Recently in Body Image Category

I feel that someone must have written about this at some point but my search on feministing comes up short.

This weekend here in Austin was "The Race for the Cure."  It was the first Race for the Cure since my sister-in-law passed away from Breast Cancer in May.  She was 33, had the BRAC gene, and happened to have an incredibly virulent strain of the disease.  She fought hard for two and a half years but her body couldn't hold it off any longer. 

Since her death, I have really begun to hate the "Save the Tatas" shirts.  While it would be nice to save them, I really wish that we could simply save the people.  It's the people who matter in this fight, not the breasts. 

On top of that, I absolutely hate how they privilege breasts over any other aspect of a breast cancer fighter, survivor, or victim's humanity.  As if the battle to find a cure or a treatment is simply because that body part is missed when it has to be sacrificed for a woman's health. 

Also, it unfairly makes those survivors who do have to live without their original breasts, either foregoing any breasts or going through the long, painful process of reconstruction, feel inadequate.  At the race this weekend, a whole group of people had shirts that read "Save Second Base" and a group of guys had ones that read, "I run for them because I love them," which could mean women with breast cancer but it is clearly ambiguous so that it can also refer to the breasts themselves.  In my family, four close female relatives all had breast cancer in a three-year span and between them, one "real" breast was left, there were five reconstructed breasts, and two breasts that were never replaced.  Does second base no longer exist for any of those women?  Does that love only extend to the woman with the "real" breast or the women reconstructed breasts? 

What does it really mean when people wear silly shirts with funny slogans like that?  Is it about breasts or is about women?  And if it is about women, is about more than their ability to please someone else sexually or to be available in a sexual way?  In all fairness, I just want a shirt that says "Fuck breast cancer."

Please, let the focus be on saving people's lives.  If we eventually get to save the breasts, too, that's great.  But first and foremost, it has to be about the people.

You wouldn't walk up to an acquaintance or colleague and tell them " you're really fat" just in passing, to make friendly conversation. So, why is it considered completely acceptable to randomly, out of nowhere, tell people they are thin? 

I know being thin is usually seen as a "good" thing whereas being fat is seen as a "bad" thing so perhaps you could see that as being a reason that it is more socially acceptable to walk up to someone and say "you're thin". But, even if people mean it as a compliment being told you are thin can be very uncomfortable. 

I am a pretty normal weight- on the petite side, but not extremely so. When i was a college student people very rarely said anything about my weight, but recently, working at my first job, my weight has become quite the topic for conversation. My colleagues are constantly telling me I'm thin. As if it's breaking news. "You're really skinny, you know that?" .

I imagine these comments might feel uncomfortable for anyone. As a young professional, you wish to be recognized and known for your work, not your body size. But, as someone with a history of anorexia they are especially uncomfortable.

These comments on my perfectly healthy weight remind me of the comments i used to get when my weight was not healthy. Back then, i lived for those comments. And I think my colleagues think them telling me i am thin is making me feel happy and accomplished like it did then.

Was my response to being told I was thin (elation) back when i was in the  throes of anorexia more "normal" than my response is today (annoyance)? 

Okay, so I personally probably wouldn't buy a necklace in the shape of my vagina. Because really, I'm already wearing my vagina. And I'd rather spend my money on books and ice cream, like I always do. BUT I don't poo poo the idea of vagina necklaces because vaginas are somehow gross. Someone I know posted a link to How Much Do You Love Your Vulva? Wear it! and when I visited the site, I saddened by the responses it got.

Between the spring of 1999 and that fall, I lost one third of my body weight. I became a size 0. I went from a BMI of 24 to a BMI of 16. For months, my weight hovered around 100 pounds. Those months were exactly ten years ago. This realization has given rise to some interesting reflections.

I’ve always been a nostalgic person. More than that—I’ve always been a person who likes to remember, and privately commemorate, both good and bad events and memories. Something about the passage of time is both comforting and encouraging for me. Reflecting on my ever-growing base of experiences reassures me that I am, in fact, more mature and a more “whole adult” now than I was at 20, or at 15. Similarly, it reassures me that in 5 or 10 more years, this pattern of growth will have continued. Looking back on my eating disorder, however, I am not struck by how much has changed in the past ten years. I am, instead, struck by how much has not. And I suspect my experiences are not unique.

I saw a performance of this last night at the Acadia Cafe in Minneapolis.  Thought you might enjoy some feel good vibes!

Too Big For My Skin by Desdamona

The author says, "It's not just a poem.  It's a mind state.  It's an international campaign that invites you to leave your response to the video in the comment section or to submit your very own video response.  It's about positive body image, acceptance and strength.  It's about finding your voice and speaking.  Join us in the campaign!"

Normal Breasts Gallery (NSFW): http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

Apologies if this has been posted here before. I remember finding this website a couple of years ago and it made me very happy and even lessened some insecurities I had at the time about my breasts. The gallery is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: photographs of real women's breasts of all different sizes and looks, all presented as absolutely normal, healthy, and beautiful. I think it's a great resource for everybody, but especially for preteens/teenagers, potentially to help girls overcome insecurities about their breasts and realize that there is no single definition of "normal"; or to show boys that images of breasts in the media and in pornography are often not very realistic or close to what most women have.

This absurd image is the work of Ralph Lauren's retouchers, who have had to apologise for making an already thin model's head bigger than her waist.

I don't think any further commentary is required for this image, except to say again, WTF were they thinking?

You all know how it goes: the second a female passes judgement on another female that some male(s) somewhere find attractive, that first chick is just a jealous and insecure bitch. 

With the advent of the Megan Fox hoopla, I was quite confused about the whole situation of a woman who apparently (no way did I pay money to see Transformers, ha) couldn't act being popular- especially since she couldn't really be popular for her looks, since she wasn't even a natural beauty like Marilyn Monroe (who could sing and act course) or something. 

While plauged with ennui, I searched for an answer. Every where I went, here were the two types of answers from people:

1. You are totally right.

2. You are just jealous, get over her.

Why is it that women can't comment on other women these days (besides that, as nothing but physical objects, we aren't supposed to view ourselves/others in that way)? As a bisexual, I particularly find this confusing when a heterosexual male is permitted to call a woman unattractive and I am not permitted, as we both find interest in females.

What kind of response is appropriate for this? I have come to realize that my usual "fuck you, fuck do you know, fucking idiot" is not really an appropriately educated/ing retort.  

I was standing in line at the checkout today and a mother and her daughter, who as about 9, were behind me.  The daughter was looking at the magazine & tabloids on display.  

Daughter: Why do they have all these women in bathing suits on the cover?  Are they famous?

Mom: Yes, they're actresses.

Daughter: But why are they putting pictures of them in bathing suits on the front?

Mom: Because they're talking about how skinny or fat they are.  [pause] Actresses have to be very, very thin.  It's a horrible situation.  Women are made to become very skinny to be actresses.  If they're not skinny, they don't get good jobs or they get no jobs at all.  It's a very bad expectation and it's going to change. 

I was so happy to hear this mom say this to her daughter.  I remembered when I was a chubby, short kid and told my mom I wanted to be a ballerina.  She answered that ballerinas had to be very thin and tall.  She wasn't trying to hurt me at all, but I wish she'd followed that up by explaining to me that these standards were the problem, not me and my body.

Anyhow, this was the best experience I've ever had in a grocery store check out.

Cross-posted on The F-Wave

Today I want to address a different side of body issues: those of us who work to gain weight, not lose it. I have always been pretty small … okay, a frigging beanpole all my life. It’s been a pretty sensitive issue for me too. I still remember some awful girls spreading rumours I had an eating disorder in Grade 8 because I didn’t finish the weird food on my plate during a field trip (I’ve always been picky with food, so I got extra bread instead). So, yeah, I’m skinny. I think it is extremely important to stress that every body shape, size and type comes with its own benefits and difficulties. I’m very uncomfortable with the hyper-sexualisation of my body type. And it’s even harder when people assume you should be grateful for it. So here’s my experience, along with some tips for anyone who has trouble eating at times.

Firstly, a distinction must be made. I am not a medical professional, and I do not have anorexia nervosa , the eating disorder. In this posting I am discussing methods of coping with stress or depression-related appetite suppression, also known as anorexia . Anorexia is a symptom in which a person experiences a loss of appetite. This can be caused by everything from stress to medication to significant emotional loss. It is even used to describe the experience of ‘fullness’ after a large meal. If severe, it can also be a symptom for more serious medical issues, including anorexia nervosa , an eating disorder. Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical and psychological disorder characterized by compulsive dieting and weight loss, body image issues and issues of control. For more information there are a variety of professional resources available on the web, and if you think you may have anorexia nervosa or any form of serious eating disorder, please, please see a doctor or at least tell a close friend or family member about it immediately.

Here’s my story:

Entering high school I had just had a major growth spurt. In gym class, we learned about BMI indexes, and I struggled that year to have my weight catch up with my height.

My mom is turning seventy in a few months. And increasingly, I find myself worrying about her eating habits as if she were a teenage girl. I don’t really know how to handle this.

She’s a beautiful woman, has been all her life, and in many ways has relied on this fact--once she discovered it--to shore up an ego that was reduced to tatters by a very traumatic childhood. We’re quite close, though we don’t get the chance to see each other as often as we’d like, and over the last fifteen years or so she's talked to me a lot about her changing body and how she’s supposedly come to terms with it. To hear what she says directly about the issue of aging, it might sound like everything’s ok.

However.

The subject of food, and whether she's being "good" or "bad", comes up more and more often in conversations related to her mood. I should mention that my mom's an outstanding, health-conscious cook and I’ve never seen her eat junk food in my life, except under duress when nothing else was available, so being “bad” implies what she considers to be overindulgence in foods that in and of themselves are healthy. Say, nibbling on nuts, or cheese. Or having an extra glass of wine (she doesn’t have an alcohol problem). My mother is thin. Very thin. She has a thicker waist than she used to, but she’s a seventy-year-old woman, for crying out loud. She was fixated on weight even when she was younger, though; I’ve never seen her exhibit behaviour I would associate with a real eating disorder, nor would she even officially go on diets, but she’d make deprecating comments about her body all the time. In one childhood memory that makes me cringe, I remember asking her how you could tell whether you were overweight, and she pinched the one inch of pinchable stuff on her forty-something-year-old belly and said “this is getting to be too fat”.

(I was prompted to write this as a comment on the Professor Foxy column about confused gender perception, but it got too long and off-topic)

I very occasionally get called "sir", and it used to bother me, partly because I identify as female, but mainly because saying that a female looks male usually implies that she is ugly. However, on the rare occasions  when I have been called sir, it is usually at first glance, from a distance, or when the person is distracted, and the person has always quickly realized their error when they get a better look at me and apologized, unless they were too embarassed. I usually wear little to no makeup (usually a small amount of mascara or else nothing), and tend to wear my hair pulled back. I have natural blond hair and invisible eyelashes, and this seems to be the main factor that leads to me being called sir. I don't recall this happening when I've had some mascara on (except once from a beggar who was at a distance and who seemed to be drunk or otherwise mentally incapacitated, and recently immigrated from a very different cultural background, and this was in a foreign country so there may have been additional linguistic/cultural confusion). It's not a large amount of mascara that would be easily noticeable and read as "makeup", thereby coding me as female, it's just enough to make my eyelashes visible, and people usually don't realize it's mascara.

I usually enjoy Livejournal's daily "writer's block". The questions are often silly, but harmless, and at times they can actually be interesting.

However, this is today's question:

"If a magic genie told you your calories wouldn't count for 24 hours, would it change what and how much you ate that day?"

To me it's bordering on encouraging eating disorders.

And it looks like most answers are "YES!". (Which is probably because most people who think this question is stupid don't answer it at all.) But fortunately some users who have answered the question before me have said perfectly what I was going to say.

joshksingh:
"To put this question another way: If an evil djinn told you you could indulge your eating disorder for 24 hours, would you?
I'm definitely lucky I'm not a girl in this society. What a profoundly silly and abusive question."

willowrs:
"No it bloody wouldn't. I wish folk wouldn't be so obsessed, and I wish social pressures and the media wouldn't put out images of 'people/figures to aspire to' that nobody actually looks like. It's all absolutely bollocks and makes me pissed as hell. Look at what it is doing to our young women and girls, it is beyond shameful.

Look after yourself properly, not how the media says to. They all have an agenda. I don't want everybody to aspire to looking like prepubescent girls it's just wrong, in so many ways and desperately unhealthy and damaging to the self esteem and body image. It's an apalling aspect of culture.

Eat a varied and balanced diet and regular exercise and it won't matter one iota."

lolotehe:
"I would just lie down and take it very easy, considering my body would be STARVING FOR 24 HOURS."

In response to the latest speculations surrounding Castor Semanya's sex, she's apparently had a new makeover.  Notice the subheading: "We turn SA's power girl into a glamour girl -- and she loves it!"  

The problems are numerous: 

1. A Western magazine is "making-over" or changing the physical appearance of a South African woman.  Colonialism much?

2. An black woman is changed to meet Western Anglo beauty ideals, and then she's quoted as loving it as if to say, "See? She's so happy we fixed her."

3. The positive change is from "power" to "glamour," or from capable to object.

Sigh.  I hate to see a woman forced into gender performance.  That's not to imply that Semanya would never wear dresses or be traditionally feminine of her own will, but that this spectacle of performance is clearly reactionary, a display to defy earlier accusations.

(originally posted here )

Since I wrote my little manifesto last week , I have spent a lot of time without pants on, a lot of time thinking about my body, and a lot of time simply enjoying my life.

To celebrate the last day of my pants-off experiment, I went shopping. It's been a long time since I spent any money on clothes for myself and, as the air is starting to get a bit more nippy and I'm realizing that Los Angeles "winter" clothes are just not going to cut it here in Portland, I decided to treat myself to $40 or less of brand-new secondhand clothes.

As much as I love used clothing stores, I have to admit that sometimes it's a little harder to shop at them than at new clothing stores when it comes to body image. It's really hard for me to find pants that fit the varying widths of my waist, hips, and butt, plus end up somewhere near the right length and most flattering style. At Gap or Express or some other store, I can pick from the neat rows of well-folded jeans a pair that seems most promising out of the range of sizes, styles, and lengths; they might not fit right, but at least I had a good idea what I was getting myself into. This is not so at used clothing stores. My technique is to pick as many items as I can that seem remotely promising, spend many minutes yanking them on, and try my best not to allow my self image to fall in direct proportion to how many pairs of jeans don't come up over my hips, button at my waist, cover the entirety of my ass, or generally look at all good. It's like a gauntlet where the challenge is the mirror versus my self esteem.

But yesterday was like a revelation. I tried on a ton of things, skirts and pants and tops and even a cute jacket, and felt fine the whole time. I mean, there were some pants that showed so much butt-crack that I think I now belong to the local plumbers union. There were skirts so tight I could actually see cellulite through the fabric. And there was a really cheap, really lovely Marc Jacobs sweater (only $20!) that made my already broad shoulders look about right for a linebacker. But I didn't walk out of the dressing room in a miasma of panic and self-loathing, convinced that I would fit in the clothing if only I weren't such a pathetic aberration. Instead, when something didn't zip, button, or even come up all the way over my thighs, I felt how profoundly silly it was that the amazing variety of human body types are meant to fit into so few molds. How preposterous! How very strange to feel that my body, grown by my Mother and I in that age-old way, is somehow wrong to not adhere to Mr. Levi's conception of what proportions a body should be. How very strange to think that it is my body that is supposed to fit the clothes and not the other way around.

I left with a jacket, a pair of ankle boots, a pair of blue jeans, and a renewed sense of self worth. I attribute this entirely to spending a week really living in my body. Being at home with my body when I'm at home has given me a new understanding: my body is my home, wherever I am, and I belong to it as much as it belongs to me. I am it, this is my life, and I do not want to waste one more minute hating it. If I can feel good about myself alone in my apartment, well then I'm damn well not going to leave that at the door.

When I wrote my little manifesto last week, I had no idea what it would do to me. I had no idea how unbelievably, heartrendingly kind, hopeful, and honest so many readers and commenters could be. I expected jeers and negativity but mostly apathy; I did not expect love, respect, and encouragement. More than anything, I had no idea what spending a week in my underpants would do for my body image. I've spent so much time covering up for myself, covering up my body and my shame and my embarrassment that, as a good feminist, I still have body shame. It has been shocking to me to see what laying myself bare, to the world and to myself, has revealed.

So I hope that some of you have tried to reveal yourselves to yourselves as well, or if you haven't, that you will. I worried I might only find an ever deeper abscess of self hatred and am delighted to find a wellspring of self love. I hope that, by trying this little experiment or any other, you all might find some, too.

I love the webcomic xkcd and wanted to share today's edition. The premise is a set of images of the human body, presumably for an anatomy textbook. The gag is the photo session is taking place at a TGI-Friday's and fellow customers are less than thrilled with the naked photo session by the salad bar.(If you go to the site, make sure to read the pop-up text when your mouse pauses over the image. Randall's commentary is usually just as funny as the comic itself.)

Here's the cool part, the first two panels of the comic are about the female body: a female breast with the nipple and areola labeled, a close-up of female genitals wtih the clitoris, vagina and both labia labeled. 

I imagine making a feminist statement wasn't necessarily the artist's main objective. But in a world where references to female genitalia are seen as incredibly taboo ("dick" is sometimes acceptable, but "vagina" or "pussy" are perceived as REALLY raunchy) I think it's a pretty cool occurrence.  One small step for vaginas, one giant leap for vagina-kind.  Or something like that.

It's disturbing to explore how deep the rabbit hole of body image issues descends.

It was raining today, and so I wore jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. A close-fitting long sleeve shirt and close-fitting jeans. As I crossed a street, carrying my favorite umbrella and a bag of new-to-me books from the Salvation Army, I looked down at my stomach and immediately felt an all-too-familiar twinge of shame. My belly was quite conspicuous, bisected round the middle by the line of my jean waistband.

Before I had a chance to counter any thoughts I had a wealth of mean, self-hating quips ready. Admittedly I didn't exactly have the desire to counter those thoughts- I felt I deserved every one. The word disgusting came to mind. As did the thought that

Maybe you should stop eating regular food and go back to the poor, starvation diet of lentils and rice everyday.
This makes more sense if you factor in my recent loss of a few pounds. I don't even know how much I lost, only that I can tell that I have dismissed a few extra inches or pounds from my frame due to my lack of money for food, walking more often, and the intense humidity of Manhattan August. Considering that I spent a greater part of my summer sitting in a car cross country or sitting at the bar in my hometown drinking cheap beer and talking the night away, I feel it's appropriate and understandable that my body move back to its somewhat usual shape and size.

But my feelings about this recent weight loss extend beyond "understandable" or "appropriate". I have been feeling proud of the weight coming off. To further clarify, this goes far beyond the healthy aspect of things. I'm not feeling proud of taking care of my body. I'm returning to my more healthy lifestyle of decent food and regular body movement after a summer of relative debauchery, but my gratification has little to do with healthiness. It's deeper and darker, and I'm ashamed that these thoughts are still so much a part of me.

I think there has been built into the system map of my brain an automatic pat on the head and tangible pride when I lose weight, regardless of how it was lost. I remember having similar feelings when I was too depressed to eat more than a cracker or two for a month a few years ago, which I think is an excellent example of losing weight unhealthily. Not all weight loss is healthy, but all weight loss triggers warm feelings about myself in the pit of my gut. Not all weight gain is unhealthy, but it all unequivocally makes me feel ashamed.

It's disturbing to explore how deep the rabbit hole of body image issues descends.

It was raining today, and so I wore jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. A close-fitting long sleeve shirt and close-fitting jeans. As I crossed a street, carrying my favorite umbrella and a bag of new-to-me books from the Salvation Army, I looked down at my stomach and immediately felt an all-too-familiar twinge of shame. My belly was quite conspicuous, bisected round the middle by the line of my jean waistband.

Before I had a chance to counter any thoughts I had a wealth of mean, self-hating quips ready. Admittedly I didn't exactly have the desire to counter those thoughts- I felt I deserved every one. The word disgusting came to mind. As did the thought that

Maybe you should stop eating regular food and go back to the poor, starvation diet of lentils and rice everyday.

But my feelings about this recent weight loss extend beyond "understandable" or "appropriate". I have been feeling proud of the weight coming off. To further clarify, this goes far beyond the healthy aspect of things. I'm not feeling proud of taking care of my body. I'm returning to my more healthy lifestyle of decent food and regular body movement after a summer of relative debauchery, but my gratification has little to do with healthiness. It's deeper and darker, and I'm ashamed that these thoughts are still so much a part of me.

Lizzie Miller is a 20 year old plus size model standing 5'11", weighing in at 180 pounds, and wearing a size 12-14. Miller is (evidently) on page 194 of the latest issue of Glamour magazine and her semi-nude photos have caused a stir recently with the exhibition of her belly and stretch-marked hips. Another photo, unlike the one above, features Miller in profile with a full view of her belly.

I'm having a hard time accepting my own thin privilege. RMJ at Deeply Problematic wrote a post a little bit ago about coming to accept her thin privilege. That was really the first time that I thought of myself as having thin privilege and it made me kind of uncomfortable. And I want to explore that uncomfortableness here.

So what is thin privilege exactly? Anji at Shut Up, Sit Down offers these examples :

So yes, I have thin privilege.

As a child, I was very slender. But then puberty hit and as I started growing, I started putting on weight around my middle. Now, I go between a size 12 and 14 in bottoms and between large and x-large in tops, depending on the store and style. I rarely ever have to be concerned about the fatphobic things that Anji lists above (depending on the store, I'm not always guaranteed clothes in my size range). But even without being subject to blatant fatphobia, I feel as if society judges me for being fat. I have started to come to terms a little bit with my body. I have started wearing shorts shorter than knee-length again. I try to dress for my body type instead of what's "in style."

I am, as some would say, a woman of "average"* weight and size...though you wouldn't know it by looking at the media and clothing stores. Because of this, I have thin privilege. So, why I am so uncomfortable at accepting this kind of privilege. Part of my interest in feminism is examining different kinds of privilege and my investments in them. So why is it so hard for me to accept this privilege?

Society tells us through the media, clothing stores, new reports, etc. that the "average" is, in fact, a size 4 - maybe even a size 2. Since puberty, I have not seen myself reflected in the media and as a result, have not thought of myself as having thin privilege. There are profits to me made to make women of all sizes feel bad about themselves, so that is what the media is going to do.

I try to be aware of fatphobic language and events, but maybe my denial of accepting my thin privilege contributes to a fatphobic society. Just because I am self-conscious about my body does not mean that I don't benefit from thin privilege. I have to start doing a better job at recognizing my investments in thin priviege.

Coming to terms with one's own thin privilege does not mean that you will not have any body image issues. Today's society thrives off of creating body image issues for women (and men). Owning one's thin privilege is more about realizing the ways that you are invested in the fatphobic tendencies of society.

*I dislike using the term "average" or "normal" to describe people's bodies. It implies that there is something abnormal or not average, when everybody's body is different. By using this term, I am simply using it statistically...my body is statistically average. But there really is no such thing as a "normal" body. Using the term "normal" just contributes to othering and oppression.

Originally posted at Adventures of a Young Feminist

(WARNING: rant ahead)
ok, so i apologize if i'm late on this issue but i'm so fucking annoyed with the whole "pot bellies are sexy" thing. why? becuase it only applies to men! according to slate.com, the reason why 6-packs are out are because...

are you ready for this?

Aaron Hicklin, editor of Out, explains that the six-pack abs obsession has become "so prissy it stopped being masculine."

ok, GIANT WTF here - so working out is exclusively masculine now? do women not work out? and why is it ok for MEN to have the belly and not WOMEN?

Cross-posted at Pink Scare .

For one thing, I don't know if I have. On my best days, I could say I really don't care if I did lose weight. Other days, I can at least be honest and tell you I don't keep a scale around so that I can't obsess about weight, and honestly, I don't know. On my worst days I could at least say I'm not sure because knowing things like that becomes too consuming and I don't want to be consumed by it.

For another thing, while I know you think you're making me feel good, you're really just letting my sick mind know that you thought I looked fat before, enough so that now you think I look different enough that it bears pointing out. It feels like a back handed compliment, whether you wanted it to or not.

For another thing, you say it with this proud grin on your face, which immediately reminds me how much you value thinness, and how hard it is for me to make myself not care about it, when I've grown up around people like you and in a culture that makes you seem so normal. And, no matter how strong I was feeling that day, it immediately makes me question whether I should be valuing thinness just a little bit more.

Something has been irritating me lately. I don't know why, it's just been weighing on my mind, constantly dancing around in my head. Maybe it's just because I live in the South, my A/C's been broken, and it's the hottest time of the year...

But I think it's because I have a legitimate complaint.

Why can men walk around topless and women can't?

“Simple,” I told myself, as the sweat rolled down my cleavage and soaked into my bra, “It's a matter of public decency.”

But that's bullshit.

Who decided that breasts' primary function is a sexual one?

Who?

Breasts are for nursing babies, and if you find that sexual, I recommend you seek help.

Maybe this seems trivial, but the more I thought about it, the more outraged I got. If we let people decide that a part of our body with a non-sexual primary purpose is sexual, then aren't we giving them room to dictate what else our bodies are for?

Can't they then decide that our bodies are for making babies and that alone? Or for using for their satisfaction whether or not we give consent? Can't they decide that our bodies are too weak for sports, or the Olympics, and it's better that we stay inside where it's safe?

Can't they?

I know, of course, that they already do think all these things, but it just started to seem like the equal right to toplessness could be a step toward equality in other areas. By deciding as women that our bodies are up to us to define, we claim autonomy and equality. By desexualizing breasts, we make clear that we are not sex objects or fetus incubators or weak fragile beings.

Maybe it's not as big deal as I made it out to be in my head, and maybe it's impossible, but the equal right to toplessness seems to me like it could be groundbreaking.

Breasts not bombs.

I'm putting this in the body image section because it's up to women to decide what women's bodies are for, regardless of what image the government has!

Trying to be a cheerleader for my university as well as a feminist often has its problems.  But it never, ever has made me feel this conflicted.

Last year was my first year on the university cheer team and I quickly fell in love with the activity. I had an amazing woman for a coach who pushed us to be our physical best. I was praised for my tumbling skill, as I was the most advanced tumbler on the team. We also began to do stunting (which, if you are not familiar, is when cheerleaders hold each other up in the air). It felt so amazing to have the crowd look down on me in awe as I balanced high in the air, using all my muscles to keep myself upright. I felt impressive, awesome, and strong. Though I do not have the typical cheerleader look (very short, pale, brown hair that can’t fit in a ponytail, not very thin) I felt like I belonged on the team. The focus was on skill, not looks.

My school’s cheer camp started this week and I was really excited to go get back in shape and meet some new people. The university hired a new coach, but I doubted that it would make much of a difference. I assumed that everything would go back to how it usually was.

I was completely wrong.

As you may have seen, a French pool has now taken the burqa ban one step further, specifically banning the burqini, or a full-body swimwear piece.

They cite hygiene as their primary concern and motivation, claiming that baggy clothing will harbor more germs (which I don't now much about).  Other sentiments -- and, in my opinion, the truer sentiments of this all -- are revealed quite poignantly by a quote from the mayor of the town where the pool was banned:

"We are going back in civilization," he said by telephone.  Women have fought for decades for equal rights with men, he said. "Now we are putting them back in burqas and veils."

And I want to ask, "Right, so you're going to liberate them by a) banning their choice of clothing/how they present their bodies culturally segregating them??  

So if you want to liberate someone, here's how: 

1. Limit what they can wear on their body

2. Limit what they can do with their body

3. Limit where they can physically be present.

4. Tell them that they aren't capable of making decisions about what's good for them, their bodies, and their happiness; enforce legal sanctions banning their agency.  

Keep it up, France.

I've been meaning to post for a while about how toplessness is legal in Columbus, Ohio, as I discovered after moving here and attending Comfest, a popular community festival.  

From page five of the Comfest guide, published under a photo of a topless woman: 

Yes, We Like Boobs A Lot

It's nice to live in a city where it's legal for women to go topless, and even nicer to have an event like this where it feels comfortable.  The flip side of all this niceness is a resolute commitment by Community Festival to intervene to stop any imposition on, or inappropriate behavior toward, women who choose to go shirtless.

In other words: chill dude.  They're just boobs.

(Emphasis below title mine.)

Not only was it awesome to find out that I lived in a city where toplessness was legal for women, but I really appreciated this little excerpt in the guide. Nail on the head, don't you think?

I thought this seemed especially relevant consider the recent scandals over foreign leaders' cleavage.

After I read Jessica Valenti’s The Purity Myth, I was left wondering about disabled women and sex. She spent a lot of time discussing visible minorities and sex as well as lower income women and sex, but I wondered what she thought of disabled women: how we are portrayed, thought of and treated when it Jessica and I engaged in some banter over email about it and she told me about how disabled women can be ‘fetishized’. Wait. WHAT?

Tracey Cox, sex researcher and therapist, has written about weird fetishes that she has come across in her work and research: fetishes for amputees, fetishes for sermons, fetishes for animals, fetishes for dead people, et cetera. The amputee one struck me as bizarre (as did all the other ones), but Jessica threw me for a loop. I have always felt that I was ugly, undesirable, and unlovable because of my disability. I never thought that there were people out there that would want to fuck me because of my disability. I have a friend who is tri-racial (and gorgeous) who gets ‘exotified’ a lot, and guys want to sleep with her when they want to sleep with girls of different races. But she has a long-term boyfriend with whom she’s in love, so she obviously doesn’t take any offers. I can, to a certain extent, understand why she can be seen as a fetish. But . . . disabled women? Not to say that disabled women are ugly and unlovable and undesirable . . . I just never thought that someone would actually find that attractive in me and want to sleep with me – or other disabled women – on that basis alone.

Maybe I’m just weird.

This was not meant to offend anyone who has a disability. I myself have one.

I just never thought it could be seen as a fetish.

I fully believe everyone should check this out ASAP. It gives a visual to the already pretty widely known fact that the BMI calculator is complete and utter bullshit. I think this would be a wonderful addition to anyone's "you're not fat" arsenal. I made me feel better about some asshole male gynecologist telling me I'd be a 'less than' desirable candidate for egg donation because of my 'almost' overweight BMI.

I am not overweight, and no BMI calculator is gonna make me believe otherwise.

I've never created a post before at Feministing Community, but since I don't have a web-based forum of my own, I thought I would try putting some ideas out this way.

I'm wondering if anyone out there who has typical signs of what allopaths classify as 'polycystic ovarian syndrome' (regardless as to whether or not you adhere to that medical system or its diagnostic practices or categories-- I don't, personally) chooses to identify as 'intersex' on that basis alone? Although it appears that this 'condition' is usually not grouped under an intersex classification, I see no obvious reason that it should not be; it is caused by a particular genetic formation and is thus present -- even if not yet manifest -- at birth.

As a person with a mix of 'female' and 'male' secondary sex characteristics presumably attributable to this condition, I am considering adopting intersex as an identity category, and am wondering what others, particularly intersex people themselves, feel about this? (I have never felt I possessed an 'essential' male or female gender identity myself, but have generally gone along with my socially ascribed female one -- my female-typical fat distribution makes my 'femaleness' un-hideable. Yet my 'male' facial/body features often complicate maintaining/performing this identity.)

I can see an intersex identity being advantageous in the sense of helping me/others become more open and public about the 'male' characteristics (male-typical body and facial hair; masculine facial features and musculature; male-pattern baldness) that many of us possess  but generally minimize/hide. I also think this would help in moving us away from the allopathic construction of PCOS as a 'disorder' in need of 'treatment' -- or equally oppressive, as a 'risk factor' in need of 'professional monitoring' -- and toward its acceptance as a legitimate form of human embodiment. Yet, since many more people have PCOS or similar genetic hormonal 'conditions' than have traditionally been classified as intersex, I wonder if the existing intersex community would fear being 'swamped' by the potential influx or having their identity or politics diluted in some way? I really have no idea and am genuinely curious.

(Note: Please don't comment unless you're committed to honouring the non-ableist and anti-medicalization tenets of my position; i.e., no "But PCOS cauzes teh terrribal diseesez!!!111!" Living causes dying, in all people, without exception.)

Thank you.

This is my first post here.

I recently received my move-in pamphlet from my University and couldn't help but notice that lack of women who were not society's expectation regarding weight and size. All the female students portrayed in the pamphlet are thin and conform to beauty standards such as make up and hair styles.

Perhaps I am taking too much notice and getting upset too easily in regards to the decisions made by the University for advertising and images for pamphlets.

Apparently there are people who believe that Dr. Regina Benjamin, President's Obama's pick for surgeon general is overweight and is therefore not qualified for the position. (I tried to cut and paste an ABC news link but it wouldn't let me). I am interested in how the Feministing community feels about this. 

I am personally disgusted by such claims. First of all, these people who say she is overweight are basing their claims entirely on how she looks in pictures!!! None of these people know any facts about her health. Despite what many people think, you cannont always tell whether someone is clinically overweight by how they look. There are many many people who eat healthy and exercise but are still on the thick/bigger side because that is simply how their bodies are made. Instead of juding her qualifications and experience people are judging her because she doesn't fit society's beauty standards

So, I teach Pilates’ and I love it. I don’t love everything about it, but I love the way it allows you to connect with your body, strengthening it help it withstand stress and prevent injury. I love being able spend an hour at a time doing something for myself – when most of my day is wrapped up in what others need from me. I love being able to help others do the same; it is remarkable how often I work with women (and some men) who have been completely alienated from their bodies due to unmet beauty standards and even sexual taboos. I enjoy witnessing this visceral re-connection as they learn to breath and feel the work in their bodies.

However, there are aspects of teaching that make me uncomfortable, not surprising in our beauty and body obsessed culture. Teaching at a large studio in the Midwest, I encountered sunken, emaciated women who would beat all before missing their routine Pilates’ class. I heard countless self-deprecating comments and comparisons from women about their bodies and their inability to live up to internalized social expectations. Outside of the studio, when you turn on late-night infomercials you will more than likely encounter advertisements for Pilates’ related exercise equipment – complete with extraordinary before-and-afters and unusually thin celebrity spokeswomen.

How is this to be reconciled? I’d love to hear from any fitness instructors, trainers or enthusiasts out there about how they navigate these conflicts.

Here is an article about Clinton's speech at the Univ. of Delhi from the New York Times.

Unfortunately, I do not intend to highlight the good diplomacy undertaken by Hilary Clinton on her speech at the University of Delhi. I have to point out this statement she made:

"I eat way too much of the food at every chance I get," Mrs. Clinton said. "I have to go on a diet when I get back home, back to carrots and celery."

(OK side note - WHY the HELL did the NYTimes have to refer to her as 'Mrs. Clinton'?!?!?)

Really though? Even the SECRETARY OF STATE is required to make jokes about her eating habits...and indirectly, her weight? Great role model for young girls - eating carrots and celery after you've eaten too much - or more correctly, probably like a normal human being. This is crazy.

Even after all the great things she's done! Even during an important diplomatic event, which sparked serious thought and questions from the audience - someone even asked her if she thought her gender affected her candidacy for President. But we can't have a serious discussion with a woman in power without discussing weight. Without punishing ourselves.

Here's another excerpt fro the NYTimes:

"The state of women's rights worldwide remained a "mixed picture," Mrs. Clinton said, though for herself, she would never have predicted, as a student leader, that she would someday become secretary of state or seek to run for president."

But she did become secretary of state and she did have a historic run for president in the primaries. It may seem like an innocent, offhand comment, but the state of today's girls and young women cannot be joked about. The reality is many of us focus too much on our weight and not enough on our accomplishments. I know I do.

Reading what Hilary said (oh,excuse me 'Mrs. Clinton' - barf) really upset me. Ive been thinking a lot about this issue anyways - it's something I've struggled with and so it's something I want to fight so other women don't have to. And yet, the Secretary of State must diet when she returns home from a diplomatic trip.

It's all too much for me.

While I'm celebrating the nomination of a fellow Alabamian for the position of Surgeon General, I'm disappointed with nature of some of the criticism she's already receiving.

It's important to question and challenge the choices our leaders make.  However, in the comments section for this article from The New York Times, the first criticism Dr. Benjamin receives does not concern her experience, education, or other academic/political qualification.  The very first attack concerns her weight .

Is this a justifiable criticism? How important is the physical appearance of the Surgeon General? Moreover, would a man receive this same criticism?

In the end, I'm most concerned that the commenters make an immediate judgment based on a single headshot, rather than making any effort to research Dr. Benjamin's actual qualifications--which, in my opinion, are more than adequate for the task at hand.

No one is perfect, that's a reality we all have to face and yet, in my feminism, I often find myself struggling to explain my every choice, every action, with the "right" reasoning... it can get exhausting. I wrote this post as an attempt to cleanse myself from this need - to analyze something that is both personal and political (in this case, my weight) in a way that acknowledges my imperfections. My motivations may not always be completely selfless, enlightened, or even right but they are mine and I will own them regardless.

To be completley honest I am not what most would call fat. I'm chubby if we're being frank, curvy and fuller-figured if we're being euphemistic, and overweight if we're asking the wii Fit. I experience a good deal of privilege along with my size; clothing stores almost always carry things that I like in sizes that I can wear, strangers and acquaintences aren't too often compelled to spontaneously comment on my weight, I can eat what I want in public without worrying about what people might think and, to top it all off, I am lucky enough to have a significant other who loves me just the way I am (weight & all) and is very vocal about that fact.

On the scale of size privilege I rank pretty far towards the top, but that does not mean I haven't faced challenges. To be specific:  years of body-hate, diet attempts that got obsessive all too fast, and the comments from family members (who always have my best interests at heart) concerning their concerns about my health.

More than anything the constant insistence that there is no way I could be healthy enough at this size just wore at me... these last few years have been a constant state of wondering - how many pounds would I have to lose before the people I love would consider me healthy?  And more importantly: am I really unhealthy?

This article that I recieved via e-mail just today seems to indicate that, even though my wii fit (which bases my "health" on a BMI rating) doesn't nessecarily believe I am fit, I probably am since BMI is not an accurate indicator of much:

1. The person who dreamed up the BMI said explicitly that it could not and should not be used to indicate the level of fatness in an individual.

2. It is scientifically nonsensical.

3. It is physiologically wrong.

It makes no allowance for the relative proportions of bone, muscle and fat in the body. But bone is denser than muscle and twice as dense as fat, so a person with strong bones, good muscle tone and low fat will have a high BMI. Thus, athletes and fit, health-conscious movie stars who work out a lot tend to find themselves classified as overweight or even obese.

4. It gets the logic wrong.

The CDC says on its Web site that "the BMI is a reliable indicator of body fatness for people." This is a fundamental error of logic. [...] If a person is fat or obese, he or she will have a high BMI [but] it doesn't work the other way round. A high BMI does not mean an individual is even overweight, let alone obese. It could mean the person is fit and healthy, with very little fat.

5. It's bad statistics.

6. It is lying by scientific authority.

7. It suggests there are distinct categories of underweight, ideal, overweight and obese, with sharp boundaries that hinge on a decimal place.

8. It makes the more cynical members of society suspect that the medical insurance industry lobbies for the continued use of the BMI to keep their profits high.

Insurance companies sometimes charge higher premiums for people with a high BMI. Among such people are all those fit individuals with good bone and muscle and little fat, who will live long, healthy lives during which they will have to pay those greater premiums.

9. Continued reliance on the BMI means doctors don't feel the need to use one of the more scientifically sound methods that are available to measure obesity levels.

Those alternatives cost a little bit more, but they give far more reliable results.

10. It embarrasses the U.S.

It is embarrassing for one of the most scientifically, technologically and medicinally advanced nations in the world to base advice on how to prevent one of the leading causes of poor health and premature death (obesity) on a 200-year-old numerical hack developed by a mathematician who was not even an expert in what little was known about the human body back then.

[Read the full explanations for each reason here ! ]

Furthermore, a fabulor blog I have been reading lately called Junkfood Science has been opening me quickly up to the idea that a little extra weight may actually have health benefits rather than the detriments I am always being warned about. If you have a little extra time I really reccoment reading the Obesity Paradox series of articles that Junkfood's writer Sandy Szwarc has put out. They dispell a lot of common weight-health myths that I was honestly shocked to find were not true. For example:

At this week’s meeting of the American Heart Association, yet another study was reported which found that fatter cardiac patients were more likely to survive hospitalization and invasive treatments than thinner ones, even when adjusting for age and other contributing factors. In this analysis of 130,139 heart disease patients, 5.4% of “normal” weight patients died, as compared to 2.4% of “obese” and 3.1% of “overweight.” Yes, those whose were “obese” were more than two times more likely to survive !

Putting physical health aside for a moment, there's also an emotional factor to weight at least for me.) I've been trying for awhile now to figure out exactly why the well meaning urges from my family to "get into shape" upset me so deeply. I am an argumentative person I suppose - I don't often get personally offended by opposing viewpoints, rather, I try to view them as a chance for education, for both parties, and I make my side known as best I can. With my weight, however, its different.

I love fruits and vegetables, lead a fairly active lifestyle... it would not be much of a stretch for me to drop ten or twenty pounds, get down to the "respectable" 125 pounds I once was and free myself of the criticisms...  I just don't want to. I eat well, I exercise, and while I may not be in marathon-shape I can hold my own on the treadmill or in the fitness classes my college offers.

Moreover, emotionally, I have come to a place where I love my body - every last pound of it. I love the way it feels and the way it looks, I love how my clothes fit - I have fun with my body, the way it looks and the things that it does and I don't want to change it.

To lose the weight would be like losing a part of myself - ten or pounds is a big deal. I would feel different, look different... I'm not saying I couldn't grow to love that body, I just wonder why everyone seems to think that body would be so much better than the one I have, the one I already love.

I think I also see it as a hold-out, a badge of honor in a way - the one subtle way in which I am "not like them." The them here, of course, being the portion of our culture obsessed with creating a beauty norm and fitting into the narrow norm. Sure I may spend way too much time, money, and energy buying clothes that make me feel pretty and highlight my hourglass curves buts that's not because I am superficial - or at least, that's what I'd like to believe.

I think its funny how even I, until this moment, perceived myself as being "over the top" in terms of confidence - as in its nice to love your body but do you really have to do it so loudly and unapologetically?

In short: yes I do . It seems like no person out there is truly happy with their body... no matter how close to the ideal it is. It may seem hyperbolic but, at the same time, it has such an air of truth to it that the statement is hard to deny... yet I want so badly to prove it wrong all the same.

I want to be that woman - the one who does love her body, even if it doesn't fit anyone else's idea of perfect. I want to change the idea that no one truly loves their body -  not only for myself but for as many people as I possibly can, and one of the best was to incite that change is to love my own body openly and loudly, to prove that it is possible.

My reasons for staying overweight, for embracing being overweight, are not compelling enough to many, and I understand that, but for me they're right and in the end.... thats what matters.

Cross-posted from Amplify

I know this webcomic has been mentioned before here (since that's how I found it) but this week's comic was AWESOME. I really like the last panel which says, "Man, do I really gotta revolve my identity around who I find fuckable? I'd rather define myself through my accomplishments..." Her disclaimer for this one is also really good, I thought, "Before you flame me, please remember I'm only speaking about my personal experiences with sexual identity, I am in no way trying to imply that anybody else should/will have a similar evolution."

The reason I like this so much is she's hitting on a point I think is really significant- we shouldn't have to define ourselves by who we find sexually attractive. Sure, my orentation and sexuality are a huge part of who I am, but why should I define myself by that? Why should anyone? I'm curiuos what everyone else thinks about this.

(PS I'm a little nervous about posting since this only my second post and my first one got overwhelmed by a MRA who was convinced most rapes are just women trying to get out the consequences of ill-considered sex. I hope this one goes better)

This morning, I turned my radio dial to Dennis Prager's weekly "Male/Female Hour," during which he comments on gender differences and the "correct" way for men and women to behave.

For those who may not remember Dennis Prager, he has appeared on Feministing before.

Today, he addressed the double standard regarding the focus on physical appearance for men and women, stating that he acknowledges the importance of a woman's physical appearance in our society is considered more important than a man's. He stated that this was unfair, and for that reason he supports the "judicious use of plastic surgery" so that women can make themselves more beautiful to men, thus creating fairness. Whatever your thoughts about the relative pressures our society inflicts upon men and women regarding their looks and whatever your opinions of plastic surgery, the key here is that Mr. Prager wants women to use plastic surgery specifically so that they look better for men.

He then compared plastic surgery to braces. He claimed that there is no medical necessity for braces on the teeth and that plastic surgery is no different. Again, there are minor points that can be debated back and forth within these topics (perhaps about the cases where there is a medical need for plastic surgery or other things of that nature), but I posted to highlight his focus on the importance of women paying attention to their appearances because it makes them more attractive to men. Oh, and apparently this makes them better women as well.

I orginially posted this on my own blog, Adventures of a Young Feminist, but thought I would share it on here as well.

I'll admit...I like to watch "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette." I'm not saying they are good shows, but I enjoy watching this type of trashy television. But, Fox has a new show airing on July 28th called "More to Love." It is basically "The Bachelor" for "real people" (aka heavier people). I have mixed feelings about this show.

One ad for the show states that the average dress size for American women is 14/16 but the average size of reality TV show stars is 2. The Fox website says that they are "setting out to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes with the new inspirational dating competition series." While I think it is great that there will be a more realistic representation of women in television shows, I'm not convinced that this show is a good thing.

We all know that the women that are portrayed in the media through television shows, ads, celebrities, and on and on do not represent what women really look like. But does making a separate show for "real"/heavier people just further other and objectify them. These people are separated into their own class of people. They aren't good enough to be on the real reality shows, so they had to make them their own show. By creating this show, we are further making heavier people "the other." Fox may think they are doing a good thing by saying "look, real people can find love too." But this implies that they can't find love on their own, without the help of a television network.

Fox's description of the show says that "each week, the husky hunk will wine and dine a group of curvy women to determine if they have more love to give or if they are truly more than he can handle." Even this description is objectifying the people on the show. They are described as "husky" and "curvy" as if their own defining characteristic was their weight. According to Fox, there is nothing more to these people than how they look, even though they think they are showing that people are more than how much they weigh. But is there really a way to have a "dating competition series" that doesn't simply value people for how they look and doesn't objectify both the contestants and the person "looking for love"? If there is, I have yet to see it.

I am a woman, and I've been considering getting a tattoo for some time. But there's something that keeps me from it, and it's been really hard for me to put my finger on it. Tonight I did some Googling, and I feel like I may have realized what it is that bothers me about being female and getting a tattoo.

I think I get the feeling that tattoos are thought of as inherently sexy on women, and not necessarily so on men.  Maybe more so in the sort of indie/alternative/ etc. scene (which I would say I am part of). If they're not necessarily thought of as inherently sexy, we at least do have something of an archetype of "the sexy tattooed woman." (Think Suicide Girls, etc.) Do we have anything comparable for men?

When I say "women" and "tattoos" in the same sentence, I hear a lot of responses that use words like "sexy" and "cute." I don't feel like I heard the same responses for men.  A Google image search of "tattoos women" turns up a lot of sexy results (lots of tattooed women posing sexily), although "tattoos men" does yield a fair amount of comparable results. This is all anecdotal evidence because I'm just now piecing together my thoughts on the subject-- I guess it's just a nagging feeling I have, and I'm wondering if anyone else feels the same.

I suppose my question is, do you think that we see tattoos on women as sexy, and tattoos on men as something else? Or do tattoos on both men and women have a "sexy" connotation?  (If so, why?) And, is it silly to let this deter me from getting a tattoo?

I'm especially curious to hear from tattooed women. What kind of responses do you get to your tattoos? Do you feel that people would respond differently if you were a tattooed man?

Thanks, everyone!

Crossposted at my blog, Deeply Problematic .

Apparently the New York Times has just gotten the memo that women larger than a size eight also enjoy wearing stylish clothing in a new article by Ruth la Ferla, called "Fashion Reaches Out to Heavier Young Women" . This degrading article comes despite widespread reporting that the plus-size industry is retracting (they  allude to this fact in the article, which makes for confusing reading in a piece about how plus-sizes are the Hot New Thing).

Their main evidence for this discovery is that nationwide retailers like Target, Old Navy (which caters to teens, not older women) and Hot Topic are now offering clothes for fat women? Which has been going on for...some time?

The entire article is filled with snobbish condescension like this:

Euphemistically for what? "Disgusting fatass"? This comment is odd considering that la Ferla does everything she can to avoid calling women "large" or "fat" : "glamorously curvy", "round-bodied"

Also bizarre is the emphasis on K-Mart as the face of fat fashion:

Nothing against K-Mart - I occasionally shop there and even bought a $5 scarf there last week - but it has never been a hot spot for fashion. K-Mart clothes are by definition discount and downmarket, and it is the only retailer in the article mentioned multiple times. La Ferla could have focused on Target, or Torrid, or another retailer with a reputation for putting out stylish clothes for all - but chose to focus on a store known not at all for its stylish clothing. This subtle framing reinforces the idea that fat women are undiscriminating, sloppy, and at the low end of the fashion spectrum - even in an article that's specifically about fat style.

Still, it's only obtuse and mildly insulting until the very end. There's a curt nod to fat acceptance:

But such forward thinking is immediately regulated with a healthy serving of guilt and shame :

So, fat girls who dare to like themselves are faking it - and if their outrageous self-love is genuine, they should wake up and realize how unhealthy they are. How is this kind of health moralizing acceptable in an article about fashion? Is there no space in the mainstream media where fat women can be discussed without being pathologized and degraded?

Even in article that's purportedly fat-positive, about how large young women (like myself) are fashionable and beautiful (as if we ever weren't), the mainstream media feels a need to reinforce shame and police our bodies.

A great deal of the feminist community has focused on changing the right of body labeling from a societal act to a personal act:rather than allow society to label, categorize, and stigmatize our bodies based on outmoded and unrealistic labels, we should define ourselves and our bodies as we want, thus allows us to represent our experience of embodiment through our terminology, or not.  Recently, though, I've begun to wonder more about the ways we as women refer to and experience each others' bodies, especially in women-only environments.  

The desire to change the physical self is, of course, not inherently wrong. While we as feminists may fight tooth and nail for bodily acceptance and image reform, that doesn't mean that no one can ever have motives for changing their body that aren't honorable, healthy, and detached from warped social stigmas. We all have things that we'd like to change: fewer skin allergies, stronger muscles, or better eyes.

And for a long time I felt that the changes I wanted to make fit into this category; I classified my desires to be more physically fit and to remove my tattoos as means of improving my body for myself, not others. It wasn't about beauty, but something else. Right?

Having recently moved from Kentucky to Columbus, Ohio, I found these small things bothering me more. They seemed more outwardly apparent than before. I'm realizing slowly, though, that my desire to remove tattoos and look more active is really about rewriting my socioeconomic background. Having grown up in one of the poor regions of Appalachia in Eastern Kentucky, I've worked through and beyond a lot of limitations: I'm the first in my family to go to college, I went to grad school at twenty-one, and at twenty-four I have a M.A, years of experience as a college instructor, and am now the director of an ESL company. I'm immensely lucky and not at all ashamed of my background: I would never deny where and how I grew up. Nonetheless, there's a lot of guilt that comes with having financial means beyond your parents' and a lot of insecurity that comes from not being "born into" the class around you.

A long time ago I realized that coming from a poor background meant that you became trapped as an Other. In college, I realized that I had my own glass ceiling; because my parents weren't college grads and I didn't grow up middle-class, I would always be less prepared, less included into the world I was entering. Similarly, because I had gone on to college better career prospects, there was now a glass floor that prevented me from ever really "going back" or even feeling included in the culture I'd left. The end effect is a sense of trapped Otherness, a lack of belonging. And I don't mean to complain; I'm incredibly fortunate, and I wouldn't have done anything differently.

These tattoos (specifically a black cross on my chest from when I was eighteen) seem like such markers, though, of where I come from. I feel like they announce that I'm somehow not "really" an educated professional. And after moving to a town where people are much more toned and much more affluent, I feel like my flesh bespeaks to my origins. Despite any accomplishments, I tend to feel like I'm still the girl I was when I went to college: an eighteen-year-old girl in dumpy clothes with no computer, being made fun of for her accent.

I should include that I realize that I still have experienced of privilege, though I won't pretend that many things were handed to me. I was only able to go to college through misfortune: my brother's death left me with the life insurance to pay tuition, which in itself became a source of really horrible guilt. Going to college also taught me that white privilege is not a homogenous experience, and I was certainly not considered equal.

Regardless, I'm not faced with the question of whether or not it's okay to change your body for these reasons. I have long-planned on getting these tattoos removed and now have saved enough to do so, but I'm troubled by the realization that my desire to make these changes may be more about rewriting socioeconomic inscriptions than anything else. Ultimately, my body is mine to use however I like, but it nonetheless leaves me uncertain of how "okay" I am with making these changes for different reasons, especially reasons I'm not even sure of.

I am twenty three years old. I come from a well-off family. I am porcelain-skinned. But I have never, and will never, fit the perfect virgin model that other girls of my background do.

I am working on healing my disability, and I hope that my sexual attitude and self-respect change with it as I become more agile, flexible, and strong. I could just accept my damaged body for what it is and live with it, but I know that I can heal, so I will and I am. I just hope that in healing myself physically, I can also heal myself sexually and make healthier and better choices for myself.

This might seem like an unusual post, I've not been reading Feministing for terribly long. But, on the subject of bra's: To wear them or not?

I ask because I've always been taught that you MUST wear a bra. I see them worn in outfits which clearly show them, which frankly always looks awful.

This was horribly reinforced by a girl I went to school with. When changing after PE one day, she nastily (and loudly) said "Geez, Sonja, put on a bra!".

I've never been well-endowed, so at the time, I didn't feel it was really necessary. Apparently I was wrong, so I started wearing them all the time.

I never got over the complex. I always found bras uncomfortable, not to mention hard to find in my size. It only got worse after secondary school and I gained weight everywhere else.

It all reached a head after I became engaged. I was faced with the fact that I would never be able to wear the kinds of gorgeous gowns I always wanted for my wedding as I didn't have the chest for them.

So, I decided that I would finally act on something I'd considered before and get breast implants. My (now) husband insisted I do plenty of research and make sure I was going to be happy with the choice, but never opposed the decision.

And I went through with it. I've never looked back, either.

I've got a bit off-track now, but with the help of my husband, I've been able to fairly confidently go out in public without a bra. This is in spite of comments from my mother, and what I believe other women would think based on the comment I got in highschool.

What about you? Do you think they're really as necessary as they're made out to be? Do you wear them? If so, all the time or just sometimes?

Not that I am surprised to see this in eating-disorder-mongering Shape Magazine, but the idea of taking two women from “Fat to Fab” sounds more offensive than the magazines usual “change your weight-change your life” mantra-bull-shit. Can one not be fat and fab at the same time? Can’t one be “fab” (or thin) and be unemployed? Having relationship problems? An illness? Or other problems that complicate a life of complete fabulousness? This time of year, I cannot even turn on the news without being confronted with ridiculous dieting fads, and fat-phobic pressures, but this article stands out for its fat prejudice. Not only does it make “fatness” the opposite of “fabulousness,” it pins two readers in a weight loss battle that other readers vote on.  Aren’t women fed the myth of sexual selection/competition enough? I’ve sent countless concerned e-mails and website comments to Shape about their dangerous health tips, but they just don’t seem to care.

Magazines like Shape are much more dangerous than fashion magazines. (Hear me out!) Fashion magazines are alluring because they show the unattainable- from bodies to designer clothes, “health” magazines on the other hand, show the same bodies- but under headlines like “drop the last 10 pounds!” or “your best body ever!” which make the claim that it is possible for every woman to have such bodies and that if they don’t it is because of their failure to follow this months get-fit plan.

I was reading Scarlett's excellent post (and the subsequent discussion) and I was going to write this as a comment but it got so long I decided to write it as a post.

This post is in response to the inevitable comments about the difficulties that thin girls have that come up on posts regarding weight. I wanted to comment because I've been on both ends of this issue. I've been both underweight and (am currently) overweight. From 16 to 20 I had a BMI of 17 and accompanying it came all the mean comments (from friends no least!) and the problems buying clothes. I was obsessed with being as thin as I could be. If I ate anything I deemed bad, I would severely restrict my diet for a week before I allowed myself to eat properly again.

Okay so I was inspired recently to ask this question as a result of the many messages that I receive anonymously in my honesty box on facebook. I've gotten messages that run the gamut of being geniunely concerned, to just plain nasty. Some of my messages have said things like: "You have a husband and you are posing in a bikini? Have you no morals?" and the very common"yo, what does your husband think of this", or"how can you be a wife and pose half nude? All of these messages implied that somehow since I was married, that I 1.) should not be posing sexily, and 2.) my husband determines my sexuality as a woman. (Some background info: I'm a glamour model and a video model. I am one of those so called "video hoes" that you see in videos and in urban magazines such as King and Smooth). 

Here's my take: I model. I love and enjoy posing. I also take sexy pictures. My husband absolutely loves them. This is a business for me and another way to contribute to our household finances. My husband is secure in our relationship and knows that modeling is separate from our marriage. If at anytime he was bothered by any of the images or shoots that I have done, then I would seriously consider his opinion and remove the pictures s that offended him,or just do commercial and editorial modeling, b/c at the end of the day, it's his opinion that matters. I am proud of my body. I work hard to keep it tight, and I am comfortable enough in my sexuality and myself as a woman that I don't feel ashamed about displaying what I do. I don't think as a woman I should feel like just because I'm married, that I have to stop being outwardly sexy.I do think as a married woman there are boundaries however. For instance, since I've been married, and matured I don't kiss and tell about the romantic or intimate things, that my husband and I do, because those details are private and only for us. Craven also has a whole computer load of pictures of me that are just for his eyes and no one elses. And just b/c I have posed in a bikini doesn't make me any less of wonderful wife . Again I think it depends upon the comfort and security level in your relationship, b/c based on some of the messages I've received, I'm beginning to think that my husband is a rare breed. I also think it depends on how you chose to define a wife's role.

Maybe I'm just being sensitive, but it irritates and hurts me that my morals, and my marriage, (which if you know me, you know I go hard for my man), are being questioned b/c I have sexy pictures. I mean I could see if I had lots of images of me making out with guys or something, but uuhhh I don't.

Let me be clear however. I'm not suggesting that just because you as a woman don't take sexy pics, that you are insecure, or you hate your body, b/c sometimes its as simple as preference. And for the men, I'm not suggesting that just b/c you don't want your woman to take sexy pics, doesn't mean that your this raging jealous insecure asshole either. I just get this idea that is has to be two extreme points of view based upon the messages in my honesty box and I wanted some clarification. 

So I guess, what I'm trying to get at is what is your idea of what a wife should and shouldn't do? What do you think about that fact that I'm a married woman who takes pin up pictures? I figured that in this day and age women were able to define their ideas of a wife rather than society do so. Ladies, what do you think? I welcome any and every type of comment b/c I'm trying to get different perspectives.

-Michaela

I got thinking about this after the last Prof. Foxy post, and the stuff that went on there. There was a very transphobic comment relating to breasts. However, I noticed that a lot of the subsequent comments argued against that comment not with "This is transphobic" but "Breasts ARE great." I was dismayed not only with the point being missed, but also with the implications for women who don't experience their breasts as great.

I've noticed that there seems to be a trend within feminism regarding what is or is not an acceptable way to view your own body. I've always gotten this vibe from a lot of feminists: If you don't see every little nook and cranny of your body as amazing, then you're a self-hating loser who's just playing into the hands of the patriarchy.

I think that attitude is REALLY a bad one. There is much to be said for loving your body. But not everyone does. And it's not always because we're brainwashed.

As far as breasts go, I was a little perturbed to see that the prevailing attitude was not "I personally think my breasts are great" but "Breasts are great, full stop." Sorry, I have to disagree with that. I don't have a particularly negative relationship with mine, mind you, but they're far from the top of the list of body parts I relish on myself.

The other example I can think of that I've had personal experience with is periods. I'll be straight: I hate periods. And mine aren't crippling or causing me medical problems. I just hate them. I suppress them with hormonal birth control and just the second I am able, I am going to have an endometrial ablation to be rid of them forever.

But whenever I or anyone else espouses this attitude, we tend to be met with weirdness or downright hostility. We "aren't real women" or we're "rejecting our femininity," or other some such. Some people even advocate that we shouldn't even be able to make the choice to suppress periods.

Why do people have such strong reactions to other people's attitudes about their own bodies? Why is it anyone else's business, for one thing, and another, what is so wrong with having a negative relationship with part of your body?

I have a negative relationship with my wisdom teeth, for much the same reason as I dislike periods. They are both uncomfortable, distracting, and something I'd just rather not deal with, even though neither is causing me any real medical problems. But I have a hard time imagining anyone would be getting in my face if I decided to get my wisdom teeth removed.

I don't notice anyone advocating for EVERYONE to hate their breasts or stop their periods. But I see a lot of the opposite. This is ignoring and devaluing the very real experiences of people who have problems with parts of their bodies, for whatever reasons. So why is this such a common (and often emotional) reaction with some people?

I just finished Courtney Martin's "Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters". It profoundly affected me. I have been struggling with my body for several years now, coming very close to a full blown eating disorder in my sophomore year of college. I've been trying very hard over the last couple months to stop the destructive thinking about my body. My partner is totally supportive, but I also know it's frustrating for him, since he doesn't really get it. I picked up Martin's book and read the introduction midway through my last semester in college, and I knew right away it was going to help me. Unfortunately, I felt so overwhelmed in my last semester, that I didn't think I should undertake such emotional/psychological reading. After graduation my mom took me to Vegas, so I had plenty of time on the plane/by the pool to read and reflect.

I feel more beautiful already. Her book was refreshing and honest. I seriously recommend it to every woman, who has ever thought about food, dieting, exercise, her weight, etc in a way that could possibly one day lead to an eating disorder. I have a better understanding now of why I obsessed for so long about my body: my desire to be perfect in every area of my life. I did feel a lot of pressure growing up - and I noticed that the same pressure was not put on my brother. If he got C's, he was praised, but if I got a 'B' my parents asked why it wasn't an 'A'. Of course, my brother and I are very different (I finisehd college in 4 years with 2 majors and 2 minors and he's a third year senior - in high school), but still it felt wrong. I think I internalized this pressure and began putting it on myself. I feel like I have to do everything - or Im lazy. I dont know how to relax. I played this drama out on my body. I get frustrated still when Im tired or when I cant run for a long time. I try to tell myself that I know Im not a "runner" but I still try to push myself to do it. I dont listen to my body - or if i try, i feel like i misinterpret all the messages. I second guess myself - a lot.

Anyway, you should all read 'Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters'

The reason I posted this was 1. to let off some of my feelings and 2. I am wondering if anyone has read a similar but different book like this that helped them or someone they know. I am not yet healed and feel that Martin's book was a huge help, but I might need some more. So, if you have a book to recommend, please do so :)

Thanks everyone!

Crossposted to my blog, Deeply Problematic

I love Michelle Obama, and I love the way she dresses. But man, I am sick to death of hearing about her limbs and how they reflect poorly on American Women. Especially from execrable new blog Double X, in which Susannah Breslin tells me and Michelle Obama that if we didn't wear pantyhose, we were unstylish, not sufficently erotic, and basically on the level of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan:

Well, what the Obama-struck fail to acknowledge is that there is nothing casual—or natural—about a bare leg in 2009. Not in today’s medicalized beauty culture. Whereas pantyhose are lambasted as being constrictive and a colossal waste of money, going bare means a woman must consider waxing, exfoliation, firming creams, anti-cellulite and stretch-mark treatments, regular pedicures, and salon spray tans or self-tanners—yes, even for women of color...

I'm sorry. Is she saying that not wearing pantyhose is unnatural? And that those excessive treatments are not just an option, but a necessity?

Having cellulite is natural. Leg hair is natural. Stretch marks are natural. There is nothing that says that we must consider these things. I certainly didn't when I threw on a skirt this morning.

You know what's not natural? Pantyhose. If it were natural, we'd be born with nylon netting on our legs. But we're not.

It makes sense that a Double X writer would be so insistent about what's natural and what's not. After all, this is a magazine for natural women - anyone with an errant Y gene is automatically not natural, right?

Beyond that! Pantyhose is not "the ultimate in comfort and convenience".  They're hot, and uncomfortable, and you can't wear open-toed shoes with them, and if you're tall (like me & Ms. Obama) they usually make your crotch about a foot long.

Also, citing a plastic surgeon as support? Really? Really? They're the ones we need to pay attention to when figuring out what beauty standards should be? And deciding that Ms. Obama is on the level of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan?

This piece might have been a little more excusable if we actually had to cover our legs for some reason beyond "u needz 2 b a ladee" - like in January, when it is cold. In May? It's about to be June. What sense does it make to stock up on hose now, when most people - probably even in the olden days, when we were proper - would go without hose. 

There's nothing wrong with wearing pantyhose, if you feel so moved. I think it does add some polish to a look. But Michelle Obama is plenty polished, and this piece isn't just targeted at Ms. Obama - it's to all of us bare-legged Jezebels.

It's time to stop editorializing like wearing pantyhose is a feminine duty. It's time to stop acting like accessories are natural. They may be comfortable and stylish to some women, but they're uncomfortable for a lot of us. Sing the praises of pantyhose all you want , Breslin - but not in a way that scolds Ms. Obama for forgoing your standards.

Between the victim-blaming , the Friedan fetish , the transphobic name, and the new enforcement of obtuse beauty standards, Double X has about 35 years of catching up to do. Third wave's been around for over a decade now, folks. Let's move it.

[link ]
h/t to Jessica Valenti

So Amy Poehler said something interesting in an interview with Terry Gross.  At one point, Poehler discusses the challenges of doing sketch comedy while she was very, very pregnant. Gross mentions that, as an actor your body is your tool, and it must have been a challenge for the normally petite Poehler to adjust to a "large" body.  Poehler responds,

"When I was pregnant, it was difficult to write sketches...[but] It was really fun for a small person like myself to take up a lot of space....It was nice for people to have to, you know, get out of my way." 

Yes, it is easy to respond "and are your diamond shoes too tight?" Poehler experience with "bigness" was temporary and she will most likely return to her very, very small size. But I LIKE that she saw POWER in taking up space.  Most of the body-imaging work pushes the "you don't have to look like the women in magazines, it's OK to not be thin" which is admittedly an important message.  But moving beyond self-acceptance to celebration,"hell YEAH I'm the biggest person here," is a revolutionary concept, at least to me.

Ugh. I just have to vent about this because I feel like I am about to flip. Is anyone else already tired of hearing the commercials about losing weight/getting in shape for summer?

I just saw a Wal-mart commercial, in which a woman saw summer desserts or something and said "Oh no" or something (clearly I wasn't really paying attn...) and then Wal-mart was there to save the day with Alli and Slim Fast.

My summer does not depend on how I look. I am going to have fun regardless of my weight. Stop trying to sell me all your stupid products because you think my weight determines whether or not I enjoy my summer.

In general, I don't have TIME to fret about my weight; forgive me holy patriarchy, but I'd rather try to change the world or enjoy myself or relax or read a book or write a paper or hang out with my friend, or hell enjoy a meal. So fuck off.

Let me start this off by saying that I have a group of four girl friends from college that are like my best friends in the world. We can and do tell each other basically everything. But we graduated from college 3 years ago and now we live all over the country so we don't see one another very often. But we try to get all of us together at least once a year for a type of reunion and that's where this incident took place. We met up (along with several other college buddies and significant others) in Charlottesville, Virginia for this horse race called Foxfield. It was tons of fun. Well it mostly was until this...

One of my best friends has put on a significant amount of weight since college. She's very aware of it and the rest of us know she's very unhappy about it so we don't talk about it. She used to be a work out freak (we actually thought she worked out too much and dieted too much in college) but after college ended she stopped and now is overweight.

I, on the other hand, recently have lost a lot of weight. It started, at first, by choice. I had put on some weight and wasn't eating very healthy. So I decided to start eating better and start working out a bit, not a lot (because I don't really like to exercise) but a little bit. And it worked. I lost the weight I wanted to lose. Then I got sick and I've been really sick off and on now for several months. So I've continued to lose weight. Also I became very depressed for a while (I found out my ex-boyfriend that I dated for 5 years just got engaged) and I stopped eating a lot. So I lost more weight. I'm better now (depression-wise, though I'm still kind of sick) and I've started eating again but the weight has stayed off. I can't explain it, it just has.

So, I notice this often, and I'm really, really sick of it.

I hear it here occasionally, actually in many places where women come together to talk about being women.

We've all heard of fat-shaming, but ever heard of skinny-shaming?

I am a naturally small woman. I am tall, I am skinny, and I'm fucking healthy. I weigh 115 lbs. I'm 5'8, I wear an A cup, I even wear a size 2 in jeans.

I guess that makes me a bitch. Or worse yet, a skinny bitch.

I have something to say to all of you or anyone who would insult me because of my size.

I've been having two internal battles with myself lately. The first started when I hit puberty, the second started recently. I have deformed breasts and I am pursuing reconstructive surgery. The feminist side of me wants to die at the thought.

My first battle started with my self image when I hit puberty and my breasts developed. They didn't look anything like the ones I'd seen in movies or health class. I hated them, but I took comfort in knowing that the lady at the grocery store buying cabbage may have a chest like mine. I thought they were just on the less awesome side of normal. I don't watch porn of any kind so I'm pretty breast-sheltered.

Then, when I discovered 007 Breasts [which is awesome, btw] it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have a deformity. A grade A, self esteem shattering deformity. I have tuberous breasts. Knowing that the lady at the grocery store probably DOESN’T look like me and that there is a name for it made it so much worse for me. I was depressed over this for something like two months. I cried all of the time when no one was around. I knew I was being silly, but it didn't make it hurt any less. It still upsets me a great deal, but I’m better at coping with it.

For the past year I have been pursuing reconstructive surgery. This started yet another internal battle. I'm a feminist and I want plastic surgery. On one hand, I'm angry that I want it and feel like I need it. On the other, I know if I don't get it I'm going to hate my chest for a really long time, if not forever. I’ve always worn a bra during sex. A grand total of one person [that is not a medical professional] has seen my breasts. I cried for over an hour after I showed them to my current long-term boyfriend. As he always is, he was supportive and understanding. While he doesn't support plastic surgery, he knows this means a lot to me and supports me regardless of my decision. He has been there for me when I'd call him from my car crying hysterically after being all but laughed at and hung up on by plastic surgeons offices when I mention insurance.

I know this shouldn’t bother me as much as it does. I know that plastic surgery, as a whole, is ridiculous. I know that my worth as a human being and woman does not, and should not, boil down to what my tits look like. None of those logical things are able to overpower the extreme embarrassment and hatred though. I just can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that while I am a feminist, I want to have the surgical correction.

Jian Ghomeshi, host of the national show Q on CBC radio, talked to Susie Orbach yesterday about our relationships with our bodies, and how in the years since her book 'Fat is a Feminist Issue,' things have gotten worse in terms of our body image, rather than better.

You can download a podcast and listen in here.

Hi everyone, I've been a fan of feministing for awhile now, and am a senior at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee finishing up my last semester here. I'm doing a research paper for my Senior Seminar class on feministing.com and focusing on body images. I was wondering if you guys could help me out and just give me your thoughts on these two questions that I've posted here. I'd really appreciate it...

1. How does talking about body images on feministing.com help you in your off-line life? Please give examples if you have any..

2. Do you feel that being a feminist helps you have a better understanding of body images and not buying into the stereotypes of ideal body types that the media tells us? Please Explain.

Again, thanks for your help!

So, I don't know if this is the place for this post, but I feel that I need to write it, as it will make me feel better. Here it goes...

I have never been what the patriarchy would consider beautiful, or even pretty. I'm tall and white, but I'm not thin, my hair's not blonde, my face is assymetrical, and I'm quite introverted (yes, extroversion is a big part of patriarchal beauty...because, hey, if you're not the life of the party what are you worth?). But I've always been the smart funny girl; thus, (some) people like to be around me. And these are two things that I consider to be attributes, as they're something I look for in people (romantically or otherwise). However, it has never given me much luck in love, because boys just want to be friends with me. Don't get me wrong, I've gone out with a few guys but these have never worked out, which hasn't been a bad thing thus far. Recently though, I met someone who I thought was perfect for me.

We started hanging out and we really connected. He's smart, funny, and basically everything I've wanted in a partner. And things seemed to be going well. Last night, however, he told me that he didn't like me for more than a friend, esentially because I'm not pretty enough. This was shocking to me, because just before he told me that he gave me a list of things he liked about me...I didn't think he was that shallow. But, I guess he is.

(NOTE: I have a lot of complicated, possibly un-feminist, conflicting reasons for choosing to lose weight. My personal thoughts about why I lost weight are indeed interesting things to discuss, but this discussion is not about that. This is about the body I now inhabit, a body that about 3 years ago was 60 pounds heavier than it is today.)

In 2007, I was clinically obese. I am now approximately 8 pounds away from obtaining a healthy BMI rating (by the way, the BMI is not an accurate measurement of health ). I lost this weight by following the Weight Watchers eating plan and exercising regularly. I did it the “right,” a.k.a. socially accepted, way. Yet my body is still not “good enough” by popular standards. And this fact adds to the monumental amount of evidence that in this society, with this level of objectification, when we devalue women’s lives and focus instead on their bodies, “good enough” does not exist.

This article was crossposted at Empowher's Women's Health News This week's French Elle magazine had me thinking about the long debated issue of retouching photos and how it might affect women's health. The magazine features Monica Bellucci and several other female celebrities photographed without any makeup or retouching work. Last month, French public health officials, in an effort to prevent normalizing eating disorders, proposed that magazines state the extent to which their photos are retouched. An op-ed video by Jesse Epstein in the NY Times argued why this may be valuable: retouching and piecing together images of models negatively changes our standards of beauty and perceptions of health. A quick glance at retouching examples on the internet shows how standards of beauty or perfection are manipulated by photographers and artists in order to sell a particular message. The studies that show the prevalence of body image issues among young women are plentiful. A 1997 Garner survey found that 89% of female respondents wanted to lose weight. A 1980 survey found that young girls are more influenced and affected by cultural standards of body images than boys. And a 1999 study found that 70% of the 550 young working class women surveyed believed that images in magazines influenced their notion of the ideal body shape. Unhealthy body image could lead to unhealthy dieting, overeating and other eating disorders, which could lead to larger mental and physical health issues. Women who are not comfortable in their own skin may be unsatisfied in their romantic, personal and sexual relationships. Like nutritional information on the side of food packages, I think there could be value in letting readers know to what extent pictures have been reconfigured. Readers would be constantly reminded of the work that goes into creating particular images for marketing and advertising purposes. Perhaps it would be a step towards being open about the relationship between women's health, body image and media representation. Still, there is much more work to be done in providing proper education about beauty and health standards for women, especially among young adolescents. Access to healthcare, proper health education, maintaining a healthy diet and focusing on one's well being will be bigger steps to reinforcing positive body image for all women. I leave you with a clip of Susie Orbach, who was interviewed on The Colbert Report about her new book, "Bodies"

Ever get caught somwhere between a laugh and a little bit of vomit? Yeah, me neither, but that's kinda where I'm at after seeing this story pop up on HuffPo today:

But Janet and Jane are not twins. They aren't even sisters. They are mother and daughter. And, in what many will see as a depressing indictment of today's youth-obsessed society, Janet confesses to having spent more than £10,000 on plastic surgery in a desperate effort to bridge the 22-year age gap between herself and her daughter.

What's this I keep hearing about the economy failing?

(cross posted at Oh, You're a Feminist?! )

I've always been interested in the idea of space in relation to gender. What i mean by that is how much space men utilize daily versus how much space women use and how that plays a role in sexism and weight issues. A lot of this intersects with standards of beauty and our culture's drive for women's thinness but i have always been a bit paranoid that it goes beyond just that. When i started studying body image and eating disorders i thought i had uncovered the greatest conspiracy of our time: the more women are pushed to be preoccupied with their weight and appearance, the less they'll have time, energy, and money to succeed in anything else.

I strongly believe that women's preoccupation with weight goes far beyond fulfilling an impossible standard of beauty. Our obsession with thinness is largely intertwined with the amount of space women are expected and "allowed" to take up in society, both physically and mentally. I came back to this thought today as I waited for a client in the lobby the substance abuse clinic where i work. I sat on the end of the bench in the waiting area as three men walked into the clinic. They continued talking to each other and two sat on the bench next to me while one remained standing. I moved as far to the side of the bench as i could and sat with my legs crossed and arms to my sides. The man next to me sat down and stretched his arms up and placed them on the top of the bench, making himself as wide as possible. There were other dynamics at play here such as status for example, because i am staff and they are clients, but i felt uncomfortable because this man almost had his arm around me... so i moved. As i stood by the wall i thought about space and just how much of it women are expected to take up, and give up, based on the circumstance.

So, I was browsing a favorite blog of mine (it is a Sociological blog, being that I am a soc major) and I came across this article about Vogue and how, after putting Beyonce on the cover, it proceeded to take on the title that you would have guessed; that real women have curves, and because beyonce obviously is a black woman, she automatically will have a curvier body than a white woman (the women one would usually see on the cover of Vogue).  So a small debate develops over whether or not this actually was racist.  Suddenly, near the bottom of the page, I see a member by the name of Gio post this:

"Well, Beyoncé should be thinner, There is no possible way to find good fashion for people bigger than size 6, and I cant even imagine why someone would need to “conquer their diet demons” they should just NOT eat fatty food, and not be huge. There is no such thing as being fat because of genetics, a woman should be thin and waif like Gisele Bundchen or Adriana Lima….etc." (you can find these rest of the comments here)

As you can imagine, I am infuriated and although I do not think I handled my comments very well to begin with, this (excuse my language) ASSHOLE proceeded to attempt to defend his position on how "large women are not worthy enough to grace the pages of Vogue" and how Beyonce was too fat to be on the cover.

I just don't know what to do...I have all this built up aggression from the past week because of this asshole, and it really does make me depressed to see that there are people like him in the world...and worse.

As a specialist in women’s mental health, I am often asked, “does one ever recover from an eating disorder?” 

To this the answer is a resounding yes, provided one learns  to set realistic expectations,  discovers alternative ways to nourish themselves physically and emotionally and develop alternative ways of coping with stress. Easier said than done but, it is doable.

To continue reading Dr. Katzman's post, click here.

This is my first post, so be gentle!

I was more than overjoyed this Christmas when it was brought to my attention that Bratz Dolls were being taken off of the shelves - although not due to the way they portray a woman's image, but because of copyright infringement.

However, my step-daughter-to-be came home last week with a Barbie Thumbelina doll that her grandparents had purchased for her...and I was deeply surprised that they had not thought better of it after seeing the doll. For those who are not familiar with this line of Barbie dolls, here is an image of the one Bella brought home:

So, CollegeHumor is once again searching for America's hottest college girl ; needless to say, it makes me want to vomit. Where to begin when breaking down and analyzing such a social phenomenon? On the one hand, it can be mighty cliché to be bashing the lookism culture ; on the other, we can't deny that each contest like this can be considered a backwards step for women.

First and foremost, what pisses me off about contests like these is that they normalize the objectification of women. For example, we are already so used to the concepts of Playboy and Maxim; "Boys will be boys," we say, excusing them for their behavior on the basis of biology. Society may roll its eyes but does nothing to make a difference. A woman is seen before she is heard, and although we like to think this ideology is slowly changing, the truth is that her value will most likely rest on her physical appearance. This places a great amount of stress on spending time and energy to look as good as we can. I see it as a vicious cycle of internalizing the need to be pretty and 'doing' beauty. What's sad is that this practice is not being enforced just by men, but by women too. Take, for example, this woman advertising AHCG .

I'm not saying these college girls define beauty, and I don't have a problem with them because they are attractive. What I disagree with is the conventional concept of 'hot'. When I look at these contest candidates, I see the same thing: mostly White, perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect make-up, and slimness. If anything, I am angry because I am jealous - of course I wish I could look like that. But at the same time, we must ask why our socially-accepted definition of 'hot' must remain so restricted. I can understand that perfection is desirable in terms of evolution, but has our intelligence not evolved as well? Are we still unable to see that we can look beyond superficial perfection?

Of course I am making a huge, sweeping generalization when I speak of the effect of something like America's Hottest College Girl. However, I am studying at a university myself and feel negatively impacted by the reinforcement of the aforementioned stereotype. It's not that sex is a bad thing, it's the things that many people will do to get it from a so-called slutty college girl - I'm talking roofies, alcohol, etc - to fulfill that expectation (Girls Gone Wild, anyone?) . More importantly, placing greater value on attractiveness disadvantages women who are not seen as conventionally 'hot' and who may not have the resources to carry out rituals that would otherwise make them 'hotter' (e.g. applying make-up, wearing heels). A further consequence of creations such as AHCG is the fear of aging through the fear of becoming less attractive. We can see how corporations have taken advantage of this phenomenon via the endless supply of anti-aging products. Whatever happened to 'the older, the wiser'?

Such is the lookism culture, and it's so unfortunate our society lives so strongly by it. It makes me a little angrrrry.

There are so many points I haven't touched upon, but I'd like to hear your opinions too. What do you guys think??

Diatribe

This list is at its core a diatribe. We are frustrated with some of the unsafe environments being created around us and would like to name in an open way the ways that we have felt uncomfortable and marginalized in an effort to allow us to bring our whole selves to all situations. By writing this we are putting ourselves out there, so be considerate and respectful.

1. Don't make me sit in the middle seat of the back of a car

2. Don't make me sit on the ground ever

3. Chairs in Sci. Center 183 NOT FUN, Chairs in Kohlberg--I have bruises

4. Flying on airplanes makes me want to die because the seats are so small

5. Never take a picture from below

6. Be aware if I'm running, out of breath, generally unable to keep up

7. No, walking long distances isn't going to work if we are running, or walking

8. Don't call yourself fat, I'm uninterested in hearing that

9. Don't comment on how much I'm eating, ever

10. Don't ask me what medicine I'm taking

According to the statistics, we're all either on a diet or starting one next Monday. We all spend hours a day thinking about how repulsive our bodies are. If you somehow manage to look like a Hollywood startlet, congratulations, you're now too skinny. Yeah, I know that you now look like the ideal, but you're not ideal enough. 100 pounds is just right, but 99 is too skinny, you stupid girl. Don't eat too much though, because 101 is too fat. So be careful!

And amidst this poisonous culture, there's the self esteem movement. They're fighting an impossible battle, so I suppose you have to respect them for trying, even though its like trying to bail the water out of a sinking boat with a thimble.

I can't even count the number of times that I've heard that I just need to "learn to love myself" and everything will be alright. The part that troubles me about this message is that loving myself and loving my body are assumed to go hand in hand. "Love your body" is always part of the message. I need to accept my body shape to love myself, because we all know that women are just their bodies; it doesn't matter if I love what's on the inside.

Anyone who DOES love themselves (or even just like or tolerate themselves...) HOW do you do it? Is it even possible? I'm trying to recover from an eating disorder and this is part of it... but I suspect that "women with good self esteem" are a myth, like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

So I was grocery shopping on Sunday. Very typical. Very average. Needed some lunch meat, or some absurdity. Anyway, so I'm standing in line at the checkout, when a People... or Stars, or some such celebrity gossip rag catches my eye:

MARY-KATE losing weight again! Stick thin legs! Skinnier than Nicole Ritchie! 89 Lbs! No more diet coach!

It shocked me. It wasn't a very flattering photo, at all. What would posses a girl that small to think she is not yet small enough?

It all became very clear a few moments later. Maybe it was woman's world, right next to it. Right on the cover:

These women lost half their weight! Dropped 105 Lbs! Lost 185! Looking fabulous! Find their secrets inside!

I'm not and never have been very clued in to fashion. Somehow I missed the memo that I shouldn't wear "mom jeans". This clip from SNL is from years ago, but I just saw it recently:

Well. I'm a professional (software engineer), I have my master's degree, I drive a spiffy car, I have a nice singing voice, I enjoy good sci-fi, and I can be very witty to the point of making people laugh that deep belly laugh you don't hear so often.

But I guess none of that really matters, because when someone sees me, they'll think I'm some kind of pathetic... MOM. Frumpy. "Let myself go". Don't take the time or effort to make myself look nice.

Honestly, IF it wasn't hard to find a pair of jeans that fit comfortably and still please the "fashionably correct", I would probably not be wearing "mom jeans" right now. But I hate shopping, I refuse to wear something awkward and uncomfortable, and I feel like I have much better ways to spend my time and energy than pleasing people who will probably just move on to complaining about my "muffin top". Cuz yeah, I have a "mom" body. While I'm not particularly fat (my BMI puts me in the range of "normal") giving birth to two children has left my body with 15 extra pounds and looking like a MOM (with a lower belly that sticks out and sags).

And what of it? Is it so horrible that I'm no longer "sexee"? Even worse, I don't feel deep shame about it? Unfortunately, I do feel the disrespect, nay, the contempt people have for mothers in the concept of "mom jeans". In the SNL skit, the "moms" were saying "I'm a MOTHER, not a WOMAN" (or something like that). So they weren't women because they weren't trying hard enough to be sexy? If you're "devoting your life to kids" too much, you're not "devoting your life to men" enough. (Oh, the heresy of devoting your life to neither!)

This was the first New Years that I didn't make the classic resolution to lose 20 pounds or so. This was the first Christmas I didn't cry because my relatives were some of the beautiful people and I was not. This was the first year that I felt smoking even in my sweats. This was the first year I had a positive body image.

It doesn't matter how many times someone tells you how pretty you are, or how its the inside that counts. If you feel like you look shitty, then no amount of compliments will make you feel better in the long run. In the back of your head there is always that nagging fear, that if you were thinner, or tanner, or blonder then life would be easier. Developing a positive body image is all internal and comes from a realization from within.

The turning point came for me this summer. It began because I finally had a partner who thought I was truly beautiful both inside and out (and this coincided with reading Full Frontal Feminism). Even at the time I realized that it was not true body image because it depended upon someone else, but it was the start. In the past six months or so I have come into myself and am proud of my body as long as its healthy and I am not intimated by what others think of it because I like my body. It wonderful. I cant even articulate how lovely it is to have a positive body image. Its so liberating!

As my dear friend and fellow feministing reader, Emily always says, Body Image comes from looking in the mirror and having a "damn girl" moment. Damn girl comes from seeing just how beautiful, sexy and confident you truly are. Its advised that everyone has at least one a day.

My current partner has a negative body image, and i want to jump start his journey to a healthy body image just as mine was kick started last summer because someone thought i was sexy. Body image may start for some people from someone else, but it boils down to saying, "I am done feeling shitty about my body. As long as I am healthy then i don't give a damn, because I am beautiful, sexy, and awesome. So Fuck You people telling me I am too thick, got too much junk in the trunk, too pale, or too curvy." I am happy with who I am, I like the way I look. And that has led to happier and more liberating life.

What follows is a lesson in how not to encourage children to stay fit.  Because you are only filling their brain with other dangerous rot about weight, race and beauty by doing it this way.  Via AdFreak (who charmingly takes a swipe at Jessica Simpson at the end for good measure).

This has been a long and emotionally painful process.

When I was a young girl, up into my middle to late 20s I had incredibly thick, long hair. I regularly broke ponytail elastics and had to buy the extra thick ones, or use scrunchies.

As I got older it got a little thinner, but nothing to worry about. I could use regular elastics without breaking them, but it was still pretty thick and pretty long.

Then two years ago, I had a relatively minor surgery that led to complications, two additional surgeries and a five month course of prescribed laxatives.

My hair started falling out in clumps. One morning, I screamed in the bathroom, and my husband came in to find me holding a hand full of hair and sobbing. My doctor assured me that this would pass once I was off the laxatives and able to actually digest the foods I ate. Ironically, just as with anorexics, the rest of my body hair started coming in thicker, and darker.

Then, on top of all of that, I caught Whooping Cough (vaccinations wear off, in case you didn't know). This brought a stretch of not eating much of anything because I threw everything up from coughing, and it hurt to swallow.

The hair that had just started to grow back, started falling out again.

Then my job took a jump from kind of stressful to "OMG! Ican'tfuckingbelievethisshit!" This is when I discovered that the women in my family are prone to stress-induced allopecia. Meaning our hair falls out.

So now, I'm stuck in the "ZOMG!STRESSFUL!" job in an economy where the last two positions I applied for saw in excess of 200 applicants each (I made it to the final cut for the last one), and the school I work for is talking layoffs, or possibly taking large segments of staff down to 75 or 80% time.

The hair that had started to grow back, is again falling out.

My dermatologist swears that I'm not going to lose all of my hair, but that's cold comfort for someone who can see it getting thinner every day. You can see my scalp in several places through my hair, and this more than my fat or my wrinkles is what has me wound up.

My husband who started going bald at 17 doesn't understand the big deal, but then he's been trying to get me to shave my head since we started dating.

This society still sees hair as a "woman's crowning glory." Bald women or women with shaved heads are still incredibly rare in person and the media. Short or long, dyed or natural, women have hair. When they don't they are to be pitied or are suspect.

I've done everything short of Rogaine to get it back, because my doctor warned me that Rogaine, while it works, is expensive, and the minute you stop using it, your hair falls back out. With me staring down the barrel of layoffs, I don't think I could go through losing my hair all over again on top of the depression of not having a job, if it came to that. So I've resisted.

Part of me wants to say "Fuck it!" and just shave what's left off. I've tried convincing myself I'll save money on shampoo, that I can wear cute hats, or maybe buy a bunch of outrageous wigs. It's absolutely ridiculous how incredibly wound up in my hair I am. And I know this.

I KNOW it intellectually, but at the same time, just writing the words down is making me cry.

They Came with My Body - RH Reality Check (and Alternet)

As the author notes, this isn't an attempt to say "boo hoo, I have big boobs." But, I am always thrilled to see my shared experience in print. I recently discovered that I am a 30G (damn you Oprah, you were right I was wearing the wrong size) thanks to the amazing UK chain Bravissimo. And even at 29, and much happier with my body than ever, I was sick to my stomach.

Perhaps, it is because the shared high school experience sounds so familiar, or maybe the fact that I will never be able to wear a button up shirt "modestly." And it pains me that young women have to experience this every day. I hope that all of the teachers mentioned in the article have since been fired.

What about me
What about me, I can count to 13
I know I am a girl, but I can run as fast as the boy
What about me, why do I have to stay in the house
How come I can not go out and build the tree house?
What about me?
I thought I was as pretty as the little girl down the street
How come she doesn't want me to go to the birthday party?
I wore the same dress she did today, I know she is shorter
But her eyes are still green, and she sort of looks like me
We have the same relatives you see. How come the boys like her more then me?
She doesn't win the race when we run down the street
I do, I do, and it's me that is the smarter one
I got a star from the teacher, when I wrote that poem about me
Heck I even won a blue ribbon at the fair for drawing the owl and the
Picture of the tree, and wrote on it in writing so pretty
"Give a hoot do not pollute", two years ago and it still hangs in my room
I saw it on TV, but nobody knows it was me, not one person in my class would ever believe
That yesterday I saw it on TV and that it was me.
What about me, am I not pretty enough
Why is it the boys pick on me and why is it that I am not seen?
What about me. Can't I dream?

“I was looking at photos of prehistoric archeological finds the other day and realized that the heart once symbolized female power. It was a procreative, genital symbol: the female version of the phallic symbol. Though trivialized into romance and deprived of its power by centuries of patriarchy, the heart still belongs to us.”

–Gloria Steinem

In elementary school, I signed a shortened version of my given name with a curl and a heart at the end. Instead of dotting their i’s, many young girls draw hearts over the sticks, and replace their o’s with fat little hearts. Most teachers discourage this practice because we live in a culture that dissuades little girls from identifying their own names with what comes naturally: icons of female power.

The heart symbol looks nothing like a human heart, but it is a perfect symbol for our humanity. Some historians scoff that our symbol for love once represented Aphrodite’s perfect posterior. Look more closely, and you’ll find that the curves and v’s of the heart symbol shape our entire bodies.

Imagine a heart-shaped face with luscious heart-shaped, rosebud lips. The cleft of a chin, the half-hearted ear, the nape of a neck, and the part in the hair consist of curves and v’s. Move down the body and you’ll find the obvious bodice, the sculpture of muscles, the v of the pelvis, the hearts of the hips, buttocks, thighs, calves, and ankles. Our sex organs are hearts within hearts.

Why do we still respond to the heart symbol? Our bodies are heart symbols themselves: living symbols of love. The more we are open to love, the more our bodies reflect this health. When we’re happy, our faces soften and curve. Science has proven a curve is stronger than a straight line.

Roland Barthes writes that the heart symbolizes the manifestation of our souls: our true power.

Happy Valentine's and/or Anti-Valentine's Day!

Date: Monday, February 23, 2009
Time: 5:00 pm
Location: BLUU Auditorium (Brown Lupton University Union)at Texas Christian University, Fort Worth, TX

Award-winning author and Feministing.com contributing editor Courtney E. Martin will explore how young women today have come dangerously define success as "effortless perfection." Drawing on her critically acclaimed book- "Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters"-she will discuss how disordered eating, food, and fitness obsession, and anxiety disorders have become normalized among today's college women.

Ms. Martin's talk is sponsored by TCU Women's Studies Program.

I am very, VERY bothered at Wrigley's chewing gum co.

The other day I saw an Extra Gum commercial (that I can't find anywhere on the internet to post here) advising people to "chew on a stick of their <5 calorie gum to curb cravings of high-calorie snacks." It was outrageous.

"Hungry? Skip that meal! Chew some gum and lose weight and look fabulous!" (and by fabulous they mean fulfilling all the [HARMFUL, UNREALISTIC, and plain FUCKED UP] 'beauty' standards played out like "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey at the karaoke bar, if not more).

I was outraged.

Really? Wow.

I was reminded of this awful commercial as I was sitting in my eating disorders class and we were going over types of disordered eating (that are not necessarily yet diagnosed like anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa). We got to a type called the "chew and spit" which is self-explanatory.

Soooo. I'm not necessarily a Jessica or Ashlee Simpson fan. BUT I find it alarming when any woman (Jessica) is called out for putting on weight or not living up to any other ridiculous beauty standard. And I definitely admire when another woman (Ashlee) can speak out against it. Check out this news article and share your thoughts!

Fantastic. So glad I found this site. I was waiting for someone to get angry about the Tom Ford cologne ads.

I often frequent theonion.com and more often than not, I find their social satire on point and funny. But I came across this video earlier, and I'm not sure what to think.

Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size

Does this spoof video serve to trivialize the very real problems that exist surrounding body image and the impact that pop culture has on girls' and women's self-esteem? As a sociology grad student studying issues like cosmetic surgery, it strikes me as a bit tasteless to make light of the effects of popular culture and mass media on the ways we view our bodies, and by association, to make light of millions of women's struggles to cope with and fight against unrealistic and damaging beauty ideals (and also feminists' struggles to have these issues taken seriously by the public).

Of course, I worry that by questioning the humor of this video, I will only be reinforcing the "humorless feminist" stereotype. But really...isn't this a bit tasteless? What do you all think?

This site claims to be helping anorexic people by allowing them interaction with other anorexics or bulimics. The posts are shocking. It is clear that the site is trying to create a supportive environment yet the participants are supporting each others weight loss goals. Those who express a desire to stop what they are doing because they are feeling the harsh affects of their illness don't seem very supported but that is just my opinion.

Here is how the site describes the community it is trying to create:

ProAnorexia [pro'-an-uh-rek'-see-uh] -n. An environment where those who suffer the mental disorders associated with Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia and Ed-Nos can feel free to discuss their disorders with others who know and understand, without being exposed to the constant "just eat more", "fasting is dangerous" and "purging is dangerous" that causes them to withdraw from society in the real world.

After reading a few of the mainpage Feministing posts, I succumbed to a funk and so, started on a rampage of StumbleUpon clicks. (You can set up preferences and interests, and the toolbar provides you with websites matching them. One of mine? Feminism. Hell yes.)

A minute or so into my Internet surfing, I came across Any-Body.org :

"A website giving women a voice to challenge the limited physical representations of females in contemporary society."

I read. I smiled. I posted.

I love this segment, but I think she could have gone even farther with it. MOAR SNARK! MOAR SARCASM! MOAR POINTING OUT HOW RIDICULOUS AND OFFENSIVE DIET "TIPS" ARE!

I'm watching this movie "Queen Sized" on Lifetime. I missed the beginning, and it's not over yet, but it's starting to really piss me off. It's about an "overweight" teen who runs for homecoming queen- that's what iO cable tells me anyway. Aside from the overacting, and the generalized plot, and extreme characters, I think the message is supposed to be good. Except that's hard to believe because everytime the main character has some sort of emotional issue she shoves food down her throat. Literally. Her character throws all the other food out of the freezer to get to the ice cream, then sits on the floor with it crying and eating after telling her brother to "GET OUT!"

Um.. Whaa? Thanks Lifetime- because all women who don't fit socially normative weight standards must shove food down their throats to get that way. What the Fk.

And at every commercial there are weight loss commercials for diet pills, work out equipment and the like.

My head is exploding right now. Happy Freakin New Year, everyone.

Check out this article:

The whole concept of female "circumcision" (I use quotes because its hard not to impose western ideologies about torture and mutilation upon the practice) is a hard one for me to grasp. Perhaps it is the cultural reasoning behind the practice is what I feel I have yet to grasp. It is so easy to sit in this comfortable home in the "civilized" western world and judge a practice based on some sort of western ideology, but I'm not sure that that can be considered a fair analysis of the practice. Doesn't that cause the same sort of problematic colonial issues? Granted, in the article, women from the same culture confirm that FGM is indeed a problem. So what is my rambling point here? Where does the problem lie? Why do I have such a problem with the article? 

While the writing in the article seems fair and balanced and just touches on the involvement of outside human rights groups, I couldn't help but thinking of comparing it to a common cultural practice in the west, plastic surgery. Sure, women aren't tied down and involuntarily have someone fill their chest with silicone or break their nose to "re-sculpt" it, but if it isn't involuntary directly, you could still make the claim of social and cultural influence. (even the phrase "re-sculpt" is so problematic for me because it evokes thoughts of a male sculptor creating the "perfect" image of a woman from an inanimate object.)

Feel free to put me in my place if I am way off base here, or if I've offended anyone by making the comparison, that was not my intention. I just wanted to point out how seriously we need to examine cultural practices and the blind acceptance of them because of tradition. So, with that being said, what do you think?

Greetings from Ireland! I've been reading Feministing for a couple of months, and been getting really enthused about some of the stuff that everyone has been posting. And today I saw something on TV that pissed me off, so even though I'm still trying to learn about this whole feminism thing and still fairly noobish, it annoyed me enough that I'm going to have a bit of a blather about it regardless.

It was an ad for a Special K fit-back-into-your-jeans-after-Christmas diet. Can somebody please tell me why these ads 1: exist in the first place and 2: are aimed exclusively at women?

Eating almost nothing but breakfast cereal for two weeks is unhealthy, and who's to say that women need to crash diet after the holidays anyway? If you think you've overeaten and put on weight that you're not happy with, then hop on a bicycle to go to the shops rather than driving. But the benefits of cardiovascular exercise belong in another rant. What's pissed me off is that some suits trying to sell their oversalted, allegedly healthy breakfast cereal are playing on women's insecurity. Seriously. Give me porridge any day.

Well. That's my first ever official feminist rant out of the way. That was kinda easy. Thoughts, comments etc welcome.

Niamh

"Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement. Print ads and television commercials reduce us to body parts — lips, legs, breasts — airbrushed and touched up to meet impossible standards. TV shows tell women and teenage girls that cosmetic surgery is good for self-esteem. Is it any wonder that 80% of U.S. women are dissatisfied with their appearance? Women and girls spend billions of dollars every year on cosmetics, fashion, magazines and diet aids. These industries can't use negative images to sell their products without our assistance. Together, we can fight back."

Via.

I become more and more pissed off each day with what I see around me - in advertisements, television shows, films, on the internet, in magazines, etc, etc, etc. A very limited, made-up, oftentimes airbrushed view of what a woman's body should look like. They are mainly white, large-breasted, thin and tall. Of course there is nothing wrong with looking that way, and those women certainly are beautiful, but what makes me fucking sick to my stomach is the fact that we don't see the gorgeous, wide diversity of color, ethnicity, shape, and size that is found among the US population of women. And to be honest, for those who don't know, this has made me feel really, really bad about myself in the past because I used to feel like I never measured up. I am POSITIVE that I am not alone in this.

How much time do we waste worrying about what we look like when we could be worrying about things that are much more important? To ourselves, and to the world?

What is this saying to our sisters, our daughters, our mothers, our friends, and all the young girls growing up in America today?

I hate the argument that "it's what people want to see." That society wants to see "perfect", "flawless" people in the media. BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. I want to see more women who look like ME and the women in my life! And I'm positive that I'm not alone in that either. The body type represented in the mainstream media can only be achieved by about 3% of women. So what does that do? Simply put:

A. It gives women unrealistic expectations of what they should look like. It's a look that is near-impossible for most women, and American women spend billions of dollars a year feeding into the cosmetics/cosmetic surgery/"beauty" magazine/dieting industries in order to chase something they can basically never achieve... INSTEAD of being encouraged to reach a healthy size and weight for their own body type, seeing themselves for the beautiful women that they are, realizing that their perceived flaws are what makes them unique and wonderful, and realizing that they are so much more than their waist size. (But a society of happy, healthy women who loved their bodies wouldn't make these companies money, now would it?)

B. It gives too many men an unrealistic expectation of what a woman should look like. It also causes a lot of men to place an extraordinary amount of importance on a woman's appearance. When you are constantly bombarded with images of thin, airbrushed women (who are often posed sexually FOR the male viewer), what else would you expect? [Obviously (and thank GOD) there are men who escape that brain-washing to find the beauty in each individual woman, inside and out. I feel bad for the guys who can't do that. But actually, not really. Because they should be smarter than that.]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel attractive. There IS something wrong with our consumer capitalist society controlling our ideas of what it means to look and feel attractive, and causing perfectly healthy, attractive women to question their size and attractiveness. Do you think they care about how we feel? How it is affecting society as a whole? Do you think they consider the fact that they are creating generations of women who are sad and dissatisfied with their bodies, more prone to eating disorders, and more depressed because they feel like there's no way out of this mess and they'll just feel "ugly" and "fat" forever unless they're always on a diet??

I'm doing some research for a book I’d like to write about self-esteem for teenage girls and I was wondering if you guys would want to help me out.   Here are the questions I have...

WEIGHT

1. When was the first time you remember someone made a comment about your weight?  What was the comment? How did you feel about it afterwards? Did you do something about it?
2. What were the comments you most remember? Do think they affected your life in any way and how so? Did these comments prevent you from doing things like going to school, going out with friends and so forth?
3. Have you ever been on a diet? Or have you ever exercises heavily? If so how old were you when you started? What kind of weight loss plan was it? How do you feel about loosing weight?
4. Do you still continue to diet or exercise heavily?

REPRODUCTION

1. How did you learn about menstruation?
2. How did you learn about sex and reproduction?
3. How did you feel after you learned about it? Did you feel more positive about your body or negative?
4. Is it something you openly discuss with other people?
5. Did anyone ever make comments about your body parts such as body hair, breasts, and so forth? Did these comments affect your daily life?

BODY LOVE AND HATE

1. What do you love about your body today?
2. What do you dislike about your body today?

THE REAL YOU

1. What do you like about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?
2. What do you dislike about your personality, your mind, your talent etc?

ADVICE

1. If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 10 years old a piece of advice what would it be?
2. If you could give a self-conscious girl who is 15 years old a piece of advice what would it be?
3. If you could give a self-conscious woman who is 20 years old a piece of advice what would it be?

Thanks so much! I really appreciate it. My goal is to write a book that will encourage girls to be brave, smart, enthusiastic and conscientious people in this world. Every little detail you give me counts.

I just had to share an incident that just happened with one of my 'friends' on Facebook.  This is a girl who I went to University with and was good friends with my best friend (until they had a big falling out).  I haven't talked to her since I graduated (last April) but I still have her on my Facebook.  Today her status message was:

"Christina doesn't feel sorry for the obese. Shut up... literally... stop eating. Genetics didn't do it... your fatass did."

I was absolutely shocked and appalled.  There was already 11 comments on it from her friends, most of them just laughing along or agreeing with her.  Since I don't really care if she's on my friend's list, I sent her this message (privately):

"Wow Christina, I know we aren't exactly friends anyways, but your status message about obese people is so ignorant and hateful that I don't think I can even stand being your facebook friend.  I know you probably don't care at all...but I just wanted to let you know why I'm deleting you.  Have a nice life."

I was going to get into the debate with her, but I figured this was short and sweet and got my point across.  What would you have done?

I wrote this as my column in the school paper this past week. It's also posted to my blog. My response to Oprah's weight-related issues. I'd also like to add it's nearly twice as long as my column usually is.

...

It's no secret that this culture is obsessed with weight. We live in a world that has decided there's nothing wrong with plastering the un-airbrushed version of a (usually) female celebrity on magazine covers and declaring that the two dimples on her narrow thigh make her some kind of failure. We watch Jay Leno every night as he makes biting "jokes" about how fat we are as a nation, even though similarly toned comments about gender, race or sexuality would get him banned from TV.

And we do it under the guise of health, because that's supposed to make it OK to be rude. It doesn't.

This week, Oprah Winfrey revealed that she has gone off her diet and gained back 40 pounds, putting her current weight near 200.

This number is supposed to be shocking. After all, it's the same weight that Wyclef Jean determined was too high to be allowed on his stage.

That number has a serious stigma attached to it, but really, it's not a big deal.

What's funny is how Oprah, in her own special way, has in the same article talked about being ashamed of the number on the scale and said that her concern is no longer about numbers, but health.

That's quite a pickle, isn't it?

To Digital Spy's Cult News, more specifically, Ben Rawson-Jones, for thinking that he has the right or obligation to comment on anyone's weight:

There was still a year left of LA-based spinoff show Angel to run after Buffy concluded in 2003, and it looked like Boreanaz couldn't avoid juicy steaks as well as he dodged wooden stakes - for the pounds piled on. He soon regained his old trim physique and won the lead as FBI Agent Seeley Booth in forensic television drama Bones.

Emphasis mine.

Not that it is anyone's business, but IIRC, Boreanaz had suffered a pretty bad knee injury during that time, that required a pretty major surgery and some extensive recovery time.  People put on weight for any number of reasons, you ass hole, and it is pretty fucking awesome of you to just assume that it is because they have some lack of self control or can't fucking stop shoveling food into their mouths.  Even if they did, who the fuck are you that you get to comment on it?  Celebrities are under constant scrutiny for their looks, so if they can not be cut some slack for personal injury or whatever else they have going on in their--let's say this together--personal lives, then there isn't a lot of fucking hope for the rest of us mere mortals.

No body has the right to comment on anyone's weight and pass any kind of judgement on their looks.  David Boreanaz doesn't live his live for your fucking approval, and it isn't your place to decide whether or not he is an acceptable weight.

I don't think that I have to say, as a woman, how fucking ridiculous our society's beauty standards are, especially when the already impossibly beautiful can't seem to measure up.  We are badgered at every twist and turn and from every form of media about our appearance, and reminded constantly that our looks are always up for approval.  People are a lot more than the range of their fuckability.  When we see people who are already well w/in the range of conventional attractiveness being harshly shamed for their weight it doesn't do much in the way of building up the rest of us struggling to love and accept the bodies we have.

If David Boreanaz put on a few pounds during his run on Angel, it is no one's business but his own.  It sure as hell didn't impact his acting or his show, and I am pretty sure his fan base still found him as awesome as ever.

So, Mr. Rawson-Jones, take your drive by fat shaming and go fuck yourself.

h/t to Whedonesque

(cross posted)

I'm on my second shift in a row at work (ten hours overnight and counting, baby), so I'm sorry if this article was already posted and I missed it.  :)

Benjamin Radford has just informed us that feminists are creating fear-mongering about the self-esteem of teenagers.  To recap:

The concern that teens — and especially young women — have low self-esteem has been around for decades, fueled by alarmist media reports and feminist authors such as Naomi Wolf (in her international bestseller "The Beauty Myth").

If you read the article, it essentially says that teen self-esteem is too high, and we've just been BSing all along.  Clearly we need a big helping of humble pie!

Most women I know have self-image problems and struggle with feelings of their self-worth, but they would still probably say they're satisfied with themselves when asked.  I interpret these results to say we fear-mongering feminists are doing a good job, because even while people suffer from skewed body images, we're learning to love ourselves.  I see it as progress.  Even if teens are becoming so arrogant, what's wrong with loving yourself?  Nothing at all.

Thoughts?

This is my first post, so bear with me!

I got pregnant with my second son in 2004 and gave birth to him in 2005. While I was pregnant, I noticed a lot of bloody discharge from my right breast. It was alarming to both me and my OB/GYN. I was on Medicaid and Tricare at the time, so after I had my son, Medicaid expired.

I tried getting a doctor on base to listen to my complaints about the pains in my right breast. To no avail. They said it's either caffeine, salt, or PMS related and to take some Advil.

I was 23-24 when this was going on. After that, my husband was deployed so I put this concern on the back burner.

We moved from Alaska to Delaware where my complaints were finally taken seriously. I was sent to a wonderful surgeon who discovered my cancer. After that, it was a roller coaster ride.

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer December 2006. December 8, 2008 will mark my 2 year "anniversary" if you want to call it that.

My reason for posting is that, along my journey, I've met with a variety of responses regarding my cancer diagnoses and treatments.

Reported from Cruella-blog.

I have just changed my Facebook profile so that it no longer has my gender on it. Not that it's a secret or that I can't remember what it is any more - I'm just really fed up with every time I log on being bombarded with hundreds of adverts for diet products. I'm not on a diet. I have a BMI in the normal/correct/healthy range, I exercise regularly and I eat when I'm hungry or near a sushi restaurant.

The Facebook advertising system is supposed to allow advertisers to target the customers most likely to be interested in their product. But I don't seem to be getting any adverts that are hitting me because I'm a university graduate, because my favourite film is Secrets and Lies or because I'm a member of the group "I have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin". You would think Republican adverts for foreign policy researchers would be over-loading my system. No instead the only measure I am being profiled on is "has vagina" (tick) therefore "must hate own body and want to be size zero" (uh-uh).

Now as a teenager I suffered quite seriously from anorexia. I made a pretty full recovery, but there are lots of women out there who aren't as lucky as me - those currently experiencing eating disorders anorexia, bulimia and binge-eating. And BDD (body dismorphic disorder) along with other related issues - like feeling the need to have extensive sugery or bottulism injections on their healthy bodies. Is Facebook checking to make sure it doesn't send adverts like these inappropriately to those with or at risk of developing issues with their bodies? Maybe they could add an extra box to people's profiles. Are you interested in starting an extreme weigh-loss diet based exclusively on grass seeds and acai berries? No? Oh, ok we'll leave you alone then.

But it works - since going gender-neutral on Facebook I have very few diet ads. Instead my adverts are mainly for theatre tickets, loans, legal services, other facebook apps and christmas shopping sites. I seriously recommend other women do the same if they want to be able to surf the web without having their self esteem sureptitiously eroded!

I and my friend were working on a project for class when she showed me this website. At first I had trouble believing this was true. But yes, it is. In a society that tends to glorify the thin standard of "beauty", we have to deal with this. Pro-Ana and Pro-Mia deny that Anorexia and Bulimia are eating disorders, and some Pro Ana Mia sites promote what they call the Anorexia "lifestyle choice". Then there is this horror: PrettyThin or Thinspiration, which is an actual website. Not only does this site give fasting tips, but for "inspiration", they use photos of super-skinny celebs like Paris Hilton and stick-figure Keira Knightley. At first I did not think these sites could be legal, but then my friend told me that apparently, as soon as one site is deleted, others pop up in its place. Here is a link to this website.

i stumbled upon this today....it's funny because i was on reddit and it was listed like some sort of porn gallery almost....i ended up clicking because i've been spending a lot of time on like del.icio.us and reddit etc and it's always strange to me how everybody seems to have one whole category of NUDES XXX SWEET DUDES but they usually end up being these sort of photo-journalism projects that make me think a lot and tear up.

not to mention i think it's insane how overly sexualized breasts are in the united states. seriously totally insane. anyways just wanted to share! a lot of the quotes are very beautiful and raise a lot of interesting points.

am i curious as to why so many sites like reddit, fazed etc seem to continually confuse these sort of projects with GALLERY OF BOOBIES TEE HEE...any thoughts?

Check out number 11/15 in particular...A little bit of sneaky anti-feminism perhaps? (Working off the stereotype, of course, that feminist = man hater)

This isn't the only article on AOL "HEALTH" (yes, I keep putting "HEALTH" in quotes because many of these poorly composed articles and comments do not seem to be promoting good health for women or men) that I have found offensive.

Browse their site and the links pertainging to sexuality. Here's one more link to an article brimming with gender stereotyping fun.

Its title does not specify if the article is aimed at males, females or both, which first led me to believe it would be gender neutral. But alas, and not surprisingly, owners of small penises are relished and encouraged in this article, while women with bad smelling/ odd looking vaginal areas are told that it's understood if they feel shame or embarrassment about those things. "Women should feel comfortable and attractive unless their partner is indicating otherwise." Why thank you Dr. FuckUp, for placing my comfort and worth in the hands of my male counterpart.

Read on for other gems such as, "Men's fantasies tend to be more sexually explicit than women's, which are more emotional and romantic."

I don't know about you folks, but I'm going to find some contact info for these people have myself a good e-yell.

So I finally get up the gall to write my first post on this site.

I’m a frequent to Digg.com, and some of what I’ve seen posted on there recently I can’t just let go without a fight. It started with a Dugg photo of the Miss Universe pageant competitors, and ended with the final straw today in a dugg interview with Beth Murphy, Director of Marketing and Communication for Digg.com, and the answer to the question: “Are sexist comments defined as hate speech?”

A few weeks ago, a photo of the Miss Universe pageanteers in their bikinis surfaced on Digg.com, and by the time I got to the photo, it had well over 2000 Diggs already. However, the comments in reply to the photo—slugged “plenty-of-yes-please.jpg”—were absolutely disturbing. Thousands of times over, “Thanks for my new wallpaper!”

Plus, some countries’ competitors were singled out:   “I’ll take Nicaragua please, with a side order of Ghana.” “The one from Malaysia is probably a dude.” “Dugg for Mexico. Mamacita!!!!!”

Then there are the general comments: “Dugg for tits.” “Dugg for hooters.” “Dugg because I AM MAN” (and clearly MAN = inability to use verbs…) “Hey look! Bimbos..” “so many open mouths. where to insert!” “top left white bottom bikini. u can see through it.”

Finally, there were the few that tried to inject some kind of other commentary:

“A shame that white guilt means the girls representing Latin America look more European than the European representatives.”  

“Every day we make assumptions by what we can see physically. Even in the supermarkets, we distinguish good products from bad products based on how they look.” “YES. Because it's easier to judge women based on their looks, not on what their intellect or what they have to offer as intelligent beings!   Because it's fantastic to have an entire photo of scantily clad women to stare at for our viewing pleasure! Sickening. BURY THIS.”

-10 diggs for the user on that last comment, by the by. No one wants to hear about how they’re basing their opinions on the looks of a hundred or so scantily clad women. Nor do they want to hear that their disgusting comments are, in fact, disgusting and degrading.

I know some people might not read this.  And I know that some people might flame me.  But dammit!  I'm mad!  No.  I'm Beyond mad.  I'm furious!  Samhita has often blogged about her weight issues and they are something I can much relate to and today's Adipositive post wasn't that different. Usually I find the whole comments section along the same line around hatred and bigotry on fat-hating.  Only that not what was there.  There were comments of that bigotry and hatred.  Okay.  No big deal.  Those typically don't bother me.  I don't invest much in blog comments.  Too much time and energy.  Until I read the quote:

"How about we do smoking acceptance next? Or how about alcoholic or abusive partner acceptance?"

Whaa???

Suddenly my fatness will lead to abusive partners?  *tries to follow logic, but brain explodes*

I'm 5'9" and I"m 240 lbs.  *gasp of horror*  Yes.  You read correctly.  Two-hundred and forty fucking pounds.  Most of it is on my belly.  Some on my ass.  It's basically everywhere except my calves and scalp.  To clarify, yes I do have body image issues.  There are days where I think, "If the fat were gone, my problems would be over,"  but I know that isn't going to happen.

So being fat is unhealthy.  Okay.  I'll give you that.  Being overweight is unhealthy according to every medical science journal.  Fine. 

So what?

Why is this bad?  How does if affect you?  Why should you fucking care whether I'm healthy or not? I don't know you.  I certainly don't care about your health.  You want a bag of chips? Go ahead and eat one.  Have some soda and chocolate while you're at it.  I couldn't care less.  But don't you try and tell me I should fucking lose weight or that I'm unhealthy/lazy/ugly/unnattractive/anything derrogatory.  Seriously.  Don't.  And don't go on about health.  How's your health?  Did you run out of breath taking the stairs?  Or did you take the elevator?  How many miles have you walked this week? How many hours did you spend being sedentary?  What was the fat content of your last meal?

If you're going to talk the talk, then walk the walk. 

And by the way....

Fat people can be healthy.  Runners can have heart attacks.  And naturally thin people can be as unhealthy as the next.  So I don't want to hear it.  I'm fat and I'm proud.  Fat haters, get over yourself.

We've heard study after study on how the inundation of the contemporary ideal form can affect how a girl or a woman feels about her own body. When shows like Baywatch were introduced to Pacific Asia, the numbers of women who felt uncomfortable with their bodies shot through the roof--and unfortunately eating disorders did too. I know I've certainly felt pressure to hit the gym more and fit into that wedding dress. The exposure of unrealistic body types as the ideal has had a horrible impact on generation after generation of women. And it's not just the women who are negatively affected by these images, but men too.

Jennifer Aubrey , an assistant professor at Missouri University, has focused her research on self-objectification , or taking stock of the worth of one's body in how others view it. In her most recent study, she's found that men are likewise impacted by viewing objectifying material. The difference is that men don't feel self conscious when viewing other idealized men, but when looking at idealized women . This seemingly backwards finding is explained in the article. Aubrey hypothesizes that men feel the pressure of finding an attractive woman, and in order to attract the ideal women in the media, they would have to have the ideal bodies themselves.

I find it interesting that both heterosexual women and men self-objectify in order to attract the other sex, but that it comes out in competely opposite ways. Women view their own sex, and men the other sex, before they feel that pressure.

This is all yet another reason to break down the media framework of objectifying women . For further information about objectification of women in the media, you have to watch Killing Us Softy . Jean Kilbourne talks about decades of objectification in advertisement, and she has changed my view on all things media.

    Today I was sitting in The Union at University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, enjoying a soup and salad meal when a gaggle of giggling girls next to me stop their laughter to have a “serious ” discussion about what they want in a boyfriend.
    “Seriously, though, my boyfriend needs to have money !” one girl says.
    And the others actually AGREED . This almost ruined my meal. Really.
    Now I went to the type of high school that was rather political and most of my friends were feminists. Sure there were a couple girls like these ones, but I’m not used to them. And there are too many here at UWM! It makes me want to weep a little. Personally I’m at college so I can be independent. I don’t know what they’re here for…
    I really tried to ignore them after that. But when they started talking about salads, I died a little on the inside.
    The gold-digger says loudly, “Salads aren’t as healthy as you think. Don’t get dressing -- all the fat is in the dressing!”
    First of all, who gives a shit about the fat content in salad dressing. Those girls were all skinny as a bitch. Second of all, none of them were eating anyway and this is a cafeteria . Third of all, a salad IS healthy, last time I checked. Because vegetables are healthy. Spinach is healthy. Carrots are healthy. Cabbage is healthy. Cheese is healthy. Fat is not unhealthy in the context of a nice, normal salad. A bag of flaming hots, a Pepsi, and a couple candy bars is not healthy. McDonalds is unhealthy. Not eating at all is unhealthy.
    Starving gold-diggers. I thought college kids were supposed to be smart? It's election day, at any rate. Are salads and rich boyfriends really the most important thing they could discuss?

Shared with permission from MetaHara

I caught myself comparing my skin to the skin of someone younger & my skin to the skin of someone older.

Me? Making comments in my head about how my skin looks younger than the younger woman's and older than that older woman's skin?  Realizing how different levels of melanin make a difference...how clean living, joy, sex, make a difference-

wait- what?

Was that me thinking those silly thoughts?!?

Muah?   Where did that come from? I've always dreamed of becoming an elder, against the odds.  I've known what that would mean to my physicality.  I remember holding grand parents and grand aunts hands and wishing that someday, my hands would look so worn & gnarly, a product of living a long, full life.  I remember being in awe of the tissue paper like, wrinkly skin of a woman I met while visiting my dance twin in the Catskills.  She was a vaudeville performer in her day and she was dancing with the experience of nearly a century dripping off of her like the morning dew on the plants that surrounded us.  I yearned for it and fought to stay alive through the asthma years for that.

But, this?  This, in between, middle aged, puffy under the eyes, some gray, some wrinkling, skin thinning, transition aging- AGING process?  I guess I never gave it much thought.  Till now. I am in it now.  And it is beautiful.  Puffy eyes, hormone pimpled, fat redistributing, showing through thinning skin-

aging is growing 

is beautiful.

I've seen this commercial the last few nights and decided to look at the web site...

Yet something else telling us there is something wrong with us if we are smelly and how to fix it...by using..

OK, something happened twice today that has almost never happened to me before.  Two random men that I don't know called me "beautiful" out of the blue, on two different occasions.  As a nickname, not an adjective.

The first: I was on campus at my newspaper's office and there were two workers there replacing our couches.  I had stepped outside the door to put some paper in the recycling bin when they walked up with a couch.  One said "excuse me, beautiful."  As the only woman present at the time, he was definitely talking to me.

Second: I was walking my dog and some random guy said "hello, beautiful" as he walked by.

I don't know what to do with this.  What bothers me is that in my head I went, wow, I must look really nice today.  I hate that my first reaction was to base my self-esteem on the uninvited comments of others.  I assume it happened today as opposed to other days because I just took my denim skirt out of the dryer and it's still a little  tighter than usual.  Which doesn't make it OK. I'm not wearing my patterned tights because I'm seeking someone's approval on my legs, I'm wearing them because I feel good in them.

It feels less offensive (probably with better intentions) than catcalling, but it still throws me off.  Why make the assumption that I need to know you think look nice today?  This is different than seeing someone you like and chatting them up.  It's not like either of these people were planning to talk to me.

I don't like diminutive nicknames from people I don't know.  Regardless of gender.  There was a woman that worked at a bagel place in my old town that always called me "honey" and I kind of wanted to throttle her for it (she probably called everyone that, but still, ugh).  Use my name; if you don't know it you can always call me "ms."  Or you can simply look me in the eye and talk, I'll know you're speaking to me.

I know the topic of unwanted comments has come up before, usually with catcalling.  But I needed to get that off my chest.

Also, I noticed ads in the subway reminding everyone that sexual harassment is a crime and that if you're harassed you should feel comforable speaking up.  I'd never seen them before.  I don't know if they're new, but they were good to see.  Now if only the MTA would take down those CPC ads.

My good friend is getting married next month, and she's had "boudoir pictures" taken. This is a wedding trend I've just become aware of, where women get glamorous pictures taken in lingerie for a wedding gift to their future husbands. My friend has spent the last year on Weight Watchers and becoming active at the gym, and she's slowly dropped from a size 12 to a size 6. She's thrilled with the change she's made in herself and I know that the boudoir pictures are important to her now that she's feeling comfortable in her skin.

Aside from all the squicky feelings the idea behind these boudoir pictures are giving me, and aside from the fact I've thought she was beautiful even before losing weight, I'm concerned by the preview pictures she sent me this week. Some of the poses have her ribs sticking out, and one of them even cuts off her head and only displays her breasts and butt. I went to the photographer's website and was horrified to discover that out of the 30 example pictures, that almost none of them displayed the woman straight on so that she's recognizable, almost all of them are emphasizing the body without the head. This might be to protect these women's identity, but even my male friend who looked at them wondered why women would give such impersonal body shots to their husbands.

My friend has asked me to help her choose from the 50 pictures she receives the ones she will place in an album to give to her husband. How do I help her decide? I don't want to suggest to her that ribs showing is sexy. I've already told her that out of the preview pictures, I prefer the ones with her head than the one without, but I don't know what I'm going to do if the entire collection is filled with beheaded bodies. What would someone else do in my situation?

Hi! I'm a long time reader, first time poster; and I need your help!

My High School is officially having our own Love Your Body Day event, and I'm immensely excited! This is the second year that we've had the event, and it has become relatively popular in our town. Every member of the Feminist Alliance (our club which is hosting the event), is making a poster on a topic involving Body Positive Image among adolescents, and exposing problems with unnecessary standars put on women nowadays (f/e: plastic surgery, tanning booths, eating disorders), and some other more social issues (perceptions of beauty in history, transgender body image) . We also have many different organizations coming in, like MEDA (we're in MA), and the Aids Action Committee. Anyway, let me get to my point:

I'm doing a poster on current events in positive body image. I've made this awesome collage in a spectrum of colored paper (you have to see it to believe it), but I've realized that I have never neglected to consider the topics I will write about. I really need suggestions, this being the purpose of the post. I am already doing the Dove campaign, and the movement away from anorexic models, as well as the movement for more color among models (like the best-selling issue of Vogue). Does anyone have any suggestions?

My other dilemma is a gimmic. Last year I did a poster on Plastic Surgery, and got a pair of breast implants, so that people would see how grotesque it is the women nowadays feel obligated to have surgeries to insert these into their bodies (although I didn't forget to mention that there are obviously exceptions, and definitely not all plastic surgery is unreasonable). This year however, I am completely at a loss for what gimmic I will do. I just have no idea. Does anyone have any suggestions? The limits are not too harsh.

I don't know if any professional researcher has said anything about this, but I have a theory about clothing and sexy women: Take a look at old pinup girls, or a lineup of women deemed attractive from, say, the 30s. 

It's well known that those women were larger and softer than the sex symbols of our day. So, I propose, that the clothes they wore weren't less revealing than today's sexy clothes not just because of different standards of what clothing was considered scant, but because of their body types.

When you're wearing clothes with low cuts and high cuts and elastic, anything adipose will bulge. Even if you're comletely healthy and fit with very little fat, you'll still bulge at least a little. The bikini, for example, is very unforgiving in this department. So, maybe those slightly more covering outfits were just the thing for those pinup models. If they'd worn something a bit more modern, they'd have looked completely out of shape.

The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders has their "making the team" show for the 3rd season now. I started watching it last year, only because one of my professors told us that one of the recent grads made the team. So I thought it would be really neat to be able to see her on tv (which it was!). I remember watching it last year and getting really mad sometimes, one time even driven to tears.

I have never missed an episode of Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency. I felt immediately drawn to Janice because she demanded excellence from the young models, while lavishing them with advice, limits, directions and, when appropriate, praise. In particular, I am so grateful that she requires her models be drug-free (threw out Kehoe) and drinking is never tolerated on a shoot. Also, Janice always demonstrated excellence when she was to be photographed. I have watched her encourage young women follow their dream and Janice was fantastic when a male model struggled with coming out.

These last two episodes have unraveled my support. I cannot recommend that young girls and boys watch the show, as Janice has not just proclaimed that she only wants to represent Hi-Fashion models whom she believes should be a size zero, Janice has made it clear that she doesn't even acknowledge the humanity of size 14 women. She does not want to hug them ~ gorgeous as they are! She cannot stay at a plus size photo shoot and, so juvenile, she rifles through their fridge - carrying on about, "They have food in here."

"You're gorgeous. Why are you so angry?"
"If you showed cleavage, you'd have a boyfriend in an instant."
"You're not one to talk about skinny-obsessions. You're thin as a rail."
"You could get whatever you want just because you're pretty."
"You're too pretty to be a feminist."

The last of these sentiments was expressed to me a few weeks back by a friend while we were waiting for our Physics class to start. And it has been gnawing at me ever since.

I'm very open about my feminism and what I believe. So to be told that I'm too pretty to care about things that affect my life as a woman was incredibly insulting, and I told him so.

Why is it so easy to play the "I hate my body, too!" game?  I do think women do it more than men, but I can tell you as a man that we do it, too.  Particularly as we're getting older.

So, what do you do?  The title is a line I've used to try and derail the game when someone I care about starts talking about needing to lose weight, or feeling stupid, or what have you, but I'm not sure if it helps or just temporarily stops the game.

Anyone out there have any good strategies?

So I've been noticing a lot lately that a lot of women say extremely degrading things about themselves. I was hanging out at a baby shower with my sister and she mentions that she NEVER would breast feed her children (when she has some) because she doesn't want her breasts to shrink. I sat there, trying really hard to figure out how to handle the situation. My first reaction was to get really offended - being a woman with small breasts (and I actually like em) - I mean, my sister has breasts like three times the size of mine.

The Nintendo Wii that was recently brought into my household has me addicted.  My two younger sisters, my parents and I hop onto the Wii Sports every day and see what our fitness age is, and rather competitively.  I recently beat everyone's high score in "Picking up Spares", and I lie in bed hoping that when I wake up I'll still be the top runner.  Having never really played much more than Freecell, I understand the attraction, and I'm all up for getting the chillers off the couch, even if they're not sitting in a puddle of water for an afternoon, poking at ants with a stick, much like I used to.

Recently, however, my cousin brought over Wii Fit (you know, the one with the strangely anthropomorphic white board that you aren't allowed to jump on).  Before you can play Hula Hoops, or Ski Jumping, or do any of yoga moves, you have to have your BMI tested, and then you have to set a goal to loose a certain amount of weight before a certain time.

I just finished reading a Washington Post article, Book Offers Novel Approach to Weight Loss, by Randy Dotinga.  The very first line is, “Could a novel with an embedded message about good health help overweight girls develop the motivation to lose a few pounds?”  Please, take a moment, and really take in that line. 

I realize that entering the healthy body image discussion with complaints about how tough it is to be thin is probably about on par with responding to women's rights issues with "but men are discriminated against too!"

But bear with me.

My entire family is thin. My sisters are naturally about a size 2, and they're both beautiful and healthy. I'm very thin - actually I'm underweight myself. Due to health problems (not a bad body image or an eating disorder) I've been unable to maintain a healthy weight for about a year now. 

I don't like being underweight. When random people say "you're so skinny!" to me, I honestly don't know how to react. I assume they're not insulting me, but it makes me insecure because I think I look too skinny and it's kinda gross that my hips stick out. And it makes me feel guilty - I don't want anyone to idealize my size. But a lot of people seem to think that because I'm a size 0, I must be uber-secure because, after all, my body type is glamourized on runways and billboards everywhere.

Here's the thing - I consider myself a radical feminist and I don't buy into fashion/entertainment/advertising industry bullshit that idealizes skin and bones and turns women against their bodies. I do, however, expect to find acceptance of all women in feminist circles. Too often, I see objections to the standards of thinness framed as promotions of "real women." Essence magazine is celebrating "real women," "real women" aren't a size 0 and don't look like models etc

We don't need a Thin Acceptance Movement any more than we need the thinly veiled misogyny of MRAs. But come on, feminists. I thought that we were above talking about what "real women" act or look like. I'm a real woman, even though I'm underweight. My sisters are real women, even though they don't have to work for their tiny waists. And yes, runway models are actually real women too.

Isn't there a better way we can talk about a healthy body image? 

Back in May, I was enrolled in an anthropology of gender class.  We were talking about situations of women expressing their sexuality for their own enjoyment and whether it challenged or upheld notions of female beauty. I brought up my belly dancing class because I find belly dancing classes to be rather unique spaces in terms of women and self-esteem. Here is a place where people (mostly women) of all shapes, sizes, and ages are encouraged to show off their abdomens, move their bodies, and feel powerful and sexy while doing it. When it came time for the local hafla (dance party. It’s pretty much a ballet recital for adults), our teacher left it up to us individually whether we wanted to show our bellies.  To my pleasant surprise, most women in the class took her up on the offer—women in their fifties, women with stretch-marks, women of all shapes and sizes were dancing exuberantly, their bellies revealed, and, you know, all of us had a wonderful time. It was incredibly empowering. My roommate and I, at the age of 21, were by far the youngest in our class, and it felt great to be surrounded by older women who still loved their bodies enough (perhaps not every day, perhaps not all the time) to show them off in this image-positive setting.

Got this from IMDB:

"Desperate Housewives star Ricardo Chavira has taken issue with the show's writers over an upcoming childhood obesity plotline - because his sister battled weight issues throughout her childhood.

His character Carlos' young daughters both suffer from obesity issues in the upcoming fifth season of the hit show - and the actor admits he's a little uncomfortable about where their storyline might go as the series goes on.

Chavira tells TV Guide magazine, "Seeing it (obesity) in my family and (considering) the childhood obesity issues in the United States right now, should we be making fun of it?"

But Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry has assured him that the plotlines surrounding his overweight TV kids will be dealt with sensitively, and the word 'fat' has been banned from the set."

Ok, a certain Center City Philadelphia ultra-fragrant soap store, which shall remain nameless because I don't want to give them the business (also which gives you that "you're probably going to get a yeast infection from using that soap feeling), had their employees stand outside the store handing out flyers completely nude, except for a little apron, in the name of publicity. Because you know, sex sells.

I just returned from a beach vacation with my family.  My boyfriend came along with me just like he did last summer. On our last day at the beach, he and I were lying in our lounge chairs when I began to cry. He looked at me and said, "We're at a 5-star resort drinking free beers on a nice day. How can you be upset now?" I told him that my family had been making comments about my weight.

I have gained a little weight recently, but I haven't really been concerned about it. I'd been a little stressed and eating more fast food than usual, but I know that there are more important things to be concerned with so it didn't bother me. But I knew that when I put on a bikini, I would be hearing it from my family. It was enough hearing it from my siblings, but the worst was when my mom mimicked me as I was putting sunscreen on my stomach. She stuck hers out and puffed out her cheeks. She also asked me if my boyfriend and I had any news (implying that I looked pregnant.) I am 22 years old, 5'3" 130 lbs with big boobs and thick thighs; I look normal and I think I have a cute figure.

As we sat there, I explained to him that I wasn't insecure about how I looked but I was still hurt by their comments. It made me upset that they couldn't be proud that I had just graduated college with a high GPA and I have a job I love.  Then my amazing boyfriend looked over at me and told me he was proud of me. He grabbed my thigh and kissed my belly and said, "You look fine to me. I love you the way you are."

When your loved ones make negative comments, they can be very powerful. But you can't let them be as powerful as the positive ones from those who not only love you, but support you as well.

Reading QFinder's post, 100 Stereotypes is more like it, I began to think a little more deeply of my own current hair dilemna.

I am a law student, going into my second year.  August 18th marks the beginning of the dreaded "Fall Recruitment", 8 weeks of hell during which all the second-year students compete for spots at interviews with the law firms looking for summer associates. 

I guess this is sort of a Part Deux to my first community post (shameless self plug alert).

As I just saw posted to Shapely Prose, Yahoo! news has published an article indicating that (oh horror of horrors!) fat people actually can be healthy.

And yet they still can't stay away from the stereotypical and even-a-little-hateful anguage. Take the opening two sentences:

You can look great in a swimsuit and still be a heart attack waiting to happen. And you can also be overweight and otherwise healthy.

Problem? The implication that if you're overweight there's no way you look good in a swimsuit. I'll follow with another link I stole borrowed from Shapely Prose here.

Earlier this year, when I was a perfectly reasonable size ten, I decided that I wanted to lose some weight.  I could try to say it was for “my health” or something like that, but the truth of the matter is I was responding to general societal pressure to be skinnier and the idea that I would feel better about how I looked if I lost some weight.

This is for all you girls out there with big 'knockers'. Don't you hate how having large breasts seems to give the message to people that they are 'open for business' so to speak. I suppose I should explain myself better... When I was thirteen my breasts basically went from an A to a D, not unnoticed obviously to boys at school, strange men on the street, male teachers, and girlfriends as well. All of a sudden I could no longer wear a tank top or even certain t-shirts without, (male or female) someone making a comment about them, or sometimes touching them, it seemed to me that for some reason because they are bigger they are 'open for business'.

So, after a while of enduring creepy men older than my father (including teachers) constantly staring at my chest when talking to me I made a conscious decision to hide them. Figuring I could not get rid of them I would just keep them out of sight. So my new routine in the morning was to put on a sports bra (they don't define your breasts), then one of those tank tops with a built in bra (to push them down even more), then a t-shirt, then a large sweater. It was not the most comfortable thing, and probably not so good for my back, but at least no one was staring at me, or announcing in front of a group of people that I had 'huge tits man'.

Over time I realized that I should really not have to put myself through all that pain and uncomfortableness, I realized that it was not I who was the problem. I was not the one being inappropriate; I could not control how big they got. So I stopped with the padding down of my breasts and now I wear what the fuck I want. But I still find myself a little bit boob shy. Just this weekend I was at a party with a bunch of friends and we were all sitting around a table hanging out. I was wearing a shirt that I guess emphasized my boobs (which pretty much is any shirt which is not an oversized t-shirt or sweater) and out of nowhere a female friend announces in front of many people (mostly guys) ' Hey Magan I never noticed you had such huge boobs before. I just want to swipe a credit card in between them.' I know eh! Messed up! And this is a woman saying this. Of course after she says this I can see every person around the table looking at my tits, probably fantasizing about swiping a fucking credit card in between them, I mean she pretty much just cut the red tape!

I then zipped up my sweater and kept it like that for the rest of the night. I'm not proud of this move, I should've just left them where they were and been like, ya I have big boobs get over it! But instead I was thirteen all over again, hiding them under my sweater. I just want to say to all you young women out there going through puberty, don't ever let anyone make you feel ashamed for having breasts. They are a beautiful, sexy, powerful part of your body, and if you want to wear a shirt that shows some cleavage (or just a friggin tank top) go ahead, and be proud of them! End rant.

As a feminist I have begun to examine why I do some of the things that I do.  I realize that a lot of my behavior is shaped by heteronormative, patriarchal, societal expectations.  One of the first things I began examined at the beginning of my freshman year of college was hair.  For most of my teenage life I have struggled with hair: not having enough, having too much, not styling it correctly and so on. In high school almost all of the girls had long, thick, shiny hair.  I was not blessed with the genes for thick hair.  My hair is fine and has a tendency to be frizzy even though I have straight hair.  Despite this, I joined the bandwagon and faithfully grew out my hair. 

Granted, from past experience I should know that reading anything that pops up on AOL Today when I check my mail is going to be a painful experience at best. But today it seemed to be loaded with more "look better so you can catch a man!" articles than usual.

First up is "Habits of Highly Unattractive Women" I clicked, with low hopes of stories of women who overcame a deep hatred of their bodies to reveal an even more beautiful woman inside. Nope. Instead, it's a 13 point plan to catch a man. Yep! That's right girls, even if you are the ugliest, most bitter woman on the planet you too can get a MAN!! Ugh.

It seems the internet has figured out that I'm a girl. For some reason for the last few months, every ad on every site I go to, even male-dominated ones, is for something marketed at women. From romantic comedy banner ads featuring smiling pictures of some actor who was on Grey's Anatomy, to obviously fake "Before and After" photos plugging some new diet pill or anti-aging product. 

It's the second set that bothers me most. Every where I go someone tries to sell me something to make me look better. Even in the mall, young women at kiosks accost me trying to sell me lotions and mineral make-up. It seems that almost everything marketed to women has something to do with appearance. Most women have at some point in their lives looked in the mirror and not liked what they saw. Corporations use that feeling to try to sell women products that don't work and that they don't need.

Trolling Craigslist.org today looking for people in my area planning to attend the opening of the highly cult-ish “The X-Files: I Want to Believe” with whom my posse of neo-geek, non-closeted fanatics might merge and twitter, I was once again dismayed over the current state of the Personals section. Some man once again made the mistake of announcing that he would like to meet someone “slender”. Ok.

Unleash the rabid women of the world! How dare he! What a pig! What if we all demanded men with 8+” dicks only!!!

Ahem.

The story is here.

The lastest addition to what is termed "sexpresso" shops opened in downtown Portland yesterday.  Bikini barista shops are multiplying like rabbits all over Washington and now in Oregon.  Just another way for men to use womens bodies to make that buck! Yes, women are choosing to do that, but why? Sure the tips are better, but it is really worth it in the long run?  What is so appealing about standing on your feet, making those mochas and lattes, and having men ogle you all day? How are women supposed to be taken seriously in the business world by using their sexiness? Just baffles me. Ten years ago, this would not of happened. More people are just going along with the attitude, "if I can't beat em, join em". What does that say?  Yet if I voice my opinions about this issue, I am automatically labeled a prude. WTF? Its one thing if you are in a tropical beach environment, but in Seattle or Portland? Seriously, customers are not there for the coffee. Its another excuse to ogle young, college age women. I realize sex does sell, but at this level? This country has become so pornified, that stuff like this does not phase people.

Here is the link.

Lolita and Kawaii are massive fashions in Japan, and enjoy cult fandom in the rest of the world, too. They also enjoy criticism, which is perhaps understandable given that these styles are often interpreted as grown men and women dressing like children or dolls.

I am against the idea that women should be expected to adopt infantilising fashions and look like little girls. These fashions arguably take infantilisation to the extreme. It's true that this is the case for men as well - there's a growing amount of Japanese men choosing to shave their body hair and wear 'cute' clothes to follow the Kawaii style, so it's not necessarily about making women into children. However, in a western society it may have utterly different implications. My own mother always tells me to be careful not to go around looking too outrageously 'Lolita', because people in Britain (where I live) will probably not 'get it' and think it's evidence of some kind of either emotional or masochistic need to be infantilised as a woman. I can certainly see what she's getting at.

I love Lolita and Kawaii, and I don't see them as a 'guilty pleasure', but what do people think about this? Is my love of Lolita and Kawaii unfeminist? Are the fashions themselves degrading or just an expression of personality?

To preface: I have really been coming into my own body confidence lately. Through low self-esteem, the battles with my eating disorder, body dysmophia, therapy, and learning to be fit, I think I am close to loving my body for what it can do, not what it looks like. I have never been a very feminine woman; my mother never explicitly banned makeup but she didn't encourage me to dabble in it, either, and as far as a beauty regime went, all I ever saw her do was get the odd perm here and there (it was the '80s, after all) and cultivate a devotion to shiny, dangly earrings. So I never found makeup to be essential, and just let my hair grow. (My current preference is for a fairly short cut and a bright vivid colour, e.g., hot pink or electric purple, but my retail job prevents such an indulgence.)

The only thing I really have had a problem with is armpit and leg hair. Since discovering feminism, I have really tried to analyse my response to the world and beauty standards. I never really cared much for "de-fuzzing" anyway - I found shaving to be a literal pain (rash and scratches). I really don't think I ought to remove my body hair for the comfort of others, just because it's the accepted standard. (Once I got into a discussion about body hair with a male co-worker at one of my old jobs, and he just couldn't wrap his mind around the concept of a woman choosing to let her leg and armpit hair grow. I lifted up my pant leg to show him that it's not a big deal and he screeched and jumped back as if presented with a big fucking spider. The whole thing cracks me up to this day.)

But for some reason, this summer, I've just felt increasingly self-conscious about letting my body hair grow. I don't care that I'm not anywhere near thin; I don't care that letting my last short hairstyle grow out has resulted in a weird-looking shag-slash-mullet; I don't care that my skin flares up sometimes and results in acne. But I wanted to wear a pair of capris on the weekend, in public, and felt so weird about letting my friends see my hairy legs that I bought a Veet bladless razor kit and went bare-legged. (Note that at least one of my friends is a pretty hardcore feminist and I don't feel weird around her in the least - it's everyone else.) I had been looking at my legs and feeling torn between feeling "normal" to myself - i.e., it's my natural state, I'm a mammal, I grow hair, men grow hair too and it's not frowned upon, and I'm not at all squicked out by myself - and wanting to feel "normal" out and about in the summertime  - i.e., feeling as though I am setting myself up for ridicule and alienation by refusing to participate in yet another beauty ritual.

Am I any less a "good feminist" for capitulating? Does all of my other body confidence make up for this one thing? And do bare legs ever stop feeling weird under pant legs?!

I didn't think depilatory cream would cause me so much confusion.

I was checking my mail on hotmail, and then the article came up on the front page called "How Men Really Feel About Their Bodies: Surprise! Men Have Body Image Problems Too!"

Really? Well gee willikers I had no idea! You mean its just women who get bombarded with unrealistic standards of beauty and are told that they never look good the way they are?

The title made me laugh, but the article made me a little peeved. I looked into the article and they listed five reasons as to why men have body image problems. The highlights are as follows:

3. We're worried about our bodies because we're competing for you and against you.

4. We're not just checking you out.

Soooo basically because women look so good and because they are now out of the kitchen and into the workplace so they are financially stable enough to choose their own partner, they are making men feel inadequate.

Damn those feminists for wanting equal rights! Don't they realize that they're making men feel fat!

I saw the Feministing post that Courtney put up, about Keira Knightley refusing breast enhancement in her latest film. Then, I came across an article on Huffington Post about the same thing:

I wrote a post called "Real Women Have [Different Sizes of] Curves" last week, and I just thought I'd post a relevent update on what I'd said before. Take a look at some of the comments on Huffington Post:

This really asking for advice more than anything else...

I work at an all-women college, and I'm really wanting to volunteer some of my time with these women to improve body image with a workshop or program. I'm a little hesitant to use anything related to the Dove company simply because I'm not particularly fond of corporations and don't know if they approach body image in quite the right way.

Has anyone done any workshops or activities like this geared towards undergraduate women? What are your suggestions?

I'm fat.

If I say that in casual conversation, it's usually met with some sort of denial.  Fat is bad and fat is ugly, so I must really be filled with self-loathing is I'm willing to use such a nasty term for my own body, right?

Um, no.  "Fat" is a description, like many other things.  I'm 5'6".  I'm a redhead.  I'm fat.  Only one of those adjectives is met with protest from whomever I am talking to.  My height is fine, my hair color too.  But my body is open to interpretation.  I have a little extra meat.  I'm curvy.  I'm amply-figured.  Those words are OK, sexy even.  But "fat" is simply not allowed.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret:  fat doesn't equal bad.

I know, it's hard to take in.  Even on sites such as this one, full of people so enlightened on other topics, posts about weight that dare not hate on teh fattyz are often met with condescention.  Everyone has the answer.  Just exercise more and eat less.  Punch the incline or speed up on the treadmill just one click; you won't feel the difference and you'll burn! more! calories!

Or my personal favorite, "I am all for loving your body BUT..." ("BUT" is always in caps.  always) leading into the same fat-hating diatribe you'd get from watching TMZ or The Biggest Loser.  We're all going to die tomorrow of heart disease.  We've all got diabetes.  If we'd just get off the couch and put down the bonbons, we'd be as thin and perfect as everyone else.  Because this is something we're doing to ourselves, and we've never heard any of this before.

Now I'm going to let you in on something else:  actually, we have heard it all before.

Chances are, if someone has been fat for more than, say, 10 minutes, they've gotten all the lectures and well-meaning "advice."  They've probably tried every silly fad diet you can recommend.  They've probably tried Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, the peanut butter diet AND that weird lemon-and-cayenne-pepper fasting drink. 

(yes there's a peanut butter diet.  I tried it.  It was fun for about 3 hours, then even I got sick of peanut butter)

There's some irony in all of this, really.  People (not all, but many) tend to make an automatic assumption when they see a fat person.  They think fat, lazy, eats too much, etc.  They think lack of knowledge about nutrition or lack of motivation to do something.  They don't think this about thin people, even if they can actually see them scarfing down a Big Mac that makes an entire subway car reek of grease.  The irony comes here, with what may be a sweeping generalization that I feel OK making.  Fat people probably know more about the ins and outs of nutrition than anyone else (except perhaps nutritionists).  They have studied it from every angle, researched it, tried every tactic to change their outside that you can imagine, and probably some you can't.  We've yo-yo-ed and starved and exercised compulsively.  Sure, there are plenty of people of all sizes who have done these things, but we have it shoved in our faces daily by individuals who are "trying to help."

One of my favorite double standards out there - the fat person is automatically lazy and ill no matter how s/he lives, yet the aforementioned thin person eating a greasy burger is "lucky."  Judgment will be passed on me simply for the ass-fat that hangs into the seat next to me, but someone else's fast metabolism means they can abuse their own body and no one thinks twice.

One last bit of knowledge for you:  I'm a runner.

You read that correctly.  I run.  My track pants are a size XXL and they move like anyone else's.  In September they'll be moving through Cental Park as I run my first 5K, the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure.  I also swim, though not as often thanks to the inconvenience location of the only pool I can access.  I hate fast food, excess grease makes me physically ill, and while I won't necessarily turn down a good slice of pizza I'm just as tempted by stir-fried veggies.

Wait a second, though - didn't I say that I'm fat?  Mmm hmm.  I'm a fat-ass, veggie-loving runner.  It's genetics, baby:  every woman on my father's side of the family - with only one exception - has been somewhere in the realm of fat.  No matter how often we ate my late grandmother's cooking.  For me, at least, it's also PCOS. 

Sure, I've been different degrees of fat; before I started running I wore a size 24 and was hovering near 300 pounds, now I wear a 16 at 240-ish pounds.  In high school, when I was on the swim team and had practice 3 hours a day 5 or 6 days a week, I wore a size 14.  Aren't we supposed to be our skinniest when we're 17 or 18?  If that's the case, 210 pounds is my skinny.

It's a long hard road learning to love my body.  I've come a long way in just the past 8 or 9 months, but I know it'll be a lifelong struggle.  But it's my body, it's not public property, and I need to remind myself daily that the issues and prejudices other people have with it don't need to be internalized.

And anyone who doesn't like that doesn't have a place in my life.

Recent posts on the main page have shown what lengths brides will go to in order to make their wedding look perfect.  Since I'm planning a wedding for two months (and two days!) from now, I wanted to explore this issue.

Let's first go back to an episode of Oprah where Katherine Heigl was interviewed as she promoted her movie and television show. Katherine Heigl is a beautiful woman.  In the words of her costar in Knocked Up , she's definitely "prettier than me."  However, during the interview, she mentioned how hard she worked in order to fit into her wedding dress.  She's a beautiful, young, movie star who has been on red carpets and award shows across the world, and she had never been so self-conscious about how she looked in a dress as she was about her wedding gown.  If Katherine Heigl was worried about how she looked in her wedding dress, where does that leave me?

I could write for pages about how our society and media set up impossible goals for women's appearance in general in today's society.  I've grown up in it; I've lived it.  I've come to recognize it and criticize it.  However, I feel myself being pulled back into self-doubt and scruitiny about my own body as I think about my upcoming wedding.

Hey there. Can I ask how much you weight? I'm 5'3". I weigh, oh, about 105 lbs, give or take a few. I've got tiny wrists, skinny legs, and a little waist. I'm the definition of petite.
 
I was always small as a kid, and I remember being made fun of for it, pretty much my whole youth. It's not that I was actually underweight for my body type, and I'm not noticeably different, but I couldn't physically stand up for myself like the other kids. So it made sense that when we all started developing, I still felt like the "runt of the litter."
 

I'm tired of seeing 'Boobs=Power' and 'At Least I have Big Boobs'. What? At LEAST? Way to bring yourself down a few notches, ladies. Time to step up and say things like 'Brains=Power' and 'At least I can think for myself and be free to ask for more'. I'm not saying we shouldn't be proud of our bodies - we should. But this idea that we are powerful by virtue of our breasts rather than our brains really gets to me.

What, you may ask, brought on this rant? I was at work yesterday, when two girls (who couldn't have been more than 11) walked in talking about how fat they are and how no guy will like them because they have fat rolls (they didn't, by the way). One of them proceeded to say that she was glad she was developing early. "At least I have something going for me," she added.

The girls left before I was able to say anything to them. But it got me thinking. These girls didn't think this crap up on their own. They were just parroting what they've heard other women say - their mothers, their sisters, women in magazines and on television. Mothers tell their daughters that they're beautiful just as they are, but then turn around and go on a crash diet and talk about how fat they are. Girls recieve these mixed messages and they are supposed to come out of it with a positive body image? Unless we are able to change that message, young girls will grow up thinking that boobs equal power.

End rant.

I went to an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor last week to see why I constantly have sinus infections. Also to do some allergy tests to see what I'm still allergic to. To make a long story short, the doctor recommends surgery to widen some nasal passages to prevent future infections. However, since this doctor is also a cosmetic surgeon, he feels free to recommend a rhinoplasty (nose job.) He explains that if I ever considered having this done, I need to do it now. (It would cost a lot less.) He tells me he would "fix" my deviated septum and take some tissue out on the tip of my nose. I tell him I'm really not interested in the cosmetic element of the surgery if it would not improve my sinuses. Full disclosure: In high school, I was really self-conscious about my nose. I'm over it now. When I go to pay for the visit, I talk to the receptionist. I will tell you exactly what was said.

Her: The insurance doesn't pay for the rhinoplasty

Me: Well, I'm not interested in the rhinoplasty.

Her: You sure? Because your nose is crooked.

You have got to be kidding me.

Frantic and fun, Fat Princess pits two hordes of players against each other in comic medieval battle royale. Your goal is to rescue your beloved princess from the enemy dungeon. There’s a catch though: your adversary has been stuffing her with food to fatten her up and it’s going to take most of your army working together to carry her back across the battlefield.

Hopefully not appearing soon on any PS3 near me.

Okay, so I was reading The New York Times today and after turning over the last page of Section A, I was assaulted by a full page ad of congratulations to the book Skinny Bitch for spending one year on the Times Bestseller list.

Apparently the authors ("Don't hate them - be them!"), Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin have created a series of books based on, "A non-nonsense, tough-love guide for savvy girls who want to stop eating #@&* and start looking fabulous!"

Let's see, besides the main volume, there's, Skinny Bitch in the Kitch ("Kick-Ass Recipes for Hungry Girls Who Want to Stop Cooking #@&* (and Start Looking Hot!)); Skinny Bitch Bun in the Oven ("A Gutsy Guide to Becoming One Hot and Healthy Mother!"); and Skinny Bitchin' ("A 'Get Off Your Ass' Journal to Help You Change Your Life, Achieve Your Goals, and Rock Your World!")

I suppose looking hot and eating healthy are worthy goals, but what's with embracing the b-word?

Am I missing something, isn't this kinda demeaning?  Or is it Feminist?

Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty has done some incredible things; from its “Onslaught Ads ,” which focus on society's bombardment of unrealistic beauty standards, to its "Pro-Age Commercials ," which show us the beauty in growing a year older and wiser, to its "Real Women, Real Beauty " print ads, which star real women as the ones we should be looking up to. They've done amazing things to get us to recognize that something's gotta change; to teach us to embrace ourselves for who we are and appreciate that our "flaws" are really our "awesomes" and that we truly are beautiful.

Their latest campaign is no different. It aims to improve self esteem among young girls through their Dove workshops and the Dove Self-Esteem Fund -- and I am head-over-heels in love with their new commercial, which can be seen here .

Thanks, Dove.

I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning and they were talking about a new bra . . . for women to wear on their derrieres to "enhance them" and keep them from "sagging." I guess the whole idea of gravity was not a sufficient reason not to create yet another device to make women feel 1) uncomfortable and 2) ashamed of their natural bodies. Here are some of the wonderful advantages of the Bubble Bands Push-Up Bra for the Butts:
"a special combination of fabrics provides upward push for a small or flat tush

'no-roll' band engineered for comfort, support & hold

designed to support the thigh & butt cheek without uncomfortable squeezing

silicone provides all-night anti-gravity support for a no-slip comfort fit

disappears even under very tight clothing"
Yeah, nothing uncomfortable about straps squeezing around your thighs and groin. Nothing at all. And I love how the model is wearing nothing but the butt bra and heels, real classy.
And this is just from one site I came across, unfortunately there are others.

I don't know about you, but I really feel like sending a photocopy of my butt to all these companies with a big "I Heart" written across. Anyone care to join? I love my ass just the way it is and so should all women!

Okay, so I'm up late right now watching whatever is on TV and this ad for something called, Easy Curves, comes on. It promises to, "lift, firm, and enlarge" your breasts. It says you can increase your bust from 36.4 inches to 37.2 inches. The graphic for this is just laughable. I'm pretty sickened by it. Has anyone else seen this ad?

If not, their website is: http://www.easycurves.com

Yuck.

In today's Dear Abby column, Wanting a Guy at Cornell writes,

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in college and having one of the best times of my life. I have made a lot of good friends. My only problem is I don't have a boyfriend. It's not that I feel I can't exist without one. I have been perfectly content as a single girl. But I'm 18 now, and still haven't kissed a guy.

One by one, each of my friends has found someone. I know a lot of guys through activities I'm involved in, or my classes, but I am terrified of initiating something. I really need them to make the first move. I'm worried that no one will be interested in me because I'm a bit overweight and I'm self-conscious about it.

Abby, can you think of anything I could do to change my situation?

 

Abby writes back,

DEAR WANTING A GUY: Perhaps. May I suggest an extra-curricular activity for you? It's one that will give you a chance to meet and mingle with new people. Join a gym. It's healthy, it's fun, and it's a non-threatening way to meet all sorts of people with different interests. It's also an effective way to lose weight, tone up and gain self-confidence. Give it a try and let me hear from you in six months. I'll bet by then your problem will have resolved itself. [Emphasis mine.]

 

Is anyone else as disgusted as I am that the only thing that Abby could suggest was for this girl to lose weight? Despite what Abby may think, being overweight does not automatically mean that it is impossible to get a boyfriend, fall in love, love yourself, etc. Not only is she looking down on women who may be "a bit overweight," but she's perpetuating the awful stereotype that women must be beautiful in order to get the guy. Abby suggests that, in joining a gym (and thus, losing weight, which is Abby lists as the FIRST benefit of joining a gym -- not, you know, gaining confidence or anything), all of Wanting A Guy's issues will have "resolved [themselves]" in "six months." Classic. Remind me again why Dear Abby even still exists?

So The Angry Black Woman got me thinking about my body hair.

Body hair, in general, I have always been on the same page with. Women have body hair. We choose to manipulate it or get rid of it or bleach it or dye it different colors. But pure and simple, WE HAVE IT. And I have always been of the opinion that we should be able to simply HAVE it, and should not feel obligated to do anything about that.

However... My relationship with my OWN body hair? That has been complicated. I am currently in a transitioning place with it, and have been ever since I met my husband.

He really doesn’t care about body hair. I could have hairy legs and pits and it wouldn’t matter to him. This was new for me, as other guys I’d been with made a big deal out of their preference (as little hair as possible). At this point, I’ve stopped shaving my legs except for occasionally, thanks to my husband’s attitude and feminism leading me to seriously re-evaluate my attitude.  And yes there's a whole other post to be had in examining the role men have played in my personal development, but that's for another time.

I have always and continue to envy women who will let their hair grow and not care.  I recently came across the “porn” site hippiegoddess.com and am seriously enamored with it. It’s not perfect as far as diversity goes (where are the “fatties” and dark skin??) but I love looking at all the different ways body hair can grow and distribute. I have a real fascination with what a natural, hairy, woman looks like. And I am white and thin, so they reflect my own reality fairly well, which makes it more powerful for me I think. I even found (NSFW!) a Chicana who's body hair color and distribution matches my own, with the exception of the hair on her upper lip, which is darker, and her eyebrows, which are fabulous and seriously enviable to me.

However, I am still bound to shaving my armpits every few days. I just can’t get used to having hair under there, and it’s harder to cover up than leg hair and I feel generally cleaner without it. I have also noticed that my perceived opinion of others strongly influences my feelings on this. I feel stupid and guilty for not being strong enough to truly NOT CARE what they think (what business is it of their’s anyway?!) but I guess the constant reinforcement of the beauty standard (and probably the fact that I was bullied mercilessly when I was a kid) just isn’t shrugged off easily.

When we were living in Seattle I would occasionally go out of the house with unshaved legs in basketball shorts to exercise and stuff. I felt like people up there were generally less judgmental than here in CA where I grew up and live again now. Living as close to Berkeley (the bastion of bra burning hairy lesbian hippie feminists) as I do, that is a surprising revelation for me. Perhaps if I was living IN Berkeley itself, or even San Francisco, this would not be so.  Of course I recognize that this is probably largely a projection on my part.

Another element of this is, I do like smooth skin. But the thing is, shaving your legs, you don’t get smooth skin! Or at least I don’t… There’s always some spot where you’re running your hand over your leg where you will feel stubbles. So, Jesus, what's the point then?! It just doesn’t seem worth it to me. But I do wish my hair grew more evenly. If you didn't look at the pic, I’m one of those women who’s hair basically gets darker and darker the lower it goes on my legs, and I have pale skin and dark hair, so it’s really noticeable around my ankles. I don’t think I’d care half so much if it was just the same light brown color everywhere.

As for pubic hair, I can’t stand the way I look shaved. It’s weird looking, infantile, it’s uncomfortable when having sex and even just wearing underwear and just, overall ick. But I do trim, as maintenance and courtesy to my husband and myself (I’m SURE this is TMI but let's be real here, I prefer to wear underwear and if the pubes get too long they get stuck, and, just, ow, ow, ow ow!).

I think I'm sexy, hair and all. I think the women on HippieGoddess are sexy, some unbelievably hot. Ultimately, I do want to get to a place where other people's judgments and comforts don't influence my personal beauty standards.  And I think that is a feminist goal, and something we as a movement should work towards again, not letting ourselves get scared off by the stigma so thoroughly attached to it.

Working in retail sucks, but I've thankfully found a company that somewhat excepts my piercings and tattoos.

Unfortunately some of the customers don't.

I get my fair share of "that's nice ink" or plain old curious questions like "do they hurt?" Neither of which I do mind; education is great.

What I do mind is that people think they have some right to tell me their opinions about MY body, and it's modifications.

Many people (other women included) have asked me "Why would you do that to your mouth?" Occasionally adding in the word lovely or beautiful before referencing my lipsand making a disgusted face. Or "doesn't your mother have a problem with that stuff
that you've done?" or openly mock me by making comments like "you have built-in toothpicks." or "you have something on your face, hahaha." and wiping their face like I have food on it and get pissed when I don't laugh.

I knew before doing these "mods" that people wouldn't always like them. And I know fully well that people have no common courtesy. My issue is I'm not the only person I work with that has tattoos and/or piercings. I am the only female, and I'm the only one who people think they can say that kind of crap to. My male coworkers think it's such a mystery. They have no clue why I get this commentary. I know why.

My vagina means my body is property and people think that I'm defacing someone else's property by modifying my body. They also think that they have the right to comment on MY body like it is a car, or house, that they don't like the paint job on. Well it isn't. This is my body, I get to choose how it looks, how I dress it, and how I decorate it. So rude people out there, keep your mouth shut about it.

Do other tattooed women out there get this kind of attention?

*For reference purposes, my visible "mods" are: Viper bites (lip piercings on either side of the bottom lip. in which I wear posts not rings) and a lower arm sleeve tattoo on one arm, no offensive symbols or language.Also I live in L.A. where every other person is visibly "modified"*