Dear Feministing Folk,
While I understand that, given the sensitive nature of the subject we have been having a discussion on, significant moderation of comments is probably necessary, I think there comes a time when moderation might actually be getting in the way of coming to a compromise. For some reason, those cis-gendered people who hold more extreme views than my own (i.e., don't sleep with someone who hates you, duh) were not moderated, while my own comments were moderated.
I myself was replying to a comment in which user gudbuytjane said:
I'm thinking that a lot of the commenters here at Feministing, and cis* queer women in general would prefer if trans women just erred on the side of caution and never had sex at all (and then moved away to an island, as to never run the risk of having a cis* person accidentally be attracted to us). This trick of talking about this in the extreme (silly trans women, you shouldn't date KNOWN KILLERS!!!!!!!) is just more bigotry disguised as concern. It blames the victim as it denies blaming the victim. Ugh.
Later in the thread, she also said this:
I think the only things I am going to ask potential hookups from now on is:
1. Are you cis*?2. Are you a regular reader of Feministing?
Cuz, really, the violence in the words folks have for trans women here are as good an indicator as any that; they're a potential threat.
I agree that the general attitude taken by many here towards trans people has been profoundly condescending. As if it weren't obvious that none of us actively seeks out a sexual relationship with someone who hates us for discriminatory, patriarchal reasons. And yet, I find it a pretty extreme leap to say, based on the fact that I am a cis queer woman, I am a potential threat for physical violence against a trans woman. That's a pretty serious accusation. It's pretty alienating, and I don't think it's politically expedient to fight fire with fire. And yet, that post was allowed to be posted, while only part of what I had written was -- which, out of context, didn't even allow me to add to the debate, but was simply confusing. The rest of my response, which was held from being printed, is reprinted below:
Dear Gudbuytjane,
I worry that your approach, while totally legitimate as a response to the serious victim-blaming and transphobia that occurs on this blog and in the atrocious Seventeen magazine article that started the debate, might be a little misguided. It is not fair to cis gendered women to say that as a group, our preference is for your total abstinence from sex, and total segregation. I'm really sorry that the community response has led you to feel that way. And yet, I find it pretty upsetting that simply by virtue of my gender orientation, I am being considered the potentially violent perpetrator of a hate crime. Isn't that kind of assumption the textbook definition of 'discrimination?'
I think it is obvious that to yell "Don't sleep with serial killers, dummy!" is a transphobic comment. I don't think we should underplay the significance of the fact that some people think it's acceptable to say that. But ultimately, I think that if we focus on that extreme viewpoint to the exclusion of all else, it becomes the straw man version of a legitimate concern which, while unarguably condescending, is at least understandable.
My ex-girlfriend is a trans woman. She uses an online dating site. when she is "out*" on the site, she tends to receive a couple of curious questions about her gender identity or the medical aspects, and some crap from those fetishizing her gender identity, and every once in a while, out-and-out transphobic comments. However, when she was not "out," she also had a really troubling experience over and over again that it makes me really sad to think about her dealing with. She kept getting close to people, developing meaningful friendships... until they spoke on the phone and heard her voice. Or until she DID come out to them. Or until they met in person. Then these people would inexplicably disappear, leaving her hanging. I feel like that kind of horrible treatment from transphobic people is really damaging, because it runs the risk of empirically reinforce her feeling that there is something wrong with being trans -- when there is emphatically NOTHING wrong with it.
Where I stop short, though, is in saying that I know better than her whether she should disclose her history to anyone. Obviously I have absolutely no way of being more informed than she is about whether she should make that choice. I'm just saying, it is pretty harsh to assume that these (misguided) people are entirely motivated out of hatred and bigotry, instead of just ignorance. I can only speak for myself. I myself only think about things like this because it makes me really angry, concerned and sad to think about someone I love being subject to this kind of treatment. She is a brilliant, courageous, compassionate, strong woman. I wish the world were such that either being "out" or NOT were equally available choices to her, so that she could make that decision based on personal preference, and not because of fear of retribution. I wish that, "out" or not, trans people could live and affirm their identities and sexualities without this totally ridiculous and superstitious stigma.
The support of one's community is invaluable to self-esteem. I know this precisely because I have struggled with it, too.
Respectfully,
Alexandria
*I'm putting "out" in quotation marks because I think that if you use the word too loosely, it starts to sound like not disclosing that "one is a trans woman, but was born biologically male," implies dishonesty or hiding something. That in turn implies that a trans woman is "Not Really A Woman," or a trans man is "Not Really A Man," which is a viewpoint I emphatically oppose.
To be frank, this hits very close to home for me. My relationship with my ex-girlfriend ended in part because of the PTSD I have from having experienced horrific, and violent sexual abuse as a child. There was an intersection between my trauma and her own regarding her parents' intolerance of her gender identity that caused our intimate relationship to be too much for either of us to handle, regardless of the intellectual interests we shared, the chemistry we had, the compassion we felt for each other, or how much we loved each other. It was an extremely confusing and complicated issue, and the last thing I want is to be considered a potential perpetrator of a hate crime because of it.
I think that in the face of terrible situations like that, where my trauma and her trauma intersected to create a block to what would have otherwise been a wonderful relationship, the most important thing for us to remember is that solidarity between the trans and cis communities is of highest importance here. Not only in order to be fair to all of us, but also for simply pragmatic reasons - because the liberation of any hinges on the liberation of all - and without solidarity between various groups, our incredibly urgent work against the greater enemies will never get done.
With all the respect in the world,
Alexandria Brown.
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Firstly, thanks for taking the time to write. In the past, we haven't done a good enough job moderating posts - esp those dealing with trans issues (hence "the more extreme views" getting into threads). We've committed to making Feministing a safer space, so threads - especially those dealing with marginalized groups who have historically been treated badly on this site - will be heavily moderated. Sometimes our moderation may seem unfair, but we do it in the spirit of making a better community.
I think the moderation on feministing has gone to far... period.
The explicitly stated commenting policy is great. But that is not how it is run.
More and more post on the main page of feministing are preemptively having all of the comments cleared for approval before posting.
If you are familiar with Groupthink, the editors are acting as mind guards, people that shield the group from dissenting [and legitimate] criticism.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupthink#Symptoms_of_groupthink
My post against this was not cleared by the feministing editors either.
And this is not just going on with the trans post. I have read one blog by a feministing reader and sex worker that had her comment denied by Cloe. I pointed out some horrible analysis in one of Samhita's post. Surprise, surprise, it did not go through.
Its becoming clearer and clearer that this forum iss straying from its stated purpose:
We view Feministing as a platform for not only discussion among feminists and allies, but for reaching (open, not hateful) people who may not agree with every word we write. Comment threads are a big part of what facilitates this dialogue.... We moderate comments because we want to leave space for dialogue and questions, but also want to prevent the comment threads from getting derailed or offending anyone is a difficult line to walk.
This site is more and more about groupthink and mind guards.
So creating a safe space for people and refusing to allow derails and insults - that's groupthink?
Why not just call it 'political correctness gone mad' and be done with it?
Insulting, marginalizing nonsense.
Thank you, Jessica.
I do understand the reasoning behind heavy moderation. I've hosted debates on my Facebook page alone that got totally out of control, and was very happy to have the delete button. I can hardly imagine what you all deal with.
Yours in Groupthink?,
A
damn... there was nothing hateful about your comment, Alexandria Brown. why the hell would they block it? i've read it over carefully three times, and i can't even identify what part of your comment could possibly have been construed as something transphobic.
yo, moderators- sorry to say, but y'all fucked up on this one.