Anyone in this community and any woman in the world has an ally in the form of me. I mean that.

As I've mentioned before, there have been times in my life where I have held beliefs that were borderline sexist because I didn't have a good grasp of what Feminism really meant. This site is a fantastic resource for me because it reports on issues that rarely reach mainstream attention and present Feminism as it is, rather than the perverted and twisted conception of it that lots of people from both the left and right like to advance as the genuine article. I'm also indebted to no small degree to close female friends who broke things down for me and were patient with me when I'd advance a viewpoint that was a result of this same mainstream distortion.

There's a huge amount of misinformation out there and I wasn't aware of how vast the problem was until I began perusing sites like Feministing. My own goal might be, in part, to encourage other men that Feminism isn't designed to emasculate them, but rather to empower everyone and in so doing, advance a multifaceted approach towards reform that takes into account gender in order to resolve the major societal ills of our time.

You don't have total responsibility over being assaulted. Your level of responsibility ends at not doing anything incredibly risky and stupid that you know might put you in a dangerous situation (ie. running through the ghetto naked at 3 am), and even then doesn't apply to any acts committed against you.

Re: self defense: Yes, you're weaker than a man. If you're thinking of self-defense as taking down an attacker, it's going to take training just to get you up to par with a completely untrained guy. It's extremely possible, since a martial artist doesn't need to rely on brute strength, but it takes time- one class ain't gonna get it done. One month ain't gonna get it done. A year probably would, and more to deal with guys who can also defend themselves to some degree. It's immensely freeing, but takes a lot of dedication.

However, in reality, defending yourself from an attacker doesn't necessarily require beating his ass down. Just because you don't have the physical tools to scrap with somebody successfully doesn't mean you can't learn how to go eye poke -> knee to groin -> run like hell. That's enough to keep you safe much of the time. Granted, being alone in the woods may be one of the exceptions, but at that point you just have to trust to your dogs and the law of averages.

If you want to feel safe, think about what's making you feel unsafe and take steps to correct it. If you can't disregard the risk, no matter how minimal it may be, do what you need to do in order to feel prepared for any potentiality. This is something friends of mine have done to great effect. Fear is in your mind, which means you have the power to control it; you just need to find the method for doing so that works for you. I'm not saying it's easy (though it can be for some), but it can be done.

I think you're right about the question of responsibility and how women are collectively made to fear our environment and, as a result, to protect ourselves from any possible threat. Again, as you mention, this goes back to victims being held responsible for not doing the right things to prevent assault (whatever that could possibly mean: If we remove the victim-blaming, it's also absurd for anyone to prepare for every possible threat at any given time).

I think what you've described is very common, and I'm sorry you had such a terrible night. I know many women (including myself) who fear being alone at night, for the reasons you describe - constant blatant messages about how vulnerable we are in our own homes, in our own space. I think an additional factor for many women could involve the potentially triggering nature of being alone. Many of us have had experiences in which we have had someone invade our space, our safety, our bodies, without our consent.

It's very difficult to reconcile the very mixed messages we receive about: a) needing to protect ourselves at all times, b) recognizing that we are, in fact, more vulnerable than men and seeing this enacted over and over again in the media, c) real lived examples in which we've felt vulnerable and afraid, d) the desire to want (and expect) to feel secure in our environments.
It's very challenging. I think you've illustrated the contradictions well and I think many of us share your feelings.

you know the funny thing is that I freaked out about being in a house alone when I was house sitting but in my dorm when I am alone I do not feel that way. It seems I only think about that when I'm in someone else's home and I am alone. Strange

Those commercials for the security company have always struck me as horribly patronizing to women. And you're right, they definitely add to the overall sense of female vulnerability and responsibility for our own victimization.

It may be tapping into some women's (not all :P) fear to go for the 'Be careful of an ex boyfriend breaking into your house' approach, but (and this is where I get confused with feminism) I'd think it was common sense to have an alarm system. And truthfully, I'd love one which automatically put me through to the police if there was trouble (despite me not having a need to worry about ex boyfriends). It sounds like what you're saying is: you're scared, but you think taking precautions (such as the one in the advertisement you linked to) is bullsh*t (because it's just trying to scare you?). Because, what? It isn't likely to happen? Yet at the same time, feminism tells us so often about how at risk women are because of the sexist world we live in (and other factors, E.G. people with mental illnesses who commit crime, people who unfortunately feel they have to do things such as steal in order to get by, etc). I don't see the difference between a media advertisement for something to protect you against possible attackers, and (for example) the posts on Feministing about misogynistic men who kill women who turned them down or who changed their relationship status on an internet site - apart from the selling of a product. When it comes to it, anyone can be at risk from anyone else - and especially from someone we know, apparently especially from a partner, and especially if you're female. It's not commercials lying to us by telling us this - statistics say it, feminism says it - it's obvious. It's not the way it should be, but it is the way it is. At least for now. So, better and faster products to possibly protect us? Yes, please. I'm afraid I fail to see the badness.

From what I've gathered (this may not be true, but it seems to be the overall impression, at least here), if people break into a home when the tenants are in, the robbers come in numbers and come with weapons. I'm sorry if this scares you even more, but expected to or not, your boyfriend most probably wouldn't be able to help you. If he was even brave (or foolish?) enough to try.

I think you should try looking at horror movies in a different way (or if they scare you that much, stop watching them?).
I'm young, I'm female, and I live in a rough neighbourhood. I do live with my parents, but some nights they go out, sometimes they go away for a few days, and a couple of times a year they go on vacation for a week or two. And I love horror movies. I'd say I watch at least three of them a week at the moment (some new, some I've seen before). When I'm alone, I don't sit here wondering what every creak or bang I hear is, or expect a killer to break down my door any minute, even though I know there's a small chance something could happen. (Although, in the time it would take someone to break down a house door, I could easily be out of the other one.) I don't think about what I saw in a film and get afraid that Billy or Jason or Michael Myers are hiding in my attic, or stood outside my house, waiting to murder me. (And if they were, maybe I'd have that product so that the police are on the phone straight away; might help :P.)
What you see in films isn't real, you know that. People do rob, people do sexually abuse, and people do kill. But you know this without watching shows and movies about it. You'll know some statistics, and you'll read about it through articles on sites like this, and see it on the News. So if you do want to watch horrors, don't let them increase your fear, because what you're seeing isn't real and isn't happening - or likely about to happen - to you.
True, women are targeted in them a lot, whether on their own or in a mixed sex group. But women are also usually the survivor/s. They don't necessarily need to be stronger than their attacker - often shown as incredibly brave, they either out-smart the killer/s, or/and their adrenaline gets pumping and their survival instinct kicks in, allowing them to have the bursts of energy and strength they need to keep them safe.
Also, when thinking about horrors and trying not to be afraid, don't become irrational. Many horrors with women in are zombie/vampire/demon/monster types for a start. You know those aren't real. With human killers, there's usually a motive, or something mentally wrong with the "bad guy". Even then, it can be unrealistic in the Jason and Michael Myers sense (i.e. whatever happens to them, they never die/stay dead). You probably haven't given anyone a motive. (Of course people act without motives in real life, but I'm arguing against you blaming movies and shows for your fear.)

When alone (or even if you're not), know where your nearest possible weapons are, know where your nearest trusted contact is/lives, be near a working phone, keep all doors locked, don't open the door unless you know for definite who it is (and even then, a door chain could come in handy so that you only have to open the door part way), and bear in mind that a) houses do make strange sounds, and b) you'll probably be fine.

But I'm still going with the "Better to be safe than sorry" motto, and therefore I welcome protective products, whatever situation they're advertised in - 'cause chances (no matter how slim) are, it Could (and does) happen.

I don't like to frame protecting oneself as taking responsibility, like you stated.

Personally, I recently put alarms on my windows. They were very inexpensive and easy to apply. I don't consider this taking responsibility so that it will deter someone from breaking in. If someone wants to get in, they'll get in and it's never my fault. I live in a rough part of town. I've had my car broken into. My roommate had her car broken into. My last house (in the same neighborhood) was broken into, so was my roommate's. Although the alarms may scare someone away, perhaps the batteries go out or the robber is savvy enough to know how to turn them off before it wakes up the neighbors. But, they get my mind off the idea of having my place broken into so that I can sleep at night.

It's more about having piece of mind than taking "responsibility".