Recently in Generational Analysis Category

I attended a panel entitled “1970’s Women’s Liberation Revisited ” at the LGBT Community Center in New York City last Thursday. Almost everyone in the room had been in the trenches 30 years ago. In the decades since, they had examined feminist issues from all angles. In their own ways, each of them had remained impassioned, committed and informed about the cause.

I envied their sense of belonging. Their sense of nostalgia. They were a unified group, cheering on rarely cited “real” statistics about women’s wages, clapping in shared frustration about the perversion of the term feminism, once connoting freedom and empowerment, but so often implying anger and aggression to the women who shun it today. The audacity and wisdom in the air invigorated us younger flies on the wall, gripping our notebooks and cameras, trying to take it all in.

But as the night progressed, someone pointed out that all of the panelists were white. And someone brought up ageism. And one woman talked about class, while another talked about the disabled. There was the woman who said that sex same marriage was not a step forward, and the woman who disagreed. And before long there was so much shouting, blaming, and interrupting, with the audience yelling, “Open the floor!” while the moderator urged them to quiet down, that Majority Report founder Joanne Steele stood up grinning, “This really brings back the 70’s. Go girl!”

I am blown away by the number of young women who undervalue themselves simply because they have a vagina!

Recently, I was spending time with my younger sister and her girlfriend, (both who happen to be the products of a society that hates women) when we got on the topic of feminism. I explained to them that women in this country are suffering partly because most of our legislators are men. The response I recieved was startling. "women," my sisters friend responded "shouldn't be in government because they go crazy one week a month when they are on the rag."

What??

Obviously there is still a lot of work to be done when the young women in our country hate themselves so much just for being a woman.

The inspiration for this comes the Daily Mail.

Let me just give you a minute to let that sink in.....

The Daily Mail, arbitor of all things anti feminist to many of us, has today published an article advocating the importance of feminism for young modern and supposedly liberated women. Hilary Hazard rails against the university beauty pageants and the apparent ambivalence towards feminism within much of wider western culture.

However, the author clearly questions the relevance of the older generation. So out with Germaine Greer and in with Cheryl Cole?*

So this got me thinking. Who would I have as a feminist icon or hero? What criteria would I set?

I am still thinking about this now. Whilst I can't offer a definitive analysis at this point in time, I still think this is a relevant question. I will be interested to here and respond to your answers.

Fifi

* There is too much I could say about Cheryl Cole so I leave it to the power of wikipedia to explain her ubiquity and relevance to current UK popular culture.

Okay I admit.  I was fifteen, I was young, I was sort of stupid, and I was obsessed with vampire fiction.  After spending my middle school years imerssed in Anne Rice and J.K. Rowling, I found myself intrigued and very happy to do a book report on the newest vampire novel I had my hands on: Twilight by Stephanie Meyer.  And girls, by the time I graduated high school, my Twilight book had been passed around to over twenty different girls in my grade, in fact, it went so far as to reach the regions of Prep Land, where I lost it among girls who I had only talked to once in my life because So-and-So lent it to So-and-So, ect.  I only know of two boy peers who read the novel, one was gay, the other wanted to pick up more chics (also his excuse for watching Grey's Anatomy, (unrelated digression) in which he had a shirt reflecting this belief reading: Girls, I'm A Fan of Grey's Anatomy.   Ugh.  Thank you again South Dakota, for your abundance of sexist men.  Let me get my shirt out: Boys, I'm A Fan of Adult Swim. )

I cannot believe that I helped spread that terrible peice of literature (yeah, the writing quality is not too great either) to over twenty girls, and more, who actually bought the book themselves.  By the time I graduated, every girl in the school had read Twilight.  Being into vampire fiction was no longer dorky.  It was cool.

Great, just when I realized I had done something terrible, it was too late.

I'm positive this has been discussed many times, especially on this community.  We know.  Can you believe it was written by a woman?  Yes, let's make our heroine as prone-to-rape/death situations as possible.  Let's make sure that instead of defending herself in that dark alley, she waits for her knight-in-shiny-volvo to appear and rescue her.  Yes, only her man can give her the power to Protect Her Family.  Yes. yes-we know.

But okay.  So there's Meyer.  What about the other books?  There has to be some sort of pro-woman young adult vampire novel out there, right?  Marked by P.C. and Kirstin Cast.  Okay.  We've got two women writer's here, let's see what we come up with.

Not a lot new in this interview but I'm still always blown away by her intelligence and persistence.  She has some things to say about marriage that are relevant to some of the recent discussions here on Feministing as well. 

Steinem: We were more surprised than anyone else when we got married – I was 66 and he was 59 – but we loved each other and wanted to be together, and the women’s movement had spent 30 years equalizing the marriage laws, so why not? Of course, “husband and wife” still sounded like roles, not people, so we referred to each other as “the friend I married.” We got married legally in a Cherokee ceremony in Oklahoma. It turned out to be very important two years later when he became very ill with primary brain lymphoma and there were medical permissions and almost a year of huge expense that wouldn’t otherwise have been covered by my insurance. It made me realize even more deeply that marriage has to be an institution open to everyone.

I think the rock-bottom requirement for any good partnership is that you want what’s best for the other person. Then come such things as shared humor and sensuousness, loving to do the little stuff together, and respecting each other’s work and purpose in life.

I really enjoyed this interview and thought many of you would too.

In Reasonable Creatures: Essays on Women and Feminism, the incomparable, award-winning journalist, Katha Pollitt writes about the "older man shortage"; as women age their chances of marrying dwindle (or so the media leads us to believe), due to the fact that women of the baby boom generation marry men older than themselves. These men come from a smaller population than do the younger women. This study was thought provoking, and led me to ask a group of women journalists and activists to partake in an intergenerational conversation about marriage and sexuality.

I asked Pollitt why she thought the media paid so much attention to the baby boom generation and the "man shortage," while it seemed to overlook gay women, and discount live-in relationships, without the proverbial wedding ring. Many young women today have chosen this form of unwedded bliss.

Pollitt said, "Most obvious reason is that gay women are a small minority of all women, and live-in situations are harder to measure... the media is obsessed with marriage, and with warning women that they are missing the chance for marriage if they wait, are too choosy, etc. Unfortunately, there is a huge propaganda literature on this written by women."

Crossposted at Amplify

Recently I've noticed a fear of the F-word permeating conversations with friends, my high school classmates, and even my boyfriend.  Fuck? Oh no, that one flies around the hallways; the taboo word here is FEMINISM.

A few nights ago, I got into a big fight with my boyfriend-- a fight about feminism.  I proudly proclaim that I am a feminist.  He feels reluctant to label himself with the same term.  He is the picture of a caring, respectful boyfriend-- he is attuned to uneven power dynamics, social and economic inequalities between men and women, and is a strong advocate of hearing women's voices and desires.  He knows that his principles align with feminist values, but can't bring himself to assume the label because of its "negative connotations."

 What makes youth so reluctant to be considered feminists, and where did the piles of stigma surrounding the word come from?

Let's start with a definition: most dictionaries define feminism as a belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes (check out Wikipedia for a comprehensive overview of feminism).  A feminist believes that women and men should have equal rights.  A feminist is not required to denounce or hate men, be a vocal girl-power activist, or even be a woman.  As feminist theorist bell hooks famously wrote, "Feminism is for everybody."

So if feminism doesn't equate to man hating, why do so many students think that it does?  Why do my friends, both male and female, fervently believe in and support feminist values but shy away from labeling themselves with "the F-word"?

As usual, I turned to my friends for answers; who better to ask than the people whose opinions I was trying to decipher?  I send out a mass text message asking “Question: would you consider yourself a feminist?”  First, let me say that I did receive a fair amount of simple “Yes” responses, from both male and female friends.  But more common were vague answers that clung to a positive definition of feminism and attempted to distance themselves from any negative elements possibly associated with feminism. 

Here are a few:

“If a feminist is someone who agrees with a feminist view point then yes I would consider myself a feminist.  But I wouldn’t say I’m an activist for feminism.”

“Yes.  Not in the stereotypical sense but that I believe in female rights.”

“Yes, how could I not be, but to an extent.  One perception of a feminist, not mine, is that feminists are man haters.  Haha, I’m definitely not one of those. ”

Over at my blog I wrote a post discussing why children of divorce, like myself, may be better at noticing the problems that our conceptions of marriage pose for every couple that is about to walk down the aisle. As an addendum to that post, here are few major things I think we should change in order to make marriage an institution that will work in the twenty-first century.

1) Stop using love as a noun. Love isn't sexual attraction, romantic infatuation or a magical moment that makes everything all better. Love is a verb, a promise to keep a commitment to the people who matter most to you--even during the moments you don't particularly like them. Feelings come and go (and can always come back). If there's one positive thing we can learn from arranged marriages, it's that people can and do learn, and relearn, to love each other when times are rough. Sometimes we just need to get past the instant gratification and being swept off our feet mindset and living happily ever after mindset. Real love is about more than just the kiss.

2) Raise the age when two people can legally consent to marriage. I'm sure many people will find fault with this but I don't think people are ready at 18 to get married. Years ago, lots of things were different. If we expect people to have time to mature and find themselves (both of which are prerequisites to a lasting, happy marriage), then we need to do what we can to prevent them from hastily tying the knot before a ripe age. This also allows more time to receive and education and save much needed money. Studies consistently show that marriages are more successful if the partners waited until they were older to commit. We also know that personality and life goals are more constant the closer one gets to 30 and that those in their late teens and early twenties are more impulsive and therefore not ready to make such a huge commitment to another person.

3) Require marriage counseling, even for purely civil services. People have a tendency to get so caught up in wedding planning that they forget to plan for the actual marriage. It helps to have an uninvolved party sit down with the couple to discuss every practical matter that could possibly come up. How well the couple is able to answer the questions presented, how often they are in agreement and the tone of their arguments when they inevitably come upon a disagreement will provide a good example of what marriage could be like. It could be the only dose of hard reality a couple gets in the months leading up to the big party and it may be the saving grace for both couples who realize that maybe they should wait a bit (whether just for a later time or for different partners)or for those will still want to marry (as there will be less surprises on the bumpy road ahead). This may seem like an obvious one to feministing readers but it is not at all uncommon for me to hear people discuss getting married (and even having children) with a "we'll just swing it and hope for the best" attitude.

4) Naturally, making gay marriage legal AND common to help further break down the stifling gender norms that so often ruin even the strongest marriages.

Any others suggestions?

Cross-posted at www.dancingbackwards.com

This is a complicated subject, and I don't want to oversimplify it, but while pundits, parents and politicians fret over dubious reports that claim girls are going much "wilder" now than ever before, reality tells a different story.

While some may find comfort in the realization that teens are not having more sex now than before (Jessica Velenti points out that people are really concerned only with the sex rate for teenage girls) and almost all can applaud the decrease in abortion rates, people on both sides of the aisle should be rightly concerned that teenage girls are choosing to have babies because they feel that is their only way to be fulfilled in life.

I think this is interesting because it illustrates how a generally positive shift in mores that affect women (in this case the destigmatization of single-motherhood and non-traditional families in general) can subsequently limit women by letting them reach for the lowest expectations possible.

I've had close friends attempt to become pregnant in high school. Back then, I couldn't understand why. But in retrospect, I realized the limited options they were able to see as realistic for themselves. Having a child, especially a son, was a way for them to validate their own lives because deep down they believed they had no intrinsic worth.

My sister was browsing through Gaia online today and she found a post in one of the forums that caught her attention... here I'm going to state exactly what was said.

Kikkaku: not all christians are anti-abortion

mortok: I hate these ones: Abortion doctors are murderers (more of an outright lie rather than a stereotype)

My Grandmother's favorite performer of all time was Tom Jones.

She, known to everyone as June Care, but to her grandchildren only as Mema, grew up in a small steel town outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. To her, the glitz, glam, and fake tan of Tom Jones was something she aspired to have.

Mema married Da, my Grandfather, when she was just 18. He was heading off to Korea and they tied the knot right before he shipped out. When he returned, he went to law school and moved her and the beginnings of their family to Lexington, Kentucky.

My grandmother lived the good live of a wife of a Southern lawyer. She had four children, lots of parties, and even more drinks and cigarettes. When she was in her early 30's, she got the chance to go to Las Vegas and wear her only fur coat to see Tom Jones live, a story that was told every chance she got.

Mema was the family member I most identified with. She was loud and very opinionated. She smoked like a chimney and didn't care what you or anyone else had to say about it. All of her grandchildren, and she had nine, were treated equally. She would measure out the money that she spent on gifts down to the penny. When I opened a present from Mema and Da it was not uncommon to find the random pack of hair ties or couple of jawbreakers; she was just making sure we were all even.

Readers of this site know, perhaps more acutely than others, how generational many women's responses to this election have been. And weat WVFC decided to query a mother and daughter for their gut responses.

Dr. Cecilia Ford offers some thoughts from the Baby Boom generation:

As millions of people all over the world celebrated the election of Barack Obama last week, it struck me that this moment, while a national and international event, was a personal one for each of us as well. I began to realize that everyone was reacting to it in a way that was unique in its emotional content, through their own personal lens and history. I imagined that African-Americans particularly may have had strong feelings about this election. In the days before the election, I saw a number of black people interviewed on TV who said they were not going to watch the election returns because the tension would be too unbearable....

Meanwhile Ford's daughter,  25-year-old Kate White tells us what Grant Park felt like to her on November 4:

I was seventeen years old in 2000 when George W. Bush was  elected, and thus too young to vote in that election.   Not only could I not believe how long it took to come to a resolution, but I was also extremely disappointed by the outcome. I felt the same when he was re--elected in 2004.  This year, in the months leading up to Election Day, I had a sense of doom because  I was convinced that the Republicans would play “tricks,” and that Barack Obama would lose despite the polls indicating he would win.

My sister and I were lucky enough to be in Chicago in Grant Park  election night,  because our father is a longtime aide to Senator Biden. Nearly everyone I encountered  was celebrating early in the night, before the huge projector in the park declared that Obama was the President-elect, but I wouldn’t let my guard down until it was official.  When the announcement was made, I screamed for almost  five minutes straight.

We'd love to hear comments on Women's Voices for Change - including which of these two feels closest to your own.

As we all wait to see how this election shakes out, I keep thinking about what teaches us all to be honest people with integrity -- or not. As Elizabeth Hemmerdinger writes on our site today (excerpt below), those questions cut to the quick of how we function as a society:

Hi all, I'm new to this game, so bear with me.
I've been reading Feministing for a few months now, and it has really opened my eyes to a lot of covert sexism in the media and in every day life. I have a particular situation that I'd love to get some opinions on/see if anyone else deals with this.

Some back story: When my parents got married, the three of us moved into my dad's grandmother's house to help take care of her (and so my parents did not have to pay a mortgage right away). My great grandmom was a feisty old lady and a lot of fun, but she was very old fashioned. Before her husband passed away, he used to demand coffee and breakfast on the table every morning, and that my gram go get the paper from outside.

Her son, my dad's father, continues this tradition. He used to come over in the morning, and my gram would make him cups of coffee, toast, eggs, etc, even though my grandfather could very easily get up and refill his cup on his own. It used to disgust me.

I have recently had to move back into my parents' house, and my grandfather STILL comes over every morning, even though it's been years since gram passed away. I've found it increasingly difficult to deal with him, as he is really sexist. Just this morning I was getting my stuff ready to go to work, and he asked me about my attire. I had jeans and a tshirt on, since I will be the only person in the office at all today. He said, "Don't you think you should go put on a nice blouse and skirt?"

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending my first NOW (National Organization for Women). Overall, I thought the material was great. I got to attend some great workshops (my favorites were on reproductive justice and women in the media). I even got to meet Lilly Leadbetter, one of the winners of NOW's "Women of Courage" awards for her fearless legal battle with GoodYear Tire for wage discrimination and the creator of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2007.

However, I was extremely disapointed with the lack of diversity. I was with a group of fellow young, college feminists and, to be honest, I felt like we stood out like a sore thumb. Not to say that I did not feel welcomed by the older feminists, I just did not feel the energy and mobilization that I pictured I would.

And I really don't think that the lack of diversity was due to lack of interest, but the fact that NOW still seems to cater the white, privileged population for which feminists are so often criticized for doing. The 3 day conference was held in a very nice, but expensive hotel which would most likely be inaccessible to lower-class women who could simply not afford to stay there. No, they would not be required to stay in hotel, but unless they just happen to live within walking/driving distance of the conference, they're screwed. Yes, they could stay in a cheaper hotel nearby, but what if they can't even afford that? Why not have it at a local community center and sleep in sleeping bags (while of course offering the option of going to a hotel for those who want to and can afford it)? That would not only make the conference more accessible, but also be a good place for new feminists to discover NOW and maybe show that feminists do care about more than just the white and privileged.

I know there are plenty of flaws to my logic here, but seriously something has got to change, NOW (pun intended).