I am so overwhelmed by the several attacks that I had years ago that it affects nearly every area of my daily life even though I have individual counseling once a week with a caring person.

Due to the fact that I didn't recognize the attacks for what they were, I didn't seek help for them specifically at the time and my fears morphed into PTSD symptoms that gradually got worse, and then finally since about two years ago, I've been more afraid of the symptoms than of the attacks that actually occurred. 

I find that I'm triggered by everything from TV shows to song lyrics, to conversations with my friends about things I find frightening. 

Before I realized I'd been attacked, I was a fierce advocate for women's rights, and especially for women who'd been assaulted.  Once I gained that knowledge, it seemed I couldn't be hearing the word "rape" all the time and especially in casual conversation. I felt like I wanted to advocate, but the topic was just too overwhelming.  (Some time this past year I was advised by a counselor to make a time line of traumatic events in my life and I found it disturbing to think about all of them all at once, to see it visually like that.  During the process I'd remembered other things.)

I haven't even been able to read the posts on this site in several months, because every time I read about a rape or other assault it triggers me.  It stinks because I really like the conversations with like minded people who are good advocates. There were times when I found it helpful to look at some of the posts and write to Congress, I felt like I was helping, but then I'd feel worse about my own situation and get triggered more.  I wish I could be as strong as most of you - I've been to take back the night marches when I was in college and always admired the people who could get up and speak - I've had the courage to do many things in my life but this I find make me so disturbed and angry and frightened and upset that I just don't have the right outlet to deal with it.

I'm not sure what type of a site would be good for me right now until I'm strong enough to be on here more regularly.

1

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3 Comments

October 1, 2009 7:39 PM

[0+]  hellotwin said:

Have you tried Pandora's Aquarium? I have been on there on and off for the past few months and I think it is a really great, supportive site.

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October 2, 2009 4:06 PM

[0+]  ArtByMoretti said:

Pandora's Aquarium is an awesome site.

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October 8, 2009 12:15 PM

[0+]  JezeEsme said:

I was going to suggest Pandora's Aquarium as well. Its such a great and supportive site.

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