I have recently been made aware of Aspergers during an Education class I had this semester. I am a college student studying German and minoring in Women's Studies since recently becoming obsessed with women's studies and issues. I thought nothing of my obsession nor my past obsessions growing up--dinosaurs, cats, and drawing houses. These would be all I would do for a few years or so then on to the next. Listening to the presentation and the traits of people with Aspergers, including my teacher's son, I began to see parts of myself. When in social situations I'm terrified. At family parties my husband always asks why I just stand there and barely talk to anyone, and why I don't look people in the eyes when I speak to them. I just said I was really shy that's all...but now I'm wondering if I have mild Aspergers or something. Most of the other traits fit me.
Does anyone know anything about this syndrome and/or live with it? Any tips on relationships because I'm scared that I will ruin my marriage if I don't learn to understand myself.
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I also was wondering if there was any use in actually getting diagnosed...I have read that many adults don't even bother. I guess I'm also afraid of not being diagnosed with it, because if not then I guess I'm just a cold-hearted, messed up person...I rarely feel emotion for anything that doesn't directly affect myself, and I just figured I was a cold, bad person and pretended to show emotion at say, a funeral, etc. When reading about people with aspergers I thought, maybe that is the reason and I am still a good person.
You might come visit http://disabledfeminists.com, a lot of non-neurotypical people hang out there and share their experiences, and the blogroll has sites specifically about Aspergers (such as http://aspergersquare8.blogspot.com/) where you might find resources and people you can talk to.
There's another website you might be interested: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/
As someone who's been diagnosed with Asperger's, all I can say is get a professional opinion first before you jump to any conclusions. Self-diagnoses help no one.
I'm inclined to agree.
Thats why I was wondering if I should go to a professional. I guess costs may get in the way, but again, I am also partly afraid that if I am not diagnosed with it, then the things I've thought about myself my whole life--I'm just super shy, not likeable, think too much, have no heart, cold, messed up, can't make friends--then those would be true. Mostly the ones I don't want to deal with is my lack of empathy. Maybe I am simply a cold person...I hope not. I believed I was until I learned about Aspergers and thought "maybe I'm not just screwed up and sick". What would you suggest though, to find a professional opinion? I have student insurance.
My parents did an "exorcism" on me when I was in I think fifth grade because they thought I had a demon inside me that made me the way I was. (My parents were VERY religious and everything I did/didn't do "normally" meant I needed to pray to God to make it better. I think perhaps a professional opinion would be refreshing compared to believing I was possessed. I know that I wasn't, of course, but now I am desperate for a more realistic answer.
Thats sad and it seems it could be a little traumatizing as well.
Are you a student at a university? You might be able to visit the campus health department, but there's a big caveat, namely that it'll probably end up in your permanent record. It's entirely your decision whether that's something you want. (For what it's worth, I did this in high school, found it ended very badly, and have not told anyone on staff here.)
I am at University. I think I will try. I had planned to get counseling anyways for other things...I'm an adoptee and have some issues resulting from that and figuring out how to deal with relationships with my biological mom and family...
I don't know what to expect I guess, but I think it is worth it to see at least, since I am not financially stable enough to afford many doctor's visits or whatnot, thanks for the tip. Maybe it will turn out alright...
I understand that the autism experts find that most people who present looking for confirmation of a self-diagnosis are, in fact, correct. And that many people who self-diagnose find that it does indeed help someone, namely themselves. If you have a bunch of AS traits, it doesn't really matter all that much if you are diagnosed, it can still help you to look at how people with similar traits handle things.
What 'permanent record'? Your medical records should be private. Mine at uni heath center certainly are.
I administrate an online forum support-group for people with ASDs and those who are in relationships with them. Feel free to join us.
http://asdrelationships.freeforums.org
Absolutely, see a therapist to get a proper diagnosis before jumping to any conclusions. My younger brother has Asperger's. He went through a lot of bs diagnoses before (he was 3 when he started exhibiting "odd" behavior) the correct one, but was able to get the attention he needed afterwards. There are some obstacles, but with the proper resources, many of them can be overcome :)
You mention your marriage and so on behalf of your partner, and any children (as well as yourself), I would urge you to get tested. Depending on the area of the country that you live in, you may be able to find therapists that work specifically with Aspies.
My mother has AS and my brother is somewhere on the spectrum. She refused to be tested for decades and her AS destroyed my family. Many people with AS unknowingly do things that hurt family members and can destroy marriages. Being honest and upfront about the impact of Asperger's can go a long way towards helping your family and loved ones understand that you are not being intentionally 'cold' or unsympathetic.
There are also resources out there for family members of Aspies. Try http://www.faaas.org/ for partners or http://aspar.wordpress.com/ for children of Aspie parents.