In this digital age, the lie of women is even more contrived. Alarmingly so. What the large majority of men do not understand is that women are not much different than they are. They are not the Crystal Hefners, the Bilyalova Svetlanas and even the tattooed, heavily made up Rebel princesses that are popping up all over the internet.
Men oogle these photographs, wondering why they cannot find women like these gorgeous Internet women in their real lives.
On my social networking sites I post only my best photographs where I am wearing my best clothing, where my hair and makeup looks perfect and men leave the same comments, “You’re so beautiful.” “I wish you were my girlfriend.” “Why are there no girls in my area that look like you?”
Let me tell you the truth. It’s a lie you have all been sold. All of it. There are girls exactly like me in your area, but the fact of the matter is we don’t dress to the nines and have on full makeup and perfect hair every single day like we lead you to believe in our photographs.
Sure, I can wear the mask of physical perfection sometimes, but I do own sweatpants and I fucking love them. In fact, I wear them much of the time. And no, they aren’t tight form fitting sweatpants, they’re loose fitting breathable sweatpants, just like a guy would wear. Why would I wear something like this? Well, short answer, it’s comfortable.
I had moved in with a boyfriend in Vegas a few years back. He wore sweatpants to bed because they were comfortable and I did too for the exact same reasons. He would say things to me like, “Why can’t you wear lingerie to bed?” At first, I felt sad that he would make this comment. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. After mulling over the commentary a bit, I realized I was actually quite insulted that he felt it was okay to objectify me in such a way. Would this man only “love” me if I decided to wear an uncomfortable garter and underwire babydoll to bed? Wasn’t I cute enough for him? Didn’t he realize that women were just people and not at all what he’d been exposed to on the Internet?
It was after that, that I decided to date more grounded men. I decided to go for men that had something that these men who were raised on the Internet did not and that is class. I looked for men who cared more about conversation and men who truly understood what a woman was.
A woman is not what we’re all lead to believe it is. Not all women cook, not all women wear makeup every day. Not all women squat. Do we only get to keep our XX chromosomes if we are the incarnation of a perfectly curvy, physically fit, long haired woman, sleeping in her lingerie with her makeup tattooed on?
Well, clearly anyone born with the XX chromosomes would be considered a biological female. The rest, what men are exposed to on the internet, for the most part, is theatrics.
I always feel like a woman on the inside and sometimes it’s comical to me, with the hair extensions and all of the makeup and the fucking uncomfortable high heels, I feel as if I’m getting ready to star in a play that would be titled, “What men think women look like.”
Our society is so confused. We display these heavily made up, heavily filtered images on our social networks as a way to garner compliments and likes. Much of it is a game of the wounded egos. And much of it has come about because it’s human nature to crave acceptance from our peers. Naturally, the unnatural is what we tend to be drawn to when “liking” photographs on a social network.
And I’m not speaking of things which are so unnatural that they no longer look human, but makeup is not natural and neither is dyed hair and certainly not plastic surgery. But it seems to be that the internet as a collective is on a quest for perfection as a result of years of slowly being desensitized to seeing beautiful women. The fact is the Internet is absolutely oversaturated with images of women. We see these images every day just by logging on to a social networking site. And now that we all have social networks, it takes a lot to garner attention so women keep pushing the bar higher and higher in order to exude “perfection”. Why isn’t just being a woman good enough? When did the idea of what a woman is get so misconstrued? When did it become so unconventional and so unhealthy?
Would the men who comment on my photographs still be just as interested in me without all of the makeup and the hair extensions and the designer clothing? Likely not as once a man becomes so entranced by a woman’s appearance it becomes hard for them to fairly and accurately gage her personality if they even try at all. What’s sad is that because men mostly see photographs of women looking perfect ALL the time, they start to believe that the images are reality.
They start to hold unrealistic standards in their relationships. The men who have permanent residences on the Internet start to expect their women to look like the perfectly plotted photographs that they see of the new age ultra-feminine Internet woman with exaggerated painted features and exaggerated clothing.
This is dangerous, for men and women. It sets us all up for disappointment. The fact is, women are not these objects that lay around with bright pink pouty Sephora lips in their Victoria’s Secret teddies just waiting around for a man to come ravage her.
That beautiful photograph of Angel Porrino that you can’t stop staring at is just that, a photograph, a mere split moment in her life. It is similar to a painting, a work of art, but by no means can capture the essence of what a woman really is, of who she really is. Staring at photographs all day is damaging as we begin to use projections as to what we believe these seemingly physically perfect specimens are like in real life. Projections are rarely ever reality.
Because of the lie of what women look like on the internet, many women who would typically be considered gorgeous in real life not surprisingly have insecurity issues because they are comparing themselves to images that are not real. The bar has been set high, but the goal is often unattainable and unrealistic!
Men, dangerously fall for the fantasy of what they believe women are. I met a man who understood that the women with breast implants and hair extensions and drastic makeup and heels was still a woman, but not anymore a woman than the one who decided to dress comfortably without makeup in some Nike sneakers. And undoubtedly, the woman who enjoys getting into full ultra femme costume, still has her moments where she appears physically just as she entered this world; naked and without makeup. And what is fucking wrong with that? Nothing, according to most men, as long as she doesn’t post too many photos of herself in that state.
Often times, men meet women off of the Internet and if a relationship does develop and they do take it to the next level and move in together they find themselves expecting their woman to be a perfect cookie cutter at all times. That is not reality. Women should never feel as if they have to constantly dress themselves up and look a certain way in order to be seen as feminine, as the gender they were born as. Being a woman should be enough to be considered feminine.
I had been corresponding with this man online for quite some time but decided against meeting him because whenever we spoke it always went back to my appearance and how much he loved my photographs. This was the first red flag. Then he started obsessively purchasing me lingerie and what I considered trashy dresses and stripper heels. He didn’t ask me what I enjoyed wearing or even if it was okay.
On a day to day basis, I prefer to wear a band t shirt and jeans and sneakers. He never would have purchased this for me though. He had no problem dropping hundreds of dollars on his OWN fantasy which he believed I could fulfill for him. I started to feel like one of those sex dolls, like he just wanted to dress me up so I could be his perfect gorgeous wife that he could lock away.
I realized I had to put an end to all of it. I realized that this man did not see me as a real person, but as a sex object. It’s scary to me how many men today only see women as sexual beings, which they are, but that’s only a very small part of it. They don’t bother to find out anything that’s lurking below the surface. They fall in love with an image, not realizing that these women are walking, talking, breathing creatures with opinions, with bodily functions, with health problems, with mental problems. They are people, not these majestic fairy sex goddesses that they are marketed as. And yes, social networking is marketing. It is every common person’s very own PR campaign! The problem is that people have begun to take the Internet too seriously.
The lingerie man I spoke about above, fell for a marketing ploy, likely from looking at too much porn, too many Victoria’s Secret catalogues, and I realized this could head nowhere good. He was in his 40’s with no relevant relationships to speak of because he simply expected too much from a woman. He was trying to attain something that was unattainable, something that doesn’t exist. Women don’t always look like dimes, not even celebrities as we’ve all seen the “Celebrities without makeup” edition of whatever vapid magazine they’re pushing at CVS. Woman commonly respond to these articles with, “Wow! She is so ugly!” Every celebrity is ugly simply because she decides to go out without makeup? Is that so? We all have our bad days, but some men cannot understand this. Like CageKennyLz so poetically raps, “Shocked that you can drown in so much shallowness.” And yes, Cage, I am shocked. Who would have thought that so many of us would be drowning in the shallowness?
I had one very bright man, explain to me that a woman could not be manufactured, but being a woman was something innate. I remember going out to lunch with him one day. I was wearing my Diesel pumps, a black ruffled V-Neck Max Azria tank top and my gray skinny jeans. We hung out most of the day and later in the evening, we decided we’d go out and get some Frozen Yogurt. We stopped back at my house so I could change. I put on a loose fitting Doors T-shirt, pulled my hair back, took off my makeup and put on some oversized Prada sunglasses. I exchanged my Diesel pumps for some Velcro sneakers and I felt much more myself. As we went to get back in to the car, he quickly rushed to my side of the vehicle to hold the door for me.
Half joking, I said, “You really don’t mind opening the door for someone who isn’t even the physical stereotype of a woman? I mean I don’t look like a lady right now.”
“You don’t understand. You’re one of the most feminine women I’ve ever met, with or without makeup. It isn’t about how you look. It’s your essence.”
His statement was enlightening. Many men disregard how a woman acts and they see her only for her physical attributes. We can call these men shallow. Though, it isn’t their fault. They are confused as to what it is like to be with an actual real life woman. We are not always perfect like our avatar pictures, so don’t expect us to be. We are not only interested in makeup and lingerie and dressing up for you. That’s a bit narcissistic to assume, don’t you think?
What about all of the men who choose not to work out and who decide to wear their hair long and who don’t like sports or tools? Does that mean they are not men? No. That’s a foolish suggestion.