Cross-posted on The F-Wave
Today I want to address a different side of body issues: those of us who work to gain weight, not lose it. I have always been pretty small … okay, a frigging beanpole all my life. It’s been a pretty sensitive issue for me too. I still remember some awful girls spreading rumours I had an eating disorder in Grade 8 because I didn’t finish the weird food on my plate during a field trip (I’ve always been picky with food, so I got extra bread instead). So, yeah, I’m skinny. I think it is extremely important to stress that every body shape, size and type comes with its own benefits and difficulties. I’m very uncomfortable with the hyper-sexualisation of my body type. And it’s even harder when people assume you should be grateful for it. So here’s my experience, along with some tips for anyone who has trouble eating at times.
Firstly, a distinction must be made. I am not a medical professional, and I do not have anorexia nervosa , the eating disorder. In this posting I am discussing methods of coping with stress or depression-related appetite suppression, also known as anorexia . Anorexia is a symptom in which a person experiences a loss of appetite. This can be caused by everything from stress to medication to significant emotional loss. It is even used to describe the experience of ‘fullness’ after a large meal. If severe, it can also be a symptom for more serious medical issues, including anorexia nervosa , an eating disorder. Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical and psychological disorder characterized by compulsive dieting and weight loss, body image issues and issues of control. For more information there are a variety of professional resources available on the web, and if you think you may have anorexia nervosa or any form of serious eating disorder, please, please see a doctor or at least tell a close friend or family member about it immediately.
Here’s my story:
Entering high school I had just had a major growth spurt. In gym class, we learned about BMI indexes, and I struggled that year to have my weight catch up with my height.
I exercised more to build up muscle mass, and by the end of my first year had put on ten whole pounds to clock in at a decent 108lbs for my now 5’5” frame. Over the next four years, I gradually filled out to hover around a healthy 118lbs. Although my activity level decreased somewhat in the latter years as I weaned my body off a jam-packed dance schedule, my metabolism was still going quite strong. And thanks to an endearing first love who taught me to embrace all parts of my body, I was doing pretty damn well on the body image scale. I knew I looked good, and I liked that I was healthy. I was secure in my place in life and my high grades had opened up a wonderful new world of academia. And then I came to university…
You know the Freshman 15? Where all the first year students combined gain an average of 15lbs after moving away from home? Well, there’s a reason it’s an ‘average’. My lack of cooking skills, the stress of schoolwork and seasonal depression combined with homesickness meant that I would lose weight and then regain it on trips home. It would only usually become noticeably worrisome around exam time. Once, in a conversation with a rather dense (but attractive) young man, I complained about how difficult it was getting for me to keep up my weight. “So?” he replied, “Would you rather be skinny or fat?”. “Healthy”, I replied. And then had to give a mini-lecture on what exactly a false dilemma was in layman’s terms. Yeah… we did not date for very long.
In second and third year, the stress and eating/sleeping problems were compounded by trying to balance a full course load with a part-time job while being active in the campus community. After a particularly harrowing December in which the stress became severe enough for me to have to defer some of my exams, I arrived home only to be horrified that my weight had dropped to 108. I had seen the effects, my ribs had started to show a little, but even though I tried to force myself to eat more I just…wasn’t hungry.
Appetite suppression is a common side effect of stress or depression. I found that much out through the internet as I attempted to research solutions. However, any time I attempted to research “appetite suppression” or “appetite suppression cures” the only results were for dieting aids and losing weight. “Stimulate appetite” gained some results, but all were geared towards cancer patients and end-of-life care. I felt very isolated in my quest to reform my eating habits and maintain a healthy weight. I did not have an eating disorder in the medical sense, but I would experience a significant loss of appetite whenever I became overly stressed. I mentioned it to my doctor, and she recommended that I eat more and eat whatever I felt like during those periods. It helped a little, but not when I just wasn’t hungry, or wasn’t in the mood to make food.
In light of my experience, and because I know there are others out there who dream of one day having curves of their own, here are my own set of tips on how to deal with a loss of appetite:
Go to the grocery store and walk down all the aisles. If you see something that makes you feel hungry, get it.
Keep a special stash of crackers or granola bars on hand for tough days
Have small snacks throughout the day so that making a meal doesn’t seem like such a big deal. Small bags of walnuts, raisins, an apple, some cheese and crackers, a glass of chocolate milk…
If there is a particular food you love, indulge yourself. For me it was potatoes. Mashed, boiled, baked, fried, any way I could have them. On their own or as part of a larger meal
Eat with friends. Make a lunch or dinner date with someone else (especially if they are aware of the difficulty). Eating is a social activity, and it’s easier to eat more sometimes when you’re distracted and can spread it out over a longer period of time.
Make food with friends! Even better, as the preparation and anticipation can increase appetite as well. Again, because you’re committing to eating with others, it becomes harder to avoid your body’s hunger.
Give in to the fries! Or <insert junk food of choice here>! If it makes you hungry, eat it, as long as you can also ensure you’re meeting your nutritional requirements. For me, I occasionally began eating red meat again, a little bit at a time, because my body craved those particular tastes and nutrients. Watch out for signs of anaemia.
Try some new foods. This was a hard step for me, but once I found a method that agreed with me, I was able to try new foods, as long as I was in a comfortable, supportive, unpressured environment. Stir fry, kabobs, sweet and sour veggie meatballs, spring rolls and even avocadoes have made it into my diet.
I was able to overcome my issues through these approaches, as well as adopting some lifestyle changes (YOGA YOGA YOGA!) that reduced my overall stress. I celebrate my weight with my friends (“I gained 5 pounds!” “Yay! Congrats!”) and this year I am proud to say that I finally made it up to 120lbs for the first time in my life. I am healthy, strong and balanced, and have some wicked squishy bits. I do have relapses now and then, but hey, no one’s perfect, and I know I’ll come back out on the other end. Most importantly, I have great roommates and friends who help me when I’m having troubles. Best wishes to all of you, and good luck on your journey to be happy and healthy, inside and out!
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Good thing you could actually achieve your goal though. Not to make light of your situation, but it's really really REALLY hard to hear a story like this being told to a person who has tried so very hard from the time she was in middle school to have an ideal body weight (senior in college now). And only recently in college have I learned about the faults of the BMI scale, that the ideal body weight is subjective, the social pressures for women to look a certain way, etc...having learned all this has been beneficial, but I hate to say that it is too little too late for someone who has basically hated their body their entire life. I also happen to attend a school where I would say about 89% of the population have the "thin" or at least close to an "ideal" body type. I feel completely ashamed to walk among them. And yet, even though I have attended every single "love your body" workshop and session there is on my campus, the message will always just be an empty one because no one actually takes the messages from the session to heart, and the next day everyone is back to fat shaming...
I know I will probably get some backlash for this post, but I'm sure that others feel the exact same way as I do but I just wanted to put this out there for their sake as well. I whole-heartedly agree and understand that there are issues on both sides of the spectrum, but I have to say with all confidence that the issues you face as a thin woman are no where near as bad as the issues women who are considered "overweight" face, even if they are only slightly overweight...
All I can say is again, congratz that you attained what you had been working towards. Hopefully the other half of us can do the same someday.
I think that was a little uncalled for, especially since the OP did not play any sort of "which is worse?" game and even pointed out that any sort of "which would you rather be?" question is a false dilemma.
It's considered rude when people pull the "but it's hard being skinny, too!" line on threads about being overweight on this site. I'd think the same would be true in reverse. No one needs to try to one-up each other, and we all need to listen to each other and understand that someone's problem is their problem, even if you feel like it's one you'd rather have than your own.
understand that someone's problem is their problem, even if you feel like it's one you'd rather have than your own.
That is very succinct, powerful and accurate.
*********
Maidensnowflake, I think I understand that your intent is to provide what you see as a valuable perspective that puts fwavebex's problem into context, but in actuality you just sound utterly dismissive of the issues she raises.
Furthermore, as alixana points out, this is probably not an appropriate community post in which to raise these concerns.
I totally understand where you are coming from with your reply: I felt the same way when I read the title of the post.
BUT. at the same time, it's proof that any ideal body image hurts us all. Especially since there were probably many people who either called the OP an "anorexic" (w. a negative connotation) or were spiteful of her because she is naturally skinny.
It would be sad for this issue to divide women trying to work towards eliminating the pervasiveness of the thin ideal in our culture. We need to listen to everyone's stories.
Yes, as someone who has struggled with my body, this post was difficult, at first, to read. But it really speaks to how hurtful the idealization of thinness can be, for everyone.
(OK maybe this is a little utopian, but too bad! :) )
In an odd way, I think being thin has made me more sympathetic to larger people who struggle with their weight. Even though the reactions we get from other people are different, they come from essentially the same place, and people at both ends of the spectrum have limited control over this. I won't pretend the struggles I've had are greater than yours, but in a way it is the same issue.
For me, I know that my size is largely genetic, and I've become fairly self-conscious of it since it was basically luck of the draw that gave me this figure. I feel guilty because I didn't work for this, and there are people who are trying and failing who probably deserve it much more than I do. So I'm not judgmental of people, because I know their circumstances aren't mine and that I have been fairly fortunate.
First off, congrats! Been there, done that, swapped the t-shirt for a sweater so I didn't have to see myself in the mirror.
Keeping snacks around was a great idea. My doctor tried those health drink meal thingies--yuck. Keeping food in my dorm room helped because I couldn't bring myself to eat a lot at once, so I needed to supplement what I was able to down during meals. (I also found living on campus to be better for me while my appetite was healthy, since I didn't have to worry about a food budget.)
I've never minded being naturally thin, but the flip side is that if anything affects my appetite I can hit an uncomfortable weight in a matter of days. At my lowest I was under 90lbs (I'm 5'4" and normally hover between 100 and 105)--I was seriously scared at that point.
Thanks for sharing your story.
“Would you rather be skinny or fat?”. “Healthy”, I replied.
Love this.
hey, just so you do know, about cooking one of the best ways to be healthy is to cook your own meals. Frozen veggies can be kept in the freezer part of a mini fridge, and are really good with a small amount of butter and lemon juice on them. Beans are also really easy to do and if you mix it with some chopped up tomato, some type of spicy pepper and some lime juice it makes a really good salsa to go with corn tortilla chips, or sliced veggies such as zucchini or celery. It also goes really well on fish, if you would like to try cooking that in the microwave (takes a few tries to get it right but once you do its really simple). College cooking is a really good cookbook with some very healthy meals (as well as a few more indulgent!) and most of them can easily be turned into microwave friendly meals. Anyways, I'm so glad to hear that you are finally making it beyond your problems and are getting to a very healthy weight. Also, remember that the BMI scale is a load of crap. Don't listen to it and don't let a doctor tell you anything based on it exclusively
The whole culture of "OMG BEING FAT IS BADZ!!!!!!!" penetrates into really strange places. For that reason, there isn't a lot of support for people (especially women) who need/want to gain weight. I'm not a thin person, but I'm not interested in losing weight, and trying to find any fitness resources that aren't focused on weight loss is really difficult.
This weird thing we have going on where we equate health with weight loss makes it really hard on people who are "underweight" and want to make healthy choices *without* losing weight AND on people who are "overweight" and healthy.
Yes, I agree. I am not big or very small and I feel like I get hungry pretty quickly. I preferably eat every 2-3 hours. I sometimes wonder what are the healthiest high-calorie foods? We get the message anything high calorie isn't healthy which doesn't really make sense. I find myself purposely making sure I eat fat so that I don't get hungry really quickly.
Bananas are really good for putting on weight healthily. Rich in potassium. Avocados are also good--high in unsaturated fat while also lowering bad cholesterol.
One thing I've found is a good way to avoid prolonged periods of not eating is to keep some food in the backpack. A sleeve of Fig Newtons, box of crackers, etc.
That way you don't end up skipping a light snack out of inability to do so.
I will say that with a hectic schedule and the demands of a long commute I have found myself in a similar position: not eating much, diminished appetite, etc.
My solution has been to carry around snacks and to really look for food I love and just chow down.
Like I said, I knew that I would get backlash for my post. But I will not take back anything I have said because I know that if it were different circumstances, a lot of people on here would do the exact same thing that I did (i.e. if someone else with privilege came on here and started talking about the problems they face.) Even if they may not be purposefully belittling anyone else's problems, I know that a lot of people would respond against it if the unprivileged felt that they were indirectly trivializing their problems, depending what the situation was. Please excuse me if I cannot feel bad for OP but that does not mean that I do not think she deserved to achieve her goal.
Privilege is a system of interlocking considerations, not a binary. For the most part you can't take two people and slot them neatly into "privileged" and "non-privileged." So to imply, as you do, that someone with privilege doesn't have problems that warrant the same consideration as someone without privilege is to paint people with too broad a brush.
This also moves us into a game of oppression Olympics; the fact that you face many problems that are worse than those faced by the OP does not in any way invalidate the OP's problems, in the same way that the (probably far worse) oppression faced by minorities does not invalidate the oppression faced by those who are viewed by society as overweight.
I'm not sure you've read the post properly. The OP is not talking about discrimination; she's not saying "Woe is me, I can't find clothes to fit! Woe is me, people resent me for being skinny!"
She is talking about a legitimate medical issue. She is talking about the medical problems associated with being underweight and how hard it is to find resources to help. She then offers help to those who are in the same or similar position.
It is really disingenuous to come onto a thread about health and start discussing privilege. That's not what this is about. Being underweight is a serious health issue, which causes more health problems than those associated with being overweight. But because of societies demonization of overweight people, it's really hard to find a doctor to take you seriously, or resources to help.
Thanks again :)
This post was not about judgement, or privilege, or who gets it worse from the skinny/fat binary (Healhty! Only answer)
I hope it wasn't taken adversely, but I understand that it's a sensitive issue. I was trying to emphasize the health aspect, and the importance of being healthy no matter what body type you have, and the struggles we all have to maintain it. I am not discussing whether one problem is more legitimate than another, just that all sides need to be addressed, and there is a huge lack of resources for those who had difficulties like me.
Stories like mine can turn very badly without access to helpful resources. And my struggle could have been eased much earlier if someone had legitimized my problem and offered advice like this on snacking and other ways to stimulate your appetite. Thanks to everyone who offered more tips!!!
I would appreciate if this thread could emphasize the health aspect. I feel that a discussion of body shape privilege belongs in another post. I also don't want to alienate others who identify with my problems as we tend to get kind of sensitive about this stuff.
Thank you for sharing your concerns @maidensnowflake, and good luck in your journey
I know exactly what you're going through. I am naturally very small, with a super-fast metabolism, and I have so many problems trying to keep my weight in check.
Because of depression and other factors, I often lose my appetite completely.
I don't actually get hungry anymore. If I don't remember to eat I can go from completely fine, not hungry at all, to fainting because I haven't eaten in a matter of minutes. Luckily I have a very supportive partner who is always reminding me to eat. He also keeps track of how much I've eaten, to ensure that it's enough.
Some things that have helped me keep my weight in check:
- Set an alarm every two or three hours. When it goes off, eat something. Just something small, like a piece of fruit, but eat, even if you're not hungry.
- Choose wholegrain over white. Brown rice, brown bread, rye... Complex carbohydrates digest slower and give you more energy.
- Yoghurt! For all those times when you know you should eat but just really don't feel like it.
Thanks for this post. it's good to know that other people have the same problems I have :) Well done on meeting your goal!
Thanks! I knew there were others like me out there, I'm so happy this has been helpful!
Also: we're also having an interesting discussion over at The F-Wave about this issue (http://thefwave.wordpress.com) Check it out!
Hey Bex,
Thanks so much for posting this. I'm also a naturally skinny person with a high metabolism, and like you, during times of stress and depression I tend to lose my appetite and my weight.
It is really relieving to see someone else bring up this topic - it is generally quite taboo to discuss... skinny people are meant to sit back and shut up and be thankful for what we have, no matter what health problems go along with it or what the actual situation might be. We're accused of 'showing off,' 'conforming to the stereotype,' 'being a bad influence,' and having eating disorders. Thus, you learn to just keep your mouth shut, even while you're disparingly watching your body waste away.
Thanks for your tips on keeping up your weight. I have also discovered similar things. Cooking for me is a big issue as well - if my appetite is gone, and I'm exhausted from stress and class, I just don't have the drive to even make a simple meal. One of my main saviours (in the US, where food is cheaper - I'm now in the UK and it doesn't work so well) was healthy frozen meals. Lean Cuisine and the store 'healthy' brand were often on sale for as low as $1 a meal. They're often made with no preservatives, flash frozen, and are lower in sodium and fat. Pick one with lots of protein and veggies and you'll have a tasty hot meal with the minimum of effort for those really bad days. Instant soups, ramen, etc, also worked very well for me. (I know that going for the 'healthy' meals for some people may sound eating-disordered, but it is very important to me to eat healthily when I can. And given how much of my diet consisted of frozen food for a long time.....)
The key for me, too, was just letting myself eat what I want on bad days, even if it isn't that healthy and even if it's 'weird'. The key is just too eat something - keep your body stocked up with energy.
Now that I've moved to the UK, everything is so much more expensive - what I relied on in the US is not affordable for the most part, so it's a little harder. However, being forced to learn how to cook and plan my meals has been quite an exciting experience, and I am very proud of myself for my small accomplishments (making soup for the first time in my life). As classes really kick in, though, I know it will be very hard for me sometimes to eat when I should.
Thanks again for opening up this forum. It has really meant a lot to me to be able to feel ok about sharing about something that I feel I have to keep a secret. There are tears in my eyes. Thank you again.
Thanks for posting. I am currently in the throes of anorexia. I have an appointment on Monday to get some medical advice on it. I'm in counseling for my issues. But the stress is overwhelming. I just don't have an appetite anymore.
It is very difficult for me to eat more than a serving at a time, and I am rarely hungry.
I have been doing all I can to battle it. I asked a friend who went through gastric bypass surgery for nutritional/protein shake recommendations, and I drink at least one a day.
When I'm able to cook, I make fattening, rich food and eat more than a serving. When I'm out, I choose high calorie options whenever possible, like having a milk shake instead of soda.
I run with any cravings I may get, eat as much as I can, and hope that it's a sign things are getting better.
But every day I get more scared that I'm going to waste away. I'm afraid that I'm going to have irreversible damage to my organs. I'm afraid I'm going to die.
I have been ill for the last 3 weeks. It started with a cold and continues to spiral out of control, yesterday leading to the discovery of a second antibiotic allergy.
I'm gaunt. I can't get warm no matter what I do. All of my joints ache. I almost pass out most every time I stand up, no matter how much I hydrate myself. I need more sleep than usual, and I'm cranky all the time.
Because I force myself to eat as often as possible, I have mostly managed to avoid the excruciating headaches, sudden nausea, and shakes that come with low blood sugar, but it's a struggle.
I don't look healthy anymore, because I'm not healthy. And despite all the effort to get back to health, to eat, to survive, I keep losing weight.
I really don't mean to be insensitive and I am supposing there is something I am missing, so please don't jump into aggression and explain the concept of size-ism to me.
I have never understood the concept of why fat-shaming is a bad idea (again, please EXPLAIN it to me, don't just yell). I am at a healthy weight for my height (110lbs for 5'6 frame) and I have always worked very, very hard to maintain this healthy weight. I understand that the emaciated models are bad, mainly because they are unhealthy. But being overweight is also just as unhealthy.
Moreover, it is also a choice, unlike gender or sexual identity, race, physical handicap, etc. Wouldn't public pressure to slim down be a good public health message? Granted, it is more difficult for some than others to maintain a healthy weight, but I can't understand why we as a society should condone unhealthy behaviour on the premise of being politically correct.
Again, I am open to any explanation, just please do not jump to yelling. I love this site and am open-minded, just explain it to me.
Thanks.
First you say 110lbs for a 5'6 frame is healthy. Then you go on to say fat shaming is a good thing? Well, you should know that 110lbs for a 5'6 frame is usually slightly underweight. I think you just revealed more information about your self than you realized.
www.google.com
Again, I am looking for an explanation on why it is wrong, not some sarcastic remarks.
My own weight is healthy for my height and build (as confirmed by my doctor) and I have had ot work very, very hard for it. I don't understand how this reveals anything about me. I brought my own numbers up because I did grow up in a very unhealthy, overweight home and I am sympathetic to how difficult it is to develop will-power.
What I can't understand, and what no argument I have seen address, is that being overweight/ underweight is a choice, and an unhealthy one at that. So, again, can some one tell me why the social stigma surrounding being overweight is a bad thing if it promotes a healthy lifestyle?
cmariemeyer:
To make this as brief as possible.
It seems to me the social stigma surrounding being overweight is a bad thing because it dehumanizes those who are overweight to a "fat person". They are immediately judged as someone who cares so little about their body and cannot control themselves.
The stigma of being overweight does not promote a healthy lifestyle as much as it shames those who are overweight. Shaming someone into feeling like shit is not helping them out.
It is size-ism because one is not considered beautiful enough, smart enough, sexy enough, whatever enough, by our social standards unless you fit a specific mold.