*Trigger Warning especially in links*
Nobody does misogyny quite like those privileged souls at Reddit. For the uninitiated, reddit is a community of Sodini-apologists (at worst identifiers), vicious MRA’s, “show us your tits” boors and victim blamers (multiple links but this one has a couple of typical comments). There have been countless posts/comment threads that have lead to me saying “This is the last time I visit this site” and then on a day when my favorite blogs have either not updated or don’t have much new content, I visit it all over again. The most recent post that caused me to write this post was this one on street harassment. It’s sickening, it’s triggering and left me despairing whether women will ever have the freedom to walk from A to B alone in a public space.
The premise of this sick article is that women like to be stared at and harassed and that when we complain about it, we’re simply trying to show off. Apparently the only women who are harassed are those who “flaunt their chests” and that it is super doper unfair to the menz that we flaunt ourselves and yet complain when they look.
Well FUCK THAT! I don’t “flaunt myself”. I cover up. I cover up even though I live in a hot climate and frequently suffer from heat exhaustion from essentially wearing winter clothes in 100 degree heat. I cover up even though I know it doesn’t make a difference because deep down I’ve been conditioned to believe it does and I dumbly wonder if the street harassment is bad now, how much worse could it be if I dressed summer-appropriate?
Where did this myth that street harassment only happens to women in low cut tops/mini skirt combos come from? It’s very convenient, not to mention sickeningly victim blaming and freedom restricting (I mean ugh, one of the exaggerated fears I hear from defenders of street harassment is that those opposed to it are trying to prevent their “freedom of expression” but what about our freedom of expression?! And besides what law are we proposing, all we’re doing is asking them not to do it anymore and take a stand against anyone that does).
One woman tries to explain how it doesn’t matter what she wears and a reddit misogynist writes back
“Either you live in a particularly sketchy place, or this is all in your head.”
What comes across is this idea that if a woman is attractive in some way but not attracted to you she is trying to wield power over you with her mystical boobies and must be put down! The original poster makes a snarky comment about walking around with his penis out for fucks sake!
"I certainly know that when I decide to go outside and let my massive wiener slap around my kneecaps I don't appreciate people gawking at my massive wiener. So I totally know where you're coming from."
Seriously feministing, I’m in despair. I get street harassed daily, I’m becoming afraid to leave home if I don’t think I can park directly in front of my destination. I dress very conservatively which has resulted in me getting sick. Will this ever get better? Or will we never have the freedom to walk alone in public?
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After a certain point, it might not be doing you any good at all to read the ignorant posts of people like these. We all know what we are up against, but know too that the "anonymity" of the internet provides a kind of a rowdy frat house atmosphere, particularly when people like this get together in a specific place. This could be true of any number of sites I could mention with similar dynamics.
I understand why you keep going back to read this stuff. You probably have to remind yourself how many assholes are really out there, and not forget or become complacent. It really is creepy. I'm so sorry about your story of dying of heat in summer. That's horrible. Bring a baseball bat instead :)
Or a taser! Or mace. Or hairspray, which apparently is effective at blinding people (according to The Year of the Flood, new book by Margaret Atwood). That would be perfect. I mean who are the cops going to believe, a creepy guy or a frightened woman reacting to defend herself? If I were young again, I would try this for sure.
Riiiiighht. I walked into town with a friend wearing normal clothes and we got TEN disgusting comments (I counted) in a ten minute walk.
About reddit -- there is a cult of macho-ness in nearly all of these forums, you also see it for example in slashdot (and I don't need to tell you about youtube commenters I'm sure). It's basically asshole men trying to impress other asshole men. I think it so puts off the sane members of the forum -- both male and female -- that they simply stop writing in. I don't ever read comments on sites like that any more.
First off, please, stop doing something that's making you physically ill, especially if it's not stopping the problem. It would be one thing if the harassment went from something to zero. If it's just going from something to less something, but still enough to get you to post, then you have to do something else, and you may as well stop making this concession to them.
The question I would ask is, if you can break it down, is it simply the verbal harassment getting to you, or is there a greater fear of that harassment going farther (if it hasn't already)? If it's the former... I'm not saying this to make it sound simple or easy, but truthfully, learning to wall off asinine comments is probably the simplest solution. It sucks that you have to be the one to react to it, but the alternative is to get the guys to change, and that's not going to happen soon in numbers large enough to impact your situation. No matter what ridiculous things are said, they're just words and it's up to you what you do with them. I've seen several people here mention how they barely hear that shit anymore; maybe one of them can offer more specific advice.
If it's the former- and especially if the harassment has already become physical at some point- I honestly have never met anyone who has been able to secure a greater sense of freedom for herself without taking steps to mitigate her vulnerability to those situations. This means learning self-defense, carrying a weapon, or both. Unfortunately, I know relatively few women who do this; most just try to protect themselves through avoidance of vulnerable situations, which is logical but sucky from a societal perspective.
But if you'd consider taking steps to protect yourself, I can't emphasize enough that you don't need a lot to be effective- most of your ability to defend yourself will come from your willingness to defend yourself. Your best weapon against someone who invades your space is that they're basically guaranteed to underestimate you physically. A little skill or a blunt object and an attitude will run off the vast majority, or at least buy you time to book it. Guys who do this shit are cowards; yes, there's a chance you could stand up to a guy who doesn't get scared and reacts quickly enough to stop you, but I'd make the odds on that at least 100 to 1. And if you're in a situation where the same people are bothering you, consider: when bullies get punched in the nose, they're notorious for finding softer targets rather than trying to exact revenge.
You may not have any easy options, but you do have better options than depression over the matter and resignation to a permanent status quo. I hope you can find an alternative you like.