by Judy Orlando
I was thrilled to read Judith Warner’s column in the September 24 New York Times ("The Real Cougar Fans" ripping the new cougar ethic. Personally, I am appalled by courgardom – not by its age reversal (who cares about age and gender disparities if they work?), but by its stalker aspect: Since when does a woman, particularly a gorgeous one with a wealth of experience, have to use teeth and claws to get her man?
Wit, charm and money, sure (never held back a young person, either), but slashing? (For the record, I don’t think teeth and claws are useful man-tools, either.) If you're looking for sex and you subdue a guy, or just overwhelm him, he’s going to wilt, and that’s not helpful. And everyone knows, if you’re looking for romance – well, stalking your kill just won’t do.
Why on earth are cougars catching on? Does anyone care? Does anyone want to be one?
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There is no "new cougar ethic". It's a bullshit, entirely manufactured concept being promoted by the sexist, ageist media looking for the next juicy scandal. Do you know any actual "cougars"? I sure as hell don't. And no, just being an older woman dating a younger guy does not count.
Did you even read the column you linked to? She said much the exact same thing--there are no real cougars, or vanishingly few. It's not a trend. It's not how actual 40-year old women are living. It's a ridiculous framing of older women as having no right to be sexual once those crows' feet appear, and of women's sexuality as dangerous and predatory, all while Hollywood is agitating for actual predators, male ones like Polanski, to get off easy.