As many of you know, I recently wrote a post about how I was a victim of phone harassment and stalking. Well it does look like my stalker has moved on, at least for now, and the calls and texts have stopped. I still plan on changing my phone number (which is an annoying process since I've had the same number for soooo many years) and I am contemplating filing a restraining order against him (the only reason I say contemplating is because I know this process can be difficult and since he was never physically violent towards me it will make it harder).
But after I sent him a text message specifically telling him NOT to contact me, I was flooded with texts and calls from him. It got scary to tell you the truth. Even though he was stalking/harassing me via my phone, I was afraid. I packed a bag and headed to my parents' house. Yes, he also knew where they lived but I figured if he came looking for me he'd first go to my apartment. So off to my parents' house I went and I made sure to park a block away so if he came there looking for me he wouldn't see my car in their driveway.
Anyway, like I said, I think he has given up. As far as I know he didn't come looking for me (thank goodness!) and I haven't received any more calls from him. But upon reading his texts and listening to the voicemails he left me it actually had me laughing (upon reflection, not at first). It was all just so textbook. He was doing exactly what stalkers/harassers/abusers do! He fit the mold perfectly!
I had texted him saying that he scared me and "do not contact me again." His first text response, after calling me a total of 3 times directly in a row and leaving a few voicemails that I've since forgotten exactly what they said (something about how I was really stupid and being a bitch), was to try and insult me into talking to him again:
"I was trying to ask you why youre 'scared' and you cant even grow up and call me."*
I did not respond. I guess I was not grown up enough to figure out how to dial his number. But nice of him to put the word scared in quotes. Is he trying to say I'm full of shit? Hmm...
Next, he figured he'd try a slightly different angle. This time he'd use our past as a way to guilt me into it:
"Bottom line im just trying to alk it out with outta respect for a friend...you. You can at least give me that kinda respect since i have the respect to care about you. I could hav been like the usual guy and treatd his like were worthless but im not going hat route. If you dont eve give me that respect (outside of testing) then youve just dissed yourself."
Good one. Use the respect angle. He has so much respect for me that he's called over and over and over again. And texted over and over when I've told him not to (that text, by the way, was 4 separate texts in 5 minutes). I wonder how much respect it equals to just show up at someone's house uninvited after they've told you to leave them alone? That's probably like a dozen respect points at least! But obviously I don't respect him enough to even pick up the phone. Yup, I'm the bad guy here.
But no, I still do not respond. So again, time for another strategy:
"The creepy part is that you dont remember getting off of the train...You should handle those problems. Thought you changed...kinda think i'm wrong."
Ah, brilliant! Trying to get me all angry. Incense me into calling him. Oh, have I disappointed you, oh stalker, with my drinking habits that evening? I better pick up the phone and tell him he has the wrong idea about me...
But alas, I did not respond to that either. And now, it really does all seem somewhat comical. Like he was following some kind of "Handbook for Stalkers: How to Get Them to Talk to You Again."
Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience with the rest of you and thank everyone for their support. It really meant a lot to me. Also, if anyone is going through a similar situation, stay strong. I understand how scary these things are. I'm still scared, but it feels comforting, for me, to be able to laugh at this asshole's idiotic attempts to try and get me on the phone.
*All of his texts are taken directly from my phone. All the spelling and grammar is his. Nothing has been changed. Also, when I said "do not contact me again," that is also a direct quote from me.
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I'm glad to hear that it's stopped for now, and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that in the first place. It was a strange moment for me when I realized years ago that my abusive ex- (and at the time of the realization, current) boyfriend fit the textbook so well, too. It made him less scary (although not altogether unscary - I still have nightmares about him!) since it also made him predictable and took the "blame" off my shoulders (I use ""s because I was the only one in my life blaming myself for the fact that I couldn't make him act more reasonably towards me).
In Toronto Canada, the cops got into a lot of trouble in the 80's (I think it was the 80's) because people were murdered and the police didn't take stalking seriously at the time. It was a "oh, he just has a crush on you, give him a chance" kind of attitude. I talked to a friend who had a lot of stalkers in her life, and informed me that the police take unwanted contact very seriously. If you told someone that you don't want to have contact with them anymore and they continue, you can call the police and they will call this person and tell them to knock it off or charges will be laid. The reasoning now is to prevent it before it becomes something worse that they have to clean up later. I'm not sure where you live, but you might want to tell the police, just so they have a record of him behaving this way in case he does it again.
Also, great job on not allowing yourself to be baited by this person. It's so easy to want to defend yourself when they put the blame on you, but that's exactly what they want. Cheers!
By all means, still use any possible method at your disposal to keep yourself safe. Some men have a tendency to think that persistence by itself is the way to win a girlfriend, and then there are extreme cases like this where persistence gives way to obsessive behavior----becoming a way to try to punish you for not seeing things the way he'd like you to see them.
I had the same situation with a guy. I changed my number pronto. He tried threatening. He tried to apologize. He acted like the best friend. He asked for "bootie". He'd say things like "let me know if you want me to pick you up or if you want to meet me there" as if we had plans together. He tried to use his 3 year old son. Worst of all he lied about having an STD. After 2 months of ignoring everything there was a month of silence. Then out of the blue he wanted to know if I was "still mad at him or over my little fit" and he'll take me to a nice dinner Monday night. I went to the cops the next morning and changed my 10 year old phone number that afternoon. It's been 2 months. The only thing left for him to do is approach me. I carry 4 different personal police business cards with their typical hours for the week and pepperspay. Get some and stay vigilant. You're a strong person to deal with as much as you already have.
Thank you for sharing your story Kemer (I'm the OP by the way). I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that.
And thanks to everyone else for listening and being supportive. It is just ridiculous these "tricks of the trade," if you will, that stalkers seem to use to get you to contact them again. Everyone I've talked to about it says almost the exact same stuff. They try to insult you, they try to be your friend, they act like you're the crazy one...it's very frustrating. And it was very difficult for me not to cave in and call/text him back. But I didn't.
Wow, you really couldn't win. I was wondering what to do about my own situation - there's a guy whose emails I blocked and didn't respond to, but he's been getting around it by sending me "invites" through LinkedIn and MySpace, etc. I had to block every single possible MySpace invite in order to block him. I told him about two years ago I didn't want any contact with him and have never responded to his emails but he keeps trying. I guess it's better to keep ignoriing him, after reading about your experience!! Thanks for sharing and I'm glad to hear he seems to finally be going away.