I always thought of vaginas as pretty central to feminism (or at least my version of it). Of course the umbrella of feminism covers a wide range of topics and causes, but the sexual liberation of women certainly struck me as one of them. Unfortunately, I am not just referring to having sex and openly talking about it, which is certainly something everyone seems to be happy to discuss. What I am talking about is not having sex and being silenced. I guess I never thought that of all places I would feel marginalized on a feminist website.
I have been suffering from vulvodynia (sexual pain disorder) for the past seven years and I am not the only one. According to the only post on feministing I found about this very sensitive topic, one in six women suffer from this very same condition and yet no one is talking about it. Not even here, where the experiences of women should be central to the topic of conversation. Sure, there is no great media buzz about this topic, but why are we not discussing the fact that this is a problem? Why are we not talking about the fact that women are misdiagnosed and untreated? Why are we normalizing sex (aka, vaginal penetration) and forgetting the painful experience of those of us who cannot have it?
I am not putting this out there is a criticism, but more of a call to action. I cannot be the only person who reads this blog and suffers from this condition, but even if I am, all I want is to have my voice heard...
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Thanks for posting about this!
I'm glad you posted this, and I feel like by doing so you answered your own questions.
If one in six women suffer from this condition, that means five in six women don't, and more often than not people are generally unaware of conditions that don't directly affect or contact them. As one of the women who is affected by it and knows about it and its issues, use the community! Write about it, about your experiences, your concerns, your goals... let other people know and get involved!
body image and health is central to feminism, but not all women have vaginas. just sayin'...
This is very true.
I'm a trans woman feminist and I don't have a vagina. I'd give my left arm for one (probably even my right, if they threw in bigger boobs :) but I think it's important that when we talk about "sexual liberation of women" we remember that not every woman has the same kinds of shame projected onto her sexuality, or even the option of certain kinds of sexuality.
I enjoy being penetrated, but I can't personally orgasm from anal stimulation. So if I want to orgasm, I have to rely on more typically male stimulation, and to some in the medical establishment, that means I can't really be a trans woman. So while you see your sexuality limited by the pain caused by a medical condition often ignored because ~84% of the population never experiences it, I see mine limited by partners who are all-too-often extremely uncomfortable with my genital configuration and a medical establishment that demands silence on the matter. I don't mean to say one kind of shaming/silencing is better or worse than the other, and in fact I bet our experiences with partners who cannot please us, or discussions that erase us, are very similar.
I just wanted to say that talking about the ways in which female sexuality is subject to distortion by both popular media and sometimes by even feminist media can itself end up ignoring even MORE ways in which female sexuality (for example, my sexuality, as a woman with what most would call a penis) is distorted, when such discussions rely on erroneous assumptions about supposedly "universal" traits of women.
This is very true.
I'm a trans woman feminist and I don't have a vagina. I'd give my left arm for one (probably even my right, if they threw in bigger boobs :) but I think it's important that when we talk about "sexual liberation of women" we remember that not every woman has the same kinds of shame projected onto her sexuality, or even the option of certain kinds of sexuality.
I enjoy being penetrated, but I can't personally orgasm from anal stimulation. So if I want to orgasm, I have to rely on more typically male stimulation, and to some in the medical establishment, that means I can't really be a trans woman. So while you see your sexuality limited by the pain caused by a medical condition often ignored because ~84% of the population never experiences it, I see mine limited by partners who are all-too-often extremely uncomfortable with my genital configuration and a medical establishment that demands silence on the matter. I don't mean to say one kind of shaming/silencing is better or worse than the other, and in fact I bet our experiences with partners who cannot please us, or discussions that erase us, are very similar.
I just wanted to say that talking about the ways in which female sexuality is subject to distortion by both popular media and sometimes by even feminist media can itself end up ignoring even MORE ways in which female sexuality (for example, my sexuality, as a woman with what most would call a penis) is distorted, when such discussions rely on erroneous assumptions about supposedly "universal" traits of women.
WHile I see your point I also see the OP's. There are PLENTY of posts her eon this website and other feminist websites that acknowledge the sexual problems a transwoman has.
However this is the very first post ever on this site (to my knowledge) regarding a ciswoman's problem. When we discuss vaginas we typically discuss abortion, childbirth, STDs. We don't discuss things like *gasp* lack of a sex drive, lack of interest in sex (thats almost forbidden on femininst sites), pain with sex that has nothing to do with rape and vaginal problems that dont stem from STDs. Admitting to any of that on a feminist site is liek admitting to having an abortion on a conservative site, EXTREMELY taboo. The fact there are so few comments on here and so many more about Morehouse (one school with zero women on campus*) clothign policy than THIS specific women's issue.
* I say zero women not to discount any transwomen there may be at Morehouse but because I find it oxymoronic for a transwoman or ANY woman to enroll in a school where identifying as male is part of the acceptance requirement.
First I want to clarify - I am a definite supporter of trans rights, and I do think those issues are marginalized. However, what the OP is saying here is that sexual dysfunction is an issue that affects a lot of women, but it is almost never talked about on this site and it should be. I agree wholeheartedly with that. I did a project for my Psych of Women class last year on female sexual dysfunction, and I was very surprised by how many women go through it - and even more surprised that even though it happens to so many people, it's never talked about! So I just want to say to the OP, voice this concern loudly, and maybe even consider posting more about your experiences, to get discussion on this subject started.
I had never even heard of this before you brought this up. I am equal parts shocked that I have never heard of it before, and shocked that it's never been mentioned on this site before. Thank you for bringing light to this. In all likelihood, I would never have known it existed otherwise.
I really appreciate the feedback, thank you for taking the time to read this little rant (I was feeling particularly down when this burst out of me).
I do think it's important to talk about a variety of issues when it comes to the sexuality of women, all women, trans and cis (this post was about my specific problem as a cis woman).
Perhaps one a day when I am feeling particularly brave I will tell you all about how wonderful it is to have another person (physical therapist) messaging your vagina. It is truly liberating.
If anyone is interested in more information on this particular topic you could check this out: http://www.nva.org/
Hi Daliah. Thanks for writing this and starting the conversation. I wouldn't worry about ranting; I know how you feel! I wanted to share my experiences too so I wrote this response to you: http://community.feministing.com/2009/10/what-i-know-about-vulvodynia.html#more
Thank you!!!
i have experienced unexplained vaginal pain ever since i started having sex and after seeing many gynecologists it seems it will always be unexplained. GP's in particular don't really listen to me and just do the same STI tests over and over again.
I no longer have intercourse but am still sexual with my partner. It has however really affected my confidence sexually. I worry that, if in the future me and my partner don't work out how will this affect my future sexual relationships. I was just wondering how other women feel in the same situation?
My pain is at the entrance and all the way up the front wall. It feels like a stinging, graze like pain that gets more and more intense.
What are your experiences with GPs and gynecologists on this issue?
I feel like it really depends on who you go to and how familiar they are with the issue. You could get burned a few times before finding a good fit. I'd say call reception and ask if they do diagnoses of vulvodynia.
My primary experience with treatment though wasn't with a GP or a gynecologist but with a pelvic floor physical therapist (which required a diagnosis and a referral to be covered by insurance). That experience was amazing.
In terms of my confidence and hopes for the future... I don't know. I have been dealing with this for close to seven years and I still don't know how it all makes me feel. It is unfortunate that my vagina can have such control over how I feel about myself and I am seriously considering seeking talk-therapy to deal with the emotional aspect of it all (as well as the performance anxiety and decrease in sexual drive that can be affected by this ordeal).
Be strong!
*physio therapy
Talk therapy is something that a sex therapist could definitely provide, and I highly recommend to both of you that you at least give it a try. many women have found it helpful.
A sex therapist could definitely offer talk therapy, and many women find this helpful. There are also several general therapist who specialize in chronic pain management techniques.
Daliah, I think you raise an important point. It has always seemed to me that a crucial aspect of feminism must be women reclaiming their bodies, and their sexual selves, from the dark closets to which generations of patriarchal hegemony have confined them. One way of doing so would be to have more open discussion and sharing of the aspects of femaleness that get ignored among the cultural critiques and political commentary (not that those aren't also necessary): vaginas, perineums, anuses, menstruation, sexual pain, medical ignorance and intolerance, etc.
If I may, I'd like to offer a suggestion to you and to womens_woman, who also commented here: now that you've tried GPs and gynecologists, try visiting a sex therapist. I am a registered sex therapist in Ontario, Canada, and am trained in the treatment of vulvodynia, dyspareunia and vaginismus. These conditions are not rare, but are seldom discussed, and often borne in secret and in shame by women who don't know why they experience sexual pain, nor what can be done about it.
Often, a non-medical intervention is the best way to treat sexual pain that does not have a demonstrable organic origin (e.g., STIs, cysts).
That does NOT mean that the pain is "all in your head." The pain is quite genuine, and is in your body. However, a licensed (or registered) sex therapist can help you learn to take ownership of your body in a way that will enable you to enjoy whatever kind of sex you prefer without pain.
If you contact a sex therapist make sure they are accredited, and ask them before you set an appointment whether they have had experience in treating vulvodynia, and what the outcomes have been for their clients. Naturally, you are more likely to get an positive outcome with someone who has a proven track record of successful treatment.
I wish both of you the best of luck in resolving your pain issues.
Thank you for sharing this information. I have tried physical therapy but have not tried sex therapy. If you don't mind me asking, what kinds of treatment/interventions do you offer? I really want to try something new!
Dahlia,
The standard sex therapy involves using cognitive behavioural techniques to teach women more about the internal anatomy of the vagina, in order to help them gain more control of portions of their anatomy that many women aren't even aware exist. Often (but not always) vulvodynia can be caused by involuntary clenching or spasming of the vaginal sphincter,a ring of muscle tissue that keeps the vaginal canal closed. The pain can sometimes be "converted" into a burning, itching or inflamed sensation.
In therapy, women are taught to develop a sense of feeling in and around the vaginal opening so that when the clenching begins, they know that they need to exert some control to relax that muscle. Through the use of dilators, or even her own fingers, the patient is taught to comfortably relax and penetrate her vagina herself.
Before any therapy begins, a therapist will explore with the woman her personal and sexual history, as sometimes (but NOT always) vaginal pain can be related to an unpleasant or traumatic experience in a woman's past. In that case, psychotherapy is used to help the person come to terms with that experience and reclaim their sense of self.
All of this assumes that a thorough examination of organic causes has been conducted, and all reasonable causes have been eliminated. Sometimes (and this is VERY dependent on the individual therapist) the sex therapist will ask to see a GP or gynecologist's report. Many sex therapists (again, varies with individual), and especially those who successfully treat vaginal-pain, have a working relationship with a competent gynecologist, and can suggest tests that might be conducted, e.g., a test for vaginal erosion, or vaginal atrophy, which can be treated using topical hormonal creams (very low risk).
Incidentally, when I was being trained as a sex therapist, one of my classmates was a gynecologist who said she was there because med school trained GYN's to diagnose sexual problems, and treat them with drugs or surgery, but gave them practically NO resources for treating non-organic sexual problems.
So look in the phone listings, or online, contact sex therapists in your area, be sure you examine their credentials (lotsa charlatans out there), then ASK, ASK, ASK, what they will do for you until you find someone with a good track record whose approach seems reasonable to you.
Please let me know if you find someone to work with.
Best regards.