This post is going to be a little scattered and wonky so hold onto your hats!
I have a job which allows me to frequently communicate with teenagers. This means the topic of conversation often leads to sex. Teenagers have to figure out their sexuality and stay safe and process a whole lot of information to do so. Sometimes I might be the only adult in their lives that they feel safe enough to ask their sex questions. Their parents might just tell them to never, ever do it or to make sure to use birth control. This is fairly inadequate but an improvement on the sex education that I received. It does nothing to address sexual pleasure or issues of consent.
Anyway, the topic of penis size came up and the comment was made that the reason the girl had bad sex was that the guy had a small penis. I cringed at this remark but I simply did not know how to answer it. I later kicked myself for not saying that penis size doesn't matter and good sex is not based on that. Of course, this sort of conversation would make a lot of co-workers uncomfortable. And I have to admit it makes me uncomfortable to say that to impressionable youths, even though it's completely true.
But my discomfort with teenagers is not the reason I wanted to post here. I often fear that denigrating men based on their penis size may be one of the most pervasive anti-feminist things that people say. It reinforces the idea that everything revolves around the mighty peen. And it gives an easy, neat way to insult a man, just like calling a woman a whore or a slut. There are so many terrible stereotypes reinforced by the penis myth: Sexual pleasure is a male responsibility and sex with a guy with a huge penis will always be great. The reality is that great sex can happen in the absence of a penis and a really big penis leads to pain rather than pleasure.
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Total agreement.
I read "Nisa" this summer - an awesome, beautiful book about a Kung tribe woman. Among other fascinating cultural differences between the Kung and Europeans is that they have the opposite prejudice about penis size - large is considered bad. The same applies to women - large labia are considered bad. There are a few moments when Nisa is playfully teased as "Nisa-big-genitals", and she also affirms, when asked, that having sex with a man with a large penis is painful. In general, the Kung standard for male attractiveness is very different from our own: slimness is valued along with physical prowess, and a small penis is considered good.
This is just to say that the small-penis prejudice is very cultural.
I definitely think you have to be careful in talking to teenagers about this, since it is such a tense topic in our society (not that it should be). What complicates it further is that there IS a difference between large and small penises in bed; not that bigger is always better like our culture would like us to believe, but still, the experience is different.
I think something good to talk about with teens would be society's PIV obsession. There are other types of sex, like oral, where penis size really doesn't matter at all, that can be as good or better than PIV intercourse; a main reason we are so fixated on size is because PIV is commonly portrayed as the "ultimate" sex, others relegated to statuses of lesser importance. If we were to accept this, I believe the problem would be halfway solved.
I think the problem is how important it's supposed to be, specifically in "making men insecure" and how god forbid we should ever do that. Well, too bad if it does happen. Sure you can have sex without a big penis. You can also get off without another person there altogether. That should not be the point. Why do we, as women, constantly assume responsibility for "not making men feel bad", about their dicks or anything else? They sure don't return the favour much. I don't care about their insecurities. It's their problem. They can stare in the mirror all day for all I care and I will just laugh.
i totally agree with you dominique
Hear hear!
right, because when someone else does something that we think is unacceptable, that makes it okay for us to do the same. /sarcasm.
the level of generalizing in your post is disgusting.
i agree with the general sentiment of the OP.
A girl was told that the reason she has bad sex is that her partner's penis is too small. This kind of thinking reinforces the idea that the penis is the center and cause of sexual pleasure. Maybe her bad sex experiences have nothing to do with penis size. And not being wrapped up in penis size isn't about not making men feel insecure. It's about not reinforcing patriarchy and an obseesion with the penis as the be all end all of sexual pleasure.
"I don't care about their insecurities. It's their problem. They can stare in the mirror all day for all I care and I will just laugh."
The same can be said of women and the insecurities placed on us by patriarchy, afterall they come from the same place. Just because women are made insecure does not mean it is justified to make men feel insecure about their natural bodies. STOP SHAMING PEOPLE FOR THEIR NATURAL BODIES, MALE OR FEMALE. The association of penis size with masculinity is dangerous and unhealthy all around.
Maybe his penis size is the problem, but to jump to that conclusion is a little bit beyond messed up. Maybe she wants a bigger size to be satisfied,but to suggest that the emphasis placed on size isn't detrimental is problematic. It is no different than that placed on breast/waist/clitoris/labia size. They all come from the same pkace and are all played up and reinforced in pop culture.
So, because a few male individuals have made you feel bad about your body, it's OK for you to insult the bodies of men?
Sounds like hypocritical bullshit to me.
Er, it's kinda funny that you are calling somebody hypocritical when I distinctly remember you semi-gloating about partaking in the download of Erin Andrew's video.
You know, the one that was taken without her consent? The one where some intruder decided to put HER body on display? The one that is yet just another reminder of the wanton shaming and humiliation that so often accompanies the objectification of women?
This probably isn't the most responsible response to dealing with body issues regarding sex and fighting negative stereotypes for feminists. That being said, I think a number of us can relate to where you're coming from. At the end of the day, I don't really feel like men have a large burden placed on them in regards to physical expectations. Most men regard their peen very highly, small, medium, or large and I do not pity them.
And isnt it the guys who perpetuate the obsession with their size anyways?
Yes, just like there are a lot of women who perpetuate the "ideal body type" onto other women by dieting and exercising excessively and then criticizing women who do not do the same. It is not just men who make women feel like they are inadequate when it comes to their bodies and I would even argue that women do it more to each other than anyone. Does that mean it is not an issue? No.
If we lived in a society were we were seeing big erect dicks everywhere I'd agree with the OP but we don't. I'm sick of women always having to take the moral high ground. Most hetro women do prefer big dicks and we shouldn't be shouldn't be shamed or made to feel we're making men feel insecure when we admit it.
And those teenage boys worried about their dick size are probably watching porn and have unrealistic expectations of what women should look like, so if they feel insecure because women may also have unrealistic expectations of what mens bodies look like I find it hard to care,tbh.
Hope I haven't missed the point you were trying to make, OP. I'm a bit tipsy.
"Most hetro women do prefer big dicks and we shouldn't be shouldn't be shamed or made to feel we're making men feel insecure when we admit it."
if a hetero man were to say that he prefers big breasts and a small waist on a woman, would you also defend his right to say it without having to worry about making women feel insecure?
just curious...
Visibility- am afraid I am gonna agree with pinkypink on this.
Men have and do seem to have the "right" to critisize my (and other women's bodies) in or out of bed. And yet I would be seriously cstigated for critisizing their bodies or sexual performace...indeed, I have been. I am heartily sick of taking responsibility for my comments and "taking the high" ground, when they don't.
And that is another anti-woman trap...that the woman always takes the high ground and doesn't say what she really feels...be it good or bad. Whatever happened to total honesty??
And as for bigger penises being better or not. We are not talking about aesthetics here.....we are talking about how it affects a woman's sexual responses. And for me - absolutely...bigger is usually better. It hits my g-spot more effectively. And I am sure many other women will agree. Perhaps not all of them...but I suspect there are many more our there than they will admit.
And they won't admit to it, again because of being trapped into "taking the higher" ground and not being honest with themselves or their partners.
Bigger is better for me too...Granted I've only been with two guys, but the one night stand with the bigger penis was better than the bf of two years...for a number of reasons, but one of them was size. Sometimes bigger can be a bit painful or uncomfortable at first (or always) for some people...it's all about personal preference and comfort level.
I think there is too much emphasis on penises in general and the idea that men need to have big ones. But if individuals and their partner(s) are satisfied, it doesn't really matter. As a woman, I cannot attest to how much stuff there really is out there telling men that they need to have bigger penises, but from my pov, there is still much more (advertising, media, etc) aimed at making women think that they have to be thin, young, sexy, etc.
Count me in with the big penis lovers, for the same reason as you. Gets that g-spot mighty nice.
That said, there are things smaller penises can do that big ones can't. There are a ton of positions I can't do with a guy with a large penis because they hurt; smaller penises are better for acrobatic sex. Hell, even missionary hurts sometimes with a big penis and I have to tell the guy to stop. Small penises are easier to fit in my mouth/I don't choke on them.
I think the lessons to take from this discussion are
1) That people will like different things and that's okay, but no one should ever assume that a preference is universal. I.e., it's fine to say, "I only like big penises," but not "WOMEN only like big penises.
2) People perceive positive and negative things we can associate with every body part in all of its forms. We have to learn to look at body parts not with regard to what they are lacking, but with regard to what they can offer us. Again, as I said above, there are things big penises are not good for.
3) NO SHAME. Shaming anyone for their body is wrong, period.
Actually I think we would have to defend such a view since feministing has repeatedly and consistently said it's ok to be attracted to whatever body type you like. It's ok to only be attracted to thin people for example, regardless of your own size. It's ok to have high standards with looks.
This has always been the position here, and so how can you say that a man isn't allowed to say that? Of course he is. Now if he disrespects women who don't meet that standard it is different, but men are allowed to be attracted to whoever they want, just as women are.
Probally watching porn? WTF? You do not have to watch porn to get the message that big dicks= masculinity and the ability to provide pleasure. Hell, that ca befound everywhere in pop culture and is not so thinly veiled.
Plus in this post someone automatically assumes that the source of bad sx is small penis size. That shows a phallic-centric mode of thinking as well as limit on creative thinking when it comes to sex. Maybe his size is the problem, but being made uneasy about that comment doesn't mean the OP writter is oh so scared of hurting the mens.
Actually, in forums, I've read some comments from men who started watching porn very early who said that they felt that the exaggerated penis sizes depicted did effect them negatively in terms of body image.
Other than anecdote, I'm not sure of how prevalent the thinking is, but if guys were already feeling insecure before watching porn, I can't see porn really helping in this regard.
I'm sure porn does affect penis-size view but it sure as hell isn't the only way men receive the message that bigger is better and masculinity is tied up in penis size. They only need watch a PG-13 movie to get that message.
Plus the post I replied too assumed that most boys/men with size insecurity watch porn and therefore it is justifiable not to care about those insecurities. BS. To suggest that that message comes only, or even mostly from porn requires blinders.
Any penis that has developed normally (the person doesn't have a condition like micropenis) is sufficient to give me pleasure. I've been with a range of shapes and sizes, and the correlation with size and quality of sex isn't there. My best sexual experiences have been a guy who's strictly average in size.
The important thing to stress is that even if the guy is huge, most girls aren't going to get off on thrusting alone. I'll take a guy with a small penis and some talented hands over a guy packing a trojan magnum and nothing else anyday.
Wow, a couple of posts up above were rather disturbing, especially on a feminist site. I had to double check to make sure I wasn't reading youtube comments.
Men and women face tremendous pressure to exhibit traits that often differentiate men from women - for women, large breasts and soft facial features and curvy hips, and for men, large penis size, masculine faces, and toned muscles. Men's masculinity is often linked to his penis size, just as a woman's femininity is often linked to her breast size. And it's all nonsense worthy of challenging.
In contrast to the nonsense expressed by dominque/pinky/sweetpea above, I think it is quite important to be enouraging and empathetic regarding people's dissatisfaction and worry about their bodies. This includes women being sensitive to the pressures men face, and women being sensitive to the pressures men face.
Tanya, you might find this helpful. We conducted and published a study of over 60,000 men and women on sex and body image, and included questions on penis size. Overall, 1/2 of men wanted to be larger.
But 9/10 women were "very satisfied" with their partner's penis size, if they rated their partner average or above average. The bad news for guys was that only 30% were satisfied if they rated their partner smaller than average. The good news for men is only 6% of women rated their partner smaller than average.
So I think your teens will find that reassuring. That said, I think it is also important to emphasize variability in preferences. Some women prefer large penises, and that is totally fine. Some women don't, and that is totally fine. We all have our own sets of experiences and preferences. But their are thousands of ways to experience pleasure with your partner, from oral sex to vibrating gizmos to massage. Above all, I'd hope people would be encouraging and complimentary and enthusiastic about the things that they find attractive about their partner.
I admit I was a little disgusted by the callous "some men haven't made me feel good about women's bodies, so why should I care about men's experiences"? Because people can't be reduced the groups they belong too, and you should respect the dignity and self-worth and feelings of each individual. The feminism I believe in challenges the restrictive gender roles that both men and women are forced into rather than diminishing the experiences and challenges faced.
Completely true and well-written to boot.
Props.
"a really big penis leads to pain rather than pleasure."
Not always....
Agreed!
The ikkin loves some big D up in her vadge.
Among other things.
Hear, hear, Endersgames.
I'm bisexual and have had a fair number of lovers. Almost none of whom, male or female, have been without body issues, no matter how much they conformed to societal standards for masculine or feminine beauty/attributes. Sex with my current boyfriend is by far the best I've ever had--and he has a small-to-average penis, frequent erectile problems due to lousy circulation, and was a virgin until his early thirties, when he met me. All things liable to give the average guy major hangups about his masculinity... he's not the average guy, though, and the beautiful thing is not only that it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me, but that it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to him. Society simply isn't there in the room when we're making love. And that doesn't just free him up, it frees me up, because someone who accepts their own idiosyncracies is far more likely to accept yours.
That goes for personal relationships, but it also applies to the world at large. Gender stereotypes and the insecurities they create hurt everybody.
I also wish Tanya could tell her teens that women come in different sizes too, and that what's heaven for one can be hell for another. Visually, I may find big dicks exciting. But I DON'T find it exciting when I have to stop sex because my partner is hurting me in a non-erotic way or making me gag, and that's happened a lot with larger guys no matter how careful they were trying to be.
This is interesting. I'd like to think that this could be an area of common ground and understanding about what objectification really means, and how objectification is generally disempowering instead of the tired lies that sexual objects are net beneficiaries of power.
Of course we need to challenge men's issues as we do women's body issues.
But what would help? As another poster sort of mentioned, it's not like there is a barrage of advertising depicted large penises as the ideal. It's not like women generally stand around on street corners grabbing men's crotches or asking how big they are. Of course people can learn to be sensitive with their intimate partners but I suspect that the conversation needs to go beyond this.
I'd like to hear from more men about this issue. For anyone who's interested there was a video on youtube with men discussing how racial stereotypes about penis size were hurtful and unfair---I found that to be really helpful as a place to start.
"But what would help? As another poster sort of mentioned, it's not like there is a barrage of advertising depicted large penises as the ideal."
It's interesting that you say that - perhaps you don't notice it as much because the message isn't targeted to you? As a guy, it's pretty obvious to me that this message that big = better = masculine is reinforced frequently.
Every single issue of Maxim has at least 2 full page ads selling penis enlargement pills, declaring how they will make you 3-4 inches bigger and how happy your girlfriend will be.
I get the LA times, and every issue has ads for penis enlargement pills or surgery in the sports section, where men are likely to read. Commercials for enzyte and other penis enhancement drugs are quite noticeable on TV. And anyone with an email address is familiar with spam for penis enlargement pills that promise to give your partner what she really needs and desires.
Cultural references abound. Not just from TV shows like Hung. Porn shows women constantly expressing delight at men with giant penises, and reinforce that big = masculine = necessary to thrill women sexually. Jokes on TV reference penis size. If you want to insult a man, holding up a pinky to indicate he is small and slender is a trump card. Ads play off the phrase "size matters" frequently. Cosmo had an article profiling a man with a 10 inch penis, which was largely him sharing what a wonderful experience it was for him to have what all men desire.
I think that the different experiences and pressures the other sex faces are not always readily apparent when to us when we aren't the target of those pressures.
It's interesting that you say that - perhaps you don't notice it as much because the message isn't targeted to you?
I was unclear. Penis enhancement ads are clearly problematic. But the barrage that I'm talking about is the use of female bodies to sell everything under the sun--from cars to furniture to airfare to food. This is a constant barrage from cradle to grave in our society.
There are plenty of body enhancement ads that are marketed to both men and women for example. I notice them, yes, but I think it's far more insidious to use sex to sell things that have absolutely nothing to do with sex. And these are ads that are more likely to be consumed by young people who are trying to come to terms with their body image.
I've complained (on this blog elsewhere) about the penis shit (and the racist shit too) in porn and guess what? Too many people want to watch it anyway and will defend it up and down, along with the other problematic crap in there. So what next?
And you're right about experiences not always being readily apparent when one is not the target of the experience. Ever notice for example how objectification and street harassment posts splinter into "how to talk to or pick-up girls"?
But the barrage that I'm talking about is the use of female bodies to sell everything under the sun--from cars to furniture to airfare to food.
It manifests differently but it is still a very common manifestation, compensation jokes about cars for one. A major problem for men is that there is no way for most men to tell what is normal.
Except the thing is even on this website it is fairly routinely used as an insult. Hell in an article about phthalates causing genital defects in male infants had a commenter mocking the condition of micro-penis.
Wow. I am honestly shocked by the comments in this thread. There is a whole lot here for me to digest and respond to and I don't think I will get to it all but here goes. Now I remember why I don't read the comments at this site.
What is up with the hurtful comments towards men? Men face a lot of garbage in this messed up culture too. I can't believe that anybody would try to argue that the insults based on penis size aren't pervasive. They totally are! If that isn't bad enough we have the "big boys don't cry" myth and the "don't be a pussy" crap that gets thrown around. I know it might seem wrong to be all WHAT ABOUT THE MENZ?? on a feminist forum but for crying out loud we are all affected by this nonsense.
The fact that women get sexually harassed and have huge body issues does not take anything away from the harm that is inflicted on men by the patriarchy.
I will definitely take your advice about being careful when I talk to teenagers about sex, even if that is a little condescending. I am well aware of the pitfalls, as I had to work very hard to get this job in the first place. But it will be a frosty freaking friday when I start to shy away from touchy sex issues. These kids deserve better for FSM sake! It isn't fair that handing out condoms is the best we can do when it comes to sex education. What about talking to them about how to give and receive pleasure? What about talking to them about rape and issues of consent? What about masturbation and oral sex? What about the pitfalls of abstinence? Body issues? The mechanics of orgasm? No wonder the idea that bid penis=good sex is pervasive.
I suppose that is what really bothers me about all this. The fact that really stupid ideas about sex are abundant with teens and they got those ideas from somewhere.
Ohsorry, I didn't mean that teenagers specifically need to be approached carefully - just that this is such a touchy issue that anyone - any age group - can have a hard time discussing it, and that it raises complex issues. (As the comments on this will certainly tell you.)
"These kids deserve better for FSM sake!"
Yesyes. I didn't hear about condoms in school until I was 16 and had been having sex for a while. Now, I was lucky - living in New York had me exposed to the idea of protection early on - so I never had unprotected sex or other PHYSICALLY dangerous activities sexually.
But mentally? Oh man.
I wish someone had told me that being preorgasmic as a teen didn't mean I was frigid.
Or told me - really told me - that being "talked into" sex is coercion.
Or given me access to vibrators.
Or introduced the idea of sex-positivity.
Or told me I wasn't a pervert for being kinky.
Or any number of things.
Not being repressed took years and effort; it should not be this difficult for a teenager - a teenager from New York, too - to be comfortable with her sexuality.
An system of gender-norms constructed to oppress one gender (women) *necessarily* injures SOME men as well - specifically, those who fail to conform to/live up to the "male ideal." The oppression of women depends in part on the valorization of the "mighty phallus," which means that guys *have* to be unhappy with the size of their junk, or else they threaten to subvert an essential aspect of the whole system of oppression.
In other words, it's not "what about the menz?" to worry about whether guys get too much pressure to "be big." It's part and parcel of the bigger picture, a key component of the overall edifice of oppression that MAINLY disadvantages women but ALSO sweeps up some guys in its diabolical machinery as well... often the very men who are opposed to the continued oppression of women.
And, seriously, "I'm sick of taking the moral high ground?" As opposed to... what? The low ground? That's where you'd RATHER be? Wow. What a show of integrity and class.
This.
Understanding the bigger picture is fundamental.
My gut reaction when reading this post was ok, but, well, a bigger penis for me does feel better than a small penis. (and a really big penis does not have to equal pain) That said I don't think it is the "end all be all". I would not advocate a couple breaking up because his penis is too small for the same reason that I would not advocate them breaking up because her vagina is too big. There are ways around it. Women deal with this type of issue too (look at the rise in "vaginal rejuvenation",) so I don't think saying that a bigger dick feels better is giving the penis too much power. I do think that genitals come in all types of sizes and some may be better matches for each other, but for me to say that a small penis feels as good as a big penis or that finding my partner had a really small penis wouldn't be a bummer is simply not true. I just think there are non surgical solutions to these problems and ways to still have good sex.
the patriarchy hurts all of us. That includes men. And while I think women get the brunt of the sexism, I also know that men face huge obstacles in dealing with these norms. I am eighteen and yes female. I think that teenagers are given different messages about sex than adults are, and one of those messages that are relayed to both female and male teenagers in todays society is that bigger=better. Once you actually start having sex you know that that is not always the case, but until then you are left with the messages that society tells you. Since teenage guys are after teenage girls it means that it is something that they have to think about way more often then not. This is no different then teenage girls comparing their breast sizes, and yes in the locker room the flat chested girls do get made fun of. Now I can't speak with absolute certainty on this but I'm sure that in guys locker room their dick sizes are mocked by the other guys. It comes from the same place and that is the deep rooted misogyny in our society that is very damaging to women, but is also damaging to men, especially young men who are just learning about their sexuality and are very insecure with it still because they haven't had much of a chance to build their confidence. Even if they are having sex most teenagers are not actually talking to their partners about it, that's something that is something that doesn't start until your very late teen years at the earliest, and that is when guys start to learn that it doesn't really matter
The penis size myth caters to the idea of "the phallus", which is this romanticized notion of perfection. It's also a notion that assumes that the perfect degree of masculinity can be reached with enough effort. The problem, of course, is that men are men regardless of how much effort they spend on reinforcing or attempting to prove that fact.
The Globe and Mail ran a story about a czech study that really gives the finger to a lot of the positive progress made in the area(s) of sex.
As a special infuriating bonus, enjoy the comments section and it's censoring of the words "penis", "vagaina", and "orgasm". Those filthy, filthy words!
Dominique and Pinkypink are the reasons why men hate feminists.
The rest of you, keep up the good work!!
okay so men get the right to hate all of us because some people think that men aren't hurt by the patriarchy? I find that no more fair than saying that men aren't hurt by the patriarchy. I will defend you till I'm blue in the face, but don't turn around with sexist comments like that because of it.
"okay so men get the right to hate all of us because some people think that men aren't hurt by the patriarchy?"
Better read it again. That's not what it says.
EXACTLY. Their comments are some of the most anti-feminist I have seen...
If I were afforded the luxury of time travel, I would give my teenage self The Guide To Getting It On.
It's empowering to have a reference you can turn to in private without having to ask someone else about it and hope they give a good answer. This book is thoughtful, humorous, and it changed my life. When we think she's old enough, my sister and I will probably present our youngest sibling with a copy.
Something tells me this thread would be vastly different if someone had said 'sex with her isn't good because her vagina is too loose'
I agree. Many of the comments on this issue are astounding to me. I am ashamed to be categorized as a feminist with many of these people.
Firstly, I do think that this whole idea of men being pressured to be nothing but a long, hard dick and nothing more is VERY MUCH a feminist issue.
Secondly, I know people who, when considered by this societies standards, do have "small penis's" and I am appalled at the comments made by people like Dominique and PinkyPink. The guys I know are GOOD PEOPLE AND DO NOT DESERVE TO BE MOCKED OR HAVE THEIR CONCERNS AND INSECURITIES DISMISSED. It angers me that people could have such a stance on an issue like this that consists mainly of "well fuck them and their small-penis-worry-shit. why should i care? they can worry themselves to death for all i care." All I hear from those kinds of statements are "Fuck men, I have some personal shit with them that I will take out on them all, regardless of if I know them or not." and that is ignorant.
Fact: The Vaginal canal is 3-4 inches long. Get it why some women claim that big penis's hurt? Because it makes sense.
I also agree that giving too much credit to the big penis's makes sex seem to revolve around the idea of a penis being involved and without a penis, then one cannot have "proper sex" so please keep that in mind. And hey like I said before, if you prefer the bigger ones, then that is YOUR preference but it is not EVERYONE'S preference.
Firstly, I do think that this whole idea of men being pressured to be nothing but a long, hard dick and nothing more is VERY MUCH a feminist issue.
Secondly, I know people who, when considered by this societies standards, do have "small penis's" and I am appalled at the comments made by people like Dominique and PinkyPink. The guys I know are GOOD PEOPLE AND DO NOT DESERVE TO BE MOCKED OR HAVE THEIR CONCERNS AND INSECURITIES DISMISSED. It angers me that people could have such a stance on an issue like this that consists mainly of "well fuck them and their small-penis-worry-shit. why should i care? they can worry themselves to death for all i care." All I hear from those kinds of statements are "Fuck men, I have some personal shit with them that I will take out on them all, regardless of if I know them or not." and that is ignorant.
Fact: The Vaginal canal is 3-4 inches long. Get it why some women claim that big penis's hurt? Because it makes sense.
I also agree that giving too much credit to the big penis's makes sex seem to revolve around the idea of a penis being involved and without a penis, then one cannot have "proper sex" so please keep that in mind. And hey, if you prefer the bigger ones, then that is YOUR preference but it is not EVERYONE'S preference.
I personally do not believe there is a correlation between the obsession with penis size and the obsession with women's breasts, waist, ass, etc; simply because the penis is an inherently sexual organ (because, well, its necessary for sex, duh), while any features of the woman's body except for the vagina are not inherently sexual.
To make the rest of a woman's body sexual is fetishizing it (which would technically be unnatural, I suppose), but you cannot make a penis sexual because it is.
Now if you were comparing vagina size with penis size, that would be legit.
Anyways, I think the issue with a bigger penis is that unless a guy is around 4-6 inches or so, it won't be the best sex. That does mean that men with larger dicks would have a problem too; its just that more are afflicted with smaller ones than larger ones. Now, of course, a woman with a smaller vag would not have a problem with a small guy, and a woman with a larger one would not have a problem with a large guy. I guess it all depends on whether or not the size of women varies as much as the size of men.
That's a very thought provoking take on this issue. I would like you to explain more about this bit though: "because, well, its necessary for sex, duh"
I mean, I was under the impression that lesbians regard what they do as sex, do you think that's not the case? And if there are ways to have sex without a penis at all, then it stands to reason that a small penis isn't necessarily an impediment.
a problem also is boys pretty much taunt and tease each other relentlessly concerning the size of their penises. it's not right nor rational, and it's a serious issue with how boys are socialized to treat each other and think about sex, which carries on later in how they relate to women. i have to think that obsessing about a flat physical fact (penis size) has to set the stage at least in part for thinking of sex as mostly a physical act without much personal or emotional context.
in asking 'why are men obsessed with things like penis size?' i don't think this is necessarily idiocy but kind of 'what goes on with how boys learn about sex to think this is so relevant?' it is kind of idiotic, but it tells you a lot about what's wrong with how males are socialized to think about sex and their own bodies.