So for the past couple weeks I have felt pretty yucky. Nauseous, weak, tired, headaches and just all around not well. I hoped it would go away but finally decided to go to urgent care because I don't have insurance and couldn't just set up an appointment with a doctor. I went in and the nurse had me change into one of their awesome shirts that are open in the back. She left the room, and I waited for about 20 minutes and a male doctor came in. He was pretty condescending throughout the whole appointment, just being very matter of fact and treating and I felt that he was trivializing my illness since it wasn't any one major thing.
The real issue is this, he had me sit down on the table. He looked at my ears, nose, and eyes. He then grabbed the stethoscope and lifted up and went under my shirt and put it on my breast. Of course, my heart is under my breast and he had to hear that. But it was odd, he didn't tell me he was about to lift up my shirt-like every woman doctor I have had. And I almost felt that he lifted my shirt up just a little too high...so he could see. After that he had me lay down and unbutton my pants so he could feel my stomach. He poked around and said "are you sure its not a reaction to your belly button ring?" I said "uh...no..I have had it for about 6 years now." He said "yeah, I was just kidding." This "joke" from a man who had been non sympathetic and matter of fact the whole time. It made me feel very uncomfortable when he said that. Then, a nurse knocked on the door and my boyfriend was with her to come in. The doctor waved her away and just said "just let me finish up this exam with her." My boyfriend got an odd feeling from him by the look on his face, and the way that he said it.
Basically I felt that although the comments and actions were not blatantly inappropriate, they were unprofessional. I think that he as a male doctor should find it especially important to make sure the woman feels comfortable, because it is a pretty vulnerable and frightening place to be in, especially when some (many?) do take advantage. To joke about my piercing, go under my shirt with no alert, and to not allow my boyfriend in the room all seemed and felt very odd to me. Not only did I not figure out what is wrong with me, I now have to spend a crapload of money on a jerk that was not sympathetic in the least and made me feel uncomfortable. Does how I feel seem legitimate? And if so, should i do anything about it?
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Call his place of unemployment and express your disappointment in his actions. Tell them about how he made you feel. Most places want to know if their employees are going to cause a lawsuit. I've called to report bad doctors. Choosing action over inaction made me feel better.
He is a creep, and you absolutely should report him. Even just a phone call to his office of employment saying, "Look, I'm not giving you people $150 bucks for what amounted to far less than the standard of car for FLU SYMPTOMS (Especially right now!). I want you to know he made me extremely uncomfortable and was rough, callous and did not listen to my symptoms." At the very least, they might discount your services to avoid the law suit, and money is your pocket is always good.
And for the record, my female doctor usually goes down through the neck of my shirt (though I tend to wear slightly lower cut tops) and she puts the stethoscope slightly above my breast (not very well endowed, dunno if that makes a difference).
Here's where being your own advocate comes in. I know it's super scary, and I'm absolutely NOT blaming you for the way this went down. But you are 100%!!! within your right to have said, "Actually, Dr. Dickwad, I would like my boyfriend to be in here with me." And if he tried to shoot back with, "We're almost done" then you can shoot back, "Well then it shouldn't be a problem, now should it?" Granted, when you're not feeling well and someone is intimidating you this is all much easier said than done. I'm just hoping to give you a few lines in case you ever meet Dr. Dickwad again.
Don't ever second guess yourself - people who "lifted my shirt up just a little too high...so he could see" are intentionally sneaky so you have no concrete evidence and you can just tell yourself it was your imagination. Furthermore, if your boyfriend validated your concerns when he was only there for a split second, you now have evidence and a witness. Do not let this douche bag get away with mistreating you. Hell, I'll call and pretend to be you if you want me to.
Feel better! (Both emotionally and physically!)
Thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate the support! I am still on the fence about whether I will call or not...but your message really helped make me feel better :)
Just a couple thoughts, for what they are worth:
1) I am not a doctor (I am a lawyer, though), but from what I understand, most doctors have dealt with enough cadavers in med school that the body is pretty de-humanized. Could he still have been a pervert? I suppose. Could he have been looking to make sure he put the stethoscope in the right place? Maybe. If he were with a guy, he might have simply felt around for the right place. Or he may have asked the man to take off his shirt. With a woman that is not as much of an option, and "feeling around" is pretty problematic, so "looking" may have seemed the best option. Could he have warned you? Sure. Would that have made it better? Maybe (but not that he knows).
2) Being a lawyer, I try to be sensitive to the fact that discussions I have with client are PRIVILEGED. The privilege goes away if someone else is there. My client may not understand that, but I do. So, I try to protect that. And, doctors REALLY understand about privacy, giving all of the laws on it. Besides, had your boyfriend come in, and the doctor had said, "I think you are pregnant," that could have been VERY uncomfortable.
3) Finally, you might appreciate that he was uncomfortable too. It sounds like his bedside manner was not the best, or at least what you expected, and the joke fell flat. But, not being your "regular" doctor, if he is too friendly, he may come off as creepy, if he tries to put you at ease by joking, he may come off as if he does not care (or is making light of your condition), if he treats you in a very clinical manner (as he did with your heart rate), he may seem weird. What may work for you will not work for the next person; it is hard to "win" under those circumstances.
With all of us damn lawyers out here, I have some sympathy for doctors who have to deal with very personal aspects of people, but have to treat them impersonally. They have a difficult job.
Anyway, for what it is worth.
-Jut
Thanks for the viewpoint on the other side. The reason I did both posts was to hear both sides, and you provided that. The reason the stethoscope thing was an issue for me was because with every female doctor I have, they walk me through every single thing they do to me, and it felt odd that he didn't.
As far as the privilege goes, there weren't any tests taken or any information that would have been deemed inappropriate to share. I have had to go to urgent care a few times for different reasons, and have never heard any opposition to having my boyfriend in there with me, which is why it seemed odd as well.
Honestly, I understand how hard it must be for doctors. Especially male doctors that truly have good intentions. Throughout the appointment I just felt uncomfortable, due to his actions and the way that he talked to me. The joke just seemed odd since the whole rest of the session he didn't seem like he was capable of cracking a joke. I felt that I was in a vulnerable position, being sick, not having insurance, and being a woman in the care of a male doctor. I just expected more and even if it was not intentionally malicious, it wasn't a good way to treat a patient.
As far as the privilege goes, there weren't any tests taken or any information that would have been deemed inappropriate to share
Technical note here: "Privileged information" is your medical records and the data there. Confidentiality covers all doctor/patient interaction, whether it's data that goes in the record or not. Most doctors are very reluctant to let a significant other sit in because it compromises their ability to elicit information about possible abuse issues, STI risks from outside the relationship, etc.
I forgot a part of the story, so sorry for the confusion because I didn't give the proper information. I also told the nurse that my boyfriend would be coming in, and thought she would tell the doctor. I can understand if the doctor wasn't expecting it, but I presumed all that I told her she would pass on to him, since that is what they are supposed to do. I can see how sharing any information would be a difficult thing with someone else around. My issue was that I thought it was relayed to him and he still decided not to allow him in. After we had discussed pretty much everything that could have been deemed private. In this instance it seemed that it was his control issue, not my privacy issue.
In my opinion, it is not the doctor's decision whether someone gets to sit in or not. That is the patient's decision. If the doctor isn't ok with it, it is not a doctor I would like to be with. At the very least you could have requested to have the nurse present the whole time and he HAS to let that happen.
Honestly, if he made you feel that uncomfortable, it is worth calling and complaining about. I very strongly feel that medical professionals should explain, in detail, what they are doing in each procedure, from listening to one's heart to major surgery. It is part of their job. I do want you to know you have a right to ask questions and have another person (including a nurse, if you don't have a friend with you) stay in the room with you at all times. It is hard to do in the moment however, especially if you are in pain and intimidated. Doctors need to be conscious of this of course and tell patients their rights. Too many doctors do not have a good bedside manner.
Joan
I kind of agree with most of the comments above.
I've worked in hospitals in my past and there are a LOT of doctors that are very socially inept. Weirdly, as much as patients and other people in the hospital don't like them, they can still be good doctors in knowing the best and easiest ways to treat diseases. (Of course there are still great doctors with great bedside manners and horrible doctors that are horrible to patients, too.)
It seems as though most of your issue was with the doctor's bedside manner and you have every right to alert the office that the doctor might want to brush up on his social skills when dealing with patients. He might have even thought that making the stupid joke would put you more at ease and not have realized it just made him creepier.
It does sound like this doctor should be less brusque when conducting exams, and it would not be out of line of you to inform the office of that.
Of course your feelings are legitimate. If you felt creeped out, then you were creeped out. Being a doctor does not exclude being a creep.
About the belly piercing - I have a pierced nose, and sometimes I dye my hair dramatically. My nose ring is really small, and my hair color is not that radical - some variant of red that is clearly not natural, but not hot pink, either. People say the dumbest things about both thinking that they are funny. Really they are being slightly snide. I suspect that your doc is one of these people who is under the misbegotten impression that making stupid jokes makes them hip. And, he's a creep.
If you were uncomfortable about it, then it's a problem. I agree with the comments above that you should report his unprofessional behavior--but I don't think you should phone! Write a letter. One complaint like this is not going to get him in serious trouble. (It's not like he amputated the wrong leg, or didn't notice you had smallpox.) Maybe the clinic will make him take Remedial Bedside Manner. But if this doctor has been creepy and unprofessional to lots of patients over the years, you want the complaints to pile up in his permanent record.
I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your doctor. That said, as far as I know (and in my experience), it's not necessarily standard exam practice to announce stethoscope-related procedures in advance. You might want to tell the doctor in a note that it made you uncomfortable, but to my knowledge there's no violation of protocol or policy.
Not allowing a third party in the room is also standard procedure, as it compromises confidentiality and risks inhibiting patient disclosure. A few doctors may allow it, but it's well outside standard practice. For a minor/incapacitated patient, or for a long-established patient who's facing something unpleasant, it's different, but ordinarily it's frowned upon.
Not allowing a third party in the room is also standard procedure, as it compromises confidentiality and risks inhibiting patient disclosure. A few doctors may allow it, but it's well outside standard practice.
I have seen quite a few doctors in my adult life. Primary care and specialists. Doctors who knew me well, those I was meeting for the first time, and some I saw for urgent care who only expected to see me once. They ALL allowed a third party in the exam room, at the patient's request, when there was not a direct medical need to keep them out (except if they were doing something like surgery or an MRI.) They asked if I wanted the person to stay with me during the exam, and I said yes or no, depending on what kind of exam it was, and who the person was.
It can inhibit patient disclosure (particularly about abuse) to have a third person in the exam room. I've known several doctors who dealt with that problem by letting me have my friend or relative with me during the exam, when I asked for that, then asking for a few minutes of private conversation after I got dressed.
At the very least, he seems like he could certainly use some sensitivity training. Some doctors are dicks, and they think they don't need to work on it because they are doctors and they've gone to school for a zillion years.
Are you sure the belly button piercing question was a joke? I did a little googling and I've heard that belly button piercings in particular can cause some pretty nasty infections, not all of which are localized. I don't know if that could cause your syptoms, but if the doctor had no way of knowing how long you'd had your piercing it could be a valid question.
I told him I had it for about 6 years, and he said "yeah, I was just joking."
This is so fucking confusing! Because he should have just said, "Oh because they have been known to cause nasty infections" and left it at that. So like, he's weird and distant, and then he asks you a question and suddenly he's joking? Whenever my doctors have asked me a weird question, they usually just say "sorry, had to ask" and leave it at that.
Sorry. I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around how that could be funny.
Your doctor was awkward and douchey. I'm sorry, and I encourage you to make a complaint.
if you feel uncomfortable with what a doctor's done then you NEED to report it. Chances are he's done this before and will do it again. If for no other reason report him so that other women do not have to deal with this him. A doctor has a responsibility to make sure their patients are comfortable. If a male doctor doesn't feel comfortable treating female patients then he should go into a branch of medicine that he doesn't have to deal with female patients
I have had similar experiences in the doctor's office as well. When I was around 14, I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I had to see a colorectal specialist, and upon the first time meeting him (my Mom came with me to the room), he had a male medical student with him. He cut his intro short, I'm not sure if he even said anything, and basically said to kneel down and pull my pants down for an exam (With Crohn's disease, it can affect your rectal region, and that's where my symptoms were).
So basically, my first time meeting this doctor, I had to have an anascope exam, where that area of my body was examined. He didn't do anything to make me feel more comfortable, and his disregard for my comfort level was even more scarring. It was EXTREMELY dehumanizing, embarassing... and to this day has been somewhat scarring (I can't even remember all of the details).
Luckily, my Mom was in the room and stood up for me and said, "That male medical student needs to leave," before the exam was performed. I am not a lawyer, but I wonder if it is a legal requirement of some sort to have a female nurse present (if requested??). I know my Mom, who is a nursepractitioner, has mentioned this to me... that with my gastrointerologist (who is male), I should have a female nurse present.
I understand breeching confidentiality or whatever, but if the doctor needed to tell you something that he didn't want your SO to hear, there are other ways he could have handled it. If you gave your boyfriend permission to be in the room with you, it was inappropriate for the doctor to awkwardly forbid him to enter the room...
I've just started med school (woo hoo, five weeks in!) and I know that if we don't ask a patient (well, fake, standardized patient) if it was okay to lift up their shirt, we'd get in trouble--female OR male.
Agree with most of the comments. this doctor was at best, an unprofessional creep.
And as for not allowing someone to sit in, confidentiality rests on the patient's consent. The OP clearly *wanted* her boyfriend to sit in -if she was being abused, or had anything else she didn't want him to know, she would have said so.