My fiancee used to be like that. What got him to change was taking it slow- not pushing it or telling him that's being anti-woman. Simply take each issue at hand when it pops up, and explain why you oppose his behavior. Also make sure he listen to you about how women are treated, pull up some stats if you have to. Maybe watch a few documentaries.

If he doesn't show any sign of change in 2 months, my advice is to dump him. But it's your relationship, so do whatever you think is best for you.

Good for you for wanting to share your beliefs with your boyfriend. If being a feminist is an important part of who you are (and it sounds like it is!), then it's important that your boyfriend understands and respects your opinions and views, even if he doesn't agree with all of them.

Obviously every relationship has a unique dynamic, so I can't tell you exactly how to approach the issue. Based on my experiences, though, I'd suggest the following:

As for the language issues (using "rape" and "faggot" in ways that upset you), I'd confront him about that when you two are alone, rather than if he's with a bunch of friends who are joking around. I might say something like, "Hey, I've been meaning to say something to you about this for a while. I know a lot of people use the word 'faggot' to insult each other, and I've heard you say it. I want you to understand why that word upsets me." Then go can go on to explain to him why it upsets you -- because the word is used to insult gay people, because it perpetuates homophobia, because it even oppresses straight guys who don't fit a narrow gender role, etc. You can have a similar conversation about why the word "rape" shouldn't be used lightly. You can look through the archives here or do a quick google search to find a lot of discussion about how to approach these topics, why people might be resistant to changing their habits, etc. It might take your boyfriend a while to break the habit, but if he really respects you, he'll try to understand and make an effort.

As for thinking women making out is hot... a lot of guys find this arousing, and I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that (hell, I'm a woman and I think two guys making out is hot...). What you could try to explain to him, though, is that queer women don't exist and act for his benefit. Their sexuality is for them to determine and act on, and if he's aroused by it, fine, but you can educate him about some stereotypes about queer / lesbian / bisexual women. You can help him be careful not to exoticize queer women, not assume that bisexual girls are just "looking for attention" or "can't make up their mind," that women need a man to be sexual and that lesbian sex is therefore "missing something," etc.

Hearing you suddenly speak up and criticize some of his habits and beliefs may be tough for your boyfriend. If he's a guy worth keeping around, he'll listen to you, try to understand where you're coming from, and respect your requests. He might not be perfect or change all at once, and you might have to have a number of conversations with him over time... but if you find yourself feeling like he just doesn't get it or doesn't respect where you're coming from, it might be time to move on. Good luck!!

I'm 19 and have been dating my boy (I'm hetero) for about the same amount of time - and have had a couple conversations like this with him (though he was pretty much a feminist except in name to begin with). We all need to check our privilege (whether it comes from class, gender, sexuality, ableness, etc) from time to time.

And I second all of what Lily A said. Finding something arousing is not bad - I, too, think guys making out is teh hawt - but he needs to understand that women's sexuality is not for the benefit of men, particularly when they are bi/queer/lesbian.

I would also add that you try to discuss these issues when you are not "infuriated" - no one likes being excoriated and having lots of negative emotion thrown at them (especially when you're calling them on their privilege, as you will be doing with your boy).

Maybe it would help to just talk about sexism when it's on your mind, as if you simply expect him to agree. I do this with my boyfriend a lot (although he's pretty feminist)... if I see some really sexist advertisement, or get catcalled on the street, or hear about women's oppression in a news story, I vent my annoyance to him in the same way I do if there's no cookies & cream ice cream in the store or I get a bad grade on an essay. If nothing else, this can let a person know where you stand without making it some big intimidating conversation. I also find that if casually presented with specific examples of sexism, people tend to "get it" in a way they might not if asked about more abstract concepts.

I agree that calling him out in front of people is probably not the best way to handle it, but that an honest conversation in private might open his eyes a bit. In my experience, most people who use that language don't really understand its context in a bigger picture. Once they do, however, they tend to want to stop using it. If someone is not a homophobe or a rape apologist, they usually don't want to present that way!

If you talk to him and he seems like he gets it, remember that it might still take some time to eliminate the language completely. If it's part of his vernacular, it will take a concerted effort on his part to replace it with what he actually wants to say. If you see no change in his behavior, consider your next steps. You have options, like more communication, education efforts (I really like the documentary idea!)placing specific boundaries and expectations, taking a break, or moving on. (Among a lot of others...)

Relationships are rarely easy. When a fundamental piece of yourself is being challenged by a partner, they're even harder. Just make sure you continue checking in with yourself and asking whether the relationship is providing you with what you need and want- and kudos for obviously already doing that!

I'll be honest. I tend to avoid men like that at all cost. He has to be receptive to changing his ways or entertaining an alternate point of view before anything you say to will make so much as a dent. I don't know the whole situation, so I won't even speculate beyond that. I hope he's the type that really listens and doesn't just react, otherwise you may be wasting your time.

Those who have posted before me have said it better than I ever could. :)