Recently in Harassment Category

I don't know if you guys heard about the Mona Awad case.

As this blog states, I think it's a good example of how the forms of oppression are intertwined.

Living in a small city in Pennsylvania in an apartment across from a bar has had its share of cat calling. While it is obnoxious, oppressive, and a constant reminder that sexism still exists, it is something that occurs every so often. I was discussing this issue with a roommate of mine, and she suggested that I look for a familiar car who honked instead of quickly hiding my body and damning the patriarchal society we live in.

I was leaving my apartment on a Friday afternoon and as soon as I start walking a car honks and whistles at me. I wanted to tell this person to go fuck themselves, or ask them if their technique ever did manage to get them some action or if they enjoy masturbating alone on a Friday night. I thought of all the empowering things I could say, all the things I wanted to say to the scum bag.

What is the proper reaction to a cat call? This issue came up in a feminist class I was in last year, and a woman said the best idea was to ask the men if they ever talk to their mother like that. Perhaps mentioning a mother or a sister would influence their thinking to realize that some guy is doing the same thing to their mother or sister and this would trigger some sort of negative impact.

All these thoughts come to my head as the car passed by as quickly as it had stopped to look at me. All I managed to do was put my head down, pull my sweater a little closer to my body and shake my head in disapproval. My roommate was calling me and I was about to tell her how pissed I was and all I hear laughing and the familiar whistling I had just heard in the background.

"That was my boyfriend trying to get your attentions Ash!"

Maybe I should pay attention to who is cat calling next time.

Working as a bartender for the past four years, and only being feminist for the last year, I can really see how men objectify women on a daily basis. The other morning I was referred to as "that." I had to laugh; I could not believe that someone first of all was talking about me in a crude manner, but then to go and say "if I had something like that."

So after that, I had to start a log for all the sexist comments I hear all day in a bar. I know that people are under the impression because women work in the bar, it is assumed one can treat us with as little dignity as possible. NOT IN MY BAR ASSHOLES! I have the basic human right, working in a bar or not, to not be treated as an object. I also realize, many women, who are not aware of what is happening are totally flattered when someone tells them to shake their ass. That still does not give men the right to harass women; I'm tired of the hate towards women and the interesting idea that women equal slaves or servents. Not really! I'm trying to work my way through college, just like everyone else, not have my soul torn apart on a daily basis because men think they have the right.

I really cant stand that men think they can bad mouth their wives to me; why did you ask her to marry you then if she is so awful? Because you are lame, and knew opportunity would pass you by for free, emotionless sex till you die? Great idea! Keep coming in, and strong women like me will at least give you something to think about; I will give you my "gospel."

Chances are, if you've been under a rock, you own a cell phone. More importantly, if you're a woman who owns a cell phone, more than likely, you've got a few unwanted calls - repeated unwanted calls. While I write this post to tell a story and wanting to hear your own stories, there are also feminist actions I hope you'll take.

A few months ago, I met a woman at a conference who, since then, has expressed interests in a relationship. Although I've been clear that I am not interested in such, and that I am focusing my attention on my career and academic successes, it seems this woman does not understand that no means no. I've been getting phone calls, text messages and the likes at all times of the day, to the point where it got annoying. Calling my phone company to see if I can block text messages and phone calls, I was told that it cost a fee. I signed up for it.

The incident, however, got me thinking. I am an economically privileged male. I do not have to look behind my back every time I walk down the streets. Although I do not claim to know first hand what women who receive repeated unsolicited phone calls go through, I do know that I will never live the life of fear that some of these women have to go through. I don't have to change my phone number as so many have to, and I do not fear that one day, the persistent person will find where I live and knock on my door. In short, I don't have to change my life around because of the persistence of someone. Some women - many women, do.

Hey Feministing! I am a college student in NYC, and I am subjected to street harassment every single day. I am sure many of you (and not just women can be affected by this) are familiar with how enraging and degrading this feels. If I am on a safe street (where it is busy and not dark and lots of people), I call them out or flick them off. They get flustered and don't know what to say (because they don't expect a woman to speak up or defend herself, I suppose). My thinking is if they can call me out, I can call them on their bullshit. However, I NEVER do it when I don't feel safe and I watch what I say (because there are some crazy people in this world).

Anyway, Jessica mentioned this website in her books, and it is truly awesome: http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/
It's a place where women can take pictures of the street harassers and share the stories.

Now, the reason I am writing this post...
I want to write and editorial piece for my university newspaper on street harassers. I feel that many people who are harassed on the street don't do anything because they think "there's nothing they can do" or that "men can get away with those comments." That's the kind of mindset that this rape culture wants people, especially women, to have and it needs to stop.

I want to write an informative piece about how young women should handle these situations and the facts they should know, like the laws (or perhaps the lack there of) that pertain to this situation.

If you have any resources or ideas I could use, that would be much appreciated, too. =]

After I write the article I will probably post it as well.

Thanks everyone!

Have you ever used 'I've got a boyfriend' when trying to keep someone from getting too close? I must admit, when I'm in clubs or out somewhere and somebody persistently comes onto me with no regard for how I feel about it, 'I'm engaged' or 'I've got a boyfriend' always comes to mind. This gets men to back off (usually) when references to how you feel about it don't, but I hate to say it. I hate to say it because of what it implies: that I'm the property of another male, and that that matters more than my personal feelings about being groped by a stranger. It's like the fact that men will not harrass me when I'm with a male friend, because the fact that I might be 'his' is more important than my feelings. Still, it deters the creeps, so I don't know if I should keep on saying it or not. Anyone got any other suggestions about what to say to get rid of the persistent men without having to resort to 'I've got a boyfriend'?

So. this is my first personal entry on Feministing.

First off I would like to say that this site has kept me sane. Although I am from South Africa (and am writing this at 1 am south african time) I feel incredibly connected to everyone who has contributed to this site. You make me feel normal in some seriously crazy making situations.

To the story. My boyfriend is a DJ, and tonight he threw a disco party here in Johannesburg where we both live. The crowd was a bit unusual: normally his parties cater to a more indie/ electro vibe, but somehow tonight we managed to attract an entirely jock crowd. Not a problem; I am actually slightly fond of/ amused by South African jocks because a) they are incredibly stupid but also kind of well meaning, and b) they are always open minded when it comes to music (as long as there is alcohol).

So. I was standing by the bar, waiting for service from the overworked bartender. There was a standard striped shirt wearing over-tanned muscle jock standing next to me, waving money in the bartenders face to try to get his attention. I shot him a bit of a look, because I hate it when people become obnoxious towards bar staff.

I should mention at this point that I wear glasses. I cant tell you how many times men have hit on me using the tired 'you look like a sexy librarian' line.

Four weeks ago I wrote a post here about an anonymous, informal, online survey I'm conducting to collect views, experiences, and stories with stranger interactions in public and also sexualized street harassment in particular for my book.

Well, I'm shutting down the survey tonight before I have to pay for another month. About 1,200 people have taken it. However, only 771 are real responses (people who answered more than just their sex/age/location). I am trying to reach 800 real responses by this evening, so if you haven't already taken the survey, please consider doing so!

Note: this isn't a scientific survey but simply a way for me to collect stories and look for any overarching patterns in how people experience being in public etc. Also, I'm especially trying to get a few more males to take it today! Thanks, HK

Firstly, even "cat calling" in itself is an offensive term ...yada yada yada, I get it, but I want to get a bit deeper into the issue.

There I am sitting at the coffee shop (you know the one) with some friends, playing "I've Never Ever ..." (have you ever played the game without alcohol? It's just as fun ...not really). As we're playing, a conventionally attractive woman walks by - and a friend of mine whistled.

He's a friend ...I can't make him do push-ups, I can't threaten to make his life miserable (I've done that with young Soldiers before), but I did get pretty hot and gave him a piece of my mind.

In the end, I was told, "Marc - you take your feminism too seriously."

The other day I sat down to a lovely family dinner. My parents, siblings, and I were all there. I felt ill, and didn't want to eat, and excused myself from the table.

My brother made a snide remark about me not wanting to eat because I was trying to, and I quote, "starve my love handles off."

This was bad enough on its own. It offended my feminist sensibilities, by

A.) Implying that "love handles" and other natural curves are hideous, and should be gotten rid of and

B.) Implying that an eating disorder was a plausible way to rid myself of these horrid womanly curves.

I turned around and snapped at him, before continuing my descent down the stairs. From upstairs my father's voice drifted down to me, and I could hear him say to my mother, "Woah, I can't believe we even let her out of the house while she's menstruating."

...Unbelievable.

Not only was I NOT PMSing, (which is an irrevelant point anyway) my outburst at being treated like nothing worthwhile but men's eye candy was brushed off as hormones by my nasty little girl parts.

I find it irritating that any valid point I bring up in a conversation can be shot down because "She's just hormonal, she's PMSing, you know." Women have real emotions and real intelligence, and have a right to be pissed off.

My uterus has nothing to do it.