Why?
Because of the tirade of Hate mail I've received over the last couple of days, which apparently is a response to an earlier post I made about the difficulties of being trans and feeling like I'll never be treated like a woman.
Here's a few gems from the waterfall of bullshit that poured into my inbox:
"You look like an average gay boy who decided a play dressup, dude
You're just mad you're not passing enough... :)"
"Transwoman? You sound more like a dude jacked up on testosterone injections... you have to lay off those steroids.
I could say a lot more wat I really think about yer looks.. but don't want to hurt you too bad..."
"What a piece of trashy tranny... lol
You can't even make 2 bucks with yer looks, don't you?"
"You're trying to be bitchy... but still you come off as 'cocky'."
"Grow long hair dumbo, to cover up yer wide shoulders"
I wish I could just brush this all off, but one of the things about being trans is, well, being horribly insecure about how you look. So of course, while making brave replies which looked all the world like I was calm and in control, I sobbed my fucking heart out and cursed ever posting on Feministing on the first place and inviting this torrent of shit into my rather fragile world.
So you achieved your goal, whomever you might be. You made me upset. You made me angry, you made me even more insecure than before.
Congrats; you did something very easy to an incredibly vulverable person.
Clearly I'm not tough enough to take the flak from posting on the internets.
I'm sure that makes you ecstatic.
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We're definitely not ecstatic Vexing.
Your voice will be missed, and I'm sorry that you had to read those horrible messages.
Seriously? They said that? Women? I don't believe you. I mean we're all so warm and wise and nurturing, but most of all we are accepting and welcoming of groups who face the same sorts of oppression and discrimination as we.
/sarcasm.
No, I'm sorry that happened to you. People just really suck sometimes.
I am so sorry about this Vexing. Whoever went through the process of searching for your contact info just to send hate mail is a pretty embarrassing excuse for a person.
Holy fucking crap. That's awful. So sorry to see you're not posting anymore.
Feministing readers sent that? Maybe they were the same people that send Jessica hate mail.
I think you are an important voice and you should keep posting. But I understand if you no longer want to. Good luck to you.
I really sorry if any of my comments upset you. I really appreciated your thoughts. ;_;
I am sorry!!! PLEASE DON'T STOP BLOGGING!
Maybe why not set up your own blog, to express your feelings and to discuss your experiences, but do NOT reveal your e-mail address and you can close the comments.
Please don't let those assholes win over you.
Please do not beg people to continue putting themselves in harm's way in order to educate you.
Why so many posts accusing people of "begging" or "ordering" the original poster to do something? These posts seems like pretty thoughtful expressions of support, and of course Vexing can/should take a break from blogging if she feels it's endangering her. To address DeafBrownTrash's idea, it's pretty easy to set up a blog on WordPress, Blogger or elsewhere that doesn't make any e-mail address or personal info available, just a username of your choice.
Vexing, I'm sorry you had to put up with these nasty comments. Random internet abuse can really get to a person. I read your earlier post about fearing you'll never be treated like a woman, and I hope things get easier for you.
Don't let those a-holes intimidate you. Keep posting. What they think about you doesn't matter -- they are beneath you. You are better than them.
Please do not order people to continue putting themselves in harm's way in order to educate you.
I think the poster was upset that a voice was being silenced due to douchebaggery. Transgender voices, especially I'm guessing transgender womens voices, are silenced enough as it is and hardly need to be pushed further back and margenalized. I think the poster wants to seek out other solutions rather than a silencing of a persons voice-and I agree.
I really want to believe that the people who are sending you hate mail are the same people who are sending it in to the main Feministing editors -- they're not regular readers or members of the community, they just come in to troll and try to discourage us.
But no matter who sent you those emails, they should be ashamed of themselves for trying to shame you.
You are awesome, you are brave for sharing your story with us, and you are GORGEOUS! I really hope you'll stick around.
i'm so sorry people wrote things like that to you. i wish you'd stay here though because you're totally awesome.
This is an awful, awful thing. Please do what you need to do to feel safe again. My thoughts go with you.
Your post from earlier has stayed with me; I'm so sorry. I'm seconding SociologicalMe -- do what you need to feel safe again. Take care.
Wow, I'm so sorry about those hateful emails! I'm not going to try to convince you to stay, because if you feel that leaving Feministing is the best thing for you, then that's probably the best thing to do. However, I will say that I'll miss your voice in the feministing community. I appreciate your perspective.
Sorry people sent those things Vexing. I do hope you reconsider and keep speaking out, either here or on another space.
Vexing,
I am very sad to see you leave. You were a strong voice in all the terrible trans tread de-rails Feministing experienced in the past few months. The ignorance spread within some of threads was more than I could bear to witness. I can't even imagine the hate people will spread in a private email. Nothing they are spewing is true. You are gorgeous and strong!
Your voice is powerful. We are the ones missing out. Perhaps on day in the future you will grace us with that voice again.
Pepper
*hugs* I'd say how sad it is that some people can't see below the surface...but I'm not sure how fitting that would be under the circumstances.
Joking aside, I wish you well. People like that are pathetic.
I am so sorry. I read your post earlier this week and though I didn't comment, I found it beautiful and touching.
I don't have the best track record on feministing when it comes to fully comprehending trans issues, but your post really, truly did open my eyes to a couple of things and I am so, so glad you wrote it. Thank you.
I also hope the hate mail is not coming from Feministing commenters or regular readers, but from the crazy haters out there. Somehow, thats slightly better.
I don't know if you would feel comfortable going halfway between leaving and continuing to post--removing a link to your personal website/contact info from your profile? Obviously the assholes are the ones who should have to change, not you, but maybe this will allow you to avoid some of the stress.
Take care.
I'm sorry to hear that you suffered this horrible abuse - whether it's coming from Feministing readers or trolls, it's still awful and you don't deserve it. I think the feminist community as a whole tends to be transphobic and has an awful lot of cis-privilege - I knew some transgendered bloggers have complained about sites like Feministing and Feministe in the past. I'd love it if you kept blogging and shared your experiences, but I completely understand your decision not to in the face of what you've experienced. I wish you the best.
obviously you don't deserve this, but i think it's always a good policy to never let words posted by some anonymous commenter on the internet (including these) affect you that much. people are jerks. people with anonymity are super-jerks. don't let it keep you from doing what you want to do.
Please do not order people to continue putting themselves in harm's way in order to educate you.
Please do not sound so irrationally pompous.
Please stop sending out form responses to people whose opinions differ from yours.
Youre taking the posters comments out of line. Its not that anyone thinks that she should continue posting 'to educate us' but thatwe hate to see a transgender voice castrated from a feminist community. We would like to help her see if she can come up with a different solution (like maybe having a email address thats specifically used for troll comments that she never reads) rather than stop blogging. A voice is a horrible thing to lose. And yes, your canned responses are pompous and even condescending to her. She doesnt need your special advocacy. She's not incapable of defending herself and I think the only person with that impression is you. Coming to your rash and offensive assumptions rationally inspires offense-so if you dont want the comments, then dont incite it.
Um. Was this supposed to be to SociologicalMe? *confused*
whether you choose to post again or not, I hope you'll learn to ignore the negative comments and focus on the support you have in the world, both on and off line.
Imagine the reaction the negative commenters would have to a post thanking all those who supported you?
Nothing brings out the cowards more than the supposed anonymity of the internet. I've gotten it too, on other matters, though not to the same degree you have.
Take care.
Well, that's utter bullshit.
Not you, the people emailing you. Who are mean-spirited cowards.
Your earlier post was insightful and brave.
Wow. This place seems to be really good at running off trans people. This certainly isn't the first time I've seen this sort of thing here. :(
Dont stop posting just because some dipshits posted hate mail. Thats what they want!!! Its a way of silencing minority voices. I'm sure it wasnt from any of the women/men who actually post here. Probably some fucker trolls that scroll through any progressive blogs and try and intimidate smart, strong voices. They may even be little fucker adolescents doing this from some Middle School. Little dipshits like that have no right to scare off an adult woman just for some childish thrill. I bet they dont even realize what theyre doing. Putting a face to the trolls helps decrease their impact. Just imagine some spotty adolescent kid mindlessly doing it from some school computer. I can also understand how demoralizing that is. Maybe if you used a fake email address instead, so that any negative messages the trolls send are just collected as junk mail and never even seen. Kind of like a trash bin for useless email?
Dont stop posting!!I think this blog needs all the diverse voices it can find.
Please do not order people to continue putting themselves in harm's way in order to educate you.
Seriously tired off your dissonance with understanding that it isnt because I want someone else to 'educate me,' but because one shouldnt have to be margenalized due to abuse by anonymous trollers. Get off your podium, and your shit dont smell like flowers.
If you don't like how I chose to make my point that's fine, it's your prerogative. But I stick by it. I'm sure that everyone who told Vexing to keep posting and ignore the hurtful comments was intending to be supportive. But I think it's very insensitive to use such strong wording when talking to someone whose entire original post was about being hurt and needing a break.
What "strong wording"? Maybe Vexing will see the "strong wording" as "encouraging wording" if she decides to even read these comments. How about you leave that up to her? and meanwhile stop accusing people of using "strong wording" because they want someone to continue to "educate" them.
I just read your previous post, and this one. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have a community in your offline life to support you, people who "get" it. When people say hateful things, it's really hard to ignore them. I just try to comfort myself with thoughts of karma. I understand why you're leaving, I just hope one day you feel comfortable coming back.