I'll just come right out and say it: I was raped.
Eight months ago, I was raped by my ex-boyfriend, and I have spent eight months in complete denial. I struggled with it every day -- nightmares, flashbacks, and other psychological problems afflicted me. Yet I still couldn't identify it for what it was: rape.
I think that's partially because of my ignorance. Even though I consider myself to be a feminist, and I KNOW that rape is not usually done by a stranger in a dark alley, I still couldn't believe that what happened to me was rape.
But I couldn't ignore my problems any longer. Two days ago, I went to the sexual assault counseling program at my college. And that very same day, I reported my rape to the police.
It happened so suddenly. One minute I was talking to a counselor, and the next minute she was suggested that I make a confidential report. And then I said, no, I think I want to report it to the police.
It came as a shock to everyone involved, including me. But I was firm in my decision, and when the detective walked through the door, I gave my story without any doubts.
Reporting is a personal decision, and I understand very well the desire not to report. I spent eight months not wanting to report. But let me tell you that for me, reporting was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. I felt SO MUCH BETTER afterward -- as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
It was also one of the hardest decisions I ever made: talking to the police and the detective and having to answer their questions was horrible and traumatic. But afterward? It felt RIGHT. It felt like something I should have done all along.
I guess what I just want to say is that reporting a rape is incredibly difficult, and sometimes it's just not the right choice for a particular person. But if you think that it might be the right choice for you, at any point in time, by all means, do it. Maybe you're not ready yet. I know that feeling. I waited eight months before I was ready. But it's never too late.
And it's worth it.
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Good work and good luck in court.Be ready it ain't easy.
Just popping in to pass on support! Whether or not you decide to press charges (and believe me, I also think that's a very personal decision; my legal training plus reading Feministing has taught me how much shit women have to go through in rape cases), it's great that you were able to report because it was a significant choice for you and it sounds like it's aiding your healing process. Congratulations :-)
I am glad that you decided to do what you felt was best for you in your particular situation and that you are feeling better after having reported it. I feel that it it even more difficult to report when the perp is someone that you know...good luck.
Thank you so much for going to the police. I don't know if I would have the strength to do so myself. You have a hard road ahead of you. Best of luck.
Good for you. I hope your courageous act inspires other women to respond in kind.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. No woman should have to go through this. Know that you are no less than you were before and that no matter what anyone says this is in no way your fault. There is no excuse for the things that were done to you. Thank you for having the courage to report your assault to the authorities. If you ever need an ear, I can guarantee that we are all here for you. Court is not easy for rape victims and since you do not have a rape kit getting a conviction is going to be hell. The case will be trying and you should ask for a referral to go see a psychologist who specializes in rape counseling. You are a survivor now, and calling yourself one is one of the most empowering things you can do. Good luck to you.
I think you are extremely courageous, and I am so glad you reported it and are feeling better. Sending lots of support!!