Help a brother out.
I have, on many occasions, seen people on this site refer to themselves or others as queer. Originally I didn't think much of it- it's not like I was unfamiliar with the term. Then I noticed sometimes it seemed to be used in a way outside of what I thought it meant (a semi-derogatory word for non-heterosexuals, although obviously not that derogatory if it's being used here). Compounding the confusion was that some people used "LGBTQ", which suggests it means something above and beyond gay/lesbian/etc. if it needs its own spot in the acronym chain.
I finally decided to google up an answer, and all I can find is what I already believed to be true- that "queer" is kind of a catch-all term for the various non-hetero sexualities. There are other thoughts and comments, but those are fairly vague or indecisive,
Thusly, I inquire: how does "queer" come to be in not-uncommon usage? Do most people who identify specifically as queer do so because they just like the term better, but could be described in another way as well? Is it a case of trying to defuse the word, as has been attempted with the N-bomb? Or are there a pretty good number of people who fit in the "gaps", if you will, between the generally recognized possibilities, so that's the only word that really fits?
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For me, it's to shy away from the "b-word" - bisexual. As a cisgender femme bisexual woman dating a cisgender man, I don't get taken seriously when I identify as bisexual. People assume I'm a party animal floozy who makes out with other women as a form of entertainment for males. When I say "queer", my sexuality is not assumed to be fake.
The problem, of course, is that I usually have to explain how I mean queer and that we have a biphobic culture.
I have three main reasons for describing myself with the word "queer," and your post perfectly explains the first. I'm in the exact same situation as you.
My second reason is that I don't like the term "bisexual" because it implies that there's a gender binary. I'm not bi-sexual (attracted to two genders / sexes), I'm just attracted to all kinds of people (of all genders, sexes, sexual identities... though admittedly to varying degrees).
The third reason is that I like that the term "queer" is non-specific. It allows me to identify as a sexual minority without having to explain in detail whom I'm attracted to and why. It puts me in solidarity with folks who are queer in different ways than I am, without having to use a messy acronym that risks leaving people out.
I know some folks don't like the word queer for reasons already mentioned (as well as some trans folks who consider themselves straight)... but for me it's the best compromise.
I have three main reasons for describing myself with the word "queer," and your post perfectly explains the first. I'm in the exact same situation as you.
My second reason is that I don't like the term "bisexual" because it implies that there's a gender binary. I'm not bi-sexual (attracted to two genders / sexes), I'm just attracted to all kinds of people (of all genders, sexes, sexual identities... though admittedly to varying degrees).
The third reason is that I like that the term "queer" is non-specific. It allows me to identify as a sexual minority without having to explain in detail whom I'm attracted to and why. It puts me in solidarity with folks who are queer in different ways than I am, without having to use a messy acronym that risks leaving people out.
I know some folks don't like the word queer for reasons already mentioned (as well as some trans folks who consider themselves straight)... but for me it's the best compromise.
From my understanding "queer" came from those who studied Michel Foucault and his work problematizing labeling based on sexual orientation and sexual identity.
I understand "queer" as signifying someone who does not wish to be labeled specifically through their sexual orientation and sexual identity. It's a way of saying, "Here's a label to defy the way you want to pigeonhole me because it doesn't mean just one thing, it can mean anything because it's an anti-label." And yes, heterosexuals, in my understanding, can self-identify as queer (someone please correct me if I'm wrong).
And just to throw in yet *another* point of view (I have a feeling there are as many definitions of "queer" as there are of "feminism"...possibly more):
Many people use queer as an umbrella term for LGBT*, to avoid a messy (or messier) acronym. This is probably the most common usage. But at the same time, you have to be aware that some LGBT people actively resist defining themselves as queer, because the word has not yet totally shed its hurtful connotations--much in the same way not every woman is flattered to be addressed, even in a friendly way, as a bitch.
The reclamation of the term does originate from academia ("queer studies"), and has a slightly different meaning in a scholarly context. In my experience, it is in academia that 'queer' has the connotations ElleStar mentioned--more about breaking categories rather than sexual orientation or gender identity.
In everyday life, however, if you tell someone you are queer, they are most likely (obviously I can't say for sure) to interpret that as "not-heterosexual." There are dangers of appropriation, here, too; my suggestion to het people who are considering identifying as queer would be, "Get your own term."
from what I understand the term basically covers people who don't fall nicely into a specific category. Like cismen who are gay, but who also like to crossdress, and then people would try to label them as transgendered This is just one example that I could think of. I may be totally off base, but that's the way I understand the word
I have a similar understanding - I have a friend who ids as queer because, while she's attracted to both men and women to different degrees, she doesn't think of herself as "bisexual". And her gender identity isn't explicitly cis or trans. So queer is a good term to describe someone who cross categories, and whose gender/sexual identity is fluid.
I'm a heterosexual cisgendered femme woman, so I wouldn't feel comfortable using the word "queer" to define myself, although I'd call myself a queer ally.
The word "queer" was my dad's generation's version of "fag." But at some point the GLBT community started to reclaim the term. It could be considered deragatory if it's in a hateful context.
In some situations I'll refer to myself as queer, if I'm just trying to say "I'm not straight." But if I want to be specific I'll refer to myself as bisexual.
I most readily identify as queer. I do so because i acknowledge my own sexual fluidity and no matter what happens with that fluidity over time, I'm still not "heterosexual" but may not be gay either.
Queer suits me fine.
I most readily identify as queer. I do so because i acknowledge my own sexual fluidity and no matter what happens with that fluidity over time, I'm still not "heterosexual" but may not be gay either.
Queer suits me fine.
I most readily identify as queer. I do so because i acknowledge my own sexual fluidity and no matter what happens with that fluidity over time, I'm still not "heterosexual" but may not be gay either.
Queer suits me fine.
I most readily identify as queer. I do so because i acknowledge my own sexual fluidity and no matter what happens with that fluidity over time, I'm still not "heterosexual" but may not be gay either.
Queer suits me fine.
I use it only in an audience of those who understand it beyond an epithet, which are by and large not the average person.
I use it only in an audience of those who understand it beyond an epithet, which are by and large not the average person.
I have some issues with labelling mainly because people I know (with the best intentions) find it difficult to get their heads around me and my situation. I am, to all intents and purposes, bisexual in that I have had long term relationships with both men and women, am attracted to both men and women and choose my partners based on personality, compatibility and sexual attraction on a case by case basis. As a result I have encountered problems with labelling on and off since I was 14. When I am with a man (or indeed single) I find people seem a little reluctant to believe that I am bisexual, and I can see that sometimes they think I am saying it to make myself more interesting. However when I am with a woman people start calling me a lesbian. No harm in that, my girlfriend is a lesbian. I just dislike being labelled at the best of times, and it is made worse when the label doesn't even fit. It's all very irritating, having to explain especially when people roll their eyes!! As if I am nit picking about my sexuality! Excuse me for wanting to be represented as I really am! (sorry little rant there) Anyway, most of these people are friends and family who have known me for years and are more than aware of my relationship and sexuality history. It's something that upsets me more than I like to let on. Like, in their eyes, by falling in love with a woman I have obliterated half my personality. The mind boggles. But somehow I don't find the word Queer to be a good fit either. Are there any other terms I can try out, or am I destined for a life of saying "I'm in a gay relationship but I am not a lesbian" when the question comes up?