he's on campus property. If he insists on acting in a criminal way, he should be treated in a criminal fashion.
I agree with the other posters, this will not reflect badly on you. I am particularly concerned about the callousness of your school given that it is a science institution and they have such a poorly balanced ratio between men and women. There seems to be a lot of institutionalized sexism there, and I wonder how well they are able to adequately counsel and support all of their students who are women if they're unable to address this situation without perpetuating this climate of fear. The approach this institution is taking can only serve to limit the number of women who feel comfortable on the campus.
This school seems like it is on the verge, if not long past it, of breaking several federal regulations concerning student safety, putting their federal funding at risk. Are they sending regular updates about the assaults (which is what any form of unwanted touching is) that are occurring on their property? If not, they're in violation of the Clery Act. And you can ask my alma mater what the cost of being in violation of that can add up to. Just google "EMU Clery Act."
Does your campus have a Safewalk (http://www.su.ualberta.ca/services_and_businesses/services/safewalk) program? If not, I'd reccommend you take your concern to your student government as they are often implement Safewalk programs, or they have the connections to help you communicate your concerns to the correct people. In the meantime, ask campus security to escort you; if you do not feel safe, it is their concern and it is their duty to assist you! I would reccommend against weaponry as they can be used against you, whereas you likely will be free from harrassment if you aren't alone.
sadly no. Oh and security refuses to escort me. So I have to call someone to come get me from my room and take me wherever I need to go. It really is not a good situation
What the fuck is WRONG with your school? Security won't even escort you? That is completely messed up. Did they have a reason as to why they wouldn't escort you anywhere? Oh my god...
yes they "have to police the entire town. We can't be responsible for following the every whim of individual students" and its really not the school so much as it is campus police. The head of res life tried to get them to give me an escort. I can't leave my room without someone coming over here and picking me up.
*facepalms* Holy Shite... your campus security=arses!
Still, go talk to the executive of your Student government about a Safewalk program, especially since their purpose is advocacy on students' behalf, and security is your concern, as their constituent, making it their concern too.
I don't think we have a student government.
oh and as far as face palm goes welcome to my world
Hi there,
I didn't mean that we would use your name, or allude to you. Just that we could contact the school saying that we have heard about a dangerous man on campus and the school is not responding adequately. I understand your worries though. What is the pre-written statement? Maybe that would work fine.
I mean really, what is the school waiting for, for him to rape and murder a bunch of women? And THEN they'll do something??? Sick.
What about organizing a march, or a rally? Putting up signs with his face on them? Signs that complain about your schools inaction?
It has come to my attention that several female students on your campus are being harassed by one individual. From what I have been told you are doing little to stop this harassment and stalking on the part of your students. Women on campus have a right to feel safe and you have a responsibility to provide that safety to them. I am not happy that these situations are occurring. Please remember that these young women go back and tell other students about what happens on their campuses. Do you really want someone to go and tell other people that they are not safe on your campus? I certainly would take that seriously and would not want to go to a school that was not protecting the students. There are federal laws stating that you cannot allow harassment to occur on your campus. You are in violation of those laws and I'm sure that the federal government would not be happy to hear about that. Please consider removing this student from your campus, or at least removing him from student housing and restricting where he is allowed to be when he does have to be on campus.
Sincerely,
concerned citizen
Your school should have a policy against harassment. This is completely unacceptable. The school needs to do something. If not, I think you and the other girls need to cause a big ruckus about it. Maybe send the story to your local newspaper or station. Most schools don't want bad publicity...
I think that is a GREAT statement! I would love to post it at my blog and at some other feminist blogs, and try to get some action going around this. I've been thinking of you over the weekend, and just feeling so awful for what you and others are going through. Would you feel comfortable telling us the name of your school?