Voluntary sterilization is a choice that women can make, correct? Well yes, if you are married, a mother, and in your thirties. But for women who are turned away by their doctors for no other reason than their age and relationship status, the choice doesn't exist. At eighteen we are considered adults who can legally consent to sex. If we can legally consent to sex, we can have and raise babies in the minds of the law. We are consenting adults at eighteen. Then why can a woman not consent to sterilization in her 20's? We are competent enough to raise children, but not enough to control our reproductive system. Even young women with children and husbands are told to wait; wait and see if they change their minds. It's even worse for women who are young, single, and never want children. People hear this and think it is unnatural.
What? A woman who doesn't want kids? That's not right, she's just going through a phase. The right man could change her mind.
The issue of being single also comes up, as if being in a relationship suddenly triggers the need for children, because all women are just mothers in waiting, right?
The doctor asks, "would if you meet someone special and he wants children?". Am I just a stepping stone to some man's offspring? What about what I want? Some women have known they never wanted children since they were children themselves, yet the doctor knows better I guess.
Women seeking sterilization get turned away by their doctors, while men are asked minimal questions and the procedure is considered routine.
I for one do not see oral or injected contraception, that may have serious side effects, as the solution to this problem. I get the feeling that women are expected to be mothers, it's their womanly role after all, right?
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I hear ya. I've never wanted kids (not since I was six). I want to get my tubes tied so badly in my early twenties.
The thought of having to spend another ten-plus years on birth control?
It makes me shudder.
Hmmm. I wonder if there's some link in the form of pressure from pharmaceutical companies? I mean, imagine all the money they'd lose if women started getting sterilized in their twenties in a routine fashion.
Also, though, I know that one concern is that if women are steralized and the risk of pregnancy is eliminated, doctors are concerned about increased unprotected sex and the further spread of stds.
I do think, though, that if a woman wants that service performed, and can pay for it, she should be able to get it.
Yeah, I completely understand. It sucks that the only viable long term solution in my life would be to ask my boyfriend to get a vasectomy, since like hell anyone is gonna sterilize me at the ripe old child bearing age of 23. I take birth control pills, but it would be awesome to not have to worry about birth control failure or worrying when I forget to take a pill at my normal time. Neither my boyfriend or I want children, we are both very certain about that. I do not think I will change my mind in 5 years nor do I think I will suddenly change my mind when my boyfriend and I have the finances to be able to care for a child. I'm just not nurturing. Well, unless it's puppies and dogs 'cause then I'm super nurturing. I'm gonna be the crazy dog lady in my later years.
And honestly, there are so many unwanted kids to be adopted that if I was sterilized and suddenly changed my mind in 5 years I'd just adopt a kid. Hell, even if I'm not sterilized and want a kid I'd adopt one before I had one. Personally, I find the thought of growing a living thing inside me and then popping it out just really... creepy. I dunno how many women feel this way, but it would seriously weird me out. It's amazing how easy it is to find ways women cannot control their own bodies, be it abortion, contraception, voluntary sterilization, etc. Somedays I wonder if we can even call that progress. -_-
Personally, I find the thought of growing a living thing inside me and then popping it out just really... creepy. I dunno how many women feel this way
Me! *raises hand* I always flash on the movie Alien when I think about it. And I do want a kid! I've even been experiencing this infuriating tendency to burst out crying at things like commercials showing babies lately. But the idea of growing one inside me just makes my skin crawl.
You so totally made my day there. :D
"Personally, I find the thought of growing a living thing inside me and then popping it out just really... creepy"
Second. I find it almost psychotic.
I have been trying to get sterilized since I was 25. I will be 32 this months. I cannot find a doctor who is willing to do it. I recently found one but he made me "think about it for a few months" before he will do it. It has been a few months so I will do it. But I will be moving soon, so I will have to wait until after and find another doctor in the city I am moving to. I could have gotten this taken care of 4 months ago if I had a doctor that wasn't totally pronatalist.
Are you looking for surgical tubal ligation or Essure? The Essure website has a listing of their providers, which might be helpful. At least you'd be talking to someone familiar with elective sterilization
"I will be 32 this months. I cannot find a doctor who is willing to do it. I recently found one but he made me "think about it for a few months" before he will do it."
Thats apparently what they do. I've been asking for sterialization since I was 22. At 22 they said they wouldnt do it till I was older. I kept asking about it every year and now I'm 25. But from what I hear Planned Parenthood will do it.
Men are met with resistance, and I have a feeling your down playing it. From my own experience, my fathers, and other sources.
As for women, other then the fact complications can arise during surgeory. I would expect every procedure to be met with some skepticsm. It is within their responsibilities to make sure your fully informed. As for them knowing better, well they don't but they don't know you.
Although I'll concede some physicians will be pompous and arrogant. And those who refuse you should have their license brought into question.
I agree that the OP dismisses the ease with which childfree men in their 20s can get vasectomies, but I do think her broader points are still valid. To put it in slightly different terms than she did, in our society, a woman's identity and worth is tied up in motherness. If a woman doesn't want to be a mother, she's looked at as an unfeeling aberration, somehow less than womanly. The same doesn't seem to hold true for men. A man's worth in our society is not tied to his ability and desire to be a father. These expectations definitely have an affect on how doctors treat their patients, even if it's not a perfect "when seeking elective sterilization, all women are told no, all men are told yes" binary.
My female doctor looked at me like I was from another planet when I said I didnt want kids.
"As for women, other then the fact complications can arise during surgeory. I would expect every procedure to be met with some skepticsm. It is within their responsibilities to make sure your fully informed."
Well, if those standards are indeed the reason, you'd think c-sections would be a lot more rare, wouldn't you?
Oh, wait. Surgery on a woman get a baby out is not worth a second thought. Surgery on a woman to prevent a baby from getting in, on the other hand, is a Big Deal and we can't allow those silly young women to decide to do that until after they've popped out a few.
Actually I read an article once about a woman who had a few kids and wanted to get sterilized...and she still had problems getting one.
this pisses me off on so many levels. (just want to say now that the OP is 100% correct, and to the men on here who constantly whine about how meanly you are treated? Get off of this post, you do not know what its like to have every medical decision you make called into question by idiot paternalistic men, and you shouldn't be commenting on women's reproductive health. You are not female therefore you get NO SAY in what we choose to do with our bodies. The fact is that our society sees women as two things 1) sex objects to be stared at and readily available upon command whenever men want to have sex and 2) baby makers. Everything to do with our reproductive health seems to be in the hands of paternalistic men who have their heads up their asses and don't know what the fuck they are talking about. There are laws which prohibit women under certain ages from getting tubal ligations or the Essure procedure done in certain states. These laws also will not allow women to get hysterectomies when they need them because according to the way one of them reads "women are too emotionally sensitive to make educated decisions about their reproductive health, especially when it concerns taking away their right to have children." Not only that, but what about women who are in a married in the early twenties, but know that her and her husband would not be able to afford/care for/want children? This kind of thing is not okay and it leads to much bigger problems than just forcing women to only have certain options available to them.
There is a long and often racist history behind sterilization that could be discussed. What should be mentioned is that part of why there are protections, waiting periods etc. for sterilization is because many women (usually poor, non-white women) have historically been sterilized against their wishes or misled into thinking they had to do it. Beyond simple sexism at work here, there is also the racist concern with the number of white, middle-class women choosing sterilization. It can go beyond the white paradigm as well, but that is seemingly the most prevalent. Even people who seem normal are often willing to drop eugenics arguments into a conversation without noticing a problem -- "pretty soon they're going to out-breed us!" "you have to have kids, you're smart and attractive!" etc. and obviously there are doctors who have these thoughts as well.
Protections should be in place for sterilization procedures so as to prevent abuse. Men and women should know exactly what kind of procedure they are receiving and have access to other options just as easily (birth control pills, abortion etc.) so as to ensure that their choices are actual choices. A waiting period seems reasonable so as to further remove liability of the doctor in case of mind changes. Still, protections should not include condescending life-style assessments on behalf of the doctor, the contacting of the male figure in the woman's life (I've heard of doctors refusing to sign off on the procedure until speaking with the woman's husband, boyfriend or father), or the over-arching assumption that all women inherently intend on reproducing someday (this is assumption clearly is not valid). As long as proper paperwork is done to make sure the doctors are not liable in any way for mind changes, it is of no business to doctors or anyone else if a person makes a "hasty" decision regarding their future ability to breed. Incidentally, even if they DO change their mind someday, it is in humanity's best interest that they be sterilized nonetheless.
I have ALWAYS wondered why abortion clinics don't offer sterilization services as well considering they do have gynecologists there.
Or is this the case? Anyone know?
IME anyone (male or female) who tries to have a sterilization done before they are well into their 30's will face problems. Very close friends of mine (both 30) had two unplanned pregnancies and decided neither did they want, nor could they afford another child. You'd think a stable relationship and two healthy children would be enough to argue their case, but doctor after doctor said no. They were told - what if you divorce and a new partner wants to have children? what if one of your children were to die (and you needed a replacement?!)? and so on and so on!
Eventually they found a young female doctor who was willing to respect their choice.
I must say though, it made me sad to read the comments about being disgusted about pregnancy and childbirth. As someone who works with helping women to have positive self image, and love what their body is capable of (from periods to pregnancy) I think that women should embrace it, not be disgusted by it. Pregnancy and childbirth can be a hugely positive and empowering to women who choose it.
I *used* to feel that young people shouldn't jump into sterilization and claim that they'll never want children, and if they change their mind they'll just adopt. Now I think that if you feel ready to make that choice, you should be fully informed (find out about adoption, because you don't ever "just adopt"), but you should be able to be sterilized as it's you who has to live with it (and any future partners too in a way). However, I think for those who did meet someone who they felt a desire to have a family with, they might be surprised by how strong the urge can be to combine genetics is, against all logic and reason. I think Naomi Wolf probably best explains this in her book Misconceptions.
I'm gonna say this because I left one of those comments, pregnancy is not gross or disgusting to me. I'm all for other people having babies and I've even watched videos of births and not been the least bit freaked out. For me personally, though, it would be creepy for me if I had a baby in me. Nothing to do with negative body image at all, I just find the idea of a living thing being inside me odd and weird. Motherhood and pregnancy are not for everyone, and not all women feel the need to have kids nor is it weird that they never will. Just because most women are capable of having kids, but that doesn't mean I have to or have some biological need to. I don't see how being freaked out by housing a living baby is so horrible or saddening. I have my reasons for not wanting children. That is merely one of my reasons.
And just like how you never "just adopt" you never "just have a baby" either. It works both ways. :)
Pardon me while I roll my eyes at your sadness for me. I'm not sad for me! I feel positive about my body. I love that my body is capable of running 3 miles when a few months ago I could only manage 2, and lifting weights that are heavier than what I was lifting a few months ago. I'm a lot more than my uterus. And everyone who wants to get pregnant and embraces it and feels empowered by it? Yay for them! But that's not me, and that's okay. 'Cause in the end, no matter how it gets to me, I'm really just interested in the end result of it all - the kid.
I most certainly love my body, and what it's capable of. I can use my brain to think and feel, my legs to run, my arms to hold the people I love, my eyes and ears to see and hear the world around me. I'm know I'm very lucky to be able to do all of this. The ability to give birth is only a tiny sliver of what my body can do, and it's a sliver I have zero desire to explore. A woman is more than her reproductive organs.
To imply that I'll "change my mind", as so many people do, comes off as patronizing and rude. Who are you and what makes you so sure you know me better than I know myself? Yes, some childfree women regret their decision. So do some women who choose to have children, and yet society doesn't constantly try to herd women away from making that choice.
In spite of not wanting kids of my own I still read about the politics of pregnancy and motherhood. I've also read a little about the biology of reproduction and pregnancy to help it color some of my politics. I dont think wanting kids is any different than not wanting kids. Two equal sides of the same coin. You can also love someone, but may want to have kids with someone else. Who you love may not always be the one to have kids with anyways.
And sensitivity also has to be given to those with tocophobia.
Also from what I've read even if you are steralized, you can still take out eggs and use a surrogate---if youve got the $$$. So it may not be the end all to kids.
I got the Essure procedure done at 24, three years ago. The first doctor I chose to approach was willing to do it. I decided to pick a female doctor and one that I thought was pro-choice.
I would suggest calling ones up on the phone and asking flat out if they would even consider it before you waste your time and money going to an appointment. That's what I did, and it worked very well.