Hi, my name is Monica and I am a “Bad” Feminist.
Do you ever have moments like that? In which your actions or thoughts contradict your feminism? Don’t you wish at times that there was a club in which one could whine about society programming our brains and how difficult it is to reprogram them?
If there were such a club, my confession would go more or less like this: Hi, my name is Monica and I am a Bad Feminist. A few days ago, I watched Hugh Jackman’s interview on 60 minutes and I have discovered that Mr Anything-you-can-do-he-can-do-better has been abandoned by his mother when he was a child. My immediate reaction to this particular passage was “Now I finally understand why he married his wife”. His wife is a woman 13 years his senior and since I am in the mood for confessions, I have never found her to be attractive or interesting. I’ll go further. I’ll admit that ever since I first saw the two of them together, the question of why he married her has crossed my mind more than once.
That’s right, ladies! Here I stand on this (imaginary) podium telling you that I have been calling myself a feminist ever since I understood properly the meaning of the word and my brain still objects to a couple that doesn’t look picture-perfect. To make matters worse, I can’t immediately control it. In the seconds that my mind took to process the information, I had already magically gained a degree in psychology and diagnosed him with an Oedipus Complex.
Rationality intervened and then shame kicked in. Even in the context of mean gossiping, this was way out of line. Who am I to judge? Most of all, why am I still somehow biased in favor of couples whose picture could be an ad for Photoshop? Why isn’t my subconscious happy to know that even some Hollywood men don’t choose a woman based on how many Victoria’s secrets shows she has participated in? (I am looking at you, Leo!) Why do I need to use my head and not my instinct to defend this woman against the “sorcery” accusations that some of my friends have thrown her way?
This is my first time posting here and this topic could seem trivial and way too stupid for this incredible website. But I am wondering if this is just my problem. Do all of you feel like “good” feminists? Is there any therapy you use to get rid of all the unwanted thoughts? Am I the only member of BFA (Bad feminists anonymous)?