For the last several months, I was having a problem at work. Besides the standard lack of motivation and associated maladies, my boss was harassing me. The guy is a total creep: he pursued me relentlessly, which made me very uncomfortable, for a long time. He constantly made comments such as "I really love you in that dress." and "That tattoo on your foot drives me crazy." (yes, it is a badass tattoo, but that's still out-of-bounds!) He would also send me text messages, over and over again, saying inappropriate, non-work-related things, and asking me why I wouldn't respond to him. Every time I was firm with him, he blatantly sulked (which also made me really uncomfortable) until I gave an inch and was a little nice to him, and then it would start all over again.
Normally, there's no way I would have allowed this to continue to occur. Unfortunately, though, I was trapped in the situation. Now, I have sympathizers in the office, but, in the beginning, I almost always got responses like: "Why don't you just go on a date with him? You might like it." and "You're just too mean."
Of course, that's what women always hear when they are honest when they turn a guy down. Instead of "No way. You're old and creepy and have a muffin top." We make the mistake of saying things like "You're a nice guy, but I just can't." This is because, if we express the fact that we are uncomfortable, a man will just default to "I was just kidding/trying to be friends/some other lie. You're such a bitch!"
Anyway, post-tirade, about a month ago, my boss found out that I was dating a guy, an acquaintance of both of ours. He sent me a very derogatory text message, saying something to the effect of "I never would have though that of you - don't worry, you've succeeded in getting me to leave you alone." As if that were a privilege! Ever since then, he looked for reasons to reprimand me. For instance, he would chastise me for using my phone, when my coworkers were using their phones right next to me.
One day, my boyfriend, knowing I was having a bad day, had a stuffed animal sent to me at work. Shortly thereafter, my boss called me into his office. He told me that he had looked at my internet history, and that the amount of time I spent on social networking sites was "ridiculous" (as a man who doesn't respect a woman's right to say no, I'm sure feministing was not on his top 10!). As this was my first warning about internet usage, I gently explained, and he was obligated to agree, that I do my job well, regardless of my internet usage. I then politely told him that I would be happy to limit my internet usage, if the same rule applied to the other employees. "I don't wanna throw anyone else under the bus," I said "But everyone else uses the internet, too. If you want to make a rule, it has to be universal." To which he replied "That's none of your business."
"Yes," I told him, "It is my business. It's a matter of business ethics. You cannot tailor a rule to me like that. It would be discrimination." He told me again that it was none of his business, at which point I was pretty enraged, and told him that I was well-aware that his discrimination against me was due to the fact that I was not interested in him. He told me to get out of his office, and so I got my things, and I left.
Other employees have encouraged me to apologize and come back to work, but I refuse to work in conditions under which I am discriminated against because of my sexual preferences. There is no one I can report him to in the company, because it is family-owned, and he is a co-owner. I am considering getting a lawyer, and am hoping I can settle the issue outside of court. Since I was never warned about internet usage before (indeed, he had walked by and noticed me browsing before), it was certainly not grounds to fire me - clearly, my termination was a result of my boss' discrimination against me, and his feelings of entitlement toward MY body.
My question to the community is this: is there any action that I should take, other than getting a lawyer? Is that the best route? Although I can find another job, I have no intention of sitting by and allowing this kind of discrimination to continue. What are my options? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. :)
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wow. this guy was a real jerkface.
yes. you do need to seek legal help. i'm not sure what state you're in, but you can find free help here:
http://www.lawhelp.org/
in the meantime, make a list. try to be as descriptive as possible, INCLUDE DATES if you can. or emails, of all harassment/inappropriate behavior from him. call your phone company and see if you can get your text messages or at least a history of him texting you from his number.
ask ex-coworkers if ANY of them would be willing to write a brief statement that they've seen him harass you. but call an attorney SOON. don't put it off because there are short statutes in some states.
YES. The more details you have, and the more hard evidence, the better. Keep texts, keep any emails, write down all conversations you can remember and give them dates when possible, make a timeline, think of anything he might try to throw at you to try to show you're a disgruntled employee or at fault so you can be ready, practice clear, calm responses to questions like "Were you secretly enjoying the attention?" and "Why didn't you just quit?"
Good luck.
Wow...that's so messed up =/ keep us posted on how it goes. I really hope that his behavior doesn't go unchecked, especially since he probably won't have any qualms against doing it again to somebody else.
I was in a situation like that twice before, but had so many breakdowns I couldn't go through with any court cases (plus my lawyer told me I had only a 50 per cent chance of winning, because I "got emotional" before getting fired. Yeah right. And at the time, there was a 5,000 $ maximum award at the Human Rights Commission - I kid thee not - to compensate people for what could amount to several years of blacklisting and lost wages). Anyway, I think the climate is much better now. Witnesses are crucial to prove different treatment; otherwise, whatever he may have said to you, there's a chance it may not be construed as retaliatory. If your boyfriend is an acquaintance he can also serve as a witness. Certainly, you must have record of all those text messages. Those will be very, very useful. They may even be the key to the case. Personally, I am wishing you *the best* of luck. I want to see more women win these cases!!!!
I work for an equal opportunities office.
You do not need to get a lawyer, but you can if you think it would help you.
It sounds like you can file a complaint with your city, state or federal equal opportunities agency.
The federal agency is the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, 1-800-669-4000. I think filing with the state/local is better, because it is closer and smaller, so look at those options.
You could get lost wages because you were forced to quit it is called constructive discharge, and you could also get other $$. Good luck!
Thanks, everybody! :) It is so soothing to know that there are others out there who think the fight is worth it! My phone company (AT&T) keeps records of all messages sent and received, but not what they say (at least, not as far as I know) so that would probably help. My boyfriend, also, was a mutual acquaintance - he trained my coworkers and I to use new software for about a month (that's how we met), so he has seen the harassment first-hand, and the text messages. I'm going to call the EEOC tomorrow - I also have a friend whose dad is a lawyer who might be able to help, so I may talk to him, too. I'll post again if anything happens - thanks again!
I know my phone automatically stores all text messages under the Register function, and it's a really low-end model. Maybe the messages were saved after all, or at least some.
Just a few more thoughts (I had to answer really quick yesterday because I was on the end of my break.)
Witness statements are wonderful. Just have them write down what happened now and keep them filed.
In Equal Opportunity cases, if it is a supervisor that is committing the harassment, usually the company is automatically liable. Keep that in mind. Also, the complainant usually gets the benefit of a doubt in the investigation, so if the manager says he wasn't doing it and you say he was, you'll probably get the benefit of the doubt. A witness statement would completely solidify your case.
An attorney will be able to help you swim through the system, but they are expensive. It does no good to get an attorney that is not very well versed in civil rights/equal opportunity law. If you have an attorney and you win a settlement/hearing, you can always ask for the company to pay you for reasonable attorney's on top of other money you request.
Also, like I said, call the EEOC, but also visit your local agency to talk to someone face to face. They can explain the process and take your complaint.
Again, good luck!!!
sorry, reasonable attorney's FEES on top of other money you request