I had never realized how easy it is to destroy your own body image; your own self-worth. I realize that the article I want to talk about is several years old, but I felt the need to share this. I’ve spent the last little while trying to slowly build up my own body image and come to terms with my curves. I watched all of Huge. I listened to angry girl music. I downloaded Rubens paintings.
Today, I was looking for some more pictures to add to my collage. I google searched “plus size women” and “role models.” This was my first mistake. My second mistake was clicking on the link. I should’ve read the blurb. I should’ve known better. But what I found was this.
(Though this isn’t a typical triggering subject, I warn anyone who has had serious body image difficulties in the past to approach this article with care).
After reading it, I was shaking with anger. I went out into the living room, sat down on the couch and burst into tears. Everything I’d built up over the last few weeks was gone. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. “I’m disgusting, I’m disgusting, I’m disgusting” chanted the voice in my head. My boyfriend listened to my story. He told me the article was crap and the woman was completely out of line. He hugged me, kissed me, and told me that I’m beautiful. I feel a little better now, but I know I’m going to go into the bathroom to get ready for bed, and I still won’t be able to face myself in the mirror.