I made a decision a while back to distance myself from me being transgender. I moved to a new city where no people knew my past, and since then have largely remained silent. The only people I told my secret to were in the LGBT community and mostly transgender people at that. And I thought living stealth was what I wanted, but it really handicaps speaking out on any transgender issue. Not least because of the fear of outing myself.
Don't get me wrong, I think that everyone can speak out on trans issues regardless of whether they are cisgender, genderqueer, transgender, or any other identity, stealth or otherwise. And I really think that allies and stealth trans people can make a positive difference in changing society's attitudes and tackling transphobia. But without trans people actually giving their experiences directly and having a degree of visibility, progress will surely be slow. And if society doesn't visibly see trans people, then it makes it harder to convince people that we are "normal" instead of whatever caricature a person believes.
And in the past I've attempted to give my experiences of being transgender, while avoiding attributing them to myself (along the lines of "I have a trans friend who..."). But all I've found is that this often results in me being dismissed as "not knowing what I'm talking about", particularly if it doesn't fit a trans stereotype.
Certainly I don't think it is a duty of trans people to educate, advocate, nor out ourselves in the process, and hope nothing I've written above is misinterpreted as such. It's absolutely a personal decision, and there obviously are personal costs to it.
But for me personally, I've come to the decision that I don't want to be silenced by my desire to remain stealth. I haven't quite figured out what that means yet, and am not quite sure the balance I want between being stealth and out. But I am now willing to out myself in at least some situations (not just online), if it helps educate, advocate or tackle transphobia.
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I have been glad to see this site spearhead trans concerns and am glad to see posts like yours.
I think when Harvey Milk implored LGBTs to come out, he was speaking as much to you as he was to anyone else. Duty is difficult to discern. I, personally, take the approach that since so few people of my own very small faith group, of my own sexual orientation, or of any other identity I claim take the time to educate others, then I ought to do it. If someone's got to do it, I will.
Your decision, of course, is purely yours to make. But I think it's good that you've recognized that staying silent and more or less invisible might not be the best way to fight intolerance.
Thanks for speaking out! I look forward to more of your thoughts.
I think it's important for transgendered people to speak about trans issues because I think it's hard for people to become aware of the problems when they can't see it or experience it themselves.
I too moved into a new area and started at a new university where nobody knew my trans history. I wanted to be stealth in the beginning because I wanted to come out MY way-- at my own pace, one-on-one with new friends and classmates. The last thing in the world I wanted was my gender identity and physical transition to be the subject of a group discussion on day 1. I wanted people to get to know me for me first and not as "the trans guy."
After a month I slowly started coming out and it's been a wonderful experience. Nearly all have been extremely surprised, reacting with comments like "I would never have guessed" or "Wow, I had no idea." It's important for me to show people that it is possible to know a transsexual without knowing that they know one. Now I can relax in conversations and not have to hide aspects of my past or come up with excuses to avoid events that would reveal my intersex body (swimming, saunas, etc.) or hold my breath with a bartender checks out my ID.
BTW spell check is not recognizing "intersex" as a word. Could that be changed, please?
I too moved into a new area and started at a new university where nobody knew my trans history. I wanted to be stealth in the beginning because I wanted to come out MY way-- at my own pace, one-on-one with new friends and classmates. The last thing in the world I wanted was my gender identity and physical transition to be the subject of a group discussion on day 1. I wanted people to get to know me for me first and not as "the trans guy."
After a month I slowly started coming out and it's been a wonderful experience. Nearly all have been extremely surprised, reacting with comments like "I would never have guessed" or "Wow, I had no idea." It's important for me to show people that it is possible to know a transsexual without knowing that they know one. Now I can relax in conversations and not have to hide aspects of my past or come up with excuses to avoid events that would reveal my intersex body (swimming, saunas, etc.) or hold my breath with a bartender checks out my ID.
BTW spell check is not recognizing "intersex" as a word. Could that be changed, please?