About a week ago I accompanied two friends to a bar on a Saturday afternoon with a two-fold goal: indulge in some mid-afternoon happy hour specials, and watch the two of them audition for The Real World.
As a middle schooler, rerun marathons of The Real World:Boston were my first exposure to a lot of contoversial social issues, and in the conservative south was definitely my first exposure to gay/lesbian culture. I thought it was about breaking boundaries in our generation. For anyone who hasn't seen/heard of this show, it's changed slightly in it's almost 20 ensuing seasons since Boston. These days it's a little less "let's put people from different political/social/religious/economic backgrounds together and see what happens" and a little more "how much of a shitshow can we get away with."
And apparently these days, the edge everyone feels you need to get on this show is to be of an alternative sexuality. When my two friends emerged from their group interview (10 people in room at once), the first comment I got to my question of "how'd it go?" was "every single girl in there was bisexual."
Every interviewee was asked at the beginning of the interview to state their name and where they were from. My friend said "hey, I'm James, I'm from Boston." The girl next to him said "I'm so-and-so, and I'm bisexual." Which last time I checked, is at best a very loose interpretation of "my location of birth/origin."
Let me first say that yes, it is possible that all six of those girls are bisexual. If so, awesome! I'm glad they all feel comfortable enough to embrace their sexuality so openly. I am not, however, thrilled that they are using it as a diversity gimick to get on a reality show. Look at me! I kiss boys AND girls, and I promise I'll do it on the show for all of America to see!
What I dislike even more is the thought that even one of those girls was lying about being bisexual in order to better fit with what they thought the casting directors of The Real World Season 24 were looking for. As a bisexual women myself, I still struggle with openness and identity. And I struggle with people taking my sexuality seriously. If even one of those girls girls was using bisexuality as an attention-grabbing gimick, it undermines the very real struggles of people all over the world who identify as bisexual.
I am very very in favor of exploring your sexuality, and that includes blurring the lines and cutting your own path. I think sexuality can be flexible, and I can definitely believe that lots more people would enjoy making out or being sexual with both genders if they were more open to it. But that also means we all need to be willing to be who we are, not try to be something we're not just to be accepted or liked. Gay men and women shouldn't have to pretend to be straight; straight men and women shouldn't have to pretend to be bisexual to be considered "cool" and "edgy."
What should be cool and edgy is to be comfortable with yourself, and to embrace whatever form your sexuality takes because it's a part of you, not because it makes you sexy or because it'll get you attention. But apparently that's not very "real."
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As a bisexual man, I know completely how you feel. MTV has totally degenerated from something alternative and authentic to the very thing it was seeking to avoid at its founding. Right now, the internet has shaken everything up and invalidated the established rules and right now, every network is trying to find a way to replace lost revenue.
That bisexuality becomes cheapened when it ceases to be a stigma and becomes instead a means to achieve ratings is unfortunate and I wish I knew a way to push back. It's a very double-edged sword. Not all that long ago, bisexuality was seen as only a step above IV drug use regarding social stigma. Now, among those under 35, it's so accepted that it is mostly no big deal. Still, you'll see a cycle throughout history of that which was subversive being commodified and made mainstream in the pursuit of profit. In our capitalist wilderness, I'm not sure there's any way to stop that.
It is rather curious, isn't it? And why is it, exactly, that bisexual women are so "hot", but bisexual men are depicted as some big threat to all that is civilized? Maybe I would love a threesome with two guys. I don't, however, see this as a form of "entertainment" made just for me, which is what bisexuality in women comes across as for het cis guys. This is why I despise Katy Perry. In her lyrics she may have "kissed a girl" but she accuses a man of being "so gay" as some kind of negative thing, and proceeds to accuse someone she doesn't like of PMSing (like a woman, one presumes; how degrading).
A girl having a threesome with two guys is okay as long as she is serving them both (kind of like a threesome with two girls is okay for a guy as long as they are serving him).
Yeah, its pretty disgusting how bisexuals are fetishized; it makes me almost ashamed at times to admit to my orientation, because the actions of the fake bisexual women is so infuriating and conducive to misogynism (fetishizing women) and homophobia (again men).
Pretty much. It's cool for multiple guys to be with one woman if they're "running train" or "eiffel towering" the woman, but not if OMG THEY TOUCH EACH OTHER'S PENISES. The woman must be servicing both of them.
No swordfighting? :(
its only gay if their balls touch. :p
This is exactly why I never outright call myself bisexual. Besides the fact that I am attracted to more genders than just two, I don't want people thinking it's just a casual thing (which they already do since I'm married to a guy).
its only gay if their balls touch. :P
sorry, this was meant as a reply to nobody's funny comment.
I also know how you feel. I'm bisexual, but I don't go around volunteering it (if someone asks, I'll be honest). I do that for two reasons: first, nobody ever has to announce they're heterosexual so I don't really see why I should have to announce I'm bisexual, but perhaps more significantly, because I know if I say that, people will probably assume I'm just trying to get attention and say that to be 'cool'.
It very much frustrates me that my sexuality cannot seem to be taken seriously. The same people who offer words of support and acceptance when a friend comes out as gay or lesbian simply offer me their thoughts on 'how hot that is.' Nice.
I've heard the same type of sexualizing comments when non-butch women are identified as lesbian (I have heard a "gross" from someone about a very butch lesbian I know >.