Of late, there has been a lot of coverage on celebrities who have publicly been in a domestic dispute. The trend has been quite disturbing. I've blogged about why this is damaging and how hurtful, as a victim of domestic abuse, it is to see the victim perpetually blamed for the attack.
What do you think? Is this something I'm imagining? Should women do more to avoid being abused, raped, beaten? I don't think so. Whether we are at home and hurt behind closed doors, whether the woman is just a victim of a "war crime", or if she's a famous figure and choked in plan view; it's always the victim's fault.
Here's my post on that, it's a bit passionate, but this is something very close to my heart.
With all the steps forward our society has taken, it is still fun and politically correct to laugh at someone that has been beaten, who has been publicly humiliated, who is now subject to derision and late night humor. How did this happen? Why is this okay?
Women are murdered and the press asks "what did she do, who were her friends?" Why is her death somehow her responsibility? How can she still be faulted? She's not even here to defend herself, and the press treats the crime as if she could have somehow avoided it.
This is what I freaking hate so much: the notion that we, as women, can somehow avoid being abused if we "do the right thing". Go to the right school, don't sleep around, have popular friends, come from an un-broken home. We should be able to look around and identify, at first sight, that our future high school boyfriend will someday grab our neck and choke us until we pass out, and avoid him at all costs. It is our responsibility to remain un-abused; it is not the abusers fault, because we should have known. And if we are slutty, bitchy, bi sexual, lesbian, wear tight clothing; well we are just asking for it, we deserve it.
Young women are being taught that if they make the right choices, they work hard and be who society wants them to be, that they'll avoid abuse, violence, rape and this kind of suffering. We are breeding ignorance! Enough!
Women who are victims of violence somehow deserve to be there, and they laugh at our suffering. For viewers that have endured the shame, hurt and humiliation, this is just another roadblock in front of healing. The problem is, this perpetuates the cycle. When will it end? There are people just dying to know.
-Sophia
[This is crossposted at http://womenundefined.blogspot.com]
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"Should women do more to avoid being abused, raped, beaten?"
Always a tricky question, since while there may well be things we can do, there shouldn't be a need to do them. That's true of any crime, really. Should I lock my doors at night? Sure, it'll help prevent break-ins, but ideally that wouldn't be a concern.
I hope I've never implied that staying safe was simply a matter of taking the right class, or reading the right article, or avoiding the wrong section of town. However, I do know that there is a way to reduce the likelihood of being a victim of abuse or domestic violence. And I do know, based on my own personal experiences, that women who recognize that their own self-worth doesn't depend on male validation or male attention are less likely to find themselves in bad situations.
If only it were that simple for all of us. Had I been able to take a class in school that would have taken the place of all the lessons I've learned the hard way, I know I would have done it. All we can do is continue to speak out, continue to provide a healthy alternative to the status quo, and continue to refuse to place ourselves in situations that are not in our best interest, nor healthy for us.
The responsibility is often placed upon the shoulders of women because the implication is that there will always be those who are violent and there will always be those who are inclined to assault women. Addressing those root concerns speak to matters like socio-economic inequality, childhood abuse, substance abuse, mental illness, and income disparity, among others, which have no easy answers. Sometimes people aim to fix the easiest issue before them rather than tackle the most complex matter on the table, and this is why people put that weight upon women rather than on their attackers.
What happens when we as women act like society wants us to and get abused??? Huh?? What then??
"You must have done something wrong..."
Enough of this societal standards bs. I'm gonna act how I want to act and you're not gonna blame me for someone else's choices!!